Behind the Glass (1/1)

Dahyun's mother is dead. They never really got along well, didn't see each other often. And even when they did see each other, it was only for one or two days and then they stopped for months. Dahyun almost didn't even know that she died if her brother didn't call her. Still, a death changes things, doesn't it? A door closed on possibilities, a final period at the end of a tragedy, a last chance squandered and left to rot. There will never be a reunion.Dahyun is getting ready for the funeral that is in a few hours."Do you want me to come?" Momo asks.Dahyun takes Momo's hands in hers. She looks tired. "Thank you, I'll be alright," she says. There is a weight in her tone, the weight of the coffin, of the church, of the world and the whispers, and the looks and everything else. Dahyun doesn't think she can truly bear the day she will be burying her mother deep down into the ground, even if they never really had the perfect mother-daughter relationship."I love you," Momo says.Dahyun leans her head on Momo's shoulder and Momo feels the tickling of Dahyun's hair against the side of her neck. "I love you," she says back.Eventually, Dahyun leaves and the house feels so empty to Momo when she isn't there, always feels cold. Boo lays down in Momo's lap in the bed and Momo buries her hands in warm dog fur, patiently waiting for Dahyun to come home.It's night and Dahyun is tired when she gets home; pale, drawn out, quiet. She doesn't wake Momo up. It's Boo who does, stirred out of sleep by the click of the lock, by the groan of the hinges, by the shutting of the door. It's Boo who shifts from his place in Momo's lap, who howls sweetly as he faces the bedroom door. Dahyun never turns on the lights or enters the bedroom.Momo eventually wakes up and finds Dahyun in the living room, sitting in the dark, staring at the empty television screen. She doesn't answer Momo's greeting and when Momo goes to hold her, she flinches away. Dahyun doesn't answer her questions or her concerns either. She refuses to drink the tea Momo makes. She's just there, silent and still as a statue until Momo runs out of strength. She sits on the couch too, beside Dahyun, but not too close. They stay like that until morning.The next days are slow, stilted, strange, cold. Dahyun continues staying distant, staying silent, staying curled on the couch. She keeps refusing comfort, food and drink, ignores Boo's happy barks and soft gazes, Momo's pleas and words. Momo doesn't know what to say in order to catch Dahyun's attention. She doesn't know what to do."Did something happen?" Momo asks.Dahyun doesn't answer. It feels like a glass is creeping up between them, clear and cold, like a wall, a box, a barrier muffling Dahyun's voice. It feels like Dahyun is stuck in the glass and it makes it so very hard to keep fighting, keep trying to help the helpless Dahyun out of the glass. If Dahyun is sad, Momo has to be sad too. That's just how it works."What happened?" Momo asks and her question goes unanswered once again.Nightfall comes. Dahyun sleeps in the guest room, legs tangled under cold sheets, door closed like a door to which she has accidentally thrown away the key to. Momo sits in their bedroom, face buried between her hands, hoping that her girlfriend can't hear her cry. But Dahyun fails. There are many things that are stopped by walls; warmth, help, kindness, breathing. But sound, sound was never one of them, so Dahyun hears Momo's cry as she tries to sleep.She comes knocking at the bedroom door in the morning. There is a tray in her hand, a plate with sandwiches and a cup of orange juice. "Did something happen?" she asks.Momo doesn't understand. She doesn't understand because it makes no sense. Why would Dahyun need to ask what happened when Dahyun is the one who something happened to. She doesn't understand because the question breaks the silence and the silence was the answer. She doesn't understand."What happened?" Dahyun asks.It feels like the glass is about to shatter into a million pieces, loud and terrifying. The shards would fall onto Dahyun and hurt her, most likely kill her, red and painful in all the way their love is not. But the glass hasn't shattered yet, it just has the cracking marks. It's still better than shattered love, though.Dahyun doesn't hold Momo, she doesn't touch her. She does nothing but stand in the doorway, tray cooling between her hands, but they both look at each other without averting their eyes and it's enough, at least for now. "I'm sorry," she says.Momo fails to be quiet, she cries. In the selfish parts of her, she's grateful that Dahyun heard her cry.It's a few days after since Dahyun found Momo crying. Things are better, not normal, but better. Dahyun still sleeps in the guest room, still feels strange, detached and distant, still shies away from Boo and from touch. Still hasn't said what happened to her on the day of her mother's funeral."Please, stop howling like that," Dahyun says to Boo.Things aren't normal because Dahyun isn't okay, Momo knows that. She also knows that Dahyun might never even go back to normal, but that's okay for her. They'll build a new normal, they'll figure it out. At least Dahyun is talking again. Her words feel like a stranger speaking, but it's something. It's enough, it has to be."Please," Dahyun kneels down in the kitchen, hand reaching to pet him, "I gave you treats. You like treats, don't you?"It's 10 p.m. and the kitchen is dark, outlines, shadows and the dull orange-yellow of street lamps spilling their colors through the windows. Dahyun's back is to the door and she isn't aware that Momo is watching while Boo is still howling."Boo, please," Dahyun scuttles forward, closer to give a scratch under the dog's jaw, "I know things are different, but it's gonna be okay."Boo bites her. It's not a deep bite, but Dahyun refuses to let Momo help with the wound. Of course she refuses, Momo would have to touch her for that. They haven't touched once since the funeral. Momo feels cold without the girl's touch sometimes, sitting by the windows, laying in bed, waiting for sleep to come."I don't understand," Momo says in the morning after. "He's never done that before."The bandage is stark against Dahyun's hand, dark, like stone covering snow. "I don't think he likes me anymore," she says."It's okay," Momo says. "It will solve itself, I'm sure."The sun is shining as Momo sits in the living room, looking at the plants scattered around the room. They're starting to dry out. Maybe she should do something, maybe water them. But Dahyun is the one who does that. The one who likes gardening, plants and rich dark soil. Roses, lilies, vibrant colors, and soft petals.So, Momo decides to go shopping. She makes it home during the afternoon, collapsing on the couch because of how hot it is outside. To her surprise, Dahyun welcomes her and sits next to her. Momo expects a hug, a kiss, an embrace like the younger one would normally give her when she's back home. But nothing. Dahyun never says anything, they just sit in silence.It feels to Momo like a painful itch, that distance, that closeness that isn't close, like it grates at her, like shards of glass under her skin, and the couch is like an ocean, inches wide as a thousand miles. The air between them might as well be a wall. Momo truly can't handle it anymore."Please," Momo suddenly chokes out and her sobs swallow the rest.But then, there is an arm around her shoulders. Dahyun is stiff as wood as she holds Momo, rigid, awkward and unmoving as though she's forgotten how to touch living things. Her hand is cold where it touches bare skin, but Momo doesn't care. Momo doesn't care at all. She leans into the hug as she continues to cry.Days go by and Dahyun started watering the plants again. "They're not completely dried out, they'll recover I think."The plants might recover, but will Dahyun recover? Momo has never been very good at hoping. But for once, she hopes that the glass doesn't break on her, break on them. Glass always shatters in the end, and when it does, it cuts both ways. In order to prevent that, they just need to talk."Dahyuni," Momo says as she gets closer to her and puts a hand on her shoulder.Dahyun doesn't hear her come behind as she is a little too focused on watering the plants. It's a reflex, really, more than a conscious decision, that has her quickly turn around, that has her hand reach to grab Momo's wrist. She holds it so tight that it hurts Momo and makes her let out a small gasp. The realization of how rough she is hits Dahyun like a glass dropped on the kitchen floor."I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Dahyun says in panic as she lets go of Momo's wrist, gently rubbing it instead.But Momo completely ignores the action. "We need to talk, Dahyun."Dahyun lets go of Momo's arm completely, taking a step back. "I need a bit more time to figure it out myself, then we can talk.""What are you figuring out? You've been acting..." her voice softens, "strange ever since the funeral. What happened?" Momo asks, and this time, she holds Dahyun's hands.It's cold outside of the glass, in the way clear skies are in the winter. They can't touch each other through the glass. They could if they break the glass, if Dahyun breaks the glass, but if the glass breaks, it would cut her, cut both of them. That's how glass works. There is a glistening in Dahyun's eyes. It seems as if she is going to break down any time now and Momo sweetly holding onto her hands is making it easier for tears to fall. Momo hates the glass. If Dahyun cries, the glass will fill up and drown her. Momo wants to talk Dahyun out of the glass and into a warm home, a bright living room, a loving heart.Momo is quick to wipe the first few tears. "Can you please let me help you?"Dahyun can't resist Momo's own teary eyes and broken voice. She can't resist seeing her girlfriend in a state like this just because of her. She didn't want to burden Momo with her problems, but seeing Momo hurt like this isn't any better. "Yes, please help me," she eventually says.It's been hours. They've been in bed, together, hands and legs intertwined, for hours. It feels so good to them, getting to feel each other touches after days. It started with Dahyun throwing herself into Momo's arms after accepting the offer for help. Momo brought her to the bedroom to tuck her into bed. Then she hugged her, caressed her, kissed her until Dahyun felt comfortable enough to start talking about what's been bothering her.Now, Momo is being a really good listener as Dahyun spills all her thoughts. She talks about how she never really thought of hanging out with her mother and just spending time with her. She never knew why their relationship was like that, how it became that way. But then, when she attended the funeral, a wave of regret hit her. That's the moment she realized that her mother is really gone and won't ever come back. She realized that she should've spent more time with her, because now, she can't even if she wanted to.Momo tries her best at comforting Dahyun. She tells her that there is no way she could've known that it was gonna turn out the way it did, that it's not her fault she and her mother weren't close. Maybe it's destiny fault. Or maybe destiny did the right thing because Dahyun would've been sadder if she closer with her mother and then she suddenly died. Either way, Momo manages to calm Dahyun down and put her to sleep with lots of sweet words and kisses.The moment Dahyun wakes up, the first thing she notices is the feeling of familiar arms wrapped around her. She turns her head to look behind her, where Momo is. Dahyun is curled up in Momo's arms. Momo's cheek is pressed against Dahyun's shoulder and her warm breath is fanning against Dahyun's skin as she sleeps soundly. Her legs are tangled with Dahyun's, her hands resting on Dahyun's stomach as she holds the girl close.Dahyun can't complain. She has missed waking

up like this. They haven't slept in the same room, let alone the same bed, in days. Though that might not seem like much to some people, it is to Dahyun when it comes to her girlfriend. It's her favorite feeling after all, Momo holding her. But she was feeling so pathetic, so guilty that she just had to lock herself away.Dahyun looks at the clock on the wall. It's nearing ten in the morning. Dahyun believes that Momo is most likely just as worn out as her, so she has no intention of waking her any time soon. She wants to allow Momo to sleep the day away, catching up on as much sleep as her body craves. She knows that Momo hasn't been sleeping. Dahyun, however, doesn't think she can stay in bed all day. Her mind finally feels free of bad thoughts again and she doesn't want to change that by staying in bed and letting her mind wander again.That's why she carefully unwraps Momo's arms from around her and slowly gets out of bed. She tiptoes into the bathroom where she starts brushing her teeth while trying to keep as quiet as possible. She lowers her head to rinse out her mouth and nearly jumps out of her skin when she looks back up and sees Momo standing right behind her.That make Momo chuckle before she puts her arms around Dahyun. "Why are you up and why didn't you wake me up?"Dahyun looks at her, eyes locking in the mirror. "Well, you know I'm not the type to sleep in. And I didn't wake you up because I know that you're the type to sleep in," she giggles.The sound of her laughter echoes across their apartment, making Boo crane his neck at the doorway to get a better view of a laughing Dahyun. It is a beautiful sight."Silly of you to think I can sleep when you're not

there.""You did for the last couple of days," Dahyun

teases."Who says I did? But either way, you should be the one sleeping right now. Off to bed you go." Momo drags Dahyun by the hand back to the bedroom. Then, she lays down first and opens her arms for Dahyun. "Come here, sweetness."Dahyun doesn't protest further, she gets settled right in Momo's lap, leaning against her warmth. Momo looks down at her and Dahyun is already staring up at her. In that moment, Momo notices the stars in Dahyun eyes. The stars Momo has been aching to see."I missed you," Momo whispers and kisses Dahyun's forehead."You missed." Dahyun taps her own lips as she giggles at the joke that she knows Momo is finding absolutely lame. But she still receives a sweet kiss on the lips from Momo. "And I missed you too, like crazy."They made it. They bandaged the cracked glass together and Momo helped Dahyun climb out of it....