One.
Tae, can I ask you something?-Minho Shoot.-Taemin You wanna go grab coffee this Saturday? 4 PM? I’ll pick you up.-Minho That’s an awfully detailed plan for a casual coffee.-Taemin Well.-Minho Uh-huh.-Taemin It’s a date? Kind of?-Minho Why are you asking me? Do you want to date me or do you not want to date me.-Taemin I do. Do you?-Minho Do I what.-Taemin Do you want to date me, Taemin.-Minho Do I look like I want to date you?-Taemin Is that a trick question? Because you seem pretty enthusiastic when you were humping my leg at Kibum’s party.-Minho I also humped Jinki’s hyung’s thighs enthusiastically, like, fifteen minutes before I did yours.-Taemin Oh. Right. Well, I guess that’s a no, then?-Minho Figure it out.-Taemin * Dude.-Jonghyun Dude.-Jonghyun Minho.-Jonghyun Minho, for Merlin’s sake.-Jonghyun I just made a dope-ass Harry Potter reference there. I want it acknowledged.-Jonghyun MINHO. JESUS CHRIST.-Jonghyun I’M AN ATHEIST AND YOU SOMEHOW MADE ME CRY OUT YOUR GOD’S NAME. THAT’S HOW EXASPERATED I AM.-Jonghyun Multi-syllable at 8 am? That coffee must be strong as shit.-Minho You’re fucking alive. Thank fucking God.-Jonghyun What do you need.-Minho Wanna go to Amber’s party tonight?-Jonghyun No.-Minho Why not? Amber’s parties are sensational! Sensational, Minho, let that sink in. Also that super hot blond guy will be there. What’s his name again? Taeni?-Jonghyun It’s Taemin and I don’t care. I’m not going.-Minho What? Why? Are you dying?-Jonghyun Shit, Minho, you are, aren’t you?-Jonghyun No, I am not dying, Jonghyun.-Minho Oh my God. I think I know what this is.-Jonghyun What.-Minho Oh my sweet Zeus. Minho. You’re turning into the worst kind of person possible.-Jonghyun Enlighten me.-Minho You’re an…-Jonghyun Bitch, respond to me when I’m trying to be dramatic.-Jonghyun I was raising an eyebrow.-Minho Fuck you. Anyway, the horrible thing you’ve managed to catch is—-Jonghyun What.-Minho Adulthood, Minho. You’re suffering from adulthood. You’re a real boy now.-Jonghyun Yeah, I guess I am.-Minho * So.-Kibum Hm?-Taemin Did you break that poor kid’s heart?-Kibum Which one.-Taemin The one you humped. The one who kept giving you the bedroom eyes throughout my party.-Kibum Which party.-Taemin Whore. The latest one.-Kibum Ah. Him. No, I didn’t.-Taemin What do you mean you didn’t!? He looked like he should be on suicide watch this morning!!-Kibum Stop being a drama queen. I’m sure he’ll get over it.-Taemin You need to stop rejecting all the hot bods, Tae. One day you’re gonna wake up and realize you’re no longer pretty and sparkly and no one would want you and you’d die alone.-Kibum Such sage advice.-Taemin It’s a life lesson, kid.-Kibum Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.-Taemin Whatever. Get your snarky ass over to my apartment, I’m going to Amber’s party this weekend and I can’t find an outfit fabulous enough.-Kibum And that’s my problem, because?-Taemin Because you have a Sugar Daddy whose credit card I can use.-Kibum Jinki hyung is not my Sugar Daddy.-Taemin He’s old, he’s rich, he’s going to town with you every week. He’s your Sugar Daddy.-Kibum If you shut up I’ll come over in ten.-Taemin Zip.-Kibum * Minho, it’s been a week. Stop moping and hang out with me.-Jonghyun We hung out two days ago.-Minho That was NOT hanging out. That was me being an awesome human and you being, well, mopey.-Jonghyun An awesome friend would offer a shoulder to cry and a promise of help. Not a molding pizza and a strip dancer’s phone number.-Minho How would I know pizza could get mold! I’ve never had leftover pizzas before. Them boxes would always be squeaky clean in less than twenty minutes.-Jonghyun Oh, hyung.-Minho Shut up. Now, tell me what’s bothering you.-Jonghyun It’s nothing.-Minho I don’t approve of girl code, bro.-Jonghyun It’s not girl code.-Minho Yes it is. It’s girl code for YES THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG YOU INSENSITIVE, BLOCKHEADED PISSFACE. So, tell me.-Jonghyun You’re so eloquent.-Minho Minho.-Jonghyun Just… I’ll tell you when I tell you, okay? I don’t really want to talk about it right now.-Minho Alright, fine. Hit me up anytime, k?-Jonghyun Thanks, hyung.-Minho * That was a lot of ass.-Jinki I’m glad you had a good time. Please feel free to tell me nothing.-Taemin Taemin. That was A LOT of ass. Damn, I thought mine was pretty, but Kibum’s is a whole other level. His ass is just. A work of art.-Jinki I know. I’ve seen it.-Taemin You have!?-Jinki Yes. We were young and dumb.-Taemin Not that I needed to be dumb to go a few rounds with him. Kibum’s a natural. I’d tap that if he weren’t my best friend.-Taemin Well, tap that AGAIN.-Taemin What do you mean natural!-Jinki Go figure, Sugar Daddy.-Taemin I’m sorry what.-Jinki Guess he’s your new Sugar Baby now, huh?-Taemin Taemin, what. Where do you get this stuff!!!-Jinki I humped your leg three weeks ago, hyung, don’t make yourself sound like a pedophile.-Taemin Sometimes I wish you never grew out of your sweet, innocent, soft-spoken little shell.-Jinki But then I won’t be praising your dick. Your ego needs its weekly dose, hyung.-Taemin Touché.-Jinki * Kibum?-Minho Present.-Kibum Seriously.-Minho Tell me what you need, frogface, time’s a’ tickin’-Kibum Frogface?-Minho Oh. Well. I just want to ask you something.-Minho Shoot.-Kibum Is Taemin seeing someone?-Minho No, and he won’t be for a long time if he keeps on being a dick to each and every one of his suitors.-Kibum Oh. So he does that to everyone?-Minho Yep. Why? You thought you were special? That he only uses his snark on you? Believe me, son, you’re not. He’s an asshole to me, too.-Kibum I think he used more than his snark on me.-Minho Yeah, kinda gathered that from your moony eyes.-Kibum Right. Thanks Kibum.-Minho Don’t mention it.-Kibum Actually, do mention it because I might need a favor. You’re friends with Kim Jonghyun, right?-Kibum * Tae?-Minho What.-Taemin Will you be free this Saturday?-Minho You can’t take a hint, can you.-Taemin I just want to know why, at least.-Minho There is no why.-Taemin That doesn’t make sense.-Minho Look, I know that you think you’re a real catch and shit. I’ve seen your fangirls and fanboys flap around trying to get your attention. But guess what, I’m not one of them.-Taemin I don’t expect you to be.-Minho Good.-Taemin So, give me a chance? Just to chat, I promise. It’s not a date.-Minho It’ll be a date in your mind.-Taemin No, it won’t. Jesus, Tae, just give me a chance, will you?-Minho You’re not demanding at all, really.-Taemin A/N: Pardon my french.