[IV] (1/1)

Seulgi turns around on her bed as she flips the page of the book Joohyun gave her. Her mind is still racing about all the things that have just happened in one day.She had her first date with Joy.Joohyun had kissed her.And after that, they sat down together at the tea table. Joohyun had told her what being polyamorous is and explained her past experiences in polyamorous relationships. Her mind wanders to the conversation they had."It started when I was in L.A." Joohyun was staring down at her hands that were around the teacup. "I was taking a music master's degree when I met Soojung. Her name overseas was 'Krystal'." Seulgi found endearing the way Joohyun smiled at her memories, even if she couldn't keep her heart from beating faster because of the little anxiety she was feeling over having kissed Joohyun."She was kind and caring. There was something soft about her that made her so... unique, you know?" There was something tender about the way she talked about her, but it still had some bittersweetness at how her tone sounded. "I was freaking out a little when I realized that I liked her and that maybe, maybe she could like me back."Joohyun started to look sadder as she kept on with the story. "I haven't thought about this for a long while. Sorry, I don't know why I'm doing this."Seulgi reached out and placed her hand on top of Joohyun's, trying to be reassuring. "No, please. Go on. I need to know more about this."Joohyun nodded and she shortly bit on her lower lip as she tried to find the right words. "And suddenly, one day, I was in this very same position. I kissed her and she told me she was seeing someone else, but she said something that made the situation different from this one. She told me that it was okay. That she had already told Amber about me and that she has told her that she liked me." Joohyun grinned at her memory. "And Amber wanted to meet me and get to know me. At that time, Amber was also going out with a girl named Victoria.""So how...?" Seulgi muttered, instinctively bringing a hand to the back of her neck. "So, I mean, how did it work?"Joohyun chuckled. "At first, I was a little bit lost. I was young and I got jealous easily. I liked Krystal a lot but our relationship wasn't as solid yet. We started dating and we took it slowly before she finally introduced me to Amber. And... when I met her, everything started to be easier, because I could see why Krystal was in love with her. She was smart, funny... We shared the same passion for rap music. Before I could even realize, I was also dating her. I started changing my jealousy for compersion.""Compression?""No, it's compersion. It's when you actually feel happy that the other person is being in another relationship and that's making her happy. It's quite the opposite of jealousy." Joohyun played with Seulgi's fingers and that made her ears burn. "Imagine that... Joy was her name, right?" She asked, trying to make sure she got the name right. "Imagine that Joy meets another girl or perhaps a boy, and you can see how happy she is when she talks about them to you." Seulgi tried to imagine it and her first reaction was to feel a pinch of jealousy. However, she reasoned with herself and she tried to get the biggest picture of that hypothetical situation. She imagined meeting Joy and seeing her smile. She could see the other side of what she wasn't witnessing right now: that excitement over the first date.Maybe it was because of the accident, but what Joohyun was telling her started to sound... okay at least."I guess... that if she's happy... I would be happy too?" Seulgi tilted her head to the side, not sure if that was what she felt. Joohyun shrugged and she let go of her hand as she stood up. She walked to the nearest bookshelf and she didn't have to think much to get a book she knew where stood."When Krystal first told me about polyamory, she gave me this book. I think it could help you." That's what Seulgi has been doing ever since she got home that afternoon. Seulgi leaves the book open on her chest, she opens the browser on her phone and searches for that word they talked about, Compersion, finding a Wikipedia log for Polyamory. Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship.I guess it sounds legit. She tries to imagine it again and she closes her eyes to concentrate. She's with Joy. They are sitting on the couch and Seulgi has her arm around her shoulders. Joy is leaning her head on her chest and she's telling her about the man she met at the ice cream store. She positions herself in Joy's position and tries to imagine her with that faceless man. The first feeling she gets is that something is just wrong, but when she tries to go further to it, she keeps seeing Joy's smile, Joy's playful teasing tone as she's flirting with that man. Seulgi doesn't feel so bad. She even begins to like it."Maybe the accident does help." Joohyun had reasoned as she played with a lock of her hair. They walked to the front door. "It gives you distance and focuses on what's important. You only live once, you know? You can't live a life on 'what if's."What mattered the most to Seulgi, was what Joohyun said when they were sharing their goodbyes by the door. "Look, I don't want you to think that you have to be polyamorous just to be with me. It's just that I want you to give it a thought, just in case it's something that would work for you. I like you, Seulgi, but I don't want to be a burden to you.""You would never be a burden to me. I'm... I... Thank you, Joohyun. I got a lot of things to consider but I'm glad you told me all about this."Joohyun frowned and it was something that looked adorable on her. "I like you, too. You matter to me." Seulgi reassured her and, being bold for once in her life, she pressed a short kiss on Joohyun's cheek. "It's just that I got to think about it."Joohyun looked like she was short-circuiting and even though she was blushing she still managed to smile back at her.It's not a matter of deciding who I'm going to date. It's a matter of deciding that I don't have to decide and date the two of them.Seulgi's mind has been a mess for the last hours, going back and forth over the conversation she had with Joohyun. She decides that she needs some coffee. She wants to finish the book tonight. She needs answers and the book might have them.The book is a romantic novel with a cheesy cover that had a girl in the middle, looking intensely at another girl as a man kissed her cheek. They were standing in some... seashore? Seulgi doesn't know but she could care less. The story in the book is a little bit similar to Joohyun's story. The girl, Alyssa, was in her first year of college and she met a lot of new people. She changed the way she usually was and she was trying to be more outgoing. She started going to parties and she met a boy at some party of a frat. They had a one night stand but they started to date shortly after.Now Alyssa has a roommate who's name is Nataly and even though it had been hinted, Seulgi is shocked to find that Nataly has been crushing on Alyssa. That's where the drama of the book begins and Seulgi needs coffee if she wants to keep reading it to find out why is it so important that Joohyun has given her this book.She gets out of her room and she collides with something as soon as she gets to the hallway, knocking her to the ground. That something turns out to be someone as she finds that she's lying on top of Yerim."Oh, shit," she mutters as she holds her hip, but she tries to get up as soon as possible and helps her friend up. "Are you okay?""Yeah.""I thought you were asleep?""I was!" Yerim exclaims, her eyes widening. "But I got restless and I realized that I was hungry. So I was going to get an after-midnight snack. Maybe something from McDonald's or something like that. Do you want something?""Hmmm..." Seulgi brings a finger to her chin. "Maybe some Pringles? Or some cold coffee.""Coffee?" Yerim is weirded by the suggestion. "What are you even awake at this hour?""I was reading a book." Yerim shrugs. "It must be a good one to make you stay awake until 3:00 AM." Seulgi lets out a sound, sounding like 'meh'. "I've had better.""Okay." Yerim plays with the car keys in her hands. "So some Pringles and cold coffee it is, right?" "Yes, please. And thank you." Seulgi walks by Yerim to go to the kitchen. Yerim turns around and looks at Seulgi, a grin appearing on her face. "You're welcome. I'll be back!" Yerim shouts as she gets out of the door.Seulgi starts the coffee machine and she goes back to her room to retrieve Joohyun's book. She keeps reading it in the kitchen.The plot has some holes and she's amused to find some notes on the sides, some written by Irene and some written by Krystal, that made her laugh. Has this even been checked by the publishing house? - I.I guess they fell asleep when they read the first draft. - K.On the next page, Krystal had written: Nevermind, I looked it up. It's self-published and it once was a One Direction + You + Taylor Swift fanfiction. - K.Which member of One Direction? - I.Harry Styles. - K.I knew it!!!!!!!!! - I.Lol, you're a cutie. - K.There's a heart drawn next to the K of Krystal's signature that seems from a different day. There's something about the way they interact that makes Seulgi happy. Even though it was a past relationship and she knew that Joohyun is no longer with her, seeing the way they talked to each other through reading and re-reading the same book and commenting on it. Maybe this is the compersion Joohyun told me about. Seulgi has tears in her eyes when she reaches the few last pages of the book.Do you understand it now? - K.I do. I love you. And I love her, too. - I.In the book, Nataly had been running away from her feelings towards the guy because even though they are in a polyamorous relationship, Alyssa had always been the centre of it. Alyssa was the one who dated the two of them at the same time, so Nataly found it unbelievable that she could also fall for the guy. In the end, they talk it out and Alyssa is happy that Nataly is also falling for the guy. So that's compersion... - I. That's it, babe. - K.It ends with a cheesy quote that brings back to the beginning of the book, but Seulgi is crying not because of the contents of the book itself, but because of having read Irene and Krystal's story along with the one in the book.Now I wish you had introduced me to Amber earlier. I wish I was as lucky as Nataly, who knew Harry Styles at the same time as she knew Alyssa. I know that I would have fallen for her the same way I fell for you. - I.Some things are meant to go at their own pace I guess... But we're together now and that's what matters.I love you, Irene. - KSeulgi drinks the last sip of her coffee and she closes the book, leaving it on the table. She takes a pencil on her hand and she goes to the last page. She writes as she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.I think I understand it now, too.Thank you, Joohyun.- SeulgiJust in time, she hears Yerim's keys opening the door. She wipes her tears away with both her hands and caresses the cover of the book. It has been intense. She opens her phone to check what time it was: 4:22 AM.Yerim has been gone for long. Was she sneaking to see someone? Seulgi opens her Kakaotalk and finds a new message from Joy.Hey cutie! I have a day off tomorrow! Do you want to meet? :D - Joy.Before she answers, her phone buzzes with a new message from Joohyun. Is she awake too?I can't sleep. I'm sorry that I've caused you trouble... I just like you a lot. - Joohyun.I hope the book helps you. - Joohyun.You're a good girl and I know whatever you decide, I'll be happy for you as long as you are. - Joohyun.Seulgi bits on her lip as she writes her answer. I can't sleep either. Your book really helped me... Thank you - Seulgi.I'm thinking about doing like the protagonist in the book... and maybe talk with the two of you. Tomorrow? - Seulgi.I like you, too. I want this to work... I just hope no one gets hurt. I'm really clumsy when it comes to love. - Seulgi.She watches the screen as Joohyun types her answer, but she gets interrupted with a soft knock on the door. "Yerim, come in." She says without giving it much thought, her eyes never leaving the screen.Then there's another knock. "I said come in, Yerim."And another knock."Yerim, you runt," Seulgi mutters as she leaves the phone locked on top of her bed. She opens the door but her mind can't process who she's seeing."Seungwan...." Blonde hair and perfect smile greet her in the darkness of the hallway, her face lighted up by the dim lights of Seulgi's room."You wanted Pringles and cold coffee, right?" Seungwan asks as she shows her the two objects in her hands. Seulgi can't help but cry. It's just who she needed to see right now. She pulls the girl into a bone-breaking hug, lifting her in the air and spinning. Seungwan chortles. "Let me down! I'm still dizzy because of the aeroplane." "Never!" Seulgi laughs through her tears as she keeps spinning her around and into the room. The two of them laugh out loud, happy to be seeing each other. Seulgi pulls away but places her hands on her friend's hamster cheeks. None of them cares that the Pringles and the coffee are now lying on the floor. "But how...? Is this the surprise you told me about.""Well, yeah..." Seulgi can see how Seungwan swallows and looks down at Seulgi's lips. "It's part of it, yeah."Seungwan puts her hands on Seulgi's neck and lets out a sigh. Seulgi is hypnotized when she looks at her in the eyes. Her best friend, the person she needed most ever since the accident, is standing right in front of her."Seulgi, are you listening?"Seulgi shakes her head, trying to keep herself awake. "I'm sorry, what did you say?""Seulgi..." Seungwan sighs again. "This is hard for me already to say.""What?" Seulgi mutters, dumbfounded."I'm in love with you, Seulgi."She feels how Seungwan's hands are trembling against her neck. Her best friend turns into an afraid puppy right in front of her eyes. "I've known all this time, but when you had the car-crash... Gods, I was so afraid I could lose you. I bought the first ticket I could to get here and tell you. Gods, I'm so stupid. I should have told you before none of this happened. Yerim already told me you are dating a girl named Joy. And I'm really happy for you but I really needed to get this out of my chest. And I know you may not feel the same way but-"Seulgi can't let her finish that sentence. She presses a finger on Seungwan's lips to silence her. She feels Seungwan holding her breath as she holds her face. She leans in and presses a kiss.It's short, it's sweet, but it's so Seungwan.It's home."I'm in love with you, silly. I've always been." Seungwan's eyes widen and she doesn't know what to say."Since when?" Seungwan manages to get out."Ever since I met you on that school field trip." Seulgi grins at the memory of little Seungwan, the prettiest girl and the most popular girl in school, who was suddenly spending time with her. "Oh god, I'm so glad," Seungwan mutters and this time it's her who kisses her.This time it feels passionate. It reminds her of the way Joohyun had kissed her. Joohyun...Seulgi pulls away and reaches for her phone, leaving Seungwan a little bit taken back. She reads Joohyun's new message.You would never hurt me. I will be fine with whatever you decide. - Joohyun.I would love to meet her... if you are okay with that, of course. - Joohyun.I'll go try to get some rest. Sleep well, Seulgi <3 - Joohyun."Hey... what is it?" Seungwan's expressive eyebrows furrow at Seulgi's sudden action."There's... There's so much I have to tell you about." Seulgi pulls Seungwan by her hand. That's when she sees the Pringles can and the cold coffee on the floor. She picks them up and leaves them on the table. She then guides Seungwan to sit with her on the bed.She sighs and tries to clear her mind before asking her right away."First of all... Have you ever heard of polyamory?"