Giving Up Yet Still Hopef (1/1)

I’m almost crazy. Did you know that?I laughed sarcastically, lifting the pen up and pausing on writing.Enough already, Lee Sungjong. You’re torturing me. It’s frustrating. Just tell me already that you like me, too.Another laugh left my mouth. I was having too much high hopes, was I not?Later, on Christmas Eve, I’ll wait for your text. I hope you would say you are attracted to me as well. After that, we will be happy. If not, if I don’t receive any text from you, I’ll stop.I breathed hard, letting go of a deep sigh. I closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated on preventing my tears to fall.I’ll stop. I’ll stop everything. I’ll stop texting you. For what are those, huh? You don’t respond anyway. But! If anything, I won’t stop this feeling I have for you. I will just let it be.  If this feeling will grow or not, let it be. I will wait. Patiently.Now, my hand kept writing as if it has a mind of its own. It was as if my heart was on my hand, dictating what it needed to write. My emotions were freely moving to my hand.I hope you will notice my absence if that is to happen. And I hope, during that time, you would realize you don’t want me to disappear from your world.I closed my notebook and went to bed, thinking of him just like all the other nights. I sighed. Kim Myungsoo, a very big idiot. Sighing one last time for tonight, I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep. ----- Lee Sungjong,I hope you will read this letter until the end. I don't have the courage to tell you these things in person so here I am, writing a letter  to you. I know I'm a coward. Can you blame me? I'm scared. I'm afraid that if you come to know about it, you would change. i don't like the idea of you acting differently with me around. i will not like that. I'm okay with our situation right now. Friends. Heck! I can say that we are barely even friends. But that's fine. At least I can talk to you and be near you. What if you knew and then you became distant? No. Just thinking about it makes my heart sad. This is better than nothing. I can take this well, but not talking to you? No, really.Yes, I'm hoping for more than friendship. I expect more from you, but this is enough, I guess. Maybe I should just accept what we are right now. I don't know why I am like this. I know and I feel it, that it hurts so much already, yet here I am, still hoping for some miracle to happen.Kim MyungsooI reread my letter thrice before deciding to fold it and insert it in a clean, white envelop, sighing in the process. I got up and went to his apartment. I left the letter to the housekeeper and went home. I was already so nervous. I did not want him to see me there and talk to me. I did not have any alibi.He might read my letter, he might not. Somehow, just thinking that there is a 50% chance of him reading it relieved me. Even if I would not receive any response from him, something heavy was lifted from my lonely heart when I think that I had already confessed to him. Not in person, but in a letter. Still, a confession. I know, I know. This sucks. So short and empty. I really want to write angst so... Anw, please tell me what you think about it nd help me improve in writing angst. :))