Light in Darkness (1/2)

He was crying when I found him;

He had been lost.I was seventeen years old then.

Woohyun was only fifteen,

But he had already experienced much more pain of heart

Than I could have ever thought possible to experience.

Woohyun was a child unwanted. His parents tried to forget about having him.

They ignored him when he called their names

And scoffed when he told them he loved them.

His father never believed that he would mature successfully, gracefully,

And every day he told his son how useless he was to the family. To him, Woohyun was just a mouth to feed,

A burden to raise for another three years until he could be forced to live on his own.

His parents never listened to him,

Never showed concern for him,

Never told him that they loved him,

And never supported him in any of his decisions.

Woohyun was always alone at home

Because his parents made it that way;

They liked it that way.

The loneliness was too much for Woohyun to bear,

And every day I would see him cry. He would release, tear drop by tear drop,

The personal frustration,

The anger towards his parents,

The sadness of being unwanted,

The worry of being alone and ignorant.

He sat under a large tree in the center of the park,

Held his head in his hands,

And just cried himself deeper into perpetual self-hatred,

Into feeling that life was cruel to him

Because he was not meant to be a part of it.

I saw him, day after day,

Offering himself up to the earth and the sky,

Hoping to find within them a home -

A place to belong. And every day his wishes would remain wishes,

And his tears would change nothing.

It was raining that morning;

The sky was dark and the air was cold. I was running because I was late;

I was running so fast I almost didn't see him.

As I approached the tree I always ran by to get to school -

The tree he always sat underneath to cry -

I noticed something lying on the ground.

I slowed my pace to satisfy my curiosity,

But what I found was more horrifying than satisfying.

Woohyun was lying in the grass -

Unconscious, Unresponsive,

Rain-soaked and torn to pieces. The skin covering his arms and legs was severed from his body,

And he was floating in an ocean of mixed blood, rain, and dirt.

He was bleeding from his mouth and nose;

His eye was black and his neck was bruised;

And lying innocently, mockingly next to him was a small switchblade,

Whose glimmer caught my eye and sent me into shock -

Evoked a wave of panic strong enough to collapse my lungs.My heart stopped beating when I saw him.It was that feeling that renders the body lifeless in a single instance

And makes the mind flash memories like lighting,

Just to ensure that what is remembered

Is what life was like

Before it is lost

Forever.

I was paralyzed.

I knew I had to run.

I had to find help. I could not leave him alone.

I had to save him.

He needed help.

I ran as fast I could,

Crying, "Help! Help, somebody! Anybody, please! Help! I need help!"

Time was nonexistent as I pulled a man, a kind stranger,

To the spot where Woohyun was laying.The rain was nothing but fantasy

As the paramedics rushed to him and lifted his body onto the stretcher.

I could almost see through his skin,

I could almost feel his blood running down my hands,

Hear his sobs echo in my ears...But I could feel his sadness, his frustration, his fear, his pain,

All strangling me from the inside,

All pushing me closer to him by force -

A force that could not be fought;

A force I was not going to fight.

I still remember thinking as the ambulance pulled away with his beaten and bloodied body in the back,

His life in the hands of machines and his parents blissfully unaware:

'Please make it.

Please, please make it. I...I need you to make it.

Please.'

I went to the hospital the next day. I could not stop thinking about him for even a second -

Not able to forget the image of his body,

Destroyed and left to rot,

Under the tree that housed all of his sadness,

The tree that was unable to keep him dry in the pouring rain.

When he woke up,

I was standing at the door. He stared at me blankly,

For to him I was still a stranger.

I walked into the room slowly

And told him that I was the one who found him laying the grass -

The one who cried for help

And saved his life.

After he had heard me say that,

He parted his chapped lips to speak

And said four simple words that I could never forget:

"Thank you.

Thank you...for you."

And from that moment on,

I wanted nothing more than to help him -

To be by his side

And hear him speak again;To see his tears dried,

To watch them evaporate in the sunlight,

To see him smile under the tree that once sheltered sadness.

I wanted nothing more than to help him,

And since that day,

I have done nothing but help him.

I could not leave him alone

After she left him to fend for himself

In a world so cruel and intolerant.

I came back to try,

Try with every ounce of selflessness left in my tired body

To stitch him, mend him, seal him shut and make him whole - To see him smile and laugh again,

Just as he had done back when we were teenagers

And when having each other was the best way to live.

And since the moment I saw him laying in the grass,

Woohyun has been at the back of my mind,

Always there, always near,

Always reminding me that I am bound to him by something more than friendship.

I saved his life. I am the reason he is still breathing.I am his protector,

A life-giver and a life-changer. And I cannot, will not,

Forget that.

Not even if I want to.

Woohyun's life is mine

Because it was I who gave him life;And my life is his

Because he needs me so -

Me who gave him life when he was doomed to die.

And how could I just sit by and watch

As my friend, the very person I had saved and kept alive,

Sat down and died,

Hidden by the grass that only existed in my mind

And somewhere deep in his -

A repeat of history,

A tragic surrender.

Woohyun's life is mine

Because I gave him life,And I will never leave him alone

Like she has done.

I will never kill the person

Who I have given life.

"Woohyun, I...I don't understand.

Why do you want to...escape from me?

I...I've done nothing wrong. Haven't I?

I was just...trying to help you..."

"You haven't done anything wrong, Sunggyu.

I just...I have no choice."

"But why? Why don't you want me here anymore?"

"I do want you here, Sunggyu. I do want you here with me.

But I...I have to...forget you.Please, Sunggyu...

Don't ask me to explain. I...

I need some time to set myself right.

To stop...all of these...unpleasant thoughts.

To fix myself. All I need is...some more time."

He sighs.

He looks away from me.

He gets up slowly and looks at the ground.

He says in a whisper, "I'll make some coffee,"

And then he walks with a heavy mind into the kitchen. And before the healing loneliness can find me,

I am plagued by the presence

Of the very person

I have been trying so fruitlessly

To forget.  The park was empty for the first time in years.

I did not think why this was so.

I did not think about much back then

Because the notion of thinking had been hidden by pain killers and Sunggyu's smile.

I was too happy in those times for thinking,

And everyone knows that happy people do not think. Not like this;

Not like I am now.

Now thinking is all I know;

Thinking is the only life I remember.

She was standing under a tree alone -

There was no one else in the park.No one to see her or hear her silent cries

For me to come, full of expectations,

So she could slice them all

And leave my body to rot

With nothing to live for.

She was standing under my tree -

The tree under which I was found half dead;

The tree under which I cried in the hope of healing

But never received an embrace, a word, a care in return;

The tree under which I left my thoughts behind

As I entered into a world of constant thoughts and nightmares,

Never-ending darkness and solitude,

The world of people without souls, without life,

Without purpose, without destination,

Without love, without hope.

I should have realized it then

As I watched her hand wave,

Her knees buckle in excitement,

The corners of her lips curve into a brilliant smile

That feigned nothing but compassion and understanding - I should have realized

That she was nothing but a lie.

With a facade of kindness and spirit

But a heart of rancor and body of stone -

Not the flesh of the creator or the flesh of humanity -