The Beginning and Ending (1/2)

She had been silent all day long, no, it had been months actually. I'm sorry for turning you like this, but what can I do? I need to survive, I must live, because I might stop one day...12:25

She sat on her bed all day long, didn't doing anything. I decided to get closer to her. I took a seat beside her, tried to look at her face, in the eyes, but before I could do that, she turned her face away from my sight. She did not want to see my face. I tried again, and she turned away again. I tried once again, felt annoyed by my actions, she got off from the bed and walked away. I let out a sigh, 'she must had been hating me so much...'14:54

She was sitting on the couch. Still did nothing, there's no expression on her face. I missed her bright side. I put down a plastic bag, took out a pack of food, opened the lid and took a spoon. I got closer to her, and took a seat beside her, scooped a spoonful of rice with some other side dishes, tried to feed her. Though I knew she wouldn't want to eat it if I'm around. Once again, she turned her face away. After several times of trying, I gave up and stood up. I closed the lid and left it on the table.

"I'll leave it here," I said then left her all alone there. She had changed so much. So much that I barely recognized her anymore, but my heart still couldn't let her go, I still need her.17:45

She was leaning against the backyard door. Lost in thought. This's normal. She acted like this every single day. She seemed like her soul and mind already left her body. I was watching over her from the window. She stood over there like a statue. Suddenly, a bird came over and flew lightly toward her. She responded by extending her hand toward the bird, as if giving the bird permission to land on her hand, the bird landed on her hand and she was smiling!

For the first time in months, she's smiling. Her smile seemed so pure. She's beautiful, so beautiful that no one could ever beat her beauty. I just looked at her, did not glance away even for an inch, I just stared at her silently. Then suddenly, she turned her sight toward my direction. I bet she noticed I was watching her from there. Her face expression changed in instant, her smile faded from her face. She let the bird off from her hand, the bird flew away. Instantly, she glared at me with a resented look then turned away and left the place. I was shocked.19:30

It's dinner time. I got home exactly on time. I took out the meals I bought from the restaurant and fixed the meals on the dining table. I called her out, usually she didn't come out, even ten times I called for her, there would be no reply, not even a single reply from her. But this time, out of the blue, I called her at the first try, she came out slowly. I was so happy. She stood at the end of the table. I quickly went toward her and pulled the chair for her. She looked at me for a second, then took a seat. I was happy, I took a seat too, facing her.

"Eat up," I said to her and started eating, hoped that she would start eating too. I took a glance at her, she didn't. She just stared at the meals.

"Aren't you eating?" She didn't reply, as usual and no reaction either. "Come on, eat up." I put down mine, and took a dish and put it on her rice. Still no reaction. Then I stood up, grabbed her spoon and put it on her palm, hoped that she would grip on it and start eating. Shockingly, she grabbed it and scooped her meal half-full of her spoon then put it into her mouth.

"Good," I said, as I smiled in satisfaction and started eating again. As I was eating, suddenly she spoke up, breaking up the silence of the house ever held, with a question.    "How long more are you going to keep me here?" She asked,    I suddenly froze after hearing her question for a second, and put down my spoon, "I don't know..." a short reply came out from my mouth,    "Tsk," She looked away then looked at me back, "You don't know? It's almost 2 years I'm locked in here, 2 years!" She suddenly raised her voice up,    "I know... forgive me. But I still can't let you go yet..." I replied as I stared down on the table.    "Why not?" She asked,    "Because I love you and my heart still can't let you go" I still couldn't lift my head up,    She glanced away in disbelief, "Love? This isn't love. No one do this to someone they love." She said. "Let me go... please..." She begged.    Finally, I lifted up my head and looked into her eyes, "Please stay here, I'm asking you a favor, with me. In our own paradise." I tried to hold her hand.    "This is not a paradise," She glared at me and pulled her hand away,    "This place is a paradise only if you're here..." I leaned back to my chair,    "This paradise has locked me in against my will!" She stated her situation,    "I'll treat you better, I can't let you go yet." I said.    She chuckled at my replied, still in disbelief. "Just because your heart has broken before, you can do this to someone so easily like this," She looked away. I knew her heart's much more broken than I was.    "You're not someone... You're NO ONE!" Suddenly, I got mad at her, I couldn't hold my anger. Sudden headache attacked me, I couldn't suppress my anger. I stood up from my seat, my sudden shout frightened her. I seemed dangerous to her. She left the table and ran to her room. I chased her down, but she's much faster. She locked the door and held the door with something heavy. I tried to turn the knob and pushed the door, but it would not budge. I hit the door so many times that my hand turned red and bruised. It hurt, but I just held it in.

After several times of trying, I gave up. I knew that I wouldn't get anything if I keep hitting the door. I left the place and went straight to the kitchen, took out a bottle of drink and a small glass. I brought it outside, put it on the lawn table. I took a seat, poured the drink into the glass and emptied it out with a single shot. It felt so good, with the fact that the taste's bitter, it went well with my broken heart. I poured down another shot, but I realized it was such a waste of time drinking like that. I put down the glass, grabbed the bottle and drank it just like that. I filled my broken-heart with drink. I chuckled slightly. I took a look at her room, she was peeking through her window. As she realized that I already noticed her, she shut the curtain off and turned off the light.

I smirked, and just kept drinking. Emptied the bottle. I took out another bottle and emptied it out too. I was drunk. I felt so pathetic, sad and annoyed of myself. 'How could you turn out like this, Myungsoo-ya?' I thought to myself. I got up from seat and went to her room's window. I knocked it several times, but there's no answer. I smiled, but deep down inside my heart, I was hurt. I knew she's still awake. I knew she had been watching over me all along, so I just started talking.