Washout (1/1)

Appearances can be deceptive. Sungmin knew that better than anyone.Hell, he’d practically made a career out of being a paradox—cute yet manly, physically strong but deceptively soft, meticulous to a fault in regards to his personal possessions and schedule yet unable to put together a stylish outfit if his life depended on it.Even so, he was having a hard time reconciling the current scene unfolding in his bedroom with reality.He was settled in bed like a good patient, injured leg elevated and iced, musical script open across his lap. Kyuhyun was on the floor flanked by boxes, in the midst of arranging Sungmin’s music and movie collections. The maknae hadn’t even asked for permission to unpack Sungmin’s belongings. He’d just plunked himself down and started opening boxes the second he’d confirmed that Sungmin was comfortable.“You really don’t have to do that, Kyuhyun-ah.”“And I’m not letting you recuperate in a storage closet.”No more words followed. The only sounds in the room were the slide of plastic against wood as Kyuhyun added movies to the display shelf and the occasional turn of a page. They were proceeding as if the meeting never happened.How was it possible that Kyuhyun had nothing to say? Then again, Sungmin’s own voice seemed to have fled. He stared blankly at the script, no longer registering the score or his handwritten notes in the margins. The entire afternoon had been surreal, but the team meeting had surpassed even his wildest conjectures.Discovering that Kangin felt so left out—and so often—had been distressing. Sungmin had thought they were on good terms. He’d tried his best to restore the closeness they had only just managed to develop before Kangin’s first scandal, but he clearly hadn’t done enough.Or as Kyuhyun might say, he hadn’t thawed enough.He hadn’t blamed Kangin for his injury before the meeting, and he most certainly couldn’t now. Sungmin’s fears about his own enlistment and what it ultimately meant for his relationship with Kyuhyun—that they may not survive two years apart, let alone four, public service or otherwise—had fueled his need to break things off in the first place.How could he have never once applied the same reasoning to Kangin in the wake of Leeteuk and Yesung’s enlistments?  How had it never occurred to him that Kangin was carrying on active group duties without his support pillars, the three eldest hyungs? Heechul rushing back from his public service duties to act in Kangin’s defense only made him feel worse about his lack of insight.Regret that he hadn’t done more to ensure Kangin felt welcomed and wanted threatened to ruin the personal triumph—and immense relief—he felt that his relationship with Kyuhyun was finally out in the open. The group had reacted far better than he’d anticipated to the news of their dating, but once Heechul revealed that the bite on Sungmin’s collarbone had been seen, it had all gone south.Eunhyuk had been holed up in his bedroom for the better part of an hour now, determining punishments with input from Heechul and Shindong, who was acknowledged as second-in-command during Leeteuk’s absence. Normally, Eunhyuk would have made such decisions on how own, but there was no real precedent for the events of the day. Even Leeteuk would have struggled this time around.“Ice pack.”Sungmin blinked up at Kyuhyun, feeling incomparably stupid. When had Kyuhyun gotten to his feet, let alone moved to the side of the bed? “What?”“Your ice pack.” Kyuhyun removed the towel wrapped bundle from Sungmin’s ankle. “It’s been on a lot longer than 20 minutes.”“You know, the bandaging is so thick that I barely felt it.”Kyuhyun’s frown ran the length of his injured leg. “Isn’t it about time you took some more painkillers?”“Probably,” Sungmin said with an experimental wiggle of his toes. “Keeping the swelling down will be the key for success tomorrow.”“I still don’t think you should go.”“At least let me pretend that you guys need me, okay?”Kyuhyun squeezed the ice pack, causing the ends to bulge. “Keep talking nonsense like that and I really will get angry.”“You mean you’re not angry right now?”“I’m pissed. There’s a difference.” Without warning, he bent down and kissed Sungmin full on the mouth. His lips were firm, like a hot brand, proclaiming ownership of Sungmin’s body, with an undercurrent of irritation. The kiss ended as abruptly as it began.“Don’t move,” said Kyuhyun flatly. Sungmin didn’t have the heart to point out that he obviously wasn’t going anywhere, but he also knew better than to tease Kyuhyun when he was out of sorts.There had been something off with Kyuhyun since he’d gotten back from the hospital. He had only grown more withdrawn since the end of the meeting. Coming out to the entire group was monumental, to put it mildly, especially when he hadn’t had time to prepare himself for it. Compounded with everything else that had gone down, Sungmin could only guess what he might be feeling.                                                                          Kyuhyun left the bedroom, not bothering to close the door on his way out, so Sungmin clearly heard Eunhyuk call out to him. A few minutes later, Kyuhyun returned carrying a glass of water and the bottle of painkillers Sungmin had been prescribed at the hospital. Eunhyuk followed a step behind.“You doing alright?” Shadows rimmed Eunhyuk’s eyes, weighing down his entire face. Sungmin was sorely tempted to ask him the same thing.“I’m being a model patient,” he said with a liveliness he didn’t feel. The performance was largely for Kyuhyun’s benefit. “Honest.”“Good, that’s good.” Eunhyuk closed the door, then pulled out Sungmin’s desk chair and swung a leg over it, sitting backwards so that he could see the bed.Sungmin offered a small grin as he accepted two pills and chased them down with a long pull of water. Kyuhyun took the glass from him when he was done, only to set it on the nightstand directly at Sungmin’s side, as though he couldn’t reach it himself. Such an illogical move was hardly typical for Kyuhyun.Shock, he thought as he studied Kyuhyun’s vacant expression. Or fear. He probably thinks our punishment will be a forced break-up.He tried to take Kyuhyun’s hand, wanting to pass along some of warmth or reassurance, but the maknae was already out of reach, heading back to the safety of his box fort. Before he was even properly seated, his hands were busy among the boxes.“First, I wanted to thank you both for being honest with the members today—but there are still some issues that need to be addressed.” Eunhyuk paused, waiting for Kyuhyun to show some sign that he was paying attention. Although Kyuhyun was facing Eunhyuk, he seemed to be more focused on the stacks of movies and CDs he was placing on the floor to be shelved later. Sungmin discreetly waved his hand, asking for patience while at the same time encouraging Eunhyuk not to take Kyuhyun’s current behavior personally.  Eunhyuk sighed and leaned heavily against his forearms, clearly not relishing the task at hand, and continued.  “I’ll start with Kangin-hyung. No member has ever injured another member to the point that they can’t perform, and we’ve never had to hide the real cause of an injury before. Even though it was an accident, it doesn’t excuse Kangin’s actions, and apologizing won’t fix your ankle.”Sungmin nodded in agreement. Given the physical demands of his schedule, it might take weeks, if not a few months, for him to fully recover. He had already discussed rehabilitation with the doctor and the regimen most definitely did not include leopard stilettos.At least his HyunaMing costume came with alternate footwear.  Rainbow sneakers didn’t have the same impact as heels, but at least they would provide support and help hide the bandaging.“Kangin-hyung has been asked to cover the cost of today’s meal, as well as pay for another group meal in Busan to make up for the trouble he’s caused. He will also be acting as your airport escort while you’re on crutches, Sungmin.”“That seems fair to me,” said Sungmin. Kyuhyun’s head jerked to the side, which seemed to indicate agreement. “It’ll also give us a chance to talk. I had no idea he was feeling left out.”Eunhyuk kicked at the floor. “Neither did I. He used to be so black and white. If he was upset or confused, he’d just come out and say it.”“Yeah, but he’s been quieter since he was discharged. Even more so since Teukie-hyung enlisted. We all miss him, and Yesung-hyung, but they weren’t our support system the same way they were his.”“I keep thinking about how I would feel if you and Donghae enlisted at the same time, leaving me behind.” Eunhyuk picked up an empty cardboard box and turned it over, picking at the tape. “It hurts.”Kyuhyun dropped a stack of CDs, startling Eunhyuk and Sungmin as surely as if he had suddenly cursed out loud. “What about Siwon?”“I’d miss him, of course, but he—”“I meant his punishment, not enlistment. What’s his punishment?”Eunhyuk looked to Sungmin for clarification. A shrug was all he could offer by way of an answer.“Oh, come on.” Kyuhyun leaned forward, pressing balled fists against the floor. “He’s just as much to blame for what happened as Kangin-hyung. He basically had Sungmin in a headlock and wouldn’t let go.”“It was just skinship, Kyuhyun-ah,” said Sungmin gently, trying to counteract the venom in Kyuhyun’s tone. He had never heard him speak ill of Siwon before. “He wasn’t trying to hurt me.”“Kangin wasn’t trying to hurt you either. He only went to help you because Siwon wouldn’t let go. I can’t be the only one to see that Siwon is equally to blame for what happened.”Eunhyuk continued to pick at the tape while the reviewed Kyuhyun’s argument. “Point taken. I’ll talk it over with the hyungs and let you know what we decide.”“Tonight?” Kyuhyun’s presumption earned him a swift glare of reproach from Eunhyuk. The maknae still had enough sense to apologize. Sungmin wiped his suddenly damp palms against the bedspread. Something was most definitely wrong with Kyuhyun."I said I’ll let you know.” Eunhyuk stripped the tape from the bottom of the box, collapsed it, and dropped it to the floor. “Moving on—your case is quite a bit more complicated than Kangin-hyung’s. I won’t pretend that I’m not an accessory of sorts, since I’ve known about you two since the end of 2009 and never said anything. That’s why I asked for help from Dongie-hyung and Heechul-hyung. I can’t be objective when it comes to your relationship.”Sungmin closed his script and said it aside, giving Eunhyuk his undivided attention. With Kyuhyun’s mood and behavior both rapidly deteriorating, it would be better if defended them both. “Our relationship isn’t the issue, though, is it? It’s that I lied.”“It’s that you guys didn’t say anything about the bite being seen. Regardless of who caused it, something even remotely sexual can cause problems—and I’m not throwing stones at a glass house here. I know what I’m talking about. You know I do, and trust me, it sucks.” The IU photo scandal was impossible to forget. Watching Eunhyuk eat dirt for months hadn’t been enjoyable for any of them. “You’ve done a pretty good job keeping your relationship hidden, I’ll give you that. The few times you have slipped up, it’s thankfully been in situations where fan service is expected, or in a large enough crowd that no one noticed, but this time was different. If that bite was anything like the hickey on Kyuhyun’s collarbone the other day…”“It was worse.” Kyuhyun continued to remove media from the boxes and set them on the floor, albeit at a slower pace. “But it won’t happen again.”“I don’t expect you to believe us, Hyukie, but it really won’t. Those bites were…” Sungmin didn’t quite know how to finish the sentence—done out of anger, wounds earned on the field of battle, proof that what they had was real, that they still wanted each other despite everything? It all seemed too personal to share and yet not descriptive enough to capture what the pair of bites had come to mean for Sungmin. He decided to play it safe. “They were very much a one-time thing.”“The future isn’t up for debate, guys. I’m talking about the bite being seen, and by someone who clearly had no problem talking about it, otherwise it wouldn’t have gotten back to Heechul-hyung. And yes, Sungmin, the fact that you tried to cover it up with a lie, and that you tried to mask what Kangin-hyung did today with another lie, is problematic. I get where you were coming from and what you were trying to do by covering for Kyuhyun and Kangin, but you did it without consulting anyone. Not me, not Dongie-hyung—not even Kyuhyun-ah.”Even in profile, Kyuhyun’s glare was potent. Eunhyuk didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at the affront.“Fire as many eye lasers as you want, Kyuhyun, but it’s obvious that you had no idea what he’d done. You protested more than anyone else when Sungmin tried to sell his skateboard story, and when he mentioned getting hit by the rotating stage, you turned green. You wouldn’t have reacted that way if you’d known ahead of time what flimsy excuses he’d given.”“I had to tell them something. It’s not like I could have admitted to being in a relationship, nor could I have thrown Kangin-hyung under the bus for what happened at rehearsal. They were both accidents. The bite being seen was my fault, so I’ll take the punishment for it. Not Kyuhyun-ah.” Sungmin ignored the penetrating darkness of Kyuhyun’s gaze. “And like I said earlier, Kyuhyun wanted to come clean a long time ago, but I kept talking him out of it. I deserve the majority of the—”“Don’t you dare,” said Kyuhyun, but the intention was mangled. Instead of a warning, the words sounded very much like a threat, but Sungmin didn’t let it faze him. Kyuhyun was just going to have to accept his protection one last time.“It’s the truth. I knew better.”“You can’t play the hyung card when it comes to our relationship.”Eunhyuk held up his hands, putting an instant end to their exchange. “You were both equally negligent in regards to the issue of the bite and that’s what you will be punished for. Not what happened at rehearsal today, and not because you’ve been hiding your relationship. It all comes back to the potential harm and scandal the bite on Sungmin’s collarbone could have caused—and to be honest, may still cause.”“Don’t punish Kyuhyun for my mistake.”“His bite was seen as well, and there’s no guarantee that the members are the only ones who saw it. So, in the best interests of the group,” said Eunhyuk with complete authority, in spite of the fingers digging into the back of the chair, “you’re no longer allowed to room together.”“What?” The shock and distress in Kyuhyun’s face made Sungmin nauseous. This was his fault, all his fault. If only he’d been more careful at the theatre.“You’re prohibited from sharing hotel rooms when we travel. As for the dorm, you can’t be roommates again.”Dreams of a shared future crumbled into dust and evaporated before Sungmin’s eyes. He’d already accepted that their relationship would be a series of small victories—stealing kisses backstage, dinner dates, one-on-one game tournaments, holding hands in the van between schedules, being each other’s biggest musical fanboy—but that didn’t mean he’d completely abandoned the hope of waking up beside Kyuhyun every morning. He should never have moved out. Guilt pooled in his gut like molten lead.“I’m not saying you guys can’t sleep where you want in the dorm, or hang out together when we travel,” Eunhyuk added hurriedly. “It’s just that you can’t officially room together. The ‘roommateu’ thing always was a dead giveaway—and for what it’s worth, if Sungmin hadn’t already moved out, separate rooms would have been the punishment.” Kyuhyun spat out a bitter laugh. “Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation?”“No. It’s a punishment. Learn something from it.” Eunhyuk got to his feet. There was a moment’s hesitation before he spoke again. “I really am happy for you two. That you worked things out, that your relationship is out in the open. I’ve wanted that for you for a long time. Just be careful, okay? If anything happens again… I’ll have to go straight to Leeteuk-hyung. This was already out of my league.”Sungmin nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The sharp hit of a DVD case against wood served as Kyuhyun’s acknowledgement—and dismissal. He had already turned his back on their temporary leader and resumed adding movies to the shelf.“And I suggest you tell the others—Leetuk-hyung, Yesung-hyung, Zhoumi, and Henry—before Kangin does. You know he can’t help himself.” Eunhyuk met Sungmin’s eyes. Beyond the resignation and weariness, there was a hint of sincere satisfaction. He really had been on their side from the very beginning.Sungmin tried to smile, to show some form of gratitude, but knew that it was insufficient. He would try again later, tomorrow or the day after, when the floor stopped threatening to drop out and his throat didn’t feel like a sand trap. Eunhyuk left without another word, respectfully closing the door behind him.Numbness settled over Sungmin. In a daze, he watched the terse movements of Kyuhyun’s hands as he finished unpacking the movies and CDs, then moved along to books. He didn’t know how much time had passed. No coherent thoughts formed in the white space of his mind. Even the pain in his leg had long since dulled to the point of inconsequence. Finally, one thought formed, full of regret and bitterness, like some sort of emotional blister.Would he ever stop hurting Kyuhyun?“Play a game with me, Kyu.”It was Kyuhyun’s turn to be confused. Clearly, games were the last thing on his mind. Sungmin held up the glass of water, which was a little more than half-full. Instead of the comprehension he’d hoped for, Kyuhyun’s wit remained hidden away behind a thick wall of anger. He turned away from Sungmin and added another handful of books to the shelf.“Talk with me until the water’s gone, and I’ll give you a prize.”“You don’t like the truth game.” His response wasn’t sarcastic so much as peevish, but it was better than nothing.“Half a glass of water I can manage. Two large drinks full of sugar after midnight… Not so much.”“That doesn’t change the fact that you turned me down flat last time,” he said without looking over his shoulder.“Which I am trying to make up for now.” Sungmin dangled the glass from his fingertips and began to swirl the contents. “Come on, Kyuhyun-ah. I promise you’ll win. It’s a good prize, too.”Kyuhyun’s back was ramrod straight and uninviting. He continued to place books on the shelf, moving as if by rote memory rather than conscious choice. “I’m not in the mood for your aegyo bullshit, Sungmin. I’m really not.”“Then talk to me.”“Now you want to talk?” His shoulders tensed to the point of hazard. “After you up and left me, after I begged you to give me an explanation for weeks, after you nearly ruined everything, m style="font-size:13px;line-height:1.6;">now you want to talk?”“Yes,” Sungmin said quickly, before the poison of truth in Kyuhyun’s words could take hold, before emotion could betray him through a tremor in his voice, or he lost his nerve entirely.“Well, I don’t.” His hand stalled within the box at his side. Tendons worked beneath the fabric of his shirt, as if he was clenching and unclenching his fist. With begrudging movements, almost as if he was in pain, Kyuhyun set a framed picture of the two of them on the bookshelf. “It’s not like you ever planned to move back in.”Sungmin set the water down and leaned forward, ignoring the protest from his leg as he did so. “Why do you think I never unpacked?”Kyuhyun turned towards him, holding another framed picture close to his chest,  clearly weighing Sungmin’s words against his own opinions—and if the unsavory curl of his lip was any indication, Sungmin was coming up short.“Leaving was a mistake, Kyu. I knew it was a mistake before I’d even finished moving my stuff out of our room, but I couldn’t admit it, I couldn’t take it back. I was too afraid, too… Wrapped up in my own head.”  He had spent too many weeks dodging questions and masking the truth. If he wanted Kyuhyun to open up to him, to vent, he had to open up first. Fingernails digging into his palms, Sungmin forced the rest out. “And I know it’s my fault. All of it. I was determined to kill everything between us and move on, convinced that it was the only way to keep the group safe and be fair to you.”“But it wasn’t fair. It was a slap in the face. You stomped all over me, Sungmin, like I didn’t matter. Like everything we’d been through was some sort of elaborate joke.”“I was scared. I didn’t… I couldn’t see your perspective, Kyuhyun-ah.”Kyuhyun dropped the picture back into the box and got to his feet. The earlier fire in his gaze had died down, but the lingering embers were far more treacherous. There was no telling what might set him off. “If you weren’t sure how I felt, you should have asked me. You should have talked to me m style="font-size:13px;line-height:1.6;">then.”“I know. I was wrong, but we’re together now,” said Sungmin. “Really together. Can we both agree that’s what matters?”“Are you saying you’re my boyfriend?”  “If you want me to be.”“You make things so unnecessarily complicated sometimes, Sungmin. It’s so damn annoying. So goddamn annoying. Why can’t you just say it?”Sungmin wet his lips and forcibly relaxed his inner reservations. “…Yes. You’re my boyfriend.”“Good to know,” he deadpanned, but the momentary flicker of satisfaction across his face was impossible to miss. Kyuhyun picked up the glass of water on the nightstand.  He drained its contents on his way to the light switch, leaving the bedside lamp as the only light source in the room. “Now game over. No more talking.”Kyuhyun set the glass on the desk. After a final dark look fired at Sungmin’s injured ankle, he knelt at the foot of the bed and lied down next to Sungmin, with his back facing the wall. The brat didn’t hesitate to snuggle up against him, draping an arm across his waist and resting his head over Sungmin’s heart.There were so many questions Sungmin wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to apologize for, so much still left unsaid, but he couldn’t bring himself to ignore Kyuhyun’s ban on talking. He’d asked for silence for a reason. Sungmin wasn’t about to push him. Neither of them had come to grips with the events of the day, and it might be a few days before Kyuhyun was ready to talk.He ran his fingers through Kyuhyun’s unruly hair for a few moments and then moved his hand lower, trailing along his back, chasing away any tension he found there. Kyuhyun moved even closer, nuzzling Sungmin’s chest. His comfort was catching and soon Sungmin’s limbs grew heavy. The movements of his hand slowed.The framed picture on the bookshelf caught his eye. Kyuhyun’s smile was so endearingly sheepish in the photo. He indulged in a secret smile while he pressed a kiss to the top of Kyuhyun’s head. It was too bad he hadn’t wanted his prize.I bet he’d have looked just like that, Sungmin thought, when he found what his prize was. I guess I’ll just have to tell him that I love him some other time.