Denial (1/1)

denial |diˈnīəl|nounthe action of declaring something to be untrue• the refusal of something requested or desired• a statement that something is not true• Psychology failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism    Sungyeol stared at the guy on his lap, who was by now had fallen to sleep. He had planned how he would leave Myungsoo. But the way Myungsoo cried his heart out without saying any words other than the last one just killed him inside. Myungsoo couldn’t even stand or walk without Sungyeol helping him. Sungyeol had thought several positive thoughts about treatments that could help his illness. And for every thought he had, he knew, nothing would help. He wanted to cry but his tears had run dried, he wanted to scream but what for? He had been screaming inside for all of these times anyway. “Yeol…” Myungsoo whimpered.“Hmm?”“I… I’m sorry I broke down… I…”“It’s okay…” Sungyeol stroke Myungsoo’s hair.“I…”“Ssh… Go back to sleep okay.” “Yeol…?”“Hmm?”“Will you promise me again?”“What is it?”“Promise me not to break up with me…”“…”“Yeol?”“You know I…”“Yeol. Promise me? We can go trough it together.”“There’s no ‘we’ within okay. Now go back to sleep Myungsoo-ah” “Yeol? Please? You’re not leaving right?”“I’m sorry. I cannot promise something I know I can’t keep. I have been doing it since forever” And by that Myungsoo cry himself to sleep again.     Myungsoo woke up finding Sungyeol beside him. He jumped out off the bed and screamed Sungyeol’s name only to find his boyfriend is in the toilet.“What the…” Sungyeol got surprised when Myungsoo ran and hugged him. He did hear Myungsoo was calling his name. But he didn’t think that Myungsoo was actually searching for him.“I… I thought you were gone. You were not there. You were not beside me. On the bed. Yeol. I thought you left. I thought you were gone.”“Sshh. Myungsoo… Breathe. No. I was in the toilet. Do you really think I am going to leave you while you were sleeping?”“Who wouldn’t think like that after you wanted to break up with me?”“Have you seen outside the drapes yet?”“What the hell?”“Have you seen the clock yet?”“What?!” Myungsoo spat.“…”“What now?”“I’m going to bed. I can’t do anything on a broad daylight.” Sungyeol mumbled and let Myungsoo’s hands off him.“Oh…Yeah… Right.”   ----------------------------------------------------    “Don’t you have class in 5 minutes Soo?” Sungyeol asked, he knew Myungsoo’s schedule too well.“I don’t feel like going.” Sungyeol tilted his head. He knew his Myungsoo, who love photography a little bit too much he wouldn’t miss and he had never missed a class before.“It’s your photography class we’re talking about.”“I know.”“You’re going to be late. Come on.”“I’m not going Yeol.”“Soo?”“It’s a full 2 hours class.”“I know.”“I’ll finish at 6. Be back by 7.”“I know.”“I’m not going home without you here.”  Then it hit Sungyeol. Myungsoo’s not leaving because he was afraid that Sungyeol was going to leave him.“What makes you think that way?”“You told me this morning.”“Tell you what!?”“You can’t do anything on broad daylight.”“What was that supposed to mean?”“It means you’re leaving at night.”“Do you really think I’m that shallow? I could’ve just left you last night. Look, I am not breaking up with you because of I don’t love you anymore okay… You know I still and always will. But the thing is…” “What?!! Is it about me? My career? My life? My future?! Fuck that Yeol. You know. You know… You are pretty much my life. You support me when no one else does. I am fine being your care-giver whatsoever I. Have. Been. Telling. You. That. You are not going to leave me. You’re not Yeol.” “Now fucking tell me what the fuck do you know about a fucking care-giver? When I can’t use my hands properly anymore, for every fucking hour I need to have my fucking medicine what the fuck are you going to do with your job huh? When I can’t walk anymore and I nature calls, what do you expect to see when you got back home? Me? Lying on my own piss? Do you fucking know that being a care-giver is the least thing you want to do? Has it ever crossed your mind for once? That you will. Oh. I bet my ass off. You fucking will hate your decision later.” Sungyeol saw Myungsoo clenched his fist. Come on Soo… do it… Sungyeol took a breath and braced himself for what he was about do next… Knowing what was he about to say was the trigger. Myungsoo’s trigger. “And you’ll ended up hating me on my deathbed-“     Sungyeol could feel the stinging feeling on his cheek. A slap. A slap was all he needed. A slap… He had been waiting for this. For a slap he brought it to himself from Myungsoo. He knew how Myungsoo hated despised it when Sungyeol talked about his death. He saw how Myungsoo trembled out of anger, eyes filled with tears he held back. “Let’s break up.” Sungyeol said that sentence again. Myungsoo could only stand still. He took his bag and walked to the front door. “I… I’m sorry I… I slapped you. It was out of line. But what you said was out of line as well. Do what you want to do…” he took his shoes.“I’m expecting you to be here when I got home later… You just need your time alone” Myungsoo smiled weakly to Sungyeol.       “I love you.” He closed the front door. Sungyeol stood still and walked to their room. He took his bag and began packing.      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------okay so.......... well. yes. it's about to end.. :') and still i cant promise you anything about the ending... anyway thankyou for you who subscribes. :') and your comments. and your upvotee arrghhhh I love you guys.