Why are there so many? (1/1)

You stepped on the scale and groaned as it once again went past your goal weight to something heavier. You had been dieting for almost 2 months now and still there was little change. You looked at yourself in the mirror and felt disgust. You had once been heavier than this, it was true, but you didn’t feel any different. You had been 300+ pounds at one point in your life, when it was spinning out of control. Food was all that comforted you. Until you found Super Junior. Their music made you happy and you had something else to lean on. You’d gone a long way with food re vamping and working out in order to get down to a decent weight so your quality of life would be better. Diebetes and other diseases associated with being obese ran high in your family. You didn’t want it to happen to you.Then not to long ago, you had finally gotten to meet Super Junior. You played it cool, not wanting to be just another squealy girl fan, and it had worked. YeSung took an interest in you, and asked for your number while giving you his in return. He was very sweet, although a bit odd sometimes. But you liked quirky people. You had collections of things and read books that made people look at you strangely sometimes. It was probably why and you and YeSung got along so well. You came out from the bathroom and sat down at the kitchen table, and wrote in your food journal trying to figure out your calorie count. It just didn’t add up. You shouldn’t still be this weight. You should have lost at least another 5 lbs by now. You didn’t hear YeSung come into the room behind you and kiss your cheek from the side, which caused you to jump and whack him in the face with the back of your head.“Oh Oppa i’m so sorry, are you okay??” you asked concerned kneeling by his side. “Let me see. Let me see your lip.” you insisted brushing his hair out of his face. He smiled up at you and stuck his tongue out at you. “What were you doing that you didn’t hear me come in? I knocked on the door and everything.” “I was…doing some calculations for something.. and I guess I didn’t hear you.” you tried to smile at him. Your obsession with your weight was your own little dirty secret. In actuality, it was YeSung who had started the whole thing, long before you two dated.He was quoted as saying “All fat girls are lazy, that’s why they’re fat.” he’d caught a lot of flack for it, as had ShinDong for saying “I wouldn’t date a fat girl, she’s supposed to look better than me.”  You had worked out to Super Junior’s songs because they pushed you to want to be your best, and your best wasn’t fat. Or so you thought. And truth be told, you weren’t fat. Not any bit of it. You were average weight for your height and age, but you had it in your head that what the scale said, mattered more than how healthy you felt, or how well your clothes fit. “Are you going to come see me this friday? I have a half day of schedules, SM cancelled us being on that last show for some reason. I think it’s SBS and them bickering at each other like old women.” he said shaking his head.“Friday? I can’t I have the gym friday.” you said. He quirked a brow.“All day?”“Most of it. I just.. I can’t okay it’s important that I stick to my routine.” you said perhaps a little to loud and forcefully.” he held up his hands in a defensive manner.“Alright, alright, I didn’t mean to offend. Well, can you text me when you’re done with the gym and then maybe I can come over here?” he suggested. You looked up to the ceiling and thought for a minute, then shook your head.“No I have Zumba after that.” he blinked. “When did you become so much into fitness?” he asked.“I’ve always been this way, why are you just noticing now?” you snapped. Once again he blinked blankly at you wondering what he was saying that was making you so irritable.“Oookay well, when you find time for me, let me know.” he said and getting up, made a move to the door.“Bye.” you said rather coldly and opening your notebook and taking out your calculator, started to punch in numbers. He watched you for a minute, squinting his eyes at that notebook. He walked out the door, his hands in his pockets and was quiet and thoughtful all the way back to the dorm. While you were at the gym, he used his spare key to get into your apartment. Your notebook wasn’t on the table, and he frowned. He didn’t want to have to rifle through all your belongings, and at one point thought that maybe you’d taken it with you until he spotted it on the bar by your kitchen. He took a mental not of how it was on the bar and opening the front flap started to read. He was in shock by everything you’d written down. Song lyrics, and quotes of his over the past few years, that weren’t his most shining moments. At the start of every page was his worst quote to memory, “All fat girls are fat because they’re lazy.” “Oh my sweet Jagiya what have I done to you?” He bit his bottom lip and taking the notebook sat with it at your kitchen table and folding his arms, waited for you to come home. He read the whole thing cover to cover and you had no idea until you opened your front door.“O-Oppa, what’re you doing here? How long have you been waiting?” you asked nervously.“Long enough. Sit down _______-ah we need to talk.” he said seriously.“Look I know I was mean to you yesterday..” you started to put your bag down and head for the bathroom but he stopped you.”_______-ah! I said, Sit DOWN.” he raised his voice and looked sternly at you. You’d never seen him like this and felt afraid. You sat down at the table opposite him, your eyes never leaving his face.“Alright Oppa. I’m sorry.” you managed weakly. He searched your face as if looking for an answer your lips wouldn’t give.“I’m not here because of your words yesterday. Well not the meanness part. I started thinking about your fitness thing..” “Oppa I told you it’s important that I stick to-““I WASN’T FINISHED.” he said slamming his hand on the table. You jumped and shook in your sneakers. He adjusted his collar and sat back in his seat.“I came here looking for answers and I got them.” he put the notebook on the table just out of your reach. You cursed under your breath.“Do you honestly think I’m still that person?” he asked. You looked at him not knowing what he meant. “I was foolish, and to quick to open my mouth and say hurtful things because I never had someone by my side to remind me to think before I spoke. That person is you. Jagiya I love you. Love you like I’ve never loved any other woman before you, and I don’t care what the scale says. You are gorgeous. Your beautiful face, your sexy body, your hair, your voice, I love everything about you. You don’t have to make yourself into this person you think you need to be for me or anyone else. There is nothing wrong with you, not at any size and I’m so sorry, more sorry than you’ll ever know that you took those foolish words of mine as a personal attack. I don’t mind if you work out, if it keeps you healthy and active then I’m all for it. But when you slave away in the gym, and restrict your eating, and start counting calories about what you’re ALLOWING yourself to have? No that’s going to far.”His words shamed you in a way that you never felt before but at the same time felt you needed. When you were actually doing it, it didn’t seem or feel wrong. It felt like what you had to do to be okay. But hearing him say it, it sounded so mean and angry. Like you were punishing yourself.“I want you to promise me that if you ever think you’re not pretty enough you’ll come to me. Come to me so I can kiss you, hold you, love you to prove you wrong.” he got up and pulling you out of your seat, held you tight against his chest. He didn’t wait for a response. He started planting small kisses on your neck, face, lips, eyes, shoulders, all the while muttering between kisses and into your skin “You’re beautiful. So beautiful.” He swayed with you in some odd dance with no music as his lips played over your skin.“Say you love me.” he whispered into your ear before nibbling on it. The sensation sent shivers through your body. “Say it…”“I-I love you..” you whispered back.“Louder..” “I love you.” you said firmly. He stopped moving, stopped kissing, and looked you in the eyes.“And I love you, don’t you ever doubt it. It’ll take a lot more than some meaningless numbers on a scale to make me leave you.” he leaned in and kissed you then on the lips. Seeing him this passionate was rare, but when it did happen, it was all you could do not to collapse into a pile of moosh on the floor.