chapter5. (1/1)

''And? How did it go?''Kris asked once I walked out of the classroom. I shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing how to tell him how it'd went. Though, I must say, that I like the class. It wasn't that busy and people didn't stare at me like back then. But hey..this is all the beginning and things might change soon right? ''Let's go, the guys must be at the canteen waiting for us.'' I felt kris, holding my hand and let myself follow him. It was weird that just then and there, people started to stare at me and whisper behind my back.

It made me feel uncomfortable and so, I decided to face the floor to avoid the eyes. As we made it to the canteen, we saw the three other guys sitting in a deserted place. A place to actually avoid the others.

If the canteen was probably filled with students, you might not see that desterted table. It didn't catch a lot of attention but since the ones who sat there have outstanding looks, the place itself, became outstanding as well.''Hey Kris, Yonnie. Did you enjoy your first lesson ?'' The one with the cheeks said. I looked at his nametag, reading his name before my eyes shifted to him. Our eyes locked for a brief moment as I nodded my head towards him.Stares were boring in my back and I could feel the uncomfortable feeling around me. What was this feeling? I tittled my head and looked around, only to see girls looking my way. Gazes that were filled with jealousy, envy and probably hatred?''Kris..I feel..''I couldn't even finish my sentence when I felt someone, squeezing my hand. As I looked up, I looked right into his eyes. ''Shu..Jin..''I mumbled softly and felt his arm moving. His hand was stroking my hair, just how he used to do when I was nervous or felt uncomfortable. But I felt his movements stopping when I felt another hand on my head. Althoug, this hand wasn't stroking my hair but more like..patting.My eyes widened and I looked at my side, staring right into Lu Han's eyes who smiled at me as he did this everyday to take away my nervousness.''Sorry to draw so many attention from girls but you shouldn't feel nervous. We are here right?'' He said. It could be something that Shu Jin could say to me as well at times like this. No. It was just what he said when we started to officially date each other.

I knew that a lot of girls liked him. For his great looks and personality but somehow he ended up with a person like me. ''I'm sorry to draw so much attention. You're uncomfortable right? Don't worry, I'm always at your side.''The sentence he said was different from what Lu Han just said now..but the meaning is the same.  My hands were trembling and I could feel that Lu Han was watching them. How my hands were trying to reach out for the bottle water.

But as my hands almost reached for it, he grabbed it, opened it for me before he handed it to me.''T-thank you..'' I mumbled softly with my head low to avoid his eyes. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Look into his eyes and think of your past boyfriend? Every time I look at him I somehow end up thinking about Shu Jin. And it can not left with that because...sometimes he appears out of the blue. If I had the courage, I would tell it to Kris but I am afraid. Afraid that he will think of me as crazy just like how people called me after the car accident. ''Yonnie, what's wrong? Are you sick? Does it hurt somewhere?'' I felt Kris' hand on my shoulder as he was shaking me.

I didn't answer though and tried to hold in my tears which were treating to fall. ''I'm..okay. Don't worry. I'll be fine.'' I looked up and wiped the corners of my eyes. ''Yonnie it's obvious..you're not ok-'' I stood up from my seat and grabbed my stuff. I know what he would say to me. Those words which have been repeated to me so many times. I am tired of hearing them. I am tired of worrying people. It's mine fault.How did it even end up like this? How did I end up like this? I'm a complete wreck, no matter what my parents do to me. No matter where I am. I will always see him anywhere and everywhere. No matter what time it is, even if I close my eyes I can see him.It's no longer fun anymore that I can see him or feel him. It's painful and torturing me. It makes me want to end my own life but no matt