Never Joy (1/1)

They shouldn’t be doing this. Not in the dorm. The others will hear, and it would create a world of chaos.

But wasn’t that their relationship already?

Just staring at his slacked jaw and flushed face drove Jonghyun wild. It must be love. But seeing Jinki, his leader on his back, tears slowly dribbling down his cheek, made him feel better. He was the one in control. The one who just went along with this, and that he could give up whenever he wanted. Even when Jinki needed it more than anyone.

Just looking at the excitement in Jonghyun’s eyes made Jink’s  heart soar with pride. It had to be love. But seeing the eager look on his band member, the sweat rolling down his mouth, the dirty talk that shone with enthusiasm made him feel superior. Like he was the one who knew what was important, mature and the one in control. He was the one who was giving Jonghyun the pleasure he needed. Nothing more. And this was just a small hobby, something unfulfilling, no matter how much Jonghyun showed passion for.

And they stayed in, nights like this, after their workout. Jonghyun, slamming his leaders back against the cool wall that sent shivers down Jinki’s spine. Jinki, smirking, as Jonghyun leaned in, and the furious clawing he knew was going to arouse them more than anything.

The heat of their bodies conformed and clashed in a big muddled mess, exploding in intensity that would burn them if it was heat. Emotions welled up then, crying, laughing, screaming, and embracing coursing up and down their body. Painfully confused, angry, and desperate, Jonghyun clung to Jinki like he was air. And Jinki returned the favor by pushing his fear and anger onto Jonghyun. And as mind blowing as their time together was, there was always an alarming amount of guilt. All of these feelings passed a tipping point, and they welled up with insanity, creating them a chance and lash out their stress onto one another, bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball.

But never joy.

No, joy was saved for the Award shows, the game shows, the high they felt when they sang the last note of their latest hit. No, joy was never shared between them.

So when Jinki told Jonghyun that he couldn’t stand the feeling, even if he craved it more than anything, hope: strange, crushing and painful hope consumed the two, and they fell onto the mattress, smiling. Even as tears exploded from their eyes.

Who were they kidding?

And they closed their eyes by one another, where they would lay until Key found his bruised band members, surrounded by dry tears, clutching each other’s arms, and looking happier than they would ever be again.