2013. January 27 -part 2- (1/2)
The days passed fast. Was it Wednesday or Thursday? Jongin didn't know. He lost track of time and practiced day and night as he has always been doing. He got back to his usual routine. He did the same things; sleeping, dancing, eating, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing... dancing until he collapses. Dancing until his body gives up and everything feels numb. He was used to all this. But this time, it felt different. A few weeks ago, he was escaping from the nightmares by doing this, now, he is escaping into the nightmares. And everytime he went off-balance by wandering off in his mind, he got angry. He got so angry he felt like exploding. He got so angry that every beat, and every step came out at 110% from him. A few weeks ago he had the showcase as a goal in front of him but now, now his only goal was to be able to get rid of his thoughts. Because his mind wandered off every minute, and he was angry.His moves became rough and slow. He put in too much strenght into each move as he forced his mind to concentrate on the choreography. „Yah! Kim Jongin! Stop! Stop it! Stop!” the teacher boomed. „You got it all wrong! What's with you??” Jongin bent down, his hands supporting his waist as he panted, sweat dripping from his chin. „I know. I will try again.” he said and turned around to walk back to his position.
„You have been like that for days now.” the teacher pointed at Jongin's back „You should take a break.”
„I'm alright, it's nothing.”
„Is that all you can say 'I'm alright, I'm alright'? Even if you didn't look so pitiful right now, I would still tell you to leave now. Get yourself together Jongin or else you won't even be qualified for the year-end showcase, let alone perform. Now go, you are slowing down the others.”
Somehow the words didn't sting as much as Jongin expected them to. Not being qualified enough for the showcase...the showcase... he didn't think about it for a while. It was weird.. He waited for some kind of impact that would force him to try harder or feel anxious or... just feel anything, but it didn't. He didn't really feel the anxious feeling about his future. He felt empty. He felt stuck.
By the time Jongin got back to the dorms it was already past midnight. He took off his sweaty shirt and sweatpants and went to the bathroom to take a hot shower to let his frozen body parts feel alive again. The warm water sliding down his skin felt refreshing to his sore muscles but felt like torture to his waist region. „Agh!” Jongin grunted as he crouched down onto the floor and he immediately set the water to ice cold to ease the pain. It was getting worse everyday and Jongin sometimes thought he would go crazy. He got out of the shower and walked slowly to his bedside table and pulled out the drawer. He found a little orange-colored container and opened it. It was already half empty. He took out three pills and he swallowed them, gulping down water from the bottle next to his bed. He basically lived off on painkillers now. He figured it's the most effective way to get rid of the pain to be able to continue his schedule as it was. But sometimes even the painkillers couldn't ease the pain and he felt like collapsing there and then. Jongin layed down slowly onto his bed and closed his eyes. He waited for the painkillers to take away the pulsating pain in his waist and lower back. He felt his eyelids getting heavy and he could almost make out the shiluette of a person in front of him, opening their mouth to speak but all that came out was Chopin's Waltz No.7. That's when he jolted awake from the dream. But the piano didn't stop playing, the song got faster and louder. The dancer turned around to check the time on his phone. It was 2:24 am. He sat up but immediately huddled back onto the bed when he felt the pain in his waist coming back faintly. That's when something just snapped in him and he got up from the bed angrily, out of his room, out to the corridor, stopping in front of the neighbouring door on the floor below. He heard the piano clearly from the other side of the door so he literally banged on it until the song came to an abrupt stop. He heard footsteps approaching and then a click. The door opened and a guy appeared in front of Jongin with a very surprised expression on his face. He had short blonde hair and milky white skin. His face was boyish with defined jawline and long nose and dimples.
„Can I help you?” he asked cautiously. He had a little accent which was weird, but then Jongin remembered he is living in the 'Foreigner Dorm'.
„Could you please shut it out??! Why do you have the urge to play that damn PIANO in the middle of the night?! Others are trying to sleep!”
„I'm sorry, I didn't know it was that loud. I will be careful from now on.” he apologised and bowed to the dancer.Jongin suddenly felt bad for lashing out at this guy who is probably doesn't even know what's going on. He held onto his waist again when he felt a sudden pain rush through him like lightning. He closed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows.
„Are you okay?” the pianist asked worriedly.
„Yeah, I'm fine...” replied Jongin and went back to his room, leaving the confused pianist on the hallway.
Sunday came fast. The weather was getting colder each day and the sun was already setting eventhough it was only 3 pm. Branches of tall, dark trees dancing in the cold wind and occassionally knocking against windows. Eventhough it was one of the coldest day in the year, the snow have yet to fall
„Give me that sandwich!” Jongjin pushed Heon Woo's hands away and bit into the huge bread filled with sausages and bacon.
„That was MINE!” Heon Woo shrieked and slapped Jongjin on the head, causing him to almost choke on it.„Do you want to kill me??!” the blonde snapped.
„Guys, how old do you think you are? If I find leftovers on my papers, I'm going to beat you two up!” Imjong sighed and continued to browse through the pile of papers in front of him.„Why are you so cranky today? Were you dumped?” Jongjin asked while munching loudly on the sandwich, annoying Heon Woo.