#8 (1/1)

2014 - 17 y/oMy relationship with him was getting closer, but with Nam Woong, we were falling apart. He tried to avoid me as much as possible. I always saw him with swollen eyes. Actually, what had happened to him? As for him, I saw him wearing the same half-hearted necklace as mine. Maybe it was a coincidence. He also wore the crescent and star necklace that I gave him for his birthday. That moment was recess and no one was in the class - everyone went to have breakfast - so, by dieting - although the actual word was a chance to sneak the necklace into his bag. I sneaked a bag of the necklace with a note. And then, here it was - around his neck.------

We were about to end up our studies till my little dongsaeng, Ha Jin, knocked the door, peeking his head through. "Nuna, we're going?" Ah, Ha Jin, this boy had grown up. He was eleven this year, but he acted like he was fifteen. He was all tall to my height. Soon, he will be over me. "Eo. I'll get dreesed." I nodded then packed up my things. "You're going anywhere?" I looked at him as he tilted his head and blinking his sparkling eyes curiously. Ah, I had forgotten about him. "Today my family is holding a memorial service for Han Joon oppa and Ha Jin's accompanying me to go to oppa's grave. Let's clean up and I'll send you out." My eyes were stuck to the things to pack up, but when I looked at him, he was pouting. "Wae?" "Let me go with you." "Wae?" "I wanna pay him a visit." "No." "Wae?" "Just no." I gave him a fake answer instead of a real one. Actually Han Joon oppa didn't like me to have boy friends except for Nam Woong because we had been friends for years, so I didn't want to give him false hope at his grave. "Let me go with you." "No." "Yes." "No." "Yes." "No." "Nuna, are we going?" Ha Jin peeked again. "Ha Jin-ah, I'm going with you." He smiled broadly as he stated. "Yes. Opps! No...!" I didn't realized my answer, but then I covered my mouth as I slipped my tongue. -----"Umma, we'll get going." Ha Jin spoke as we headed towards the main door. "Make sure you'll be back for dinner! And you too!" She replied while preparing food for the memorial service. "Arasso, eomeoni!" He answered by calling umma, eomeoni, since she didn't want him to be too formal. -----

"What did you tell him?" He spoke after we pay our last tribute before heading home. "I apologise to him and said that I'll always be happy. And yours?"He walked backwards in front of me and replied. "I told your oppa that I will always be by your said and make you happy." He smiled, then knelt - stopping my steps.  "Will you be forever by my side?" He raised his hand for me to held, but my attitude kept telling that it was no good. Did he just confessed to me? It was no good. I needed to tell him the truth. "Before I accepted your confession, I need to tell you something. Ha Jin, could you leave us?" I shooed Ha Jin away and he nodded not objecting. He stood up and asked, "Mwo ya?" "Actually...." The words were hard to describe. My heart ached at the moment of telling him the truth. I didn't wanna lost him. "The truth is... I can't accept your confession because... I only approached you for HaRi - no more than that." I mouthed the words. "So you lied me?" His voice was getting weak. I closed my eyes for a minute to let my heart cried. "Answer me. You lied me?" He repeated the words. My eyes were still closed - afraid of facing him. Yes, kept the feel just for myself and let him knew the false.I heard footsteps approaching me. My hands got cold and were shivering. I nodded and gave a guilty yes - then the sounds of footsteps stopped. I opened my eyes and saw him was backing me. "I trust you, Han Mi. Why?" I managed to hear those words. His voice was shaking. "I didn't lie about our friendship! Just no more than that.." I shouted as he was about to leave the cemetery. He stopped then added, "you gave me false hope.." He unchained the necklace that I gifted him, threw it down and left the cemetery.

I bit my lips, sat on a bench nearby and cried like a mad girl.------

"Nuna, Young Gi and her oppa came!" I heard Ha Jin's voice approaching. I swiftly wiped the tears off and plastered a smile. "Young Gi-ah, annyeong." I waved to the nine-year-old girl. The girl grinned as she came to me running in hands of Ha Jin. I could saw Nam Woong at the back with his shocked look. "Nuna, where's hyung?" Ha Jin's question made me startled. How I was going to explain to Ha Jin when I was a bad liar? "He'd left. He had something to do." I made an excuse for not telling the truth. "Ha Jin oppa, there's a lot of flower over there. Let's go there." Young Gi saved me as if she knew I was a bad liar. As the two were gone, I looked down - not facing Nam Woong, who sat beside me. "Han Mi. Lift you head up." I insisted of lifting my head until he cupped my chin - making my head lifted up. The tears were still rolling as he wiped it. "Wae geurae?" The warm side of him began to reveal. I shook my head, but he gave me a 'I-don't-think-there's-nothing' look. I plastered a smile and shook once again. He sighed then his hand began to caress my hair. "You know, I'm still your Suho. You can tell me everything." Yes, he was my Suho since in the diapers. He was my first love. I abandoned him for someone else, but he still saying he was my Suho. My guardian. My forever guardian.