081. don’t cry ; dongwoo/ (1/2)

(uuuhh it's still the 9th here so it feels weird to write sad things ;_;  and things like these upsets me deep into my soul (guess how hard it was writing, ugh), but then again i can't write anything else right now sooooo..)

----------------------------------------------- From the first time Sungjong had seen Dongwoo, he had felt some kind of affection to the older man.

It had only gotten worse when they were placed in the same group.

In the beggining Sungjong was quiet, being the youngest made his voice kind of un-important in arguments and such. So he stayed quiet.

Dongwoo was loud. He was the second oldest, he was always happy.

It took a good few months before Sungjong started to believe more in himself and allow himself to speak his mind. And that was thanks to Dongwoo.

(Why are you always so quiet Jjong? I want to know what you think.)Sungjong did his very best to make Dongwoo proud of him, he couldn't place his finger on why he wanted to do that, but it felt nice to have Dongwoo smile at him when he recorded or danced. Maybe it was that Sungjong had always been looked at as "odd", and so had Dongwoo, they both still were. Yes. That was why. Sungjong felt a connection between them, and he wanted Dongwoo to feel it as well. That's why he worked so hard.

It was all for nothing, though. Dongwoo's smiled began to fade away from Sungjong, now they were more towards Howon.

Sungjong understood Dongwoo. Howon was absolutely perfect at everything, how could one not smile at him instead of Sungjong?

Sungjong was odd, after all. Oddest of them all.

(That night Sungjong cried. He usually didn't, but he couldn't help it.)After a month of being half-ignored by Dongwoo, Sungjong drew himself back again. He became quiet. No-one noticed, and he understood them. He was the odd, quiet, good for nothing maknae.

Another month, and Sungjong felt he wanted to leave. He didn't want to be in Infinite, he wasn't needed. Or well, he wanted to be there, it was his dream, but he wasn't wanted. He didn't want to be a bother.

When he tried to bring it up at dinner his voice was overpowered by everyone elses', and instead he decided he was done (even if he hadn't touched his food) and walked into his room.

Luckily none of his roommates walked in for almost two hours, because Sungjong didn't know how he would handle being ignored when crying. And he couldn't stop crying. He had just stopped when Howon and Sungyeol walked in to sleep. He gave them a soft "goodnight" and got two back.

(Sungjong didn't get any sleep.)"I am leaving."

Sungjong had taken his chance when everyone were out of breath after practice the day after. His voice was a lot more unsteady than he thought it'd be.

Everyone turned to look at him, faces blank.

"It's no big deal. I just don't want to be a bother. The fans will survive, I don't have that many and maybe I'll be in a new band, who knows, right?" Sungjong's voice started to crack more and more with every word. He wasn't used being listened to. "And you guys will be better off without me, anyways."

No one answered him, they just started, and Sungjong looked down on his own feet. He regretted telling them. He should have just left.