045. claustrophobia ; don (1/1)

(If you understand this chapter, congratulations, because I don't. And when someone thinks of 'claustophobia', this that I wrote might not match with your thoughts. But... Uhm, anyway, here it is. I'm sorry for the slow updates by the way, I am just not in a place to write all the time rn. xd) He couldn't remember when it started, all he knew that it was here now, and as long as it was, as long as he didn't get out of it, he'd be in trouble.

Crowds started scaring him months ago, little at a time, slowly, so he didn't notice. And one day, in the mall with a group of friends, it hit him. He couldn't be there. It was too many people, to crowded, too pushed together, too much.

He ran. His friends screamed after him, screams he couldn't hear because of the voice in his head. The voice telling him to get out.

He ran all the way home, not getting on the bus, the pure thought of how crowded it could be scared him. But that wasn't what was worst. What was the worst was that his room, his own room - where he always felt at home and at peace, that room scared him. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, they were going to crash him. He would die.

He slept in the livingroom that night, his roommate not asking why. His roommate hadn't been in the mall and seen him run away.Woohyun slept in the livingroom for a week. He didn't feel too safe there, but safer than his own room. His roommate was starting to worry, though. He had lived with Woohyun for three years now as they bought the apartment together when both entered a new school, they were the best of friends and had always been, but now, Woohyun was scaring him. Woohyun wouldn't let Dongwoo close to him. And the sleeping in the livingroom-thing would have been less scary if Woohyun wouldn't kick the blanket the Dongwoo tried to put on him when he was asleep off, yelling in his sleep how it was too close. The first nights Dongwoo had just rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving the blanket beside Woohyun, but now, he refused to. When Woohyun kicked the blanket off, Dongwoo tried again, and Woohyun kicked it off. After many useless attempts, Dongwoo ended up sitting by the sofa every night, trying to soothe Woohyun when he started talking in his sleep. Once he tried hugging him, but he got himself a busted lip and nonstop screams for a good while after that. He learned not to get too close to Woohyun. He so badly wanted to ask why, but as Woohyun wouldn't let him close even when he was awake, he couldn't find the time. He was happy Woohyun at least wasn't scared of wearing clothes, so the boy wouldn't freeze to death.

Dongwoo noticed how Woohyun skipped more and more classes. That, he tried asking Woohyun about when they sat in the livingroom to eat. That was the only room Woohyun would be in at that time. And he always made sure to stay a few meters from Dongwoo."Why are you skipping classes? You're in maybe, one or two a day? You'll get kicked out, Woohyun."

"I can't go." Woohyun pressed himself against the wall, only to flinch away from it and scoot to the middle of the room. "I can't."

"Why?"

"I can't."

"Then... Why are you sleeping out here? Why are you never in any other room, atleast not for more than a few seconds?" Dongwoo took his chance to ask, now that Woohyun for once spoke to him.

"I can't."

Dongwoo sighed. He so badly wanted to help Woohyun, he saw that something was very wrong with him, but Woohyun wouldn't even give him a hint.

"Then... Why are you ignoring me?"

"Because you are alive. You can move. You can... You can. I can't, you can, you might, you cannot might."

To Dongwoo, that felt like a stab in the heart. "Because you are alive..." What kind of excuse was that. And the rest... He didn't understand. Those words stayed with him for days as he tried to get it, to get Woohyun.For Woohyun, all was worse. He was scared out of his mind by himself, his own thoughts scared him. Deep inside he knew that the apartment wasn't small. His own room wasn't small, nor was it going to be his death. But the voice saying that was not as loud as the voice telling him that everything was too close. His entire body hurt everytime he pushed Dongwoo away from him, pushing Dongwoo away was the last thing he wanted to do, yet he had to. And it hurt. When he slept on the couch he was at the most peace he could, and he felt like that was because he could feel Dongwoo's precense.

He woke up one night, noticing Dongwoo on the floor next to him with a blanket wrapped around his body. Woohyun took a deep breath and got off the couch and sat next to him, his mind telling him to move and go further away, but he scooted closer and carefully put Dongwoo's head in his lap. Dongwoo woke up by feeling hands on his head, and he opened his eyes too see Woohyun. And Woohyun looked scared out of his mind.

"Don't say anything, not a thing, be quiet. You have to help me. Tomorrow, you will help me. Because I need to be able to be close to you." Woohyun leaned down towards Dongwoo's face and pecked his lips, quickly, before he stood up and stumbled a few meters away. His mind telling him it was too dangerous to be so close. But Woohyun wanted nothing more than to be that close.