A thoughts (1/1)

At work. “Taeng.” “Taengoo” “Taeyeon?” “Yah! Kim Taeyeon!” “Huh?” I looked at my boss. “What the hell is wrong with you?” “ You look pale everyday” “Sigh. Nothing boss.” “Tell me, what’s wrong?” “Let’s just say.. I hate my life.” “Fight with your girlfriend?” My girlfriend? I don’t even know if she even existed. I guess she probably busy flirting out there. “No.” “No?” I nodded. I went back to day dreaming about my life with Tiffany. Tiffany is different from other girls and yes she is way different from my girlfriend. My girlfriend is immature, childish, annoying, grumpy, sensitive, insecure and full with jealousy. Sometimes, that’s why I fall for her, that’s why I even have a relationship with her but sometimes her attitude is killing me. But not Tiffany. Tiffany is mature, hyper, full with energy, love to smile and a bit annoying but it’s cute.  I don’t want to compare these two but the truth is, when I’m with Tiffany,  I can smile 24 hours straight. After I broke up with my first love, my whole world turns into black and white. Everything just look dull. The moment I meet Tiffany, everything is back to normal. When she smiled at me, I will be the happiest person on earth. When she touched me, it give me a chills down the spine, butterflies in my stomach, heart beats as fast as they can. When she laughed, it’s like a music to my ears. I can’t help but to laugh along with her. When she looked at me, feels like she is looking straight through my soul. When she called my name, I can’t help but to smile. In summary, you can say I am head over hills with this girl. Imagine I hold this feeling for 3 years. I buried it a while ago, but whenever I saw her, that feelings just pop-up from nowhere. I’m always quiet when she is around. Not because i am shy, but I just want to cherish that moment and just stare at her, listen her talking, laugh along with her. The weird thing is, I never see her treat her other friends like the way she treated me. She will constantly touch me, lean at my shoulder, do stupid things with me. Whenever, I talked about my girlfriend, she will change the topic. Could it be that she is jealous? “I like someone.” “Who?” “My best friend.” “Ok..and did you confessed to her?” “No.” “Scared?” “Yeah..Well, she is my best friend. What if she rejects me?” “Then you have to move on.” “But then, our friendship will be awkward.” “She will understand” “What if she won’t?” “Kim Taeyeon, just do what makes you happy ok? And beside you have a girlfriend, cherish her maybe?” To be honest, I don’t have anyone to talk to. I can’t tell Fany about it, because the problem is about her. I can’t tell my girlfriend, she will kill me. So, the I talked to my boss about it and turns out she is ok with it, and give me advises without judging me. I hate when people judge, and starts to critics about others. Cherish my girlfriend? She used to be this innocent girl, that I fall into. Back then, we can make jokes, talked until morning without fighting. I forgot about Tiffany when I’m with her, I thought I can move on from her but it is only for a while. I guess I spoiled my girlfriend too much, until she keep taking advantage of me. Sometimes, I miss the old her. I missed her smile, the way she treated me. I told her not to change, because I hate change. I hate when people change. It is like, the person you used to know turn into someone else. Same faces but different personality. She knows that, she said she will never change. She said, she hates change too because of people around her always leave. I told her not to lie, but she did. I am ready to spend my life with her, without Tiffany but she ruins it. She broke my trust, lied to me and basically, she turns into something she hates. People are people. People will lie, people will change eventually. Even though they said they won’t. Why I’m always the one who keep the promises? On my way home, I receive a text from my girlfriend. “Taeng..” “Hm?” “I’m sad..” “What’s wrong?” “She said she wants to leave me.” “Your best friend?” “Yeah. I can’t lose her Taeng.” “I know.” I’m trying my best not to cry, because I have to focus on my driving. But I can’t, I started to cry. I hate myself. I shouldn’t cry for something like that. I know, it is clear now she is in love with her. I know all about it but I pretend I don’t because I don’t want to lose her. I know she hurts me a lot, but at the same time, she makes me happy. Although it is hurt, but I don’t mind because, I have someone to accompany me to live my life even if most of the time she lied to me. So, if I lose her I have no one else. “You won’t lose her. I won’t make it happen.” I just want her to be happy. I am not a goddess but I tend to make people around me to be happy, even if I have to sacrifice my own happiness. At the same time, I hate myself for doing it.  __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________COMMENTS AND SUBSCRIBE!P/S : SOMETIMES IN SOME SITUATION, YOU HAVE TO BE SELFISH FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.