Chapter 25 (1/2)

Hi! This will be the final chapter of this story. This update is really late and I’m sorry for that but here it is!Enjoy!   Will You Realize..? Jinki has been up on the rooftop for a long while now, walking and looking around. Seeing if things have changed from the last time he’s been up here, which has been quite a long time. He let out a small smile when he found that the place stayed just the same. Jinki continued to walk around the place until he headed to a certain area of the rooftop where he remembered he stayed at most often when he was younger. He stood there spinning himself until he was looking over the railing that was only a few feet away. The idol missed how he and Taemin would rush towards it just to look over and stare off at the city, just talking about anything and making inside jokes along the way. He missed how they’d be the only ones up here doing whatever they wanted without being afraid of being scolded. He missed the laughs he had with the boy but most of all he missed Taemin’s presence beside him. He let out a sigh when he realized that he missed a lot of things now that he was at the rooftop. The things he was thinking as of now where thoughts he’d never would’ve thought he would miss. Because back then, he always had Taemin with him, it never occurred to him that things would change drastically for the both of them. It never occurred to him that the boy wouldn't be standing with him at a moment of reminiscing. Jinki let out one last sigh before lying on the ground to stare off at the stars. Before—years ago, there would be a blanket just underneath him and someone, being Taemin, would lay beside him. There were times where they would bother each other with nudges as they relaxed or times where they both would tickle each other just for the fun of it. Jinki tried to look at each star he could find in the dark sky, and memories of wishing upon them with the younger boy came flashing back to him. He recalled all the silly wishes and wishes that actually came true. Just thinking about that moment made him smile. Anything with the younger boy made him smile. He continued to look at the sky and it made him want to thank it for witnessing the growth of his and Taemin’s friendship. Still lying down, Jinki looked around the place and just seeing the place made him want to thank it as well. It was the place where he first met the boy. It was the place where a friendship grew. It was also the place where he first fell in love. He just wanted to thank everything that has been with him when he was with Taemin. He cherished them with all his heart. Jinki closed his eyes with a nice calm smile on his face, arms crossed behind his head. Only letting himself live in his memories where he and Taemin were together. He’s always reliving memories whenever he felt the boy was drifting from him. However, Taemin was back to being friends with him. So right now, he just wanted to recall each and every thing he and Taemin did because just doing that made him feel relaxed. With the thought of the boy he began singing, still keeping his eyes closed. Jinki loved to sing alone where no one heard him. He liked to sing songs he related to — he most especially liked to sing out his thoughts and most especially in places where no one would judge him for it. Though, no one he knew judged him. He just really liked to sing having a peaceful atmosphere around him. He didn’t put much thought into what song he was going to sing but a few seconds into it, he noticed it was the same song from when he first met Taemin — the song where Taemin accidentally interrupted what he loved to do, the song where he realized that his heart was beating for the boy. He didn’t stop when he realized it, instead he let out a bigger smile and continued singing the song over and over again, not stopping in between.

***

Jonghyun, Key and Minho has been worrying about where the other two members were. Though, they worried about Taemin more. Not long ago, their manager called in to ask if Taemin had gotten home safe considering the boy had wanted to go home by himself. When the elder man received an answer of ‘no, he’s not here’ he knew he was in trouble. While their manager was frustrated for not knowing where Taemin could be, the three members were worrying. What made the three worry more was when their manager told them that the younger boy had ended his schedule in the middle of the afternoon and seeing how it was now late at night, they began to panick. From what they knew, Taemin has always called any member he could reach to say he’d stay out late and when he didn’t the boy’s friends would. The three didn’t bother to call Jinki because they knew he must be hanging out with some of his other friends. Also, they worried that if Jinki found out Taemin was out late again, he would possibly think that the young boy was drinking like last time. They knew that if that ever happened again, hell would break loose. It was obvious none of them wanted that to ever happen again, not when everything seemed to be coming along properly for the two boys. They didn't get it. Everything was coming along just well, why was this happening? They tried calling the maknae, only the phone was answered by the manager making them hiss. Now, they were really worried. The boy didn’t have a cellphone on himself which meant they didn’t have any source to contact him. Though instead of panicking like they were already doing, Jonghyun spoke “You guys… let’s just stay calm okay? He must be walking around, getting some fresh air.” He nodded to himself as if to calm himself down. “But for hours?” That led to silence, but it was possible, they all need a walk for time to time so they all agreed that Taemin might’ve been walking around. However, the thought that the boy was free from his schedules since the afternoon and was still not present at the dorm still made them worry a lot more. Seeing how his members were panicking not only because of Taemin but also because of what Jinki’s reaction may be. Ignoring the last thing said,Minho replied “hopefully you’re right hyung.” The three members tried to calm themselves a bit, holding onto their phones. They agreed that they’d stay in the living room just in case one of the two members came back.

***

Taemin now opened the door with a beating heart. He didn’t think anyone would be up at the rooftop and most especially he didn’t expect someone to be singing up here either. He kept his head down not wanting to be seen as intimidating to the person who was already here, he just wanted to spend some time here and recall everything. Though now that he entered the place he loved so deeply, he heard the voice clearly now. A voice which he was so familiar with. He didn’t want to believe it but when he lifted his eyes from the ground to the person, he saw his leader, he saw Jinki. The sight of the older boy immediately brought flashbacks of when they first met. The way Jinki was lying on the ground, arms behind his head — the way his face looked calm from his singing. Now that he thought hard of it, he remembered this particular song. And hearing it again made his heart beat way faster than it already was. Taemin didn’t know if he was suppose to be here or not. He didn’t know if he should leave or not. But like years ago, his feet led him to the older boy. Jinki continued to sing, not knowing that someone else was up here with him and Taemin continued to walk slowly towards him. If Taemin’s heart wasn’t beating so fast — if the air didn’t feel so hot around him — though he knew it shouldn’t be, it was late at night and it was chilly, he would’ve smiled. He would’ve smiled because everything that was happening now just felt like the day they first met. The younger boy stopped a few feet from the leader and admired him, he looked at Jinki with eyes that said they were full of love. Taemin did his best to control his nerves from shaking, he shook his head with eyes closed and looked up to look at the leader with determination. Just like before. He called out to Jinki and though he didn’t want to stutter like the first time, he couldn’t help it. So many feelings were rushing everywhere within him. So many questions were running through him. Questions like, ‘what is he doing here?’, ‘has he been coming up here?’, and questions like ‘did this mean he missed the past so much like he said he did?’ Taemin was getting dizzy from not knowing why this was happening. He was getting dizzy because he couldn’t believe anything that was happening. He couldn’t believe that he was almost reliving the past. “H-hyung…?” Jinki stopped and finally opened his eyes with furrowed eyebrows. He thought he heard wrong, the maknae couldn’t be up here with him again could he? He continued to look at the stars before he slowly turned his head to the left, unsure if he was right or wrong. When he saw the boy standing there, the same memories that Taemin was having flooded his mind. Jinki looked at him with a smile — the smile that made Taemin fall for him in the first place. He sat up and beckoned the younger boy to come closer. “Tae, what are you doing here? I thought you had a schedule to do?” He asked. He really thought Taemin would’ve been home, having the rest he needed. He didn’t think that they’d both meet up here once again. Just like fate. “I did, I’m done now though…” Taemin replied with a much quieter tone as Jinki was now standing with hands in his pockets. It was quiet for awhile, they didn’t know what to say to each other. They just continued to look down and took stolen glances of each other. It was obvious that Taemin was nervous and Jinki was too, however he masked it with his smiles. “You should be resting then… you might get sick, you’ve been working since early morning.” Jinki told him. “Ani… I’m fine.” The both of them didn’t know what to do, they didn’t expect to see each other here in the first place. When Jinki saw Taemin shifting his knees to sit on the ground he followed, sitting beside the younger. The both of them had their head up and were now looking at the stars, though it was Taemin who focused more on them while Jinki just kept shifting his eyes from the sky to the younger boy. Taemin felt it. “Have you been coming back here for a while?” Taemin started which had Jinki go off guard for not expecting anything from the younger. He didn’t think the boy would ask questions, he only thought he wanted to just sit in peace.“Ani,” he sighed and looked forward. “Just today…” “Me too.” Taemin hummed. Fate. Jinki chuckled quietly because of his thoughts and he smiled slightly because of it. The quiet atmosphere was still present and all they did was look around the place, trying not to make things more awkward than it already was. “The place is still the same.” Jinki started. Taemin looked at him then looked away with a smile. “That’s nice to know, I was hoping it would still be the same.” Taemin replied with a warm tone. When the younger boy didn’t receive a reply he turned to the elder. Jinki seemed like he was having troubles and he wanted to help, like he's always done in the past. He patted Jinki’s back and later rubbed it. “You seem like something is going on in your head, want to talk about it?” Taemin shifted his head lower to get a better look of the leader, trying to see if the boy was okay. “Ah neh… though I don’t know if you’d like to hear about it…” Jinki mumbled. Jinki thought about it. Jonghyun told him things he knew he should be doing now, it was such a perfect time to be doing it and it’s been weeks since that conversation happened. He then thought about what Jungah and Joon had told him a few weeks back as well. Everyone kept reminding him that everything would turn out okay for the both of them… but will it? He kept asking himself the same question. Will it? Will everything be okay now? He was doubting the things they told him. Although he knew Taemin loved him back, the thought of the boy loving him could always change. So many things has happened in between, so many things has changed because of those events. It was possible that Taemin’s feelings for him changed as well. Jinki knew it was this reason why he sometimes called himself a coward. He always backed out of things when he knew it was perfect. However, other words of his friend Joon kept popping in his head.

“If you really want to make it happen, then you’ll make it happen. And since we know Taemin has feelings for you as well then I’m sure he’ll make it happen…”

Though those words should be helping him, it only messed with his mind more. As Jinki was thinking to himself, Taemin thought about what Jinki said.He thought it was stupid. “Come on hyung, I won’t judge.” The younger boy nudged. “I’m your best friend remember?” He smiled at Jinki as well as patting the other’s shoulder this time. The thought that Taemin still considered him his best friend made Jinki feel much better than in the recent days. That meant everything was going back to where it was before, before the situation happened. “I know you won’t…” Jinki mumbled. Taemin nudged him once again “then what is it?” Jinki took in a big sigh and closed his eyes for awhile. Seeing how Jinki was like this, Taemin thought the problem might be really serious. So he paid extra attention to what the other was going to say. “I’m single.” Taemin needed time to let that sink in. He should be jumping right now but instead he laughed. “You’re single…” the boy giggled. Jinki didn’t know why Taemin was acting like this. “Should I be comforting you?” The boy giggled again. Jinki let the boy have his fun, just looking at him with clear confusion. Jinki hugged his knees as the boy continued to laugh. Why did Taemin laugh? He laughed because he thought it was foolish for someone to dump the older boy.Maybe I’m becoming crazy… “She broke up with me…” Jinki started. “Yeah, I kind of figured…” Taemin giggled back.Jinki hummed back in question “how do you know?”“Oh come on, knowing you, you wouldn’t break a heart…” The younger boy finally calmed down and smiled at Jinki. “Ani… I can be a heartbreaker…” Jinki mumbled. “You? Lee Jinki? A heartbreaker… that’s funny hyung.” The boy calmly said as he now looked back at the sky with a smile. No one talked for awhile and they continued to stare at the stars. Jinki kept looking at Taemin and though he thought about the conversation he had with his friends he pushed those aside. He thought throwing Taemin a surprise was stupid, he didn’t want to make it look like his feelings were just a joke. He wanted it to seem sincere. So after a long while Jinki whispered something that surprised the younger. “I broke your heart didn’t I?”

***

“Yah we should call manager again… maybe now he knows where Taemin is.” Kibum spoke after a long while of waiting. “Does it make sense that he hasn’t called us if he did found out?” Minho asked. “Stop it you two before you guys start bickering at each other again.” Jonghyun stopped. The singer was holding onto his phone, still waiting for a phone call. They had called Taemin’s friends asking if the boy was with them, when they all answered a ‘no’, the three worried a lot more. Just when they were losing hope, though they knew the boy would come back sometime, Jonghyun’s phone rang. He picked it up immediately. “Jonghyun, he’s at the SM building. I got a call from the security guard that he walked in a few moments ago.”“Ah keure hyung, but do you know why he’s there?” Jonghyun asked. “I don’t know, maybe to practice again. Don’t worry now, I’m sure he’ll be back then. I told the security guard to call me when Taemin leaves.”“Okay thank you hyung.” Jonghyun looked relieved when the phone call ended so the other two were relieved. “Where’s Taemin-ah?” Minho asked. “He’s at the SM building… maybe to practice.” Jonghyun shook his head. “This late? He should be resting.” Kibum spoke. “I know but maybe this new comeback is stressing him out.” Jonghyun sighed. “And when he’s stressed, he dances.” “But he hasn’t done that for years now…” Kibum said. “What? Stress dancing?” Minho asked in which the other nodded.“That’s because he always had hyung to talk about his problems with…” Jonghyun answered their unvoiced question. The other two agreed with him with a slow understanding nod. “Oh, but Tae should know he could talk to us when he needs someone.” Minho spoke. “But he doesn't feel that close to us, unlike what he feels with hyung.” Jonghyun reminded. After some time they still continued to stay in the living room seeing they won’t be able to rest without knowing if Taemin was fine or not. However, as they were waiting, Jonghyun couldn’t help but wonder why Jinki was out so late. From what he's seen, the older boy has fixed that “habit” of his. Jonghyun was just hoping everything was going to be fine. He felt like something was going to happen, though he couldn't pinpoint if it will be good or not.

***

“I broke your heart didn’t I?” Just after Jinki said that, he knew he caught the younger boy off guard. However, before he even thought he was going to say those words, he knew he was gathering up his courage for something but what he didn’t know was that it was for those words. Although he was thinking of way to start the topic, the leader didn’t know what made him say those words… all he wanted was for Taemin to know that he was not seeing Jungah anymore. He made it up himself that he’d confess his own way but he didn’t think it'd be like this. Jinki was internally hitting himself.He was a really dumb lover, he thought. “B-bwo?” Taemin mumbled not looking anywhere but at Jinki. He knew what the other said was true but how did he find out? How did he know? And although that topic matched to what he said prior about Jinki not being a heartbreaker, this still surprised him. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to surprise you…” Jinki rushed out, he moved away from Taemin not wanting the other boy to be uncomfortable. However, Jinki’s act made Taemin’s heart beat — not from fluttery feelings but from ache. The younger boy read the actions wrong, thinking it was Jinki’s way of saying he didn’t want him, that he was disgusted of him. He… he hates me... Taemin turned his head towards the boy and though it was too early for tears, his eyes quickly formed them. “H-how…” Taemin’s voice wavered and it made Jinki look at the boy in worry. He made a mistake again didn't  he? Was all the older boy could think of. Jinki didn’t notice it himself but he shifted closer to the younger boy, turning him to face him. Jinki’s right hand heading towards Taemin’s cheeks. “P-please… please don’t cry.” Jinki hushed as he wiped the tear that fell from Taemin’s left eye. Taemin only looked at him with uncertainty. He saw how Jinki’s eyes were tearing up as well, and to him it only meant one thing. But he still denied those thoughts. Jinki couldn’t be… With so much going on Taemin shut his eyes, causing more of his tears to fall. He kept shaking his head still having his eyes closed as if to tell Jinki he wasn’t going to believe anything he was going to say. He held onto Jinki’s hand that was wiping his tears for him for awhile and took it away from him as he got up and began walking away. “Taemin…” Jinki stood up as well and began following the boy. When Taemin didn’t stop he rushed towards him, now being in front of the other. “M-minnie…” Jinki held Taemin’s cheeks in both his hands, wanting the maknae to look at him. However, Taemin still held his head down as well as shutting his eyes shut again. Taemin didn’t want to face anything. Everything was happening so quickly. He wanted to hug Jinki but at the same push him away, now that he realized Jinki knew all along. Jinki was now crying as he was trying his very best to get to Taemin, to have him look into his eyes to tell him that what he felt for him was real. After awhile, he moved his hands from the boy’s cheeks to his back, trying to hug him. But as he was trying, Taemin kept slapping — pushing them away as he continued to cry. Both of them were crying for each other, from the hurt because of the past, from the love, from the pain that they were now feeling. They both knew they were hurting each other so much right now because of Taemin pushing him away and because Jinki giving his all to apologize and deliver the message that he loved him deeply. But seeing how the younger boy was pushing him away made him hurt a ton more. They continued to fight each other. Jinki continued to try calming Taemin with his hugs and words and Taemin continued to push him away. Taemin was getting tired from it, not wanting to do this anymore so he let Jinki win. Once Jinki finally had his arms around the boy, he caressed his head into his chest as well as kissing the top of it. Taemin was still somehow pushing Jinki away but the older boy used his strength to keep him close, to whisper into his hair that he was sorry and that he loved him. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Taemin whimpered and hit wherever he could hit the leader at but Jinki accepted all of them, knowing he deserved all of it. For hiding and for lying. “I h-hate you…” Taemin kept mumbling repeatedly as he hit the leader. “I h-hate you so much…” It hurt Jinki to hear those words. It hurt to know that Taemin hated him but again he didn’t do anything about it and continued to hug the boy. “Shh… I know, I’m sorry.” Jinki cried quietly into his ears. They stayed like that on the rooftop for quite some time. Jinki swayed the both of them from left to right to help calm Taemin. He continued to apologizing to the younger boy as well as kissing his head from time to time. However, now that Taemin’s words processed in his head he slowly let go of the boy, wiping his eyes and turning his head away. “I… I guess you can go now…” He stopped just before his voice could not form his words properly. Jinki lifted his head up with a smile — a smile partnered with red eyes and tears. Taemin had a good look of it. The younger boy knew right off the bat that, that smile wasn’t real, the smile was full of pain. It didn’t match Jinki. It now hit Taemin that not only was he the one getting hurt, Jinki was too. “Taemin- Minnie, I’m sorry.” Jinki mumbled to him as he stepped back a couple feet from the other. However, Taemin didn’t say anything back, he only watch him. When Jinki turned around to walk back to where they were sitting, he thought the younger boy had left considering he heard the door closing. He thought Taemin didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He knew the boy was hurting but not by this much and now he couldn’t do anything but blamed himself because he caused this. He sat on the ground pulling his knees close to the his chest and keeping his head in between. He started crying and grabbing onto his hair as well as hitting it. He continued to call himself stupid and he didn’t stop not until someone held his arms. Taemin lifted Jinki’s arms away from hurting himself and dropped them by Jinki’s sides. He didn’t want Jinki to hurt himself when he didn’t deserve it. Jinki lifted his head up to look at the boy and closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry Taemin-ah… I’m so sorry.” Taemin only hugged the boy now, now wanting to comfort him. “I’m sorry too hyung…”

***