Suffocating (1/1)

"Baby, let's go shopping!"

"Baby, come cuddle with me!"

"Baby, give me a kiss!"

"Baby, I miss going out with you!"Dahyun can't hear more of it anymore, she's at the limit. It's been seven months since Momo and her started their relationship and made it official, those months being some of the best months in Dahyun's life. However, something has changed in the last two weeks. She found Momo constantly calling out for her and not giving her any privacy at all, wanting to spend each and every minute together.Even though Dahyun really adores Momo and loves her as much as she did during the first days of their relationship, it's getting rather difficult for Dahyun, since she is more of an introvert who would rather read a book at a quiet place than go out and party. Of course she still loves Momo, but something has been feeling off the last few weeks, like a dark aura that is causing her to feel anxious and unsure. She wanted to wait a little to see if anything is going to change before deciding on how to tackle the situation, but today, she lost control of her patience.When they were hanging out at a little party together, Momo having convinced to join her, the older one was yet again being clingy as ever as she held Dahyun so tight in a hug to the point where the younger one almost couldn't breathe. The atmosphere had been suffocating her since she stepped afoot into the club anyway and Momo not letting go off her didn't make her feel any better."I know you love my hugs, Dahyuni, so stop squirming and let me," Momo said as she dug her head deeper into the younger one's neck.Usually, the older girl was right with her statement, but Dahyun was just so overwhelmed in the moment to the point where she really couldn't take it anymore. She let something slip out of her mouth in such a strict and harsh voice, surprising the other girl and herself too."I think I need a break," Dahyun said with a harsh voice.She started shifting her eyes all over Momo's face, keeping an eye on every movement the older one made. Although the grip around her loosened up, she was still getting hugged by Momo. Momo's expression was kind of blank, just staring at Dahyun, but then a confusion showed."That was a good one, Dahyuni," Momo said.It was said with a laugh, a laugh through the loud music that Dahyun noticed wasn't genuine at all. The younger girl slowly pulled away from the hug to take a better look at Momo. This time, Dahyun was able to see how caught off guard the girl seemed, but she wasn't planning on stopping. Even if she wanted to stop, she knew there was no going back, so she decided to get it over with."I think it would be the best if we take a break," Dahyun continued with an unsure expression, watching Momo's mood get worse by the second.The lights in the club were shining all over the place, sometimes making the tears in Momo's eyes visible to Dahyun."So you're breaking up with me?" Momo's voice sounded choked up."No, just a little break. I don't know how to explain it—"Momo didn't let her talk any further. "You don't love me anymore?"Momo's expression wasn't the same anymore, instead, serious and hardening. Dahyun knew that she should be strong and her first thought was to hug Momo, but she also knew making her statement first was more important."I do love you, so much, but the last weeks were a bit... too much for me.""Is it because I asked you to move in together with me?""No. Well, I don't think so. It's just that I feel a little overwhelmed. You know how much I like my privacy," Dahyun said in panic, not able to handle the situation getting worse and worse with every second.It was so clear to her that the last sentence sounded a bit wrong, even more when she heard a small chuckle from Momo, who then started shaking her head. Dahyun wanted to add something, anything for Momo to not misunderstand her, but it seemed to be too late for that. The older girl removed herself from Dahyun and took her things from their table before Dahyun even had the chance to call for her, to do something in order to stop her. It wasn't what Dahyun wanted at all. She didn't want Momo to leave, she just wanted to talk about it. But what Momo said just before walking away with fast steps as tears started flowing down her face caused Dahyun's heart to shatter hard."Well then, it's better if we just break up. I don't want to be a bother," Momo said with a smile.That made Dahyun go after her. She was able to catch up, but she couldn't bring a single word out. Momo noticed that Dahyun was behind her, so she stopped and stood in her spot for a short moment as if she was waiting for Dahyun to make a move, stop her, call her name. But nothing. Momo sighed before turning around and locking eyes with the younger girl through the people for one last time."Have fun with your privacy."Dahyun stood there for a while, not understanding how she managed to lose grip of the situation so badly. Momo broke up with her even though she just asked for a break to get her feelings settled. Eventually, she exited the club they entered together, alone.Now she is walking along the street, the breezy air letting Dahyun's hair flow through the wind. At least she felt something, felt sadness before, because now, she doesn't know how to feel. Never has she walked this street alone to her apartment before, Momo always being by her side to make sure she gets home safely. That's why when she realized the absence of Momo holding her hand, she knew she messed up.Now she's still in her dress and with make up on, laying in bed, which again, feels empty without Momo. Her phone right next to her vibrates and she quickly grabs it in hopes that it's the girl, but it's Chaeyoung, asking her if she wants to hang out tomorrow. Dahyun hesitates on texting her about what happened with Momo, but she decides that she doesn't want to burden Chaeyoung with her problems, so she decides to lock her phone.Half an hour later and Dahyun is still doing absolutely nothing, still in disbelief of what happened, questioning how it managed to turn out like this. Her thoughts get interrupted by ber phone again, but this time, its a call. When she sees the caller, she mentally gets prepared for the endless curses she's about to get from Nayeon. But she still decides to answer because she wants to know how Momo is doing."Hey, Nayeon—""What went through your mind? How could you do this to her?""I—""She's been crying the whole time in her room and doesn't want to talk to me. The only thing I know is that you guys broke up." Nayeon's voice is loud, harsh.Dahyun keeps quiet for a few seconds before letting out a long, exhausted sigh. She knows that Nayeon worries for Momo, but she thought Nayeon would have at least let her talk first before nagging at her. And shortly after when Nayeon tells her to explain everything, she is calmly able to do so. She is glad that Nayeon is really just listening to her instead of interrupting or provoking her. When she finishes talking, she hears a deep sigh from Nayeon."Do you still think that it was the right choice to ask for a break?" Nayeon asks.Dahyun needs to think about it for a moment before answering. "I think it was the right choice to tell her how I feel, but I think it was wrong to ask for a break""I think so too. You know what her last girlfriend did."Dahyun remembers when Momo told her about an ex-girlfriend who wasn't sure with her feelings anymore, although still wanted to keep trying with Momo. At the end, Momo found out that she was cheated on. Dahyun understands now that Momo is afraid of the same thing happening again."I love her, Nayeon, and I just wanted her to understand how I feel. In that moment, I thought a break would be good, but now I know it was wrong."Dahyun keeps choking up while talking and the realization of her fault hits her hard after talking with Nayeon, but she thinks she has to keep strong."She loves you too. I think she was just shocked, since she didn't see that coming. You never looked like you felt suffocated.""Do you think she will forgive me and try again?" Dahyun asks as she bites at her nails, stopping herself from breaking down."I think you should ask her that, not me," Nayeon says."I don't know if I can talk to her right now."Nayeon knows what Dahyun is hinting at, so she suggests that she should talk to Momo first before Dahyun does, just in case the girls really doesn't want to see or talk to Dahyun at the moment."But shouldn't I be the one to talk to her? I'm the one who caused this after all," Dahyun then asks.Although Dahyun is afraid that Momo doesn't want to talk to her, she knows that she has to make things right on her own and not with Nayeon's help."You're right, but even after she forgives you, you really should learn to open your feelings in time. Momo is your girlfriend and I think she would understand you the best if you are just honest with her."Dahyun thanks the older girl and they end the call. As soon as the screen goes black, Dahyun lets go off herself, tears immediately gliding down her face. She can't help but replay the scene in her head again, regretting her words the more she thinks about it. Each one of the words she told Momo sound like a horror movie in her head and she feels so stupid for believing that they need a break. Maybe it was the fear of being in a relationship that caused her to do it?She takes her phone and quickly writes a message, struggling to type everything correctly due to her trembling hands. "Please give me one chance to explain myself. Let's talk and you can decide what happens after. I love you."Despite being sure that she won't be getting a reply, she presses send. The younger one hopes to see Momo by the door when she is ready to talk. It is fascinating to see how one sentence could change months of a happy relationship. Dahyun asks herself what would have happened if she hadn't say anything, but also what would have happened if she had just told Momo about her feelings sooner instead of asking for a break.Her stomach grumbles, but she doesn't really have an appetite anymore, so she goes out of her bedroom to take a bath, wanting to put her thoughts in order. But as soon as she gets into the bath, she can't stop the tears when memories start flowing through her mind. Memories from Momo and her bathing in the same tub, laughing with each other, making love, enjoying each other's embrace. Barely managing to properly wash herself, she quickly makes her way out of the bathtub and puts her pajamas on. She walks over to her bed, but before she gets inside, she just stands for a few seconds, preparing for what is about to come.Dahyun slowly gets under the blanket, the smell of Momo instantly hitting her nose. That's why she leaves the bed in realization that there is no room in her apartment where she won't think about the older girl. She thinks about just staying awake, but she's aware that it would only end up with her having a headache. So, she grabs her phone and enters the living room instead, trying to get comfortable on the couch.Every few minutes, she checks her phone for a reply from Momo, but she's let down every time. Her lock screen is a picture of the couple with Momo's lips on Dahyun's cheek, both smiling at the camera. She steals one last glance at the picture before putting her phone away and finally closing her eyes, quickly falling asleep due to all the crying she did the last few hours."Dahyuni, you let me down."

"You let me go."

"You promised me."

"I trusted you."

"You're just like her."Her lover's voice is getting louder with each sentence and Dahyun has to cover her ears in fright. She wants to go back in time, back to where she and Momo were living a happy couple life, but she ruined it by upsetting Momo with the words that hurt her the most."I hate y—""No!" Dahyun manages to interrupt the nightmare, sitting up in shock as she's panting heavily. "Do you really hate me?"It's a question that she asks herself, tears already flowing down swiftly. Momo was always so understanding with Dahyun, but now Dahyun made a huge mistake. She just cannot stop thinking about it, about what is going to happen next."I'm so sorry, Momo."She finds herself crying out to Momo even though she knows that her words can't be heard by the older girl and she won't get a response. She wants to be back in Momo's arms so badly, craving for the warmth. After a while, she calms herself down, but goes back to her room, yanks the wardrobe door open to pull out a hoodie that belongs to Momo. The older one often stays with Dahyun, so she brought some of her clothes to deposit them in there. And lucky for Dahyun, because she just realized that she cannot fall asleep without Momo's scent. That's why she's quick to snooze off again, but it doesn't last long, since she gets swept up into another nightmare, or maybe dream?"I can't believe I'm here," Momo says with a sigh.The older one's voice sounds much clearer to Dahyun this time and she is so happy to hear it again. She wants to tell Momo how sorry she is, how much she misses her even if she's only able to do it in her dream."I'm sorry, Momo," Dahyun says with a cracky voice."Open your eyes," Momo replies."No, don't leave me. Let me be here for longer. I don't want to stop dreaming."Tears are flooding down Dahyun's cheeks again, however, it's confusing her a little, since the tears feel so real."Dahyun, I'm here. You wanted to talk."Dahyun is frowning, not understanding what is currently happening. She then slowly opens her eyes, immediately locking them with Momo's, who is just standing next to her. The beams of moonlight shining in from the windows let Dahyun see the older one clearly, but she doesn't believer her eyes. She thinks she is seeing a hallucination, so she slowly reaches her hand out and when she feels Momo's skin against her hand, she pulls away and quickly sits up, rubbing her eyes, peeking at the clock on the wall showing five a.m.. She then looks back at Momo, noticing the swollen eyes this time."I saw your message," Momo says.Dahyun can only nod, still out of it. Momo is suddenly so close to her again and she can't afford to say something wrong again, so she just chooses to stay quiet."I'm sorry for being here so early. I just couldn't sleep anymore and—""No, it's okay. I'm glad you're here," Dahyun says as she pats the spot next to her on the couch.Momo hesitantly sits down and starts fiddling with her hands. There is a short moment of silence before Momo speaks up again."Why are you sleeping here?" she asks.Dahyun scratches her nape, embarrassed by the reason, but she still confesses. "I couldn't sleep in my room because it smelled too much like you."That makes Momo look at her with guilty eyes, but when Dahyun slightly removes the blanket from ontop of her, the older one's expression changes to a confused one."But you're still wearing my hoodie? Doesn't that smell like me?""Well... I had a nightmare and couldn't fall asleep without it."Dahyun smiles a little when she sees how Momo is smiling back at her. It gets quiet again, but then it seems like they both have something to say.Dahyun starts. "I'm—"Momo interrupts. "I want—"Dahyun suddenly gets the courage to move closer and take Momo's hands in her own, glad that the older girl is letting her."First of all, I'm sorry for the way I acted and for what I said."Dahyun squeezes Momo's hand when Momo is about to say something, since Dahyun isn't done with what she has to say yet."I love you, Momo. You are my first girlfriend and I'm being honest when I tell you that I never stopped loving you. You know that before we got together, I was always by myself and something like skin ship didn't exist for me. I know I shouldn't have asked for a break. I don't even want a break. I was just too overwhelmed with what I felt because it's still new to me."Momo is tearing up and Dahyun can only hope that it is the good kind of tearing up."How about you go wash up and I make us something to eat. You probably didn't eat dinner yesterday either," Momo says with a brittle voice.Dahyun nods, but she's confused and scared, thinking that Momo wants the breakup with her to stay. But she wants to wait and see, so she gets up to do what the older girl told her to do. After quickly getting done in the bathroom, she has to chuckle a bit when she steps into the kitchen just in time to see Momo spill the flour all over the counter. And the facepalm that Momo gives herself is not any less funny.Dahyun craves to put her arms around Momo's frame so badly, but she's not sure if they're on good terms or not, since Momo hasn't quite said something. Still, the younger girl thought about everything in the shower and is sure that their love is stronger that this argument. She takes a few steps closer, letting Momo notice her presence."Dahyuni, I'm sorry as well. I acted like a child and just ran away instead of hearing you out. It was just a shock to hear that from you and I was also scared that my past trauma might repeat itself."Momo has missed the girl so much that she can't hold back any longer. She closes the last few steps between them and presses her lips against Dahyun's. The younger one is quick to respond, showing her love towards Momo with kisses. Momo pulls away to say one last thing."What I wanted to say is that I realized you aren't like her. I shouldn't have compared you to anyone."...