six (1/1)

Sehun held Luhan’s hand and lowered his head, as if he was avoiding Luhan’s sight. He never wanted to hurt Luhan. He couldn’t afford to hurt Luhan as the smaller male, sitting opposite of him didn’t deserve to get hurt. His reckless action has made him regret now because he’d never thought of being confronted this way. He thought Luhan would never find out because he was only having sex when Luhan was out working. Now that the one who loves him got hurt, guilt was flowing in every possible vein in Sehun. There was a moment of silence, even though Luhan seemed to know the answer, Sehun decided to tell a white lie. “No, Xiao Lu. I think it’s a misunderstanding…” Sehun’s grip got tighter caused him to squeeze Luhan’s hand a little too hard.“I love you, and only you.” He continued while looking into Luhan’s sad eyes.This time, he wasn’t lying. He only loved Luhan, he had sex with another girl wasn’t even because he liked her. He only needed a place to satisfy his needs. The girl wasn’t his love, she was only a tool. She was only a tool. Nothing more. Luhan and Sehun gazed into each other’s eyes, acknowledging their love towards each other.  Probably I heard it wrongly… I must’ve heard it wrongly…Luhan was convincing himself to believe Sehun’s words. Sehun sounded sincere when he said he loved Luhan and Luhan knew that. Luhan’s lips curled upwards after a while, because he really liked it when Sehun gently placed his sight on Luhan’s eyes. It felt like their souls were conversing, even without the need of speaking verbally. “I’m sorry,” Luhan blurted out, hinting that he’s apologizing for accusing Sehun.“I’m sorry that I accused you, Sehun. I guess… I was feeling insecure – “A spoonful of rice was stuffed into Luhan’s cavity as he was trying to explain himself.“Shh, eat your food before it turns cold.” Sehun faked a smile and stuffed his cheeks with rice as well.   Guilt.Are there any other feelings besides guilt? It felt weird when Sehun’s the one in fault, but the one apologizing was Luhan. It stabbed Sehun right in the heart. He didn’t want Luhan to feel worse since he already has HIV, why did he want to increase Luhan’s burden? Maybe it was time for him to love Luhan in another way, a non-sexual way, perhaps it would be a new path for him. Having sex hadn’t felt so right before he met Luhan, he never thought of giving up on sex because it was fun and exciting. Every other day Sehun would bang a random girl whom he brought home from a club. He always thought that having sex with the girls were considered as making love, until he met Luhan, he finally understood what making love really felt like. It could be addictive, it could be poison, but it made him enjoy every single bit of it. Little did he know that all this while he wasn’t really treating Luhan right; instead of treating Luhan like a lover should treat his other half, unconsciously he saw Luhan as a sex toy. Ever since the HIV thing occurred, Sehun was annoyed by the fact that how would Luhan and him end up as they could no longer have sex, and now he saw Luhan as a sick person who needed protection and unconditional love. Perhaps it could be a new life for both of them, although Sehun and Luhan never understood love, they never did.  “Do you have any ulcers now?” Sehun asked as he was doing the dishes beside Luhan while Luhan was cleaning the counter.“I don’t think so.” Luhan bluntly answered and he had no idea why Sehun asked such an odd question. Luhan heard the tap was being screwed tight suddenly but the dishes weren’t done yet. A cooling pair of hands cupped his cheeks and he could feel a gentle press on his lips. Even though it wasn’t the first time he was being kissed, it left Luhan’s eyes wide open because he had always thought that Sehun wouldn’t want to kiss him anymore due to his virus.  He shut his eyes and returned Sehun a passionate kiss. He longed for this moment, he missed the soft touch and all the intimate moments he had with Sehun. Unsure of his action if the virus would be transmitted through a kiss, Luhan didn’t want to think because his feelings were on top of his logical thinking. Sehun had never used Google this often before he felt that he needed to learn more about HIV. At first he was plain worried, worried about how not to get infected; slowly he realized that HIV wasn’t really a scary issue after all, at least it wasn’t scary for a person around an infected individual. Empathy struck Sehun because he felt that hindering Luhan was beyond an ass act, the only thing he wanted to do was to make Luhan feel less stigmatized, he wanted Luhan to be loved. Sehun too, missed Luhan’s fingers lingering softly on his back and the way Luhan always tried to fight back to be the dominant one. Sehun really loved it when Luhan got embarrassed as he failed to fight back, thinking that it was extremely cute of Luhan. He didn’t care who was the alpha male, although technically Luhan was the alpha male because he was older and he had a proper job, but when it comes to sex, nothing comes in Sehun’s way to become the alpha male. Their lips separated after a session of hot kiss, they embraced each other and their foreheads touching, they could feel their warm breath landing on each other. “Why did you do that? You’re really fearless huh?” Luhan whispered as he slowly drew back his head and looked at Sehun’s agaped lips. “No wounds, no infection. And why? Because I adore you.” Upon finishing his sentence, Sehun stretched his neck forward to reach for Luhan’s moist lips again. Squeezing Luhan’s waist just to decrease the gap between them, Luhan enjoyed the moment a lot. Finally after a long period of time he felt that Sehun was all his, despite countless times of kisses he had with other irrelevant clients, he was rather excited this time. Like a teenage girl in heart, Luhan smiled whenever Sehun teased him when he separated their lips on purpose just to see Luhan reddened cheeks and a pair of beautifully closed eyelids.