[M] The Sad Truth (1/2)

Woohyun was laying on the bed.

His eyes were closed

And his breathing was steady.His scars were deeper and larger,

And his knees were covered in crusted blood.

Sunggyu felt terrible.

So terrible he wanted to disappear

And never come back. But he had been keeping the secret from Woohyun for too long,

And he knew it was time to tell him the truth. He knew that if he didn't say it then,

He never would.

Even though Woohyun's heart was broken already,

Sunggyu knew he had to break it into nonexistence

If Woohyun was ever going to heal.

He placed his hand on Woohyun's shoulder

And shook him lightly,

Cooing his name all the while. Woohyun let out a soft groan

And opened his eyes.

His face looked almost tranquil

Despite the blanket of tangled emotions choking him from within. His look of feigned serenity made the weight of Sunggyu's task

And of his heart

Seem all the more unbearable.

"Woohyun," Sunggyu began,

Absorbing the warmth of Woohyun's through his fingertips -

Letting the warmth fill him with sorrowful, sympathetic courage and selfish hope. "I have something to tell you. It may break your heart,

But you need to know the truth.

I've tried to tell you this for the past seven months,

Ever since the first day you cried over her absence

And said you would never be the same...But I never could build up the courage to tell you...

To tell you what you needed to hear. And that was selfish of me,

Because you of all people deserved to know...You were the only one who needed to know.

All I ask is, please...

Don't hate me for not telling you sooner. Because I just couldn't find the heart

To break yours.

Even though you needed to know."

"I promise I won't hate you.

Not now,

Not ever."

With those words -

With tears on the rim of his eyelids -

Sunggyu got up

And walked into the kitchen. He opened a cabinet

And pulled out a piece of paper.He returned to the bedroom with the paper against his chest.

It was a newspaper article. Woohyun's eyes saw the title of the article

Even from the other side of the paper,

And the words he read burned holes into his skin:

A Light Goes Out Forever

Woohyun's eyes were wide with questions.Sunggyu looked at him

And then looked down at the article.

With a shudder,

The tears fell from his eyes. He choked on the tears

And let them fill his voice and his heart

As he read aloud the article to Woohyun.

Woohyun remained perfectly still

And utterly heartbroken

As he let the words fill him one by one.

Everything made sad sense. Woohyun's tears were spilt in recognition of the sad truth,

In mourning of her memory,

And in acceptance of the truth

He had always known

In the back of his mind,

Right where her face had always been -

Right in the place he could never reach

But could still feel each and every day.

The truth was sad;

He was as sad as the truth,

Sad by the truth,

Sad for the girl behind the truth.

He shed his tears quietly

As the words wrapped him in heavy sorrow and deep regret. When Sunggyu had finished reading,

He shed his tears along with Woohyun

And just held him. Quietly. With all the comfort he could give. That was what Woohyun needed then.

Comfort.

But as he stayed wrapped in Sunggyu's arms,

His thoughts were only of her,

And the words of the article elicited his thoughts one by one

Until he was filled with only images of her face

And only feelings of dormant happiness,

Happiness so bittersweet and untouchable...

So vague...

Almost unrecognizable...The truth covered the happiness.

The truth was sad

And so was he.   Murder and magic, tragedy and hope: that is what police officers say they witnessed on the frozen midnight of Friday, 8 January. The victim was as much a mystery as her disappearance; nobody knows her name or where she came from. Her fingerprints do not match any of those on police records - a mystery indeed. But even more inexplicable than her seemingly spontaneous appearance on the face of the earth was the nature of hear leave - a leave that gave hope to all. Her grand exit was mystifying, to say the least, but the events leading up to her death were horrid and unimaginable. Such a death showed that even the otherworldly are not exempt from the experience of humankind's cruelty. She was found in an outhouse in the woods. Her body was curled up, like a fetus in the womb, waiting to enter into life. She was found naked and bloodied, just like a newborn baby. Her skin had been cut by sharp objects many, many times: deeply, carelessly. Pieces of severed skin hung from her arms, and her legs were covered in dark purple bruises and red scars that must have screamed in dizzying pain when she could still stand up. Her body was covered up and down, from back to front with blood; blood was smeared all over her face and hands. She was smiling in death; she showed no signs of suffering. She was found in darkness, but police officers say they could have sworn her scars were glowing. Like a dim light, she shone even in death. According to officer Kim Jong Shin, she had been kidnapped and held hostage for two months. She had been raped and tortured repeatedly and, judging by the emaciated look of her body, had received very little food or water in return for her forced favors. "It was a terrible sight to see," officer Jong Shin commented. "To purposefully, selfishly destroy a young woman who was once so beautiful and innocent... it makes me feel shame in our society. What have we reduced ourselves to if we steal women and hurt them, manipulate them, degrade them to get our way? It's sickening. It's terribly, horribly, embarrassingly sickening." Officers believe the cause of death was most likely shock, as blood tests resulted negative for toxins, and there were no fatal wounds found on the body. "She died of a weak heart," officer Lee Jae Hyun informed. "She died because she wanted to - because she was tired of the torture, and because she had given up hope. Her heart died before she did; her heart was broken by her rapists in their efforts to satisfy their animal desires. I cannot think of a worse way to die: rid of hope, absent of life, and all alone." When officer Jong Shin leaned down close to her corpse, he noticed a note in her hands. The note was a drawing of a man: a man who seemed to be glowing in a backdrop of darkness. His arms were covered in scars. Looking at her corpse and at the drawing, officer Jong Shin realized that the scars were in the same places on her arms as they were on the arms of the man in the picture. "That's how I knew the man was really important to her," Jong Shin said of the coincidence. "That's how I knew I had to keep the picture safe for the man to find it someday." At the bottom of the picture were the words "light in darkness; find a way home." As officer Jong Shin read the words aloud to the other officers, the body of the unknown girl burst into flame. "All of a sudden I felt heat," officer Jae Hyun began, "and when I turned around, I saw a brilliant fire that could make even the sun envious. Suddenly the whole world seemed full of light. It was a scene I'll never forget as long as I live." "Her fire was bright and smelled of hope," Jong Shin recalled as a tear rolled down his cheek. "The smell of hope permeated the air long after the outhouse burned down and her fire went out. It reminded me of all the good things I have in my life and made the bad seem hazy and distant. I felt changed after that moment; now I only see light." Police officers tried to salvage her burning body, but the outhouse caught fire quickly and they were forced to retreat. The outhouse fell in a matter of seconds, leaving the burning body exposed to the darkness of the woods for a few moments. Then, just as unexpectedly as the body caught fire, the fire was extinguished. Nothing but ashes were left on the ground; even the ashes seemed to glow like a small fire. Officer Jong Shin gathered the ashes and placed them carefully, lovingly into a small, white container. After her ashes were collected, the policemen were overcome by a wave of clenching emotion. "I felt love; hatred; sadness; joy; uncertainty; peace. All at an instance," Jae Hyun said as he looked at the drawing of the man covered in scars on officer Jong Shin's desk. "But most of all, I felt hope. Hope for something bigger than myself, for something I do not know or understand. I just felt it, and it moved me to tears." As officer Jong Shin placed the small container of ashes on a shelf in his office, he turned to me and said as if separated from reality:"I've been thinking about the smile on her face - how she could have been smiling at the moment of death - and I think I understand it now. By her picture, she was looking for light. She must have seen it, must have found it just before death's darkness crept up on her and consumed her. I think that because her body had disappeared in light, and knowing that gives me hope that she had found light, seen light, touched light, felt light - and she was kind enough to share the light she had found with us, just before it would be lost... forever."   Sunggyu looked at Woohyun.

Woohyun looked back at him

But not at him at all.

Sunggyu moved closer to him

And placed his hand on top of Woohyun's.

Woohyun did not flinch.

He was sitting somewhere else.

"Woohyun...

I'm sorry," Sunggyu said in a whisper. That was all he could say.

He felt guilty for hiding the truth from Woohyun for so long.

He waited for Woohyun to show signs of life,

But Woohyun had left for another life,

A different life -

A life in his head.

Sunggyu could not hold back his guilt any longer.His body lurched forward and his chest fell against Woohyun's.

He wrapped his arms around Woohyun's shoulders

And cried into his chest. He knew Woohyun didn't notice

But he didn't care.He just needed to hold him,

To know that he was still here

If only in the flesh.

"I'm so sorry, Woohyun," Sunggyu said between sobs

Over and over again

Into the bare skin of Woohyun's neck. "I'm so, so sorry."   My love,

You are gone. My love,

You are lost.

My love...I could have found you.

Bad men, bad men.

They wreak of death,

They wreak of sin.

You warned me of their coming,

But I did not understand your words. I could have saved you.

Why didn't I run after you?

Four hands

And they take.They do not know what is not theirs.

They took you for granted.

They took your soul

And left your body to rot.

You were always a woman of spirit.

You must have felt so empty without a soul.

Now I know why you made love to me so hastily,

So anxiously that night.

I am honored to be your first experience,

Your induced state of ecstasy,

Your altered consciousness - The owner of your innocence.

Only you gave me your innocence.

I did not have to steal it from you.I respected you enough to let you keep it.

Dark all around.

A sheet? Blindfold?

They wouldn't let you see.

They took you and blinded you

And hid you in darkness.

They didn't know how familiar you were with darkness.Only I know that.

I know you more than anyone else -

I knew you more...

Hands, hands,

Hands all over.Cold and callus,

Hands rub and rouse

And explore what is not theirs.

I remember your hands on me.They felt so good,

So right on my skin.

I bet their hands burned. I wish I could have soothed your skin.

Animals without dignity,

Animals without decency.

They were nothing but animals. They wanted you by their nature