Chasing Pavements (1/2)

m style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;">Walking along a thrift-shopping district in the metro with Changmin was something she never thought would happen. It was some spur of the moment trip, actually. They were art students, whose professors find it a waste of time to keep them in five-hour classes, letting them out of class after more or less an hour of lectures to develop their talents and techniques. Anyway, she just thought Changmin wouldn’t be the type to go with her to that sort of place.

They’ve been stuck with each other for two-years in the least. Somewhat close friends but not really, they know enough about each other to fit the description but so do the rest of their group of crazy asses who knock each other out with their exclusive humour.

Truth is, Sooyoung was avoiding being alone with the other student. She’d been annoyed by a part of her who always wanted to be stuck with him and she doesn’t need to get attached. It wasn’t good; at least she didn’t think so. It was, to her, something that could ruin something so stable as their friendship. But times like this, when they’re walking side by side, almost touching and their conversation flowing so smoothly about anything interesting and not, she begins to think that maybe Changmin wouldn’t mind giving her attention.

Saturday dusks meant cold beer, infinite pizza, chips, dips and a movie marathon until Sunday dawns over at Jaejoong’s studio-type apartment. Taking spots on the shag rug in front of the fairly huge telly, Sooyoung lies down and rests her head on Changmin’s lap whose back leans against the couch where Yunho and Kyuhyun are seated comfortably. The movie begins after much dissing on what is actually good enough to waste time on. Changmin’s fingers get lost in Sooyoung’s soft almost-black locks and the girl relaxes under the touch.

Sunday mornings, however, meant they’d go separate ways home – groggy and hung over.

m style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;">Sooyoung was at the university one afternoon in July, getting copies of her transcripts for her thesis application the next semester. Walking through the old gothic building, as instructed, she doesn’t notice Changmin wave at her from across one of the hallways. The girl obliviously walks away into another office.

When she finishes her transactions, Changmin was outside the last door, startling her with a tight embrace upfront.

His phone vibrated in his polo pocket. A message alert was displayed on the screen, ‘Sooyoung’ it stated. He reads the message and goes out of the room and down to the lobby to see the zombie-looking girl just standing and looking afar. He nudges her when he gets close and they go out to the smoking area to catch up on each other over a cigarette or two, Changmin’s arm slung over Sooyoung’s shoulders as usual.

They go back to class after, feeling like they’ve just come from a secret rendezvous.

m style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;">It was an ordinary full week of classes; her eyes were bloodshot and droopy. And her only hope for sleep lies in the hallways outside occupied classrooms. She slings her hoodie over her head and wears her vintage Rayban sunglasses before plugging her earbuds and blasting Unknown Pleasures on her iPod, she sits upright, arms crossed over her chest and falls asleep until her next class in a couple of hours.

She wakes up two hours later and finds Changmin seated beside her, sketching drafts, she assumes, are for Textile Design class.

A storm was about to hit the city and students were filing along the main entrance of the building, thinking how they’d escape the rain fast. With barely any luck, Sooyoung decided to stay in and wait until the people have gone before she thought up of how she’d get home herself.

Changmin found her minutes later, busying herself on her laptop, doing a digital painting for Graphic Design class. Asking why she hasn’t gone home yet and what she’s up to while everyone’s practically internally panicking because of the situation.

They haven’t seen each other in days and it seems like Sooyoung wanted to keep it that way. She was shortening her answers and she didn’t talk much, intent on making it seem that she shouldn’t be disturbed while she did work.

Changmin simply stayed, not pursuing a conversation with her.

m style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;">Sooyoung had accepted the fact that she likes Changmin. Months passed, she tried to ignore every heart thump whenever Changmin did little things for her but the strength would shake her veins and would always overcome her will. She felt weak, vulnerable. She didn’t know how to deal with her emotions at this point.

Distance diminishes friendships, weak friendships. She wanted to know what kind she had with Changmin, wanted to discover what kind of sacrifice it deserved.

Sooyoung’s eccentric disposition had brought her not too far, at least not yet. She was alone, mostly. Shrinking into an invisible individual when she immersed herself in art. There were a lot who found her amazing but there were more who found her a tad conceited and pretentious. She never spoke up to anyone about herself, though.

Changmin was more of the out-going type who’d easily go along with different kinds of people. One can say he’s totally friendly, without malice. But of course, there’d be some who saw it as expanding connections to get more projects. Its not like he cared what they thought, anyway. But it gets to him sometimes.

m style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;">She’d beaten down finals week and she was about to reward herself with alcohol over at Jaejoong’s apartment. Before she’d gone over, though, she passed by some art supply shops to sustain herself over the break with more canvas work.

Changmin followed her suit, knowing of her friend’s habits. He felt as if Sooyoung was avoiding him for over a month already, thinking to himself that it’s all because of all the finals work she had to do. He missed the busy girl, apparently, because no one would ever be there to bug him to smoke, go places, skip class for photwalks, go eat street food for the cheap thrill of it, and people-watch. He had thought that once the final days of the semester landed, he’d be getting a text from her to go out to who knows where, but he got none.

Sooyoung exited the shop to be greeted by an anxious Changmin who doesn’t know how to approach the girl anymore. He was lost, for some reason, they’ve got that gap between them now and he doesn’t know where it came from. Well, Sooyoung does. She acknowledges her friend’s presence in front of her and then walks away normally.