Tears (1/1)

Every now and then, Taemin would come over to my apartment for a sleepover. I began getting used to his presence that I felt empty being alone. At times, he would sleep on the couch, confessing to me that he was feeling too sexually frustrated to control himself. I laughed at him, suggesting that he should leave my apartment but he never did. Then there were the other occasions where Taemin preferred snuggling in bed with me.It will be a terrible lie if I were to say that I wasn’t shaken by his actions. Sometimes I might wake up in the middle of the night with my heartbeat fluctuating at the sight of his face just a few inches away from mine. I might snuggle closer by placing an arm around his waist. ‘Taemin, you can call me yours now’ a cheesy statement may come to my mind but I stopped myself time and again to say something so hopeful. The thought of Jongin getting married in another two weeks brought me to the doorstep of their apartment a couple of times.I had no idea what brought me there with such desperation and hope for a confrontation, but whenever I reached out my hand for the doorbell, I shrunk away in fear. What if Sumin were to mock me again? What if Jongin were to tell me so heartlessly that he no longer loved me? I paced back and forth in front of their apartment before leaving like a coward at the verge of tears. The rest of the day didn’t work out right after that—I sulked at the sight of Taemin, pushed myself away from his affection and head straight back to my room.It seemed as if he knew what I was going through because Taemin never left my apartment. He stayed in the living room, watching the DVDs that we had rented at the start of each week. Then after a couple of hours, I might walk out of my cage and sit beside him on the sofa.Today was no exception.…. …. ….I plopped down on the couch beside Taemin who was concentrating so hard on the movie he was watching. I stared at him guiltily and poked his biceps.“Are you angry?”“Mmmmm.” I didn’t get that. I knitted my eyebrows and moved away from him, curling up into a ball at the other end of the couch.“What’s that supposed to mean? ‘Mmmm’?” Taemin failed to give me a reply. “Are you angry with me? You are upset that I looked for Jongin, aren’t you?”He reached out his hand for the remote control to turn down the volume and turned his head to look at me. It seemed as if I had just said something he didn’t expect to hear. “So you were upset because of him? Not me?”We stared at each other for the longest time before I broke into laughter. I didn’t know what made me laugh because my heart was still aching for someone else. Taemin was blushing, obviously feeling embarrassed by the misunderstanding he had. He then looked away from me, and turned up the volume of the video once again. It began to hurt more when we fell back into the silence; I gazed at the moving images on the television but wasn’t paying any attention to it. My chest felt so congested that I found it difficult for me to breathe.“I’m sorry.” I finally said.“Sorry for what?” He sounded really bitter. I shifted away from him and returned back to the other corner with my knees drawn up to my chest.“You are really angry now.”“Quite. No, extremely.” Taemin did not even try to be subtle with his words. He crossed his arms and watched the movie so intently that I started gaining curiosity as well. That familiar piece of music was blasting in the stereo; the volume was a little too loud for me but I couldn’t care less. It was my favorite scene of ‘Up’—a dream that Jongin and I once discussed about a couple of months ago. How could I ever tell Taemin about how much I loved Jongin? To the point where I thought of having a future with him, where we would grow old together in the apartment we bought together?I didn’t realize that I was crying until I felt the tip of his fingers brushing against my skin. I lifted up my chin and saw Taemin leaning towards me with a hand cupping my right cheek. I moved away from him and mumbled that apology that probably didn’t mean anything to him or us at that point of time.“Why are you crying?” I didn’t want to tell him.“It’s about Jongin, isn’t it?”“I said I was sorry. As much as you’re angry with me, I’m angry with myself too. I gave Jongin my heart and….and he threw it away. He didn’t want it anymore.” Bursting out into tears after yelling at him, I stood up from the couch and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. The tears made me over-dramatic. Despite falling on to the mattress sobbing like there was no tomorrow, I started reflecting and regretting about the childish act I put up just a few moments ago. I heard a knock on the door and a delicate voice outside, asking for permission if he could enter the room.I was in quandary as to whether I should oblige to his request or not. So instead of giving a reply, I covered myself with the blanket and tried to calm myself down.“I’m coming in, Minyeon.” I heard his footsteps coming towards my direction and sensed him slipping beneath the blanket just next to me. I battered my eyelids, feeling so forlorn despite having Taemin by my side. “You confronted him?”I shook my head.“Stop crying.” Pulling me closer to him, Taemin pressed his lips fervently against mine with his arms snaked around me. “I’m here.”“Can you…” I bit my lips. “Can you kiss me again?”When he kissed me, it seemed to take a part of the pain away from me. But I was too selfish, too foolish and too ignorant to realize that Taemin had taken over the heartache for the woman he loved.The woman that might never love him as much as he did.  A/N: Smut again?? ^^ Ask.Fm