Confessions (1/1)

Lee Donghae sat crouched outside SJ Galleries’ third floor studio space with his ear pressed against the door. Though he’d been escorted out by Leeteuk moments earlier, he wasn’t about to leave without at least trying to figure out what was going on. The way Siwon and Heechul interacted with one another wasn’t how mortal enemies acted. They spoke to one another as if they’d been friends in the past and shared a bond no one else understood.     Daring to crack open the door, Donghae peeked inside Heechul’s studio to find it empty. There were raised voices coming from Siwon’s room, the door separating it from Heechul’s barely cracked. Taking a deep breath, Donghae slipped inside the studio space and approached the door on the far wall. Peeking through the crack in the door, Donghae listened carefully to the two men arguing inside.     “Because I told him about the kiss,” Siwon spoke, “He blames you for our breakup.”     “Kiss?” Donghae whispered to himself, surprised by what he was hearing. “What kiss?”    “First of all, you’re the one who kissed me, so I had nothing to do with that.” Heechul returned, tossing the paper he was holding at Siwon and hitting the sculptor in the back of the head. “Second, turn the fuck around so I can yell at you for being an idiot.”    “Why am I an idiot?” Siwon asked, turning to face Heechul.     “You kissed another man and told your boyfriend about it,” Heechul informed. “It’s as if you wanted him to break up with you.”     “Maybe I did,”     “They kissed?” Donghae squeaked, jumping in surprised as he felt a hand tap him on the shoulder.    “What are you doing?” Eunhyuk asked as Donghae spun around and stared at him with wide eyes. “It’s not polite to spy on people.”     “I was gathering information for my paper,” Donghae whispered, grabbing Eunhyuk by the arm and pulling him from the studio. “Siwon and Kyuhyun broke up last week. That’s why Cho Kyuhyun was trashing Heechul and Siwon in the paper today.”    “So, they broke up? Why bring Heechul into it?” Eunhyuk asked once they were standing at the top of the stairs outside the studio space.    “Because, Siwon and Kyuhyun broke up after Siwon kissed Heechul!” Donghae whispered with excitement, “There’s something going on between those two. If people knew about this…,”    “It would be sensational,” Leeteuk’s voice sounded as he stepped out of his office across the hall. “Do you know how many people would flock to the gallery if it came out that those two were secretly dating one another?!”    “We don’t know that,” Donghae reminded, “All I heard was that they kissed. Well, that Siwon kissed Heechul.”    “I know they used to be roommates, maybe…,” Leeteuk began, the information causing his employee’s mouths to fall open. “What?”    “They were roommates?”    “In college, yes.” Leeteuk confirmed, “But they had a falling out after graduation. I have no clue why they stopped talking to each other, so don’t ask.”    “What are you three gossiping about out here?” Heechul asked as he stepped out of his studio. “Did I miss something important?”    “We were just discussing the impact of Cho Kyuhyun’s article on the gallery,” Leeteuk lied, “Did you find out why he and Siwon broke up?”    “They broke up because Siwon’s a fool,” Heechul provided, heading for the stairs. “I’m going home. I’m not in the mood to paint anymore.”    Later that evening, Kim Heechul found himself cuddled on the sofa with his two cats as his dog slept soundly on the carpet by his feet. He’d been watching television for hours, his mood dark and mind a flutter with thought. Siwon’s break-up with Kyuhyun had caused his emotions to go into two different directions. On one hand, he was relieved that the man he loved was no longer attached, on the other hand, he was confused as to why Siwon had told Kyuhyun about their kiss in the first place.     “Why did he kiss me?” Heechul mumbled to himself, “Why? It makes no sense…,”    Heechul’s words trailed off as he heard his front door click open and someone step inside. Thinking it was Hannie, Heechul let out a long sigh and waited for his former agent to appear in front of him. After firing the younger male last week, Heechul hadn’t seen or spoken to him. It was about time HanGeng made an appearance to beg for his job back, something Heechul wasn’t sure he wanted to give him.    “Hannie, I already told you that you’re fired!” Heechul called out as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind. “Go home! I’m not forgiving you for what you did to me? Being violated like that wasn’t fun, you know!”     “Violated?” a deep voice repeated, causing Heechul to flinch and his pets to scatter away from him. “Did he hurt you, Chulie?”    “Wonie?” Heechul squeaked, shooting up from the sofa as Siwon stepped into the living room holding a case of soju and a box of fried chicken. “How the hell did you get in here?”    “Your passcode is my birthday, remember?” Siwon reminded, “You fired HanGeng? Why?”    “He crossed a line,” Heechul informed, eyeing his house guest with apprehension. “What are you doing in my house in the middle of the night? Go away!”     “I wanted to talk to you about something,” Siwon explained, “I would have knocked, but I was sure you wouldn’t let me in.”    “You were right about that,”    “You fired HanGeng?” Siwon began, a strange look on his face as he spoke. “But, he’s your boyfriend…,”    “Hannie’s not my boyfriend,” Heechul interrupted, “Why would you think that?”     “You’ve been together since the night I caught you on the sofa,” Siwon reminded, “You stole him from me because you loved him, didn’t you? You’ve been dating him…,”     “I do not love Hannie,” Heechul corrected, “He’s my friend, but I never loved him, Siwon. Hannie and I aren’t dating, we never were.”     “I don’t understand. I saw you together. You were half naked and…,”     “Sit down, Horse.” Heechul instructed, finding Siwon’s confusion cute. “Let me tell you a story.”     “What kind of story?”     “A tragic one,” Heechul stated with a sad smile as Siwon took a seat on the sofa and placed the items he was holding on the floor. “You never gave me the chance to explain my actions to you.”     “I thought they were fairly obvious,”     “First, I was in my underwear that evening because I’d just woken up from a nap when the doorbell rang,” Heechul began detailing as he took a seat next to Siwon on the sofa. “HanGeng didn’t undress me. I was already half naked when I opened the door for him.”    “You were?”    “Second, that was the first kiss I’d ever shared with HanGeng. He’d been eyeing me for weeks, you know? I think he had a crush on me.” Heechul informed with a soft smile, “He kissed me first. It was my fault for not pushing him away, but I needed to know why.”    “Why what?”    “Why him?” Heechul whispered, looking down and nervously biting his lip. “Why you chose him to be your first. Why you chose him, and not…,”    “Not what?” Siwon pressed, reaching out and placing his hand under Heechul’s chin. “Chulie, look at me. Him and not what?”     “Why you chose to sleep with him and not me!” Heechul shouted, a sense of relief filling him as h finally found the courage to tell the truth. “I thought you were straight! Even though I loved you, I didn’t do anything because I thought you liked women! But, it wasn’t that you didn’t like men. You just didn’t like me!”     “Chulie…,” Siwon whispered, his heart breaking as he watched tears fall down Heechul’s face.     “I hated you the moment you brought HanGeng home. I hated you for finally finding the courage to admit to yourself who you really were. I hated that you’d come out to a stranger before telling me! I hated that I wasn’t the first person you thought of! I hated that you chose him and…,”    Heechul’s words trailed off as Siwon suddenly leaned forwards and connected their lips in a deep kiss. The kiss took Heechul by surprise, not expecting such a reaction to his confession. Siwon kissed him with hunger and desperation, his arms sliding around Heechul and pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss. Heechul responded to the kiss, moving his lips and opening his mouth to allow access, Siwon’s lips feeling like fire against his own.     “Why him?” Heechul whispered as the kiss broke, leaving them both panting and flush.    “Because, I was afraid.” Siwon answered, his voice filled with shame. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”     “Hurt me?”    “I started dating HanGeng as an experiment. I wasn’t sure I was actually gay. I needed to test things out. I needed to see how I really felt..,” Siwon explained, “I wanted to make sure.”    “You could have asked me to help you, Wonie. I would have…,”    “No,” Siwon interrupted, “I couldn’t do that to you, Chulie. If I was wrong and I was just confused, it would have hurt you. I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I couldn’t treat you like some throwaway experiment. I loved you…,”    “Because I was your best friend,” Heechul interrupted, “You loved me, because I was your Hyung..,”    “I loved you because I was in love with you,” Siwon corrected with a gentle smile, “I think I was in love with you ever since the day we met. It just took me a long time to realize it, Princess.”    “You were in love with me?” Heechul repeated with a pout, “You dated HanGeng as an experiment, because you were in love with me.”    “I wanted to make sure my feelings were real before I told you about them,” Siwon explained, “I didn’t want to hurt you if I didn’t have to, Chulie. You were my best friend. I wanted to keep you by my side forever, even if it was just as a friend.”     “But, I went and fucked it all up by making out with Hannie,” Heechul grimaced, “Actually, Hannie fucked it up by falling in love with me while dating you. This is all his fault!”    “HanGeng loves you?” Siwon asked in surprise, “I mean I assumed he did when I thought you two were a thing, but…,”    “Hannie’s been in love with me for years. I think it’s the reason he hung around so long and agreed to represent me.” Heechul concluded with a shrug, “But, I never slept with Hannie. I haven’t slept with anyone since college, actually…,”    “Really?” Siwon gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. “Why?”    “I don’t know,” Heechul lied, not ready to admit that it was because he couldn’t imagine being with anyone except the man sitting in front of him. “It doesn’t matter now anyway.”    “But, it does matter…,”    “I’m not going to sit here and discuss my sex life with you, Horse.” Heechul snapped, his cheeks tinging in embarrassment. “I’m not like you. How many boyfriends have you had since college, twelve or fifteen?”    “Four,” Siwon clarified, “You used to sleep with everything that moved. So, don’t judge me.”    “I was burying my grief in other men’s dicks,” Heechul huffed, “It was kind of difficult being in love with my straight as a line best friend. So, I looked for love elsewhere; I never found it.”    “Neither did I,” Siwon added, reaching out and placing his hand alongside Heechul’s face. “I’ve missed you, Princess. Please, come back to me?”     “I never left, you know?” Heechul chuckled, knocking Siwon’s hand away from his face and standing up. “I’ve been bitching at you for years. It’s kind of fun.”    “Is that what you want us to be?” Siwon questioned, watching as Heechul retrieved the soju and chicken off the floor. “Enemies?”    “I’d like to try and be friends again,” Heechul clarified, “That is, if you forgive me?”    “There’s nothing to forgive. I was an idiot for not letting you explain what happened that night. I’m sorry…,”     “And, I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt about you dating HanGeng. Maybe we could have been dating right now, instead of screaming at each other.” Heechul said with a bitter laugh as he carried the food towards the kitchen.     “Maybe we could have,” Siwon agreed, hope filling his heart as he stood from the sofa and trailed after Heechul.    “But, it’s too late for that.” Heechul continued, his words causing the hope in Siwon’s heart to wane. “It was all just a bunch of boyhood crushes, it seems. You’ve found plenty of men…,”     “Boyhood crushes?” Siwon repeated, reaching out and taking hold of Heechul’s shoulder. “That’s not it…,’    “Then, what is it?” Heechul asked as Siwon spun him around. “Do you still love me, Horse? Are my eyes all over you fucking sculptures because you’ve been pinning away for me all these years? Are my paintings in your house and my naked body in your art because you’ve never gotten over me…,”    “Yes!” Siwon practically shrieked, causing Heechul to drop what he was holding onto the ground, the soju bottles shattering against the tile and sending clear liquid across the floor. “I still love you, Kim Heechul. I love you now.”     “You love me?” Heechul whispered, his heart hammering as he tried to comprehend what he’d just been told. “Why didn’t you say something? What took you so fucking long?!”    “I thought you were with HanGeng. I thought you hated me…,”   “I did hate you!” Heechul shouted, stomping his foot. “I do hate you! I hate you for being a fucking idiot and not coming to me in the first place. You should have told me how you felt at the start!”     “I’m sorry…,”     “Don’t apologize, just…,” Heechul stammered, not sure how he felt about everything he’d just learned. “Go home, Horse. I need to think all this through.”    “How do you feel about me, Chulie?” Siwon pressed, “You said you loved me back then. Do you love me still?”     “Why the hell do you think I’ve been celibate all these fucking years,” Heechul growled, narrowing his eyes. “While you were screwing every guy you met, I was sitting in my apartment stabbing horses and screaming out my frustration. A person doesn’t do those things over someone they do not love, Horse.”     “Does this mean..,”    “It doesn’t mean anything right now,” Heechul cut off, waving his hand in dismissal. “Go home. I need time to think.”     “Alright,” Siwon complied, leaning forwards to steal another kiss, but frowning when Heechul took a step back instead. “I’ll see you at the gallery. Sleep well, Princess.”     “You too, Horse.” _________________________________________________________________________________COMMENTS = LOVE!!!