I Know (1/1)

baby don’t cry tonightlike nothing happenedyou won’t end up turning to foamso baby don’t cry cryI will guard you with my love. Yoseob was too mesmerized. Too numb. Too scared to realize Doojoon was now nearing him, making a way toward him, directly aiming at him. He didn’t even realize when Doojoon started to bend down, his palm barely touching the side of Yoseob’s jaw and his face was a few inches before him. He still didn’t want to admit the sparks, the excitation, and the realness he felt inside when Doojoon slowly tilted his head and gently kissed him. The smart guy’s lips softly brushed over his, and stayed for a quite few seconds. It was when Doojoon felt brave enough, his palm moved to the back of Yoseob’s neck, his lips were slightly parted and his tongue tried to make its way in did Yoseob roughly pushed him forward.The small boy didn’t say a word. His eyes stared in silent, bewildered by the sudden action. His heart was beating fast, having no idea on what to do at that current moment.“What..what are you doing?” Yoseob couldn’t help but stammered.With a soft smile, the smart guy retreated himself; satisfied with the slight taste he had been desperately desired for quite some times. Taking a slight move, he sat down, settling with ease at the edge of the bed.“Now that wakes you up.”The small boy blinked in confusion. Trying to simplify the situation he was in. Doojoon grinned, trying to chase his nervousness away and detaching his sight from the boy’s face toward his own feet. He shook his head. Yoseob had never changed.“Yang Yosoeb, you are staring. I called you several time, but obviously you didn’t hear that.”The smart guy‘s grin became wider as he watched a tint shade of red started to form on the younger’s cheek. He watched as Yoseob struggled to form a sentence, chuckled in silence.“Y...You don’t have to...kiss me.” Somehow, the word ‘kiss’ ridiculously sounded weird to him.“Sorry...Can’t resist.”“…” Yoseob was speechless. He hated how after those years, Doojoon still could make his body became dysfunction like this.Yoseob got back to staring at his own blanket. His fingers were randomly touching everywhere on the cloth. It finally came. The scariest part Yoseob had imagined. The ugliest sound he ever heard. The gross surrounding he ever felt. It was the awkwardness. He never thought the day would come. Especially not today, when he was so weak inside and outside. It was already three to four years now. How should he face this now? How should he say ‘hi’? At a time like this, just tell him whatever, he would do whatever, as long as he could have the power to disappear. Which he thought was worth it other than sitting here being stared by the guy he tried to avoid so much.“So, you decided to just keep your mouth shut?” Doojoon tried not to hurt the boy as much as he can, but still Yoseob’s heart felt like being ripped apart.“No ‘hi’ or anything?”Now he felt like being thrown from a freaking high cliff.“Yoseob-ah...”Fuck this. His heart was thumping hard and fast against his chest. Damn it, why can’t you stop?“No.” It was a short answer. Yoseob turned around. He seriously can’t stand the stare given by the older. It felt like he could be read with ease. It felt like Doojoon knew what was exactly going on inside him.“…Is that so?”“…”Doojoon heaved a deep sigh and Yoseob hated that either.“Okay then.”Yoseob watched as the smart guy turned around, getting up from where he was seated and headed toward one of the small table situated at the corner of his room. Somehow, he didn’t realize the presence of the tray filled with a bowl and a glass of water on it.“You can’t eat normal rice with that empty stomach, so I made some chicken porridge. You better eat up.”He watched as Doojoon placed that tray right on the bed, in front of him. Blinking a few times, the small boy’s gaze alternated between the food and the person who made it.“How do you know I didn’t eat anything?”  Yoseob’s voice was low. As low as his head could be, looking anywhere other than Doojoon’s face.At first, the smart guy didn’t say anything, but the younger could tell his gaze was still lingering on him. Trying his hard not to feel so damn awkward, Yoseob took the spoon before stirring the content inside the bowl.  He didn’t want to say it out loud, but Doojoon’s food seemed intimidating. It had always been intimidating and Yoseob still feel how good the food was when he last ate it.“First, you’re Yang Yoseob. Yang Yoseob had always abandoned his own food. And second, I called a doctor a few hours ago and he did a medical checkup on you. The rest are history.”A doctor? A medical checkup? Doojoon was being that caring for him? A wave of guilt harshly hit him. Yoseob stopped stirring the porridge. His hand froze in its place. His heart ached for no reason. What was going on around here? Why was Doojoon acting like this? He could just leave Yoseob there, sprawled on the ground. Or he could just act like he didn’t know that boy? Why must he acted like he cared and doing all these stuff?Gently, the small boy pushed the tray aside. Leaving the food just like that. Doojoon watched with confusion creeping up against his back.“What’s wrong? Yang Yoseob, you need to eat up.”“I will if you get out of my house first.”“…”The smart guy was taken aback by the sudden explosion. This time, Yoseob didn’t show any sign of the soft and weak side inside him. His face was full with determination and anger and it was breaking apart?“I don’t need any care from you, or anyone else. I can take care of myself. So please, get out of my house now.”The small boy kept on his ground. He stared intently at the older, trying to hold for a quite few seconds before finally giving up. He can’t take Doojoon’s eyes. That sharp and empty eyes. He could see how the smart guy was tearing into pieces, crushing bone by bones but what was he supposed to do. He just can’t! Fisting his hands, Yoseob took a glimpse of Doojoon rising up from his bed and walking upon the door. Once he was sure the older had his back on him, Yoseob roughly wiped the tears clouding in his eyes. Both of his palms turned white time by time as his clutch got tighter on them.“Before I go, there’s a question I’ve been dying to ask you.” Doojoon’s sudden voice startled him.With the leftover strength, the small boy lifted his head up, ready to confront whatever question coming toward him.“Do you by any chance still want me by your side?”Yoseob knew what he should answer. He just didn’t know how to voice it out.So, he went with the simple word. “No.”The smart guy let out a small huff. It sounded like a laugh, but Yoseob sure it was made up. Doojoon made it up like somehow, he had some other tricks for the small boy.“Well, if you say so, then I’ll keep this picture with me, will that be ok with you?”Yoseob froze in place. Damn, he had made the worst mistake ever. In between the older’s fingers, a picture of one person, standing and smiling with ease grabbed his attention. The small boy closed his eyes for a second, regaining his composition before opening it up again. Obviously, it was the picture of the one and only person he loved and cared in this world after his mother. It was Doojoon. He got that from one of Doojoon’s frame back in the older’s house.“Don’t you think I would know one of my picture was missing?”“Do no tease me.”“And do not be so stubborn Yang Yoseob.”“I said, do not tease me.”“What do you want to do?”With a burst of anger, the small boy launched forward harshly pushing the older toward the wall. Doojoon groaned from the pain he felt on his back. Wincing and whimpering, he opened up his eyes not realizing he closed it all this time. He could feel Yoseob’s grip on his collar, and the small boy’s breathe right near him. Damn, this is not good. As he cleared up his view, Yoseob’s eyes were the first thing his eyes laid on. That usually playful eyes he used to know were now gazing furiously on him.“Say it once again and you wouldn’t know what I would do.”“Do it.”“Huh?!”“Do it. Punch me. Kick or whatever you want to do, I don’t care. Just do it.”The smart guy watched how all of a sudden, the small boy was hesitating on making his decision. Knowing he was now at the peak of Yoseob’s weakness, Doojoon simply took advantages of it.“You miss me, didn’t you?”“…” The small boy’s grip loosened up just like that. Sliding down from the collar to the other’s chest, he let his hands fell down on both of his sides, hanging weakly against his will. Yoseob’s eyes slowly drowning to the others chest. His frown was clearly visible.  He bit his lower lip, trying to hold the frustration.“Did you regret it? Did you feel sorry for leaving me?”“N..no..I…”In a blink of an eye, Doojoon yanked him backward, swiftly making a swap between his position and the younger. The younger’s back softly collided against the cold wall, protected by Doojoon’s palm on his small back. Having a hard time to register what was going on, Yoseob blinked his eyes, finally realizing he was trapped between the smart guy’s hard arms. His heartbeats raised to the moment he thought he won’t be breathing anymore.“I want my answer.”It sounded rough and harsh and desperate. But Doojoon didn’t care. Both of his hands firmly on Yoseob’s side, allowing no inch for the small boy to escape.  His own heart was pumping hard, moving along with the same beats as Yoseob’s. His throat felt dry. His muscles were getting numb.Yoseob swallowed down his throat, being nervous all of a sudden,  feeling the warm, desperate breath gently blowing above him. He did not dare to look up for he knew the smart guy was close. Too, close. He did not dare to even move, for he knew one brief touch could light up the old flame he once tried to hide.“Answer me, Yang Yoseob.”Doojoon was holding everything. He could feel the anger slowly creeping behind his back. Why can’t Yoseob say anything? It was clearly obvious that the small boy still need him by his side. Doojoon looked down at the view below him. The smart guy choked on his own breath. Yoseob-ah, don’t you know how hurt I am? Seeing you like this, it hurt me more. Why are you resisting me? I need an answer Yoseob-ah. Answer me please. Doojoon desperately plead from within the corner of his heart.“Did you...Did you miss me?”Gently, the older brushed his fingers to the back of Yoseob’s neck. He could feel how Yoseob tensed up and shivered under his touch.“No.”The answer said it all but Doojoon knew there was still something in Yoseob’s heart. Something he tried to hide. Something he tried not to show although it was clearly portrayed on his face.“Look at me.”There was a bit hesitation in his movements. Yoseob took a few seconds before he finally gathered all of his courage to face the smart guy. Doojoon’s thumb; little by little, with a bit of uncertain moved toward the flushing cheek of the younger. He caressed it softly, gently. Yang Yoseob. Why are you always torturing me?“Now...say the word again.”“…”“If you really didn’t miss me, didn’t feel sorry or regret for leaving me behind, say it again.”“I...” Yoseob looked down, gulping down his throat. A few seconds passed before he got back up with a broken look on his features, staring right through the older’s brown orbs. “Please Doojoon, just.. get out of my house. Please. I don’t have your answer and I never will.”“…”They didn’t move. For a few minutes. The younger among the two was shaking uncontrollably, struggling inside and outside. Doojoon was purposely tormenting him. How can he not know the presence of his easily melted the cold heart of Yoseob? How can he not know his touch was burning him, leaving a trail of flare on it? How can he not know the small boy was trying hard to clamp his own heart, blocking it from exploded, pouring out everything he tried to keep.“How can you be so sure?”“…” Yoseob stuck in his thought again.“How can you be so sure that you don’t have the answer? Every question in this world has their answer. So why can’t you?”“I…”“Yang Yoseob..”“I don’t know!” The small boy bursted out, his eyes filled with tear. “I don’t know ok..”“Then please…” Doojoon pleaded. “Let me bring you to them.”The small boy fixed his gaze on the older. Hesitated, he brought his small hand up before clutching and fisting hard onto the smart guy’s shirt. Lowering his gaze, he leaned onto the older’s broad shoulder, feeling the tension on his chest got heavier and heavier as time passed by. It was so fucking painful. Yoseob didn’t think he could hold onto it anymore, so he cried.Doojoon watched as the younger suffered in silent. He hated to see these kinds of things. He hated it more when he knew that the reason behind all of this was he himself. He hated how the first time he heard the real story behind all these things going, he can’t do anything. Hyunseung told him all about it, yes, and to know they still meet even when the beautiful guy didn’t tell him where to go, he took it as a miracle. He took it as Yoseob was belonged to him.“Trust me this time, please.. I won’t let anyone break us apart again.”Slipping his arms around the small built, he whispered the words. Doojoon gripped the small built tighter and tighter, as if he didn’t want to let the small boy go anytime soon. He swore that this time, he won’t let Yoseob suffered again. He didn’t want the same thing to happen twice. Absentmindedly, Doojoon inhaled Yoseob’s scene, finally feeling at ease after those few hell years.Knowing Yoseob didn’t resist, teasingly  the older man ghosted his lips on the side of the small boy’s jaw. His hand softly brushed against Yoseob’s hip, slowly lifting up the shirt bit by bit, feeling the warm skin under his palm. Yoseob bit his lips from all the teasing touches. Flashes of memories came flying back toward him, reminding him the night Doojoon officially ‘took’ him. Feeling him. Making the small boy his.“Please Doojoon-ah...”“Please what?”Doojoon kept his game on, making sure he didn’t tear his face apart from the one below him. He could see the pain, the struggle Yoseob forced to hold. The younger boy was looking down. His breath was clearly not even, his lips had started to turn pale white due to his own bite. As he felt the waves of guilt splashed over him, Doojoon took out his right hand, leaving his left to stay still on the younger’s hip. Softly and gently as possible, he brushed his fingers onto Yoseob’s lips. With the light touch, Yoseob breathed out, biting his lips no more.“Don’t hurt yourself.”“But I…”“Shh…let me do the job.”Yoseob watched the soft smile on Doojoon’s face before that features leaned closer to him and taking his lips away. That left hand earlier was now sneaking around his waist, pulling him closer and closer.Yoseob didn’t know when was the last time he felt this way. His heart felt like exploding from all the passion, his stomach felt like flying from all those butterflies merrily flying and his body felt like burning up by all the touches. His breath was shortened up time by time, but he didn’t care. What he care that time was only Doojoon near and beside him.They broke apart for a few seconds due to the oxygen, but that didn’t stop them from what they were intend to do.  The older brought him closer until there was no more spaces between them.   All the moans, the sighs and the voices calling out each other names echoed like it was the only sound exist in this world. Clothes messily sprawled on the ground and the sky outside was getting dark but they just didn’t care anymore.The next morning, Doojoon got up with the other side of the bed empty.