End of Grief (1/1)

In the days that passed Seunghyun tried to get through the wall I put up and he felt helpless. How could he help me when I was drowning in my sorrow. He wanted to save me from my pain but didn't know where to start. After my mother and sister left, he only noticed me getting worse, slipping further into my depression and was afraid of losing me again. Time was running out and he had to suck up his pride to ask the one person he knew could help me."Baby?..."I looked up at him from the chair and my face was expressionless. I didn't speak, I only stared at him sadly. He winced at how sunken my eyes were, the dark bags around them and my skin held no color. My face looked so thin and he could make out the shape of my shoulder joint through my, now heavy shirt."Do you want to go eat today? I want to take you outside.... the sun is really warm." He looked at his hands and waited for my answer, his heart pounding, heavy with worry.I  blinked and looked back at the wall, "No. I'm not hungry." My voice wavered and Seunghyun dropped to his knees with a exasperated sigh and I looked at his hands as he took fist fulls of my sweat pants."Please baby?" He begged, "Please eat something! For me? I love you- You have to eat! I'll do whatever you want- anything! Just please eat something... I need you to eat something... I don't know what to do... How do I help you? Please tell me what to do..." He sobbed and I looked away from his hands and into his eyes. I didn't have it in me to cry, even though the sight of him crying broke my heart.I found my voice, "Don't worry..."He looked at me desperately through his tears, "Don't say that to me! Don't tell me not to worry!!" He stood was turned away from me, "Damn it!!!" I jumped slightly when he swiped his hands over the table to throw everything against the wall and I watched the bare plates shatter. He faced me again to shout, "I can't sit here and not worry about you!! I love you! I love you so much but it's killing me!! You're killing me! ... Do you expect me to sit here while you slowly kill yourself! Why don't you just put a gun to me head?? At least put me out of my misery!" He fell to his knees, "I can't live with out you! I can't watch you die... I need you. I just got you back and I'm already losing you...""Caitlyn.."Seunghyun slammed his fists to the floor, "Please don't say her name... Please don't do this to me!"I laid back in the chair and waited for Seunghyun to meet my eyes again, "I just want to be with my baby...""She was my baby too!!" Seunghyun bellowed, "Is it really so easy for you to leave us like this! You're really selfish!" I looked at him blankly and he stood to shout before wiping at his cheeks. He walked over to me and jerked me out of the chair. I cried out and fell against his chest as he arms followed to catch me. "Please?" His voice came softly, "Please... for me? If you love me ... Let's go out okay?"I took in a deep breath and took in the way he smelled. I wanted to remember it, "Okay.." I lied and he kissed the top of my head. He pulled away to kiss me tenderly."I'll be right back. I have to go talk to Hyung. Wait for me?" He lied as well. He was going to speak with Jiyong and hopefully get some help. I tried to smile but it hurt, so I didn't do it and I watched him leave."I love you." I said to the closed door. I waited a few moments to be sure he left and then turned to walk to our bathroom. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I knew a razor blade would have been obvious, Seunghyun would have discovered that so I grabbed a bottle of pills from our cabinet. I sat on the floor in front of the tub to lean against the hard cold. I looked up to the ceiling and opened the bottle with shaking hands. I whispered her name lovingly and dumped its contents into my mouth to swallow everything there was inside. I waited patiently and as minutes passed I lay my head back as numbness crept through my body and my eyes grew heavy.~Seunghyun looked at the clock and Jiyong watched him stand, "What's wrong?""Take me home Ji. Please take me home..."Jiyong looked at him worriedly, "Hyung?""Something isn't right.. We need to go!" He ran towards the door and Jiyong panicked, grabbing his keys.Seunghyun balled his fists and knew Jiyong wasn't going fast enough. His heart was pounding and unbelievable dread waved through him, "God Ji, hurry up...""I'm going Hyung. Almost there..."Seunghyun threw hi s head back, "You aren't going fast enough."Jiyong sped up and soared through Seunghyun's neighborhood to slam on the breaks in front of the villa. Seunghyun threw off his seat belt and jumped out to run towards the house. He stopped in the middle of the living room and called out to me, "Carlie!!" His heart sank when only the echo of his booming voice was his reply. He ran to the bedroom and checked his drawers to see everything still in place."What's going on? Where is she???" Jiyong cried pleadingly and Seunghyun turned to see the bathroom door shut but the light on."NO!" He ran the distance to that door and found that it was locked so he pounded violently, "Carlie Ann Maloney! Open the door right now!!! Open the damn door!!!" He jerked against the handle and shouted, throwing his body against it, the wood splintered as it was forced open. He looked around as he fell inside. His eyes fell on my motionless body and the pill bottle just inches from my hand, "NO!! No No No!! Carlie! NO!" He dropped to his knees and pulled my limp body into his arms. He sobbed loudly and cried out as he fell back against the wall."119?? Yes!! We need a ambulance! She overdosed!!" Seunghyun shouted so loudly he couldn't hear Jiyong any more and felt his throat tearing.~I felt my heart beating and pain followed I struggled but opened my eyes. The room was dimly lit and I realized I was in the hospital. My head was splitting and I tried to sit up but was stopped my the restraints on my arms and wrists. I cried out and struggled despite the pain in my head. They didn't let me die and now my only thoughts were of Seunghyun. Did he find me there? I sobbed and knew how he must have felt and now I would live to face his broken heart."Help me!" I sobbed and shouted towards the door, "Some one help me!" My voice was hoarse and wavered, "Let me out!!" I began to wail and the door opened quickly and I opened my eyes at the sound of heavy foot steps, "Tabi!" I cried and struggled to reach for him."Carlie..." He leaned over me to lay his head on my chest, "What's wrong?""Where am I?? What do you mean what's wrong? Let me out I want to go home! I want to go home!!" I shook my head frantically and he took my face into his beautiful hands to look at me sadly.Tears welled in his eyes, "You can't go home baby... You have to stay here until you're better. You have to get better...."  He let go of me and I felt a bitter cold wave through me.My lips parted, "What? No... No. I want to go home with you! Please? I don't want to stay here! I can't stay here I'm scared!!"Seunghyun hung his head and let his tears fall, "You have to baby...""No! Please!! I'll do everything you want! Please take me home...." I searched his face and he refused to look at me again, "Seunghyun?? Please?..."I watched his chest heave and he looked at me at last, "You tried to kill yourself... You tried to leave me! What do you want me to do?? Tell them you aren't crazy? Tell them you aren't so depressed you won't eat!! Eight days!! Eight long days I watched you starving yourself!! How did you do that? Was it so easy to swallow those pills? Did you think of me at all!! Do you hate me that much? Do you feel my love at all! You just swallowed them and never even thought of me!"I looked at him desperately, "Tabi!-""NO!! Don't say that to me! Don't try to baby your way out of talking about this!!" He pointed in my face and backed away from me.I struggled violently with my restraints, "No!! I wasn't trying to baby anything!! Please?? I wanted to leave because I couldn't be a burden to you... or any ome any more... I could bare to it... I knew what I was doing to you and I had to leave you so you can be happier!"He ran back to me and gripped my hospital gown and he pressed his forhead to mine and shouted through his tears, "I could never be happy with out you!!! NEVER! I told you to kill me first!! Why would you try to leave me whne I loved you so much??" He sobbed and rested his cheek to mine as he sunk to the bed. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't hold him. I was helpless to comfort him and could only rub my skin along his tenderly."I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm just stupid. So, so stupid..."He looked up at me and I sobbed at seeing the pain in his eyes, "I told you we could survive... How can I live knowing you only want to leave?""I'll live for you. I'll never do this again! I'll never ever try to leave your side again..." Seugnhyun sobbed, 'It's not enough...""How is it not enough?" I looked into his eyes and pleaded for him to forgive me."I can't be happy if I know you really never will be... I just can't live that way...""Seunghyun! Please?? I sobbed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"The pain in his eyes was too much to bare and I fell back to close my eyes. He pulled me back and brushed my hair from my face, "Do you still love me at all?... Tell me the truth."I coughed and gasped for a steady breath, "I love you more than everything I have on this earth!"Seunghyun took his hands from my face to swipe at his own tears, "Then... Do you trust my love? Do you trust that I love you more than any thing- any one and that I'll never leave you... if you will only love me too?""I love you... I trust you."Seunghyun smiled and pulled me against his chest as much as he could, "You don't know how terrified I was... I thought I lost you and if they wouldn't have saved you I would be right behind you." He heard my painful sob and kissed my hair, "Don't cry. We would have all been together again...""Oh god..." I heard his voice break and he sobbed again and the reality of what I'd done to him hit me over and over and I felt my heart shatter for him. How I regretted doing what I had. I wished I could take it all back and let him help me through my grief because now I only added to his pain. I was the most selfish, horrible person. How could I say I love him when all I do was hurt him. I left him so long ago and almost left him again. A doctor cleared his throat and Seunghyun stood away from me, wiping his face with his sleeve and I looked at him hopefully. Although the news he bared about my stay was hard to swallow I was relieved to know that with proper treatment and therapy I could be with Seunghyun in a few short months. I had to prove I was not a danger to my self any longer and would eat everything I was asked too. It would be hard but I would do it for him and prove how much I love him.