Chapter seven (1/1)

Back to Jessica's POV.Seeing Taeyeon's smile again was both a blessing and a curse. She let me see that special smile that was meant for only me. She let me feel the love and the warmth we once shared, even if it was only for a split second. She did all of this on the heels of me helping save her life and then suddenly, she was gone again. I heard neither seen nor hear from her for over two weeks.I heard from Tiffany, that Yuri insisted they take some days off and travel to Jeju for a little vacation. She claimed it was for Taeyeon's own good so she can rest and regain her health back. As a doctor, I would say it wasn't necessary, Taeyeon was alright, I know, but Yuri is her fiancee, she's the one with all the right to decide for her.I tried not to be hurt but it was clear that no matter how thankful she was for my assistance concerning her health, her feelings for me had changed. When she was forced to interact with me she was kind but that was just it, she had to be forced and that made it feel so much more painful. I knew I should move on.I had a choice. I could either reach out to her like a pathetic love-sick fool or I could hold my head up high and try to start living again. Of course I knew I should go with the second option but I’m Jessica who is blindly and crazily in love with Taeyeon, so of course I screwed everything up. I sent her a text and received no reply. I tried with all of my might not to be devastated but my heart broke all over again. She wasn’t mine anymore. I looked up at the moon, a tiny sliver smiling back at me and I knew even if she was staring right at it, I wasn’t in her thoughts anymore. I was no longer in her mind. Lament, it seemed, was still my companion.I did my best to move on. What else could I do? I went to work every day and tried to pretend that my heart wasn’t plagued with the pain of my loss. I cried in my office and in bathroom stalls. I sobbed on my balcony at the office and my balcony at home. I knew Taeyeon's could hear me weep. She didn’t come. The sad thing was that for the first time since I returned, I knew what real lament felt like. Initially, I could hope and pray. I could try and imagine a time when things would feel normal again. Taeyeon had never outwardly turned me away or abandoned me but now, now that she was no longer speaking to me, what sliver of hope I had was completely lost. I looked up at the moon, the cruel moon I knew we shared, and I wept.“I just wish I could hate you for this. I wish you were some great enemy I could defeat but you aren’t. You’re a wonderful person who walked away because of my foolishness. I know you grew tired of me and my drama so it was easier just to say goodbye without words. You’re an angel who I lost because I was an idiot. I can’t hate you Taeyeon. I can’t hate you because I know it was all my fault." I spoke aloud to myself like a madwoman.I wept so hard I collapsed onto my couch and slept there all night. I didn’t need whiskey to sleep. I didn’t need anything else but my broken heart. I was exhausted. I was exhausted trying to fight my feelings for Taeyeon. I was tired of this long goodbye. She asked me to stay and then pushed me away. She told me she loved me but they were just words or maybe it was the words I was so desperately wishing to hear and my brain believed I heard her say them to me.Now I'm in a state of utter hopelessness and despair. Confusion and utterly broken hearted.~~~It was early when I heard a gentle knock at my door. My heart leapt at the sound but then I remembered it couldn’t possibly be Taeyeon. I had to remind myself that Taeyeon had walked away. She cast me aside so she could live her life and be happy. I needed to find a way to make peace with that.Soft music was still playi