1/1 (1/1)

.jimin Jimin wonders if there is a way out; he wonders if he has taken a different turn earlier – few years ago– things would end differently, or would actually end at all, and he will not be in this mess of a maze without an exit in sight.Perhaps, perhaps if he has been more careful, wiser and just better in general, he would not be swept into this relationship that is called a relationship just for the lack of a better word.Years ago he has convinced himself that it doesn’t matter; as long as they are in love with each other, nothing else should be taken into account – that it’s best that everything else and everyone else to be out of their concern. Years after, right now, as he watches the chest before him rising and falling in rough rhythm, he still has doubts.Perhaps, perhaps things have changed now. Maybe Jimin is a lot better now, the beagle boy image back from his Bangtan days have slipped away as his ballads hit the chart as high as he hits the notes – and the songs, the only things that ever matter, are heard by a lot more people now.Jimin has done everything he could. He believes he has; whether it was back then when he frolicked around with Taehyung and babied Jeongguk and charmed thousands of girls in their early teens, or now when Taehyung does four dramas in a year, and Jeongguk tours Europe during summer and their fans have grown all grown up as they all are. All of these, and Jimin’s infatuation is still as strong as ever – he is still as in disposal now when they share a king sized bed as he was back when they shared a room with five other members.Perhaps, perhaps Jimin has proven himself enough. He should be – because he’s tired as hell now and he doesn’t know how much longer he will able to hold on by himself. “Jeongguk knows.” Jimin sees Yoongi’s eyelids snap open, followed by a sharp intake of breath. The look of alarm replaces the sleepiness that has claimed him a moment previously and Jimin wishes he could take the words back because he has made yet another mistake, and things haven’t changed at all, and he is still not there at where Yoongi wants him – wherever that is.“That you write me songs,” he says, words falling slow and heavy, pressured out by Yoongi’s intense gaze. “That you write all my songs. He says it’s obvious and he doesn’t mind the slightest.”Because Jeongguk could not miss it even if he wants to – because the likes of Jeongguk would know that no one can write songs that perfectly suit Jimin other than Yoongi, even if the latter does not stamp the lyrics with SUGA for obvious reasons. Jeongguk was chuckling when he told Jimin – he found it funny they try to hide it – and Jimin feels silly, even if it isn’t his idea at all of hiding.Because it is all Yoongi, nothing else but Yoongi.Like it has always been.   The revelation is not what Yoongi has expected it to be but he leaves anyway, leaving Jimin to spread his arm on the crumpled sheet, grasping emptily at the space. He beats himself to sleep, listing the reasons why he should have just kept the fact to himself until his eyelids flutter closed. He dreams of the first day he had come to the dorm, a young boy at 17 hailed all the way from Busan and how a hyung who speaks in fading Daegu dialects bullied him into washing dishes but ruffled his hair when he’s done.When morning drags him back to the reality, the crumpled sheet is still as empty but there is a CD on the night post that was not there last night.It is not as much as an apology, but Jimin knows Yoongi enough to accept it.He loves him enough, and so.  Namjoon is now Runch Randa again and Jimin misses him sometimes when he finds it hard to understand what the PD wants from him. Jimin also misses Hoseok when his dressing room gets too quiet to his likings but he isn’t sure if Hoseok remembers him among the dances he has to choreograph for Big Hit’s latest boy group. He is sure Hoseok is having the time of his life, anyway, dance being his forte and all, and he’s sure Seokjin is as well – having just getting married last year. It was then when all seven of them were in the same room after they call Bangtan a quit two years ago. When Yoongi is not working on songs for Jimin to sing, he is compiling tracks for his mixtapes. When he’s not doing any of those, he does a night radio show for a living. Jimin tunes in most of the time, and he closes his eyes as he listens to the voice that holds the command of his entire being. Sometimes Yoongi plays their old songs, and while the pride is apparent in his voice when he introduces the songs and reminisces about their days as a group, Jimin wonders if Yoongi holds the same pride on him.Perhaps, perhaps, someday Jimin will be good enough. Good enough for Yoongi to acknowledge, good enough for Yoongi to call Jimin his. Jimin doesn’t want to tell the whole world, no. It is still a great taboo in South Korea, even if it is not uncommon in their industry but it is still forbidden. Fans fantasise on them being together, but the fact won’t be welcomed for sure. Jimin understands that, but if he can’t shout his love to the world to hear, then, he would want to whisper it to those who mean the world to him. Friends, family – those who love him without conditions attached – and the five other members Yoongi and he had shared everything with. They probably have known, but Jimin wants to say it anyway. He just wants to say it loud. He only wants to say it to a soul, to spell it out – because it would feel more real that way, because it would finally feel real.  Perhaps, perhaps, someday. For sure.    .jeongguk.taehyung.  It’s probably the same for all members of Bangtan, but Jeongguk certainly considers the one time they had gone to LA for two weeks to work on their albums and film a reality show at the same time as the worst and the best experience as an idol ever. The worst because they were completely exhausted and drained out of their energy and wit; was expected to give the maximum effort at minimum rest that Jeongguk remembers feeling like calling it quit then, even if it screams childish because he was just too tired. The best – because everything after that seems relatively easy even when they are more overworked than ever. It is a precious memory, nevertheless, for whichever reason.But then, Jeongguk considers being in Bangtan is the best thing that’s ever happened to him – and it’s probably the same for all members of Bangtan as well.Going solo is less hassle, but less fun too; Jeongguk concludes as he watches his back up dancers leaving the room one by one, exchanging goodbyes along the way. He rummages his bag for his phone and sits down on the floor, mirror reflecting his leaning back. His thumb scrolls expertly on the screen, going through the notifications one by one.There are five notifications on his Kakao Talk from the Bangtan group chat – the same group chat they have created years and years ago that seem like a lifetime now – and he reads them with a fond smile he would not spare anything else.Namjoon is inviting them to DNH showcase this weekend, and Hoseok is first to reply with a thrilled OK. Yoongi replied after 15 minutes with an OK as well, followed by Jimin with an emoticon of excited puppy. The latest to reply is Taehyung, with a selca of a pout and ‘filming that day – sorry!!!!!”; the ‘sorry’ written in English for no reason at all.Jeongguk’s smile lingers a little longer before he saves the photo, for no reason at all.‘hyung treat me food’ ‘hyung i’m going to namjoon-hyung’s showcase’‘go as well’‘just skip the filming’‘hyung hyung hyung’ ‘shut up brat’ Jeongguk chuckles as his spam on Taehyung’s Kakao Talk is cut stop with a reply. He is way past his early 20s now but it is so easy to be a kid again around Taehyung; though being around Taehyung now means occasional messages on Kakao Talk and rare phone calls instead of huddling in a blanket watching a movie together on Taehyung’s upper bunk bed.‘what are you doing’‘just got home how about you’‘just finished practising’ ‘let’s go to namjoon hyung’s showcase’‘your role is not important anyway’‘hyung let’s’‘does that mean you watched my drama?’‘aww our jeonggukie’‘thank you <3 <3 <3’‘-.-‘‘that’s not the point’‘hyung hyung’‘i really can’t jeonggukie’‘go anyway jimin is going he will be happy to see you’‘we see each other all the time at music shows’‘last time i told him that i knew his songs were written by Yoongi hyung’‘he looked so surprised like it is even a proper secret’‘it is so obvious even our ARMY could tell’‘i don’t get them’ ‘i told you to leave them be kookie-ah’‘they must got their reasons’‘you meddlesome kid’‘am not a kid’‘everyone knows anyway’‘they are weird’‘they are always weird’‘they know what they are doing for sure’‘nah i don’t think so’‘they don’t know what they are doing’‘they are being stupid really’‘if there’s nothing going on, why bother hide the fact that Yoongi hyung write him all the songs’‘Jimin hyung said that Yoongi hyung doesn’t want me to feel like it’s unfair’‘as if i would’‘you might, you know’‘you like Yoongi hyung’s songs’‘yeah i like them’‘and if he wants to make me songs i’d be happy to sing them’‘but he always likes jimin more anyway’‘and even back then he made songs with jimin in his mind’‘does he really think we didn’t notice’‘leave them alone kookie-ah’‘if they want to tell us they will’ ‘are you that bored’‘or are you that lonely’‘aww you must miss us kekeke our maknae is so cute’‘hyung -.-‘‘i just don’t like it they hide things from us’‘do they think we will judge’‘all of us know how they are both into each other’‘i mean’‘if they are brave enough to go through that they have to be brave enough to acknowledge it’‘kookie-ah’‘let’s not think about it anymore okay’‘take a rest now’‘I have filming again tomorrow so i’ll go sleep now’‘don’t forget to watch me okay’‘good night kookie-ah’‘<3’ ‘i hate you’Jeongguk waits till the 1 on his message disappears before putting his phone down and closes his eyes.Taehyung has not changed at all. Still the same Taehyung who bewildered him during trainees’ days, the same Taehyung who bewildered everyone as the 4D member V – still the same Taehyung who stole his heart but returned it on a silver platter.No, he reminds himself, it was not entirely Taehyung’s fault. Jeongguk was scared as well; he was very young then, and the thought of pursuing a forbidden love was as scary as losing everything he had worked hard for. Maybe he was just not in love enough, or maybe he was just not courageous enough – he has not found out which one was it even now – but the fact that he backed out still stands.It’s funny, though, how Taehyung is now rumoured to be dating each and every actress he is acting with but denies all of them every time and Jeongguk is considering the trainee with an obvious crush on him who makes him happy with her undivided attention – but every now and then Jeongguk still falls in thought on what if things have gone differently for both of them; what if Jeongguk has been braver and pushed himself a little bit.It is impossible for Jeongguk and Taehyung now, so he wishes Jimin and Yoongi could make it instead and he wishes with all his heart they would make it. .hoseok. Next to dancing, Hoseok likes to watch people dancing – and next to it, Hoseok likes to make people dance.Choreographing, in Hoseok’s sense, happens to fall into the third category and second and first category at the same time. Therefore he didn’t think twice on accepting their producer’s offer to be absorbed into the dance formation line as soon as his contract as Bangtan expired. It is the first decision he has done by not consulting anyone and two years have passed without him regretting an ounce of it.Hoseok is put in charge of their hoobae’s choreography for almost a year now, and only two months ago he is given another responsibility to train a bunch of boys for the next debut. That means twice the work but twice as chances, as he sees it. These boys – the trainees – are still eager eyed, the passionate glint that is getting dim in their sunbae’s eyes is still shining so bright, firing Hoseok up to come up with dance numbers that will show them in their highest potential.It’s almost as if raising children, Hoseok finds himself thinking sometimes before chuckling to himself. It seems like he has reached such age – to think of getting a family of his own.Sometimes, though, he still sees himself in one of the boys, and his former members in the others. Sometimes he stops himself just in time before he calls Jeonhyung as Jeongguk, sometimes he slips up and giggles apologetically to the 15-year-old. Sometimes the rapper Minjoo comes to him for some comments on his rap and Hoseok reminisces on the sleepless night with Namjoon and Yoongi as they worked on their respective parts.Sometimes he catches timid Taehwan stealing glances at the eldest Jikyung and Hoseok is reminded of their own Jimin and Yoongi.He wonders what he should do. He wonders if he could do anything at all.Hoseok prided himself as the observant one in Bangtan; he likes to think that he had seen everything. He saw Jeongguk and Taehyung pulling themselves right on the edge, he saw Jimin and Yoongi falling head first into the abyss.He wonders if he could save Taehwan and Jikyung this time around, or falling is the best for them.The other members might have thought that Jimin was the obvious one, the way he got so clingy with all the other members but skirted around Yoongi as if he would get electrocuted if he got too close, or the way his smile lit up that special way when it comes about the said rapper.Hoseok is inclined to disagree.Yoongi was – is – the obvious one. It was more apparent to Hoseok who had been with Yoongi among the original line-up of Bangtan, before the company decided to add some vocals in. Yoongi was easy to work with, passionate with his raps, helpful and full of ideas and he fell in line with other rappers and pulled Hoseok along without much effort at all. He needed his space when he was not working but Hoseok was fine with that because Yoongi had stayed when the other rapper left one by one, leaving only Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi from the original line.The addition of vocal line did not sit well with Yoongi but he said nothing about it. He was indifferent towards Jeongguk, and came off a bit intimidating to Taehyung, and respected Seokjin as the eldest – and adored Jimin.Hoseok had to stop and think for a while when he first noticed it; because Jimin and Seokjin had come around the same time. But over time it was clear; that it was Jimin who – unconsciously and definitely unintentionally – pulled Yoongi out of his safe zone, made the rapper smiles and laughs more, and appreciates other things beyond hip hops. Namjoon was too preoccupied to notice but Hoseok could not miss it even if he wanted to; the way Yoongi started to put more effort on dance, and showed more playful sides towards the younger members and spent a little bit more time with a certain dancer from Busan.Things flowed in such way it was beyond Hoseok’s control after that and even now he wonders if he had a control over it, would he make it any other way?Perhaps he could have made it less painful for both of them.Yes, Hoseok knows it’s painful because it was him Yoongi had come to – when they were sobering up after the disbandment party.“I want to stay with him,” the words had come out slurred, but sure – in a drawl that did not sound like Yoongi’s sober one.Hoseok did not have to ask who Yoongi meant, because there was always only one for Yoongi.“Then, stay,” Hoseok had said good-naturedly. “He would like it. I think he’d probably like it more than any other way.”Yoongi hung his head for a while, staring at the rough marble of the floor – Hoseok wondered if it’s the future that Yoongi was seeing, or the past. Either one had made Yoongi lost in thought anyway, and Hoseok waited, and waited.He was alarmed when Yoongi swayed on his spot, but breathed out in relief when Yoongi leaned his head on the wall of the stairs, apparently conscious.“Stay,” Yoongi repeated, his eyes glassy, though Hoseok was not sure if it’s drowsiness or sudden influx of emotions. “- and then, what? I have no idea of what to do with him – or for him – I only want to stay, want to keep him close but I can’t see where we would end; if we’ll make it to the end at all – if I don’t break him apart along the way. I don’t know what to do –““Then, stay,” Hoseok said it firmly this time, because Yoongi had made the decision for himself, even if he could not see it yet. “Stay and figure it out, hyung. Even if you won’t figure it out forever, you’ll find just staying is enough.”     .namjoon. Just staying is not enough.Namjoon does not consider staying as doing work, so staying is useless when it’s just staying. He realized it the first time when staying in Bangtan became merely staying, and nothing could be done to bring the group further when Jeongguk’s solo album sold more than they had expected, and Taehyung started to get more drama roles than he could handle and Yoongi’s idol mask was slipping and Namjoon’s sleepless night were filled with dreams about Hongdae again.The reaction was not all pretty – some fans accused him for using the members as stepping stones, and the news definitely made a lot of them cry – but then, life is not all pretty, anyway; especially when you return to the underground scene after years of being an idol.Nevertheless, staying, in that case, was fruitlessly futile so Namjoon chose not stay.There is a sense of comfort, though, to see his members all together in one room. It makes him feel like he can do anything and everything – and he knows he actually can, for he has gone through all of it. He doesn’t tell anyone, but he wants them to be there at his first official showcase with DNH more than anyone else. A part of him wants their approvals; another part is simply clinging for their supports, even if the line between the two is obscure.Taehyung’s absence is most regrettable, for the younger member has always liked his raps, continuously cited the Cyphers as his favourite tracks of their albums, and while Seokjin not attending is more expected – a man with a family, with a job to uphold, and expecting wife – it is no less disappointing. They make it up with countless messages on their KaTalk group, so Namjoon is consoled somehow.After the show, he makes way to the little corner where the rest are catching up with each other, Yoongi notices him first with a proud smile on his lips, nudging Hoseok next to him and there goes the sunshine-like smile that makes Namjoon all warm inside. Jimin gives an excited yelp when he realizes and proceeds to swing an arm around Namjoon’s neck before tightening the hold playfully. Namjoon splutters exaggeratedly and in the corner of his eyes he sees Jeongguk, whose chic smile can’t hide the shine in his eyes.And somehow it seems like a day hasn’t passed since their debut.Of course, when they start talking, it becomes apparent how much time has passed since then. Hoseok are full with praises for their hoobaes, and updates them all with the recent news of the people from their former management, while Jeongguk and Jimin are in charge of the closed door gossips on their fellow idols. Namjoon laughs at everything as he drowns down the beer, contentment bubbling in both his heart and mind.In the middle of conversation, Jimin sways a little on his seat, and leans on the maknae to avoid smashing his face on the table. Hoseok shakes his head and tactfully removes the beer from Jimin’s hand.“Still a lightweight, I see.” Yoongi snorts as he drowns his fifth glass.Namjoon might miss the way Jimin got all tense at the snide remark, muttering a quiet ‘shut up hyung’ onto Jeongguk’s shoulder – but he doesn’t miss how wrong those words sound as they fall carelessly from Yoongi’s lips.Namjoon, for one, happens to know that Yoongi should know if Jimin is still a lightweight. He happens to know that Yoongi is the one responsible for Jimin’s songs.When they laid out their respective plans for post-disbandment, Yoongi had listed out continuing the night radio DJ thing he has been doing for half a year while working on his own mixtapes. There was no talk about producing songs for other people at all, so when Namjoon first listened to Jimin’s debut song he immediately called their former producer for confirmation.(Even now he still questions himself on why he chose to call Bang Sihyuk over Yoongi himself, but he decided he has done the right thing.)Bang Sihyuk called him out for a drink later that day, and spilled everything. He seemed to think that Namjoon, out of everyone else, and regardless what Yoongi is thinking, deserves to know.It is beyond Namjoon why would Yoongi want to hide that single piece of information – Yoongi has produced quite a number of their songs, and written and composed a lot more; the fact that he has started writing for other people should not be that surprising – especially if it is for a former member. It would generate much interest, on the other hand; and it would do so much good to both Yoongi and Jimin.But it seems like Yoongi doesn’t want that. Namjoon fails to see the reason, even after all these while. Even after Jimin wins his first award, even after the sales buy Jimin the condo unit he is living in now, and the royalties for Yoongi’s new studio. It doesn’t make sense to Namjoon, who’s sharing an apartment with fellow DNH members now, spending the saving he’d earned from Bangtan days bit by bit as he does some freelancing, writing lyrics between gigs.There is no regret in his choice; just Yoongi is not making any sense.      Like right now when Jeongguk starts a conversation about Jimin’s songs and Yoongi changes the topic quite effortlessly, unabashed. Namjoon almost wants to call him out for that, because it is apparent even for the oblivious Namjoon that Jimin is offended.But this moment is precious. Just being here, talking together is something that should be appreciated and Namjoon would not do anything to ruin it. Because staying with each other is no longer possible, this little time they can spare for each other should be spend peacefully.It seems like the rest of them understand that, too; because Jeongguk drops the subject – almost unwillingly, and with a completely necessary roll of eyes – and Hoseok picks up the mood again and Jimin has a smile for them on the way already.Yoongi turns his head carelessly to Namjoon’s direction and their eyes meet for a split second before Yoongi gazes down to his drink instead.Namjoon might be mistaken, but for that split second he thought he has seen a flash of familiar look in Yoongi’s eyes.It is not unlike the look in his own eyes, albeit red-rimmed, on the mirror after a particularly hard, fruitless day; when he is frustrated by his own choices.Choices, however, are of own responsibilities. Namjoon has always lived with such a belief, so, no regrets are allowed.         .seokjin. No regrets, really – just a little, lingering longing, sometimes.Especially now when the KaTalk is buzzing with notifications, photos of Namjoon on stage and the boys – as he has always called them and forever will – together off stage, flooding the group chat. Lack of Taehyung in the photos make Seokjin feel less bad but not being the only one who was not there doesn’t make feeling like wanting to be there any less either.Because being with them is home. It’s where he belongs.“If you don’t stop smiling this once I’ll assume you’re cheating on me.”But this is also the home where he belongs; long legs sprawling on the couch, watching the night news as his wife brings him a cup of coffee to wash the dinner down.Seokjin welcomes Jihye into his side, wrapping an arm around her waist quite naturally, palm resting on the small baby bump, as he passes the phone to her. A photo of Jimin grinning stupidly to the camera greets her, and the smile is proven infectious as Seokjin watches it spreads on his wife’s face, making her as beautiful as ever.Her thumb slides on the screen for the next photo and toothy Jimin is replaced by the maknae making chic face.“This is the maknae, right?” Jihye asks as she rakes her brain for a name. “J-Jimin?”Seokjin laughs, the thought of Jeongguk’s reaction to be mistaken as Jimin amuses him. “It’s Jeongguk.”Jihye grins apologetically but Seokjin knows better than to take any offence. Just like how he wants to build a life outside of his idol days, Jihye doesn’t know much about his boys more than random names.“That’s Jimin,” he quips helpfully at one solo shot of Jimin as Jihye continues to browse.“Oh,” Jihye nods. She stares at the photo some more as if to get Jimin’s features ingrained into her mind. “He looks like the moodmaker of the group.”Seokjin reminisces on how Jimin has always had making them laugh as his goal, and nods to confirm the fact. Jimin had come to join the group a little over a month after himself, and while Seokjin had claimed the resident princess spot at once due to his age and inability to keep his critical remarks to himself, Jimin had climbed his way up to member’s ranking of favourite people with the eyes smiles that he was so generous with, and how he was so ready to please everyone that came his way.And how he worked so hard that he actually drove the other members to work just as hard as not to disappoint him. Seokjin knows Jimin had thought it was the other way round, though. He knows for a fact that Jimin spent every second available to practise as to not to mess up in any least possible way and let them down.Seokjin, and the rest of the members, had been spending the whole time convincing Jimin that he was doing well enough – but they have never succeeded till the very end.“I wonder,” Jihye starts, pulling back Seokjin’s attention to her and he realizes that she has done scrolling through the photos. “What kind of member Jin was in Bangtan?”“A princess with shoulders wider than the world,” Seokjin deadpans and both of them laugh. Jihye rests her head on one of those shoulders as Seokjin pulls her closer. “A replaceable member who was only there because they were too kind to replace me.”“I’m sure it’s not like that.”Seokjin wonders – if it isn’t like that. It is true, though, that Seokjin couldn’t rap to save his life, and could barely dance to look decent, and was the weakest of the vocal line. It was frustrating, because everyone else shone so bright and Seokjin wanted to be up to the par with them.He was probably the one who understood Jimin the most, even if he had never said it out loud.“Jin was,” Seokjin contemplates if he should use is , “the oldest member who was in charge of being pretty and awkward” – Jihye laughs and nods eagerly as if agreeing – “and the only who can prepare a decent meal that is not sandwiches, who nagged even if no one was actually listening because Yoongi was the one with that privilege, even though we both almost always let them all go wild instead because it was so tiring trying to constrain them, and the only reason why Jeongguk keep his formalities at all because that one time he actually pleaded to start talking banmal ‘for a closer bond’ as if I would actually accept that.”Seokjin huffs in annoyance at the memory and Jihye chuckles. He stares off the space before he continues.“Jin also the one who watched everyone sprint as he tried to catch up with them with everything he had because he wanted to be with them no matter what.”Because that was how it was like – because when schedules kept piling and sleep was scarce, and he had to survive with only salad without dressings to shed the unwanted meat clinging to his bones so that he could probably dance better, when his inability to move his limbs the way Hoseok or Jimin or any other normal people has nothing to do with that, or when their vocal instructor sighed at the recording he had strained his throat practising for or even when he listened to his own recordings – he had wanted to call it quit then.  He wanted to throw everything away and just give up, because awards and fans’ adoration probably were not worth it to constantly feel so pathetic – but Yoongi sat through his rants about everything under the sun, and Namjoon never failed to consult him even in things Seokjin had no idea about, and Hoseok come up with easy methods for him to master the dances and explained it to him during lunch, and Jimin made everything easier with just being there while Taehyung kept his mind off the work when they talk about the coming animation films, as Jeongguk quietly did the chores to make him happy.And they teased him for being the dance black hole in addition of being awkward on broadcast all throughout their career but had always made him feel needed in the group – so Seokjin had wanted to be with them as long as it took, because it had felt like home. They had felt like home.“I’m sure you’ve done your best,” Jihye says gently, her breath tickling his neck, her hand warm on his own. “I’m sure the others understand that as well.”Seokjin knows they do, and he is glad Jihye knows exactly what to say. It feels like home now with Jihye, a different home as it was with Bangtan but a home nevertheless.He thinks of Jimin as he hums in agreement; he wishes someday Jimin would believe it if such words are being said to him, that someday Jimin would have someone to say such words in a way he would believe them– that someday Jimin would find his own home as well. .yoongi. Someday, Yoongi adds in to the long list of his promises, he would say “let’s go home” instead of masking it with “I’ll send you home”.Jimin probably has had enough by then, before he gets to fulfil any of them but he adds it in anyway.“Go wash up and sleep,” he tells the younger man, who is sprawling face first on the couch where Yoongi dumps him, having no longer strength to support the weight, even if Jimin is not that heavy.Jimin grunts and makes no further movement and Yoongi sighs. There’s no helping to it when Jimin got himself dead drunk like that; he knows more than anyone – after all these nights Jimin come home from his end of promotions parties. So he hauls Jimin up again, despite the protest from his sore hips and drags him to the bedroom, taking off the leather jacket Jimin has been donning before he plops him down onto the bed.“Get changed,” Yoongi throws a pair of boxers to Jimin’s direction, even though Jimin could probably just sleep in those tight jeans, considering the state he is in now. “Park Jiminnie, do you hear me?”There is another grunt as a response and it’s the best he could get so Yoongi grabs a towel and heads to the bathroom.  Jimin is deep asleep when Yoongi returns in his sleepwear, giving his damp hair a last tousle before discarding the towel carelessly. He kicks Jimin’s jeans that’s lying on floor, pleased that Jimin has listened to him at least but shakes his head to see the untouched blanket at the foot of the bed. He climbs onto the bed and pulls the comforter up to cover both of them.“Brat,” he sighs softly as he rests his head on the pillow, his muscles rejoicing at the contact of the fluffy surface.Jimin has always been a brat – and Yoongi has always been in love with the said brat.  It’s an unconventional love but Yoongi never wants to live his life the way others do anyway so it sits well to him; his sexuality.It isn’t about being in love with a man, really, Yoongi could not care less about that. It’s the fact that he is in love with Park Jimin.If he is to put it simply, he would want to give Jimin the world because Jimin deserves at least that. He would want to give Jimin everything, the best while at it.Only that he has nothing to offer, nothing at his disposal.Jimin deserves as much as Yoongi is flawed; and Yoongi would never forgive himself for keeping Jimin for himself, for being so selfish all this time.But how could he let go, really, Yoongi is reminded again, as he watches Jimin’s slightly parted lips, eliciting light snore as he sleeps – when Jimin was the one who made him change his mind and gave the newly introduced line-up of the group a chance, and it ended up being the best decision he had ever made? Jimin who sent lengthy messages of apology when Yoongi leashed out on him even at those time Jimin was not at fault, Jimin who asked for hip hop playlists recommendation every now and then, and listened attentively as Yoongi rambled on his favourites, Jimin who had come home with him at wee hours of days, practising his dance as Yoongi worked on his tracks, Jimin, sweet Jimin who loved him despite the fact that Yoongi never knew how to love, who had jumped head first with him in this endless pit of relationship despite being so scared – how could he let such a Jimin go?Yoongi finds it very accurate to call it an endless pit of a relationship, because he could not see the end at all, it is all dark in front of them, confusing and scary.He could not see the end at all, but he knows it is there.Writing Jimin songs, is nothing but an excuse. They all have promised to keep in touch, but the thing that is going on between Yoongi and Jimin is not a friendship spawned out of years working together as the rest of the members, it is something way more fragile so Yoongi did not want to take chances of drifting apart, and thus he writes him songs. He has lots of songs written for Jimin, after all.He has wished that it is enough, just being able to see each other almost every day when Jimin is in the country, and for him to return home from his midnight radio show to Jimin waiting on the bed, to hold Jimin during the coldest of the nights and to watch him sleep when his eyes refuse to close.At most of the time it feels enough for him – but he watches as Jimin grows frustrated days by days, as people around pressure him about his secret music angel, asking for contacts, and when he has to lie to the members in their group chat, and sometimes his parents, when he is with Yoongi.Yoongi catches him browsing through their photos in his phone more than once, and the fact that he has no one to share those photos with hit him with a pang.Someday, he mulls in his head every time, someday he will let Jimin tell them – will tell them personally – someday, when he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, when he is sure he can gives Jimin at least his share of happiness.That’s the first of his long list of promises, and many among them too, piles of same promises repeated again and again over the years.Yoongi just hopes Jimin would stay until then.  There is something about tonight, though, that makes Yoongi feels like the light is probably there all this time, only he is too blinded to see it.There is something in Jeongguk’s frown when he averted the topic on Jimin’s songs, something in Hoseok’s resigned shake of head, something in Namjoon’s knowing look that makes Yoongi feels like they have always been there in the end of the tunnel, ready to pull both of them out.Yoongi sighs, conflicted, and his phone buzzes on the night stand as if on cue.The photo spam from tonight is over half an hour ago so the new notification is for a selca of Taehyung – a good night selca as he calls it in his message, along with his nth apology for not attending the showcase. Yoongi gives a quiet chuckle; Taehyung never lets a case go easily. Hoseok replies with a selca of his own, followed by Namjoon with his waive on Taehyung’s apology and a thanks for those who came again. Jeongguk posts one of him doing a peace sign on his bang, his face conveniently cut out – “make-up free now, one of you might use this as a blackmail so no face allowed – namjoon-hyung great showcase, taehyung-hyung you suck. everyone goodnight”.  Seokjin’s photo comes next, top of his wife’s head poking at the bottom of the photo; “she refuses to let goㅠㅠㅠ next time let’s go somewhere all together goodnight!!!”That leaves only both of them not replying. Yoongi could simply post his at the very moment but Jimin would be upset next morning to know he misses this little event, Yoongi is so sure of it he could almost see the frown now.A thought brushes past his mind and he almost laughs out loud for the absurdity – only that it doesn’t seem that absurd the second time he ponders it over.It might just be the very thing he should do.He gives it another two seconds of contemplating before deciding to go the fuck with it.  Jimin should have woke up to the shutter when Yoongi snaps their photo together, or he should have woke up when Yoongi curses his uncoordinated thumbs for hitting wrong characters, or at least when Yoongi throws the phone under the pillow, switched off, after the message is sent, as he buries his face into the fluffiness and shuts his system down to sleep.But no, Jimin doesn’t wake up then – he wakes up the next morning, to a bad case of headache and a badly lit but well captured photo of him sleeping, Yoongi smiling next to him, captioned “lightweight brat is already out namjoon you dope good night from both of us” in their group KaTalk.He wakes up on his someday, and Yoongi’s someday – their someday.