Found Him (1/1)

I took Joon’s hand, the one that he used to grasp my arm, and I squeezed it firmly.“Let’s walk Junhyung to the door?”Joon’s eyes soften, and I gave him an assuring smile, as I pulled him to go with me, bidding the leaving Junhyung goodbye. Joon was, after all, my boyfriend. He stood behind me, and as we watched Junhyung disappeared from the street, we had our hands intertwined together. My heart however ached for Junhyung, his back looked so lonely.“I am so glad you are home. You don’t know how much you make me worried.”We were still standing at the door, he was still standing behind me, and he had his free arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I crashed onto his torso, and this was probably the most intimate we had ever been.“I’m sorry, but the last thing I want is for you to worry about me.”I turned around, and my eyes met his glistening ones.“And you should go too, Joon. I am too exhausted right now.”Joon heaved a sigh but he then nodded, and he planted a kiss on my forehead, before he helped himself out.“Tell your mom I said thank you for the drink, Hani. And rest well, I’ll call you tonight.” I stood under the shower for the longest time, trying to clear my brain and my heart from the confusing twister of Joon and Junhyung. I often wondered to myself, why did I allow myself to get entangled with such crazy whirlwind of emotions? Why did I let myself engulfed in such misery? And why did I always felt that I somehow had to choose between the two of them, when it was so clear that I had Joon, always ready to stand beside me, while Junhyung had always been playing tug of war with me? “How do you know, mom, if you’re making the right choice?”We were having pizza, my first meal of the day, but I suddenly wasn’t all that hungry anymore. My mom looked at me thoughtfully, and from her eyes I could see that she was organizing her answers, trying not to confuse her already confused daughter. I had spilled all the details of whatever happened between Joon, Junhyung and I, and I was in a desperate need of a wiser opinion.“Well, my dear, if you are going to choose, you should choose with your heart, and not your brain. Thoughts could be manipulative sometimes, but your feelings, they could never lie.”My mom reached for my hand, and clasped it dearly.“You can try to close to your eyes, free your mind from any thoughts, and then search in your heart, to whom does it belongs to. It won’t be easy, but it will give the answer you are looking for.” I lied on my bed, following closely to my mom’s suggestion. I closed my eyes, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and preventing my mind from thinking. I opened my heart, and I was ready to find whoever I had in there. I searched hard, and I searched deep, and I finally found him, exactly where I had left him before.  At the very back of my heart. “Junhyung.”