chapter4. (1/1)

''shu Jin?'' I walked on the floating clouds while looking around. I saw angels, a lot of angels. Wearing white and have those beautiful white wings. ''Yonnie ~''Before I turned around, I could feel two arms snaking around my waist. His nose softly against my neck and I knew he was smelling my scent. It made me remember of the things in the past when he did this and how he said he loves the smell of me.''Where am I Shu Jin?''I scanned with my eyes around and frowned a bit. The last time I remember was Yi Fan's arms around me.

Turning my body around, to face Shu Jin. I asked him the same question. Something wasn't right. I just felt it in my heart. As if..he was ready to let go of me.''Shu Jin..Look at me. Please.''I said and he finally had the courage to look at me in the eyes. I couldn't tell what he felt, neither could I read it in his eyes like I can most of the time.

Instead of explaining me, I felt his lips touching my forehead before he kissed my lips.I closed my eyes, feeling his lips on mine as I placed my arms around his neck. When I opened my eyes slightly after pulling away, I stared into the eyes of someone else. Not the eyes of Shu Jin. ''I..uh..''It was all he said and it made me let go of him in an instant. I blinked a few times wondering if I kissed him or not. My thoughts were filled with those kind of things but also, it was thinking if the kiss on my forehead was from this stranger or from Shu Jin. It felt so real.''You...can let go of me now.''He said as I am still having my arms around his neck. My gaze shifted back to him and let go of him in an instant. I watch how he straightened his back and looked away for a moment, giving me a nice view of his side profile while the back of his hand covered his mouth.''Perhaps, do you know where I am ?''I asked, breaking the silence between is which was threatening to fill the room. It was awkward. That for sure but it was that kind of awkward atmosphere where it was sort of..peacefull.

He turned his head back to me, to face me. His face, his eyes, the twinkle. Just everything of his features reminded me of Shu Jin.''You're at the school nursing room. About Kris he's taking care of your schedules and locker. Don't worry'', He said, offering me a smile but that smile faded on his face. He came closer to me, his thumb brushing against my cheek while his eyes were set on mine, ''Don't cry. I did nothing to you so no worries.''My lips parted, wanting to tell him it's not because of that. But to my dismay, no sound came out my mouth and so I closed it at the same moment the door swung open. Revealing Yi Fan's face as he smiled at me while waving with his right hand a paper in the air.''I see you woke up.''He said as he came closer to me. With each step he took towards me, the smile on his face slowly faded away as he saw the dried tears on my cheek. He squatted down to my level as a heavy sigh left his lips while his eyes are looking into mine.''Yonnie-ah ~'', his hand reach out to my head as he patted it. Stroking down my hair as I kept looking at him. For some strange reason I felt that he knew why I am struggling. The fact that, I assume his friend, looks like Shu Jin bothers me. Not that he can change his appearance but the aura was the same.  I came here, to forget about Shu Jin. To finally let go but a real person. A person who looks exactly like Shu Jin just stepped into my life.''Let's go. Your classes will start soon. Your first class is with Sehun.'' He said as he stood up. He stretched his arm out to me so I can hold onto his hand as he helped me out of bed. My legs felt steadier than before and as I was about to grab my bag but someone else already did it for me.

Our eyes locked again and I swear, I go crazy. It's not fair. Life is not fair.''Let's go. You're already late.''He said as he already walked to the door with my bag. I slightly shook my head as Kris softly pulled me with him towards the door and stepped out of the room. I took a look at the hallway. It was empty, of course, since lessons started. ''I'm sorry.''I heard Yi Fan say to me. It made me look at him for a short moment, thinking of anything why he apologized to me. What wrong he did to me.''I'm sorry. I didn't knew that Lu Han looked like..Shu Jin.''He continued. For someone like Yi Fan, he's a person who rarely apologizes. It's my first time to hear the word 'sorry' coming out from his mouth.''It's okay Yi Fan. You didn't know because we rarely saw each other.''I said, holding his hand as I gave it a light squeez in it. He stopped in his tracks, making me stop as well as I looked up at him. His eyes looked sad but they were filled with pity. Pity towards me.

I hate the fact that people pitied me as the young girl who sees the ghost of her boyfriend. I hate how they think I am weak and I've gone crazy. I hate the look they give me. I hate it.''I..I wish I could have been there for you at that moment. As family, aren't we supposed to be there for each other? We didn't knew anything Yonnie. We only find out now.''He explained himself to me. For what reason he had to explain why he only figured it out now, didn't make sense to me nor did I care. It happened. He died. He..He gave his life up for me. To move on with that in my mind engraved...it made me feel guilty as well as it hurts me. I took away someone's else dear child. ''Yonnie..''I heard him calling me out. I looked at my side, looking into Shu Jin's eyes. The look on his face told me that it wasn't my fault. That I shouldn't blame his death on to me. ''I'm seeing him everywhere Yi Fan. After he passed away, I see him and feel him. I went to therapy sessions. People called me crazy back then. I took away someone's life. I took away their child. In some way, I feel being tortured by him because he keeps appearing but...but I can't help but feel a bit happy that I am able to see him. Touch him and eventually kiss him. I've gone crazy, I know.'' I didn't realize I was crying until I felt Yi Fan wiping away my tears. ''The worst par