Tattoo (1/1)

"May we know more about that person? How were they like?" the interviewer asks me.How was she like? As far as I can remember, she was the most precious thing in the world. Every room she stepped foot in immediately brightened up. In addition to the little smile from her, which caused butterflies in me, the way she slightly scrunched her face while doing so has up until this day never left my memory. And it's a good thing, because I don't ever want to get it out of my head.Her voice made me get goosebumps. But the good kind of goosebumps that come with a warm feeling. She used to subconsciously let her pitch go higher whenever she was excited. I loved it when she came running to me as she called my name before throwing herself onto me from excitement of what she was going to tell me. I wish my eyes had cameras and recorded those moments so I could look at them at times like these where I'm not able to experience it again.The way she always put everyone else's safety and happiness ahead of her own always left me in awe of her. She could have seemed childish and carefree at times, but whenever there was something serious going on, she completely changed. I remember when she carried Nayeon from practice all the way to her apartment because she had hurt her leg. Another time, she taught Mina how to swim because she wanted the younger one to be safe in emergencies that might require her to swim. She was an older sister to everyone, including the two girls who were older than her.To me? I never thought that I deserve to say this, and I still don't think I do, but she is the owner of my heart, and the owner of the tattoo on my neck. My first and last love, my girlfriend. I didn't get the tattoo just because I'm so deeply in love with her, though. Rather, I got it because of something she used to do to me, which always made me surrender myself to her.It often happens that I feel her touch even during nights I can't manage to fall sleep. The feeling of her lips brushing mine, then down along my jaw, and finally against my neck never failed to captivate me. That's why I decided to get her lips tattooed on my neck. And when I came home to show her, she made me fall in love with her again. She showered the spot with kisses for the entire night, making me fall asleep in such a dreamy way.Another story of its own were her soft and gentle hands that put me at a loss of words. She was always so loving and caring with me. It was as if we were made for each other, since our hands fit perfectly in each other's. But her hands were around my waist most of the time, which I'm not complaining about at all. To be honest, it's only natural for me to still be daydreaming about her. But on the other hand, it's not the best idea to be zoned out during an interview, right?"Ah, of course I can tell you about..." I get ready for the loud gasps and the increase of flashing cameras, "her."Unfortunately, there's always a difficulty in every love story. It causes arguments, disappointment, and days where you don't talk to each other or even avoid eye contact. For us, the problem was who we were. No, I don't regret falling in love with her, but I regret breaking our promise. No one in their right mind would've even thought about breaking their word, but I did. The promise was so ugly and risky, something that was literally calling for trouble. Yet, I accidentally let my feelings take over and my mouth speak on its own.It was during a VLive with Momo and I just spending time with the fans. We were eating food on the side and answering a bunch of questions they sent in the chat. Most of them were pretty common ones like asking about our favorite songs or what we are eating. Well, we wouldn't have managed to answer any new questions anyway due to how fast the comments were flooding down. However, there was one question that managed to catch my eye.Momo and I were always aware of what we can show to the public and what we have to keep to ourselves. The closest we would get was little hugs here and there, but more than that was forbidden. It's not us who made these upsetting rules, but it was the company alongside the public. What's the difference between a man and a woman being in love and two women being in love?I answered the question about the friendship, or should I say relationship, between Momo and me. It all went downhill right after that. First, I noticed Momo getting uncomfortable, shifting around in her seat and avoiding looking at the phone. Then, my phone started getting bombarded with messages and calls from the managers. It's true that I was terrified, terrified of what was going to happen next. But then, I felt those warms hands again. I turned towards Momo just to be met with crying eyes, staring back at me with a look that made me regret replying to that comment.Even so, here I am, years later, talking about a same-sex relationship, the relationship between Momo and myself again. But I'm not scared anymore, because I want to fight this time. I lost the girl I love by running away instead of making the public listen to me. But now, I know to never let anyone judge me or anything I do ever again."She was a really cute girl. She wore red lipstick most of the time and it really suited her. Gorgeous face and toned body, like an insta-baddie. Yeah, she was like one of those girls.""What was her name?" the interviewer asks me with curious eyes."Her name was Momo, Hirai Momo, a Japanese girl. I was always kinda shy, but she was a daredevil. Oh, she also liked to dance, watching her dance always felt like it was specially made for her.""How nice! Thank you for your time, Miss Dahyun."After we fell apart, my life turned... lifeless? I don't know how to explain it, but every day seems the same. The only difference really is the fact that I'm a pianist now with new fans and a new lifestyle. I still have the girls with me and they all have also opened new chapters in their lives. I'm proud of every single one of them and the amazing things they've all managed to achieve. However, they're still suffering from the absence of Momo like I am. The loss of the comforting feeling that she always gave us. The feeling that made us not quit, that safe feeling.I enter my apartment and immediately launch the unnecessary uncomfortable high heels off my feet. I think I'm going to wear more comfortable clothes rather than a dress next time. Anyway, I'm done with my schedule today, so I have the rest of my day for myself even though I don't have a clue on what to do instead of just watching a movie or random videos. It's not like I have friends to spend time with. Well, of course I have the girls, but they also have their own errands that I don't want to interrupt. So I guess another movie it is...I wake up at the sound of a gunshot and screaming. For a second, I believe I'm the one who got shot, but it's coming from the TV. I was quite tired yesterday, so I must have fallen asleep right away. But it's not the next day yet, it's still ten p.m.. Maybe it's best if I get up and do my face routine now before I fall asleep again.Well, I was about to head to the bathroom, but I have to stop in my tracks because of a knock on the door. The manager must have brought me something important, since it's already so late. I quickly stride over to the door and open it without confirming through the peep hole that it really is the manager. I can barely notice who it is before my body moves on it's own and shuts the door.I don't quite understand what is happening right now and why my heart is picking up speed, but I think something new, something exciting is finally happening after being lonely for such a long time. The proof of that is the voice calling for me from the other side of the door."Dahyun? Did I come at a wrong time?"The deep, raspy voice that I've been dreaming, thinking about all this time is talking to me. I don't know why she's here, how she found my apartment, if this is just a ridiculous prank, or if I'm hallucinating. However, I can't pass up this chance to see the face that I adore so much again. As I open the door once more, I'm hoping that she's really standing on the other side.This might just be the most lively interaction I've received for what feels like years, and I'm instantly melting into it. I don't even need to open my eyes to know that Momo is hugging me, her arms tightly around me and our bodies completely squashed together. It feels so nostalgic, so familiar, and it makes me truly realize how much I've missed her. I'm so captured in her warmth that I only notice we've moved from our spot when I hear the door close.We're inside my apartment now, only Momo and I, together, the last time we've talked or even seen each other being the time of the VLive. Now that I think about it... have I ever even apologized? Do I need to apologize? Did I really ruin everything for us or was it going to happen sooner or later anyway? Even though Momo and I are still in each other's secured embraces as she leads us to the couch, a growing anxiousness in my stomach leads to goosebumps. I can't do this."Momo, I'm—"I was about to end our never ending hug, but she doesn't allow me to. It happens so fast, so smoothly, ending up with me sitting on the couch and her on top of me. It's somewhat pathetic how I'm so clueless on where she has been staying at, how she has been feeling and even what she's thinking right now. Although, a pain stabs right into my chest when her body starts shaking in my arms. She must be crying and I want to join her, but that would be unfair because it's all my fault."I hate it so much, Dahyuni," she murmurs against my shoulder.A heartbreaking sob can be heard and she slowly loses control of her breathing as her tears drop onto my shoulder one by one. Her hands that are hugging my back turn into fists and clench my shirt, making me want to tell her how sorry I am, tell her about the nights I couldn't get a single minute of shut eye because my regrets didn't allow me, but I don't think it matters anymore, because we missed out on the amazing time we could've had together only because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.Although, I fail at holding in my cry when she places her soft lips on my tattoo, the tattoo that I saw every morning when I looked into the mirror, reminding me of her again just when I had managed to get her out of my head. Even so, I would never dare to get it removed, no matter how many times I've cried over the memories. That's like an unstated rule for me, and will stay as one forever. My cheeks get totally wet just in a matter of seconds."I hate how much I've missed you, Dahyuni.""I'm sorry, Momo. I'm so sorry for what I did."She backs away from my shoulder to look at me. I can't guess what's going through her mind as she's staring at me with an upsetting face, but I can only hope that I didn't disappoint her too much. She blinks, a few more tears glide down her face and I'm quick to reach for her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs while her eyes are still focused on me, making me get a little shy."I wish it didn't happen, I really do. I wish we could've stayed together, together in each other arms like we are now, but it happened and that's okay," she says with a chuckle, a few more tears dropping when her cheeks rise.It's the way she still forgives me even after who knows what I put her through, the way she's trying to smile even though I can see that she's hurt. I can't help but cry even harder at her words, knowing that I don't deserve them or deserve her. This time, she's the one to gently get rid of my tears, although she can't keep up due to how many are falling."You didn't do anything wrong, so please stop crying, Dahyuni."How can she say such thing while it's clear that I'm responsible of what happened? I'm the one who thought coming out about what we had would do no harm. I feel so stupid, so foolish for believing that people would accept and support us. I swear I'm trying to stop crying, but I think I've lost control because my sobs start getting worse than before. My blury vision is barely letting me see Momo, only a mix and match of colors like her black hair, her red lipstick, and her clothes. It looks like she's leaning in closer, but I can't properly tell if she really is."It's not too late to try again," Momo says in a quiet voice.Seems like I was right about her inching forward because her warm hands cup my wet cheeks as she places her lips on mine. Oh, how I've missed this tenderness against me, causing my mind to go blank and follow along. But before I can return the kiss, she backs away and moves downwards. I finally manage to calm down and crack a little smile when I realize what's she's planning on doing. I've lost count of the dreams I had of her plumb lips against my neck, moving towards the tattoo that belongs to them in a frustratingly slow speed. So, now that I get to experience it again, all I can do is slump into the couch and cherish every single kiss.Although she has always enjoyed teasing me, I can say that this time, she is being eager and hasty with her lips, but still passionate and adoring like I recall. Captured in the moment, I push her head closer to my neck, so close, that she starts biting at it rather than kissing. It hurts so good, so damn good that I can't get myself to complain, instead, let out a moan. I guess a tattoo wasn't enough for her, since she's leaving mark after mark all over my neck. Well, I see this as her taking revenge for how I screwed things up, so I'm not complaining....