[M] “Every time I think of yo (1/1)

“Every time I think of you” [Krisyeol] “The past me did not understand

how to cherish love,

I once believed that even if love

ended, it would be fine But now,

I am changing because of you

Clearly, you aren’t by my side

Yet my love is still continuing,

as if it knows no bounds”~ EXO (Miracles of December [Chinese Version])  A [late] birthday present for my friend 50chen~_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Yifan fumbles around in his pockets, wondering vaguely if he had the actual ability to lose his apartment keys in the lecture hall. Which was completely impossible considering he had put them in zipper pockets, but one never could tell. Ah, there it is. He tries twice to insert it in the lock and fails. Blinking his tiredness away angrily, he sticks the key in with a bit more force than necessary and turns it, finally opening the door and entering his apartment. It isn’t exactly a grant suite, but it’s okay. Yifan has more things to worry about than not having five-star luxury housing. Like that paper he has due in an hour that he was unable to work on because of his job. Nothing like putting up with rude customers that demanded their coffee be made in ten seconds because they were stressed for exams and clearly stressed people that snapped at baristas to hurry up because they couldn’t be bothered to wait deserved to have their lattes made in record speed. Yifan stifles a yawn. He needs caffeine. He drops his backpack at the dinner table, where he would pull another all-nighter working in his paper with only coffee at his side for company. At times like this, Chanyeol would be at his apartment with a coffee of his own, either pulling an all-nighter with him while being productive (aka doing the Calculus homework Yifan shoved at and whined for him to do; Yifan was never one for the mathematics), or just chatting with him, keeping him sane while Yifan slowly struggled through his workload. On rare occasions, Chanyeol would bring over a piece of chocolate cake and present it with a shy smile to a surprised and blushing Yifan, because Chanyeol never baked and only did it for two reasons: because Yifan had whined that he hadn’t had chocolate for a long time, or he was feeling particularly kinky and wanted to see Yifan’s abs slathered in a sweet layer of chocolate. And other parts of his body, too. But that was... Yifan sighs. That was long ago. Chanyeol had changed and Yifan was unwilling to change with him. He was cruel to Chanyeol, choosing himself over his boyfriend that day, watching Joonmyun lead Chanyeol away while the latter fought hard not to cry. Joonmyun had looked over his shoulder with a hard gaze that clearly communicated that this was not over. Admittedly, he had been seeing more of Joonmyun’s friends lately, but they haven’t done anything to him yet. Of course, that did nothing to lighten the amount of suspicion he was feeling; Joonmyun wanted Yifan and he doubted Chanyeol was opposed to that idea as well. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t join them. He was selfish. But he was scared. He was heartbroken. The blonde male trudges to his kitchen and opens the cupboard. Pulls out a package of coffee powder because he is too lazy to make it the coffee shop way. As the kettle begins to boil the water, Yifan puts his head down and lets out a tired groan. He peeks up at the clock near the window. 11:01 PM. He had 58 minutes. To pump out three pages worth of fancy words. He could do that. The kettle begins to wail, and Yifan takes it off the stove and pours the water into his cup. He smiles as he lifts the mug to his lips; the smell of coffee calms him, though he smells it for five hours three times a week at the coffee shop. The aroma was enticing; the scent was warm and sweet and reminded him of Cha- He suddenly stands up straight because something is immediately off. With a gasp, he spins around to face his window and nearly spills coffee all over himself, because Huang Zitao was definitely not sitting there a minute ago, but there he is now, perched on Yifan's counter with a playful, feline smile. "Hi,” he says happily. Yifan glares at him. He would be happy to see his friend on normal occasions, but tonight, and especially tonight, was not one of those occasions. “What do you want, and how did you get in?” “Through the window,” Zitao replied nonchalantly, gesturing to the open window behind him. Yifan’s jaw drops. He lives on the twelfth floor. “I just came to give you a warning,” Zitao continues, playing with a tattered string on his jeans. “I’m so not supposed to do this; Joonmyun will be so mad at me and I will so get punished lots, but I figured you should at least be given the chance.” Yifan’s blood runs cold and his throat is suddenly dry. “What are you talking about?” But he already knew. He had always known. “Full moon tonight,” Zitao grins, his canines gleaming in the dim kitchen light. “Joonmyun is coming.” That spurs Yifan into action. The mug drops, shattering into tiny pieces on the kitchen floor. The hot brown liquid spills everywhere, but Yifan is already hurling himself out the door, barely managing to grab his keys and wallet on the way. Zitao is calling after him; but he barely acknowledges the whiny remonstrations for breaking the panda cup Zitao always liked to use when he came over. He had run down the entire length of the hallway, coming to a halt and pummeling the down button for the elevator. 1st  floor, 2nd floor, stops on the 3rd. Yifan lets out a snarl of frustration and runs for the stairs. He throws open the door and runs, taking five steps at a time. Sometimes having long legs is useful. He makes it down five flights of stairs when he comes to a screeching halt. Jongin is leaning against the railing of the stairwell, playing a game in his phone but smirking nonetheless at Yifan’s arrival. “Going somewhere?” he asks, baring his fangs in a predatory smile. Yifan lets out a terrified yelp and detours into the 7th floor hallway, where thankfully the elevator had stopped and the doors are just opening. He rushes in and nearly breaks the 1st floor button when he pushes it. Another press of a button and the doors are sliding shut, the lift descending to the ground floor. Yifan bends over, panting and clutching his sides. He is getting weird stares from the people in the lift with him, but he doesn’t care. The doors slide open on the ground floor and Yifan is the first one out of the lift. Only to come to a halt yet again when he comes face to face with Jongdae, who is sitting in the lobby lounge reading a magazine. “Hi, Yifan!” the male calls, putting down the magazine and making to stand up. "No!” Yifan cries, loud enough to garner the attention of everyone in the lobby. He speeds off, shoving his way through the door while hearing the amused laughter of Jongdae behind him. Now he’s out in the cold streets, weaving his way in and out of people, not knowing where he’s going but knowing that stopping meant caught and caught meant Joonmyun and Joonmyun meant NO NO NO he wouldn’t get caught. He had made it three blocks when his wrists are grabbed from behind in a firm but gentle grip. “Hyung!” the happy voice of Sehun permeates through Yifan’s fear. “We haven’t seen you in forever, Chanyeol’s been-” “Sehun, please!” Yifan screams, trying to wrench his way out from Sehun’s hold. He is strong and Sehun is small, but Yifan is only human and Sehun almost seems amused by his struggling. “Please let me go.” “But Joonmyun will be mad at me,” Sehun whines petulantly, tightening his grip on Yifan’s hands and dragging them into an alley. “Besides, it won’t be that bad. You can be with Chanyeol again and you’ll only have to do it once a month-” But at that moment Yifan had backed up and slammed the two of them against the alley wall and Sehun cries out in pain, dropping his hold on Yifan. There is a silver pipe leaning against a garbage can and Yifan grabs it, holding it out in front of him in a defensive stance. Chanyeol crying against the wall, shaking hands clutching an exam paper littered with angry marks from a red pen. Sehun is crying. “That hurt, hyung! That was really mean!” he whimpers, wiping the tears off his eyes. “And now Joonmyun will punish me and I don’t w-want to be p-punished because it hurts!” Yifan holding Chanyeol’s hand, rubbing small circles in the other’s palm and promising in a low, sincere voice that everything would be okay. How Chanyeol had stared up into Yifan’s gentle eyes with his tear-filled ones, and closed the distance between their lips. Even in his situation, Yifan’s heart breaks a little for the poor boy. “J-Just stay away from me Sehun. I’m sorry.” He runs away, leaving the crying boy in the alleyway and feeling strangely guilty. Because that alleyway was where he and Chanyeol had first kissed. He is scared. If they caught him he would be subjected to that. Under Joonmyun’s command, carrying out his orders under fear of physical pain. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that for Chanyeol when he had asked him to. Yifan is faintly terrified of how Sehun caught up with him so easily… he was well blended with the market street, well hidden by merchants making their last attempts of the day to sell their products, concealed by the pungent steam of the food stands and protected by all the people moving around him. Perhaps he is not hidden enough. He darts into a mall complex, hoping that Joonmyun's hunters would be put off by the number of floors and shops he could hide in. Chanyeol and Yifan used to shop in here all the time in the winter, coming here after classes to take shelter from the cold and eating at the food court, spending the holiday season doing winter shopping and dawdling forever in candle shops while Chanyeol made it his goal to smell every type of candle in the store. Yifan is again weaving through everyone, not stopping to apologize to those he jostles because hey they’re not the ones with an entire horde of supernatural beings after him. So which store to hide in? he frantically asks himself, and decides in the spur of the moment to dive into a lingerie store. It made sense, no one would expect him to hide in there. He shelves his pride for a moment as he ducks behind a pile of ladies underwear. Though a store employee decidedly thinks his face is too close to the lingerie for comfort and angrily throws him out of the store. Right into the arms of Luhan. “Nice of you to drop by,” the pretty male grins while Yifan splutters out of fear. “Didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.” “W-What do you want?” Yifan wails, trying to free his arm from the grip Luhan has around him. “You won’t bite me, none of you are coming at me with those teeth of yours!” “Relax, I won’t,” Luhan says calmly as he drags a protesting Yifan to the exit of the mall. “I’m not going to bite you. I’m just taking you back to Joonmyun.” “R-Really?” Yifan stops struggling for a second, daring to believe that he won’t have to turn. Luhan smiles angelically at him. “Then Joonmyun will bite you.” Yifan lets out a cry of terror and instinctively punches Luhan right in the face. It wasn’t the smartest decision he’s ever made, he’s definitely broken his hand, though Luhan groans and staggers back, releasing Yifan. The people around him are gasping, muttering in surprise as to how Yifan could do that to such a nice-looking boy, but Yifan is already out of the mall complex and racing down the street, fear gripping his insides as to how they keep finding him so easily coupled with the new agony in his right hand. Then he gets it. Idiot! They’re not human; they’re tracking you by smell! This makes Yifan stop, his heart hammering madly. How would he get away if they could follow him anywhere? He has to get to the water. His scent would disappear at the water’s edge. He makes for the river, half aware of where he’s running. All he knows is fear and that he can’t keep running from Joonmyun forever. The thought makes him stop, bending over and clutching a stitch in his side. What did he want? To be human, or Chanyeol? Yifan screams out loud in frustration. He is then knocked down to the ground by something hard. Stars erupt behind his eyes as he is forced onto his back, neck exposed and belly up, the submissive position for a wolf. “Hmm. Not exactly the way I planned to find you, but…”   The handsome face of the first wolf he saw that night swims into Yifan’s field of vision. “Hi,” Zitao says playfully. “I did give you a warning, you know.” “Zitao,” Yifan pleads, the tears streaming down his face. “Zitao… We’re friends …” Even in his voice he can hear the wavering resolve. Zitao’s eyes suddenly are downcast. “I’m sorry, Yifan,” he says sadly. “I am your friend, but my orders are absolute. Think about it this way. You’ll be doing this for Chanyeol.” His friend is sprawled over him, Yifan takes note of how his knee is very close to Zitao’s groin, one simple jerk would be sufficient enough for Yifan to escape, because werewolf or not, Zitao is still a male. He has to make a decision now. But Chanyeol. Does he really want to run anymore? Yifan relaxes his knee. The last thing he sees is Zitao’s raised fist before he blacks out. ~ “Come on, wake up.” Yifan groans and peeks open one eye. Chanyeol is looming over him, a tired smile on his face. Yifan doesn’t like it. So he takes his good hand and pops him one in the face. “Ow!” Chanyeol falls back, clutching his eye. “Was that really necessary?” “I hate you!” Yifan shouts, leaping to his feet. He regrets it immediately as his head spins and he has to steady himself. “You stupid, fucking wolf who got himself bitten when you went clubbing even though I told you not to go that night!” He throws another punch at Chanyeol’s face, though this time the other dodges it. “I was over you, I chose humanity over you and I didn’t want this and then your fucking pack comes after me for months on end and I’ve been spending all these nights alone and worrying about whether or not you’re still alive, and fucking dammit Chanyeol I missed you so much-” Yifan’s rant is muffled as Chanyeol captures his lips in a heated kiss that sends Yifan tumbling back onto the floor. “It’s all my fault,” Yifan sobs weakly into Chanyeol’s chest. “I’m sorry, I’ve been so selfish, I-” “It’s okay,” Chanyeol soothes, running a hand down Yifan’s back to make him feel better. Yifan is normally a very calm man who rarely shows emotion and seeing him break down like this was terrifying. “Chanyeol,” a soft voice sounds from the hallway. Yifan looks up to see Joonmyun leaning against the wall, unwavering eyes fixed in him. “I need him.” Chanyeol bows his head in submission. “Yes, Joonmyun.” Yifan immediately starts hyperventilating again. “I have to do this?” “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter,” Joonmyun says gently. “Full moon is in ten minutes and I’d prefer to get this over with as soon as possible. “ He turns to Chanyeol. “None of you have permission to change tonight, it’s only me and Yifan, is that clear?” Yifan tears himself away from Chanyeol, backing toward the wall. “W-Wait.” “I will explain this to you all in good time,” Joonmyun answers, his tone light but with a hint of annoyance. “I am normally a very patient person, Yifan, but my patience is wearing thin. Do not make me knock you out again.” “Do it,” Chanyeol pleads. “Please, don’t make him mad, Yifan.” In the years to come, Yifan will forever blame his decision to follow Joonmyun on Chanyeol’s puppy eyes. Joonmyun closes the door, and turns the lock. The sound is amplified by the silence of the room. “Please excuse the blood on the mattress, I had to punish Zitao and Sehun for their misdeeds.” This new piece of information does a very good job at dispelling whatever calm Yifan had managed to gather in the last few minutes. “You see, it doesn’t reflect well to disobey an Alpha or to let a human overpower a werewolf. The others will be punished after full moon, of course.” Yifan decides not to respond. Joonmyun smirks. “You fight very hard to stay human, Yifan.” “Then why don’t you let me stay human?” Yifan snaps. “Why go through the bother of having to punish half your pack?” Joonmyun gives a light smile as he pulls his shirt over his head. “I will tell you, Yifan, but first I suggest you remove your clothes. Your transformation will happen whether or not they remain on, but I really would prefer they not be destroyed. You don’t have to look when I transform, by the way, it’s not exactly a pleasing image.” Yifan does not budge. “Very well," Joonmyun sighs. He removes his pants as well, leaving his naked body shining in the soft rays of the moon peeking through the curtains. “Lie down. Please.” Heart hammering, Yifan lies down obediently on the bed; Joonmyun also climbs into bed and leans on all fours over him. Yifan suddenly feels like prey trapped underneath a wolf. “Despite the image you seem to have of me as a violent, domineering Alpha, I do not do this for the sadistic pleasure of making you mine. In fact, you are free to leave my pack after tonight, if you wish. However, know that this is for Chanyeol’s sake. His wolf has selected you as the one it wants, and the rift between you two has made him weak. He does not eat, he worries about you constantly, he has gone through his first heat without a mate to satiate him, he blames himself for everything that has happened. I have never seen such unwavering loyalty coming from one of my pack, and I will not let this wolf waste away to nothing. I cannot let him continue living like this, you are the one he wants, and so I shall give him the werewolf he needs.” Yifan has already known this. Perhaps he’d known it all along, when every night his entire being yearns for Chanyeol, even though his decision to remain human had been firm. “I… I understand,” Yifan tries to say bravely, but his voice comes out in a pathetic stutter. He's trapped between his desire to retain his humanity and his love for Chanyeol. But now, it’s clear to him what he should have chosen all those months ago. Joonmyun glances toward the window. “Almost time.” “’Joonmyun, I’m scared,” Yifan blurts out, the words seeming so childish, but he doesn’t care. He is placing his life in the control of a werewolf he has never met before and he wants to know he will be safe. “This is new and I don’t know- just if you could- promise me everything you said is true. Promise me everything will – promise me Chanyeol will be okay.” Joonmyun smiles a reassuring smile and runs his fingers through Yifan’s hair. “I promise, Yifan. I don’t lie to my pack.” It’s okay. Then the rays of light really begin to stream into the room. Joonmyun stares into Yifan’s eyes with his own red ones. “Tonight is going to hurt, Yifan. Prepare yourself.” “For Chanyeol,” is the last thing Yifan thinks before surrendering his humanity to Joonmyun. ~ Chanyeol is sitting right outside the Alpha’s door with his head between his arms.  He feels the call of the full moon, but his Alpha’s orders help him to resist it. It’s not long before he hears Joonmyun screaming, his enhanced hearing allowing him to hear the wet ripping of skin and then sickeningly loud crunching as his Alpha’s human body is torn apart and then Yifan is screaming too because he is terrified, he has never wanted any part in any of this and to stay in the same room as a transforming werewolf is not an easy thing to do. Joonmyun’s cries slowly turn into whimpers and then pained growls, and then awful snarling that has Yifan screaming louder. There’s a lot of profanities being tossed around but Chanyeol doesn’t blame him one bit; he wished Kris didn’t have to go through this for him. Then the sound of teeth ripping through skin comes through the door and Chanyeol flinches when Yifan cries out loudly in pain. Joonmyun is still growling, his snarls muffled as his fangs are still embedded in Yifan’s’ body, still filling it up with the curse and then Chanyeol hears Yifan changing, too, hears his throat tear itself apart with the screaming and howling, hears how every last crunch of bone and rearrangement of vital organs is accompanied by a pained wail and a frightened cry for Chanyeol and Chanyeol’s wolf is purring with pleasure. His mate is joining him. ~ The door opens in the morning and Chanyeol immediately stands up, facing a very exhausted-looking Joonmyun as the latter closes the door behind him. “He’s alright,” the Alpha smiles tiredly. “He’s sleeping, now.” Chanyeol suddenly tackles Joonmyun in a hug. “Thank you,” he blubbers, his heart filling with emotion. “I really hate you and love you for doing it, but thank you.” “Uh,” Joonmyun says intelligently. “I guess you’re welcome? Please let go, Chanyeol, I already had my bones broken twice in the past twelve hours.” “Oh, sorry,” Chanyeol grins sheepishly and releases his Alpha. Joonmyun looks at his wolf, and sighs. “You’ll be okay, now. Both of you will be. Now go clean him, you big, silly wolf.” “Okay.” Chanyeol hesitantly steps into the room. It’s filled with the scent of blood, but that’s expected. The room is strangely undamaged, but from what Chanyeol heard it sounded like Yifan had fainted from the pain. And Joonmyun knew better than to claw up his own room. Yifan is human again, snoring lightly into a pillow. Chanyeol smiles; his mate is alright and resting. Granted, his body is littered with still healing bruises and there are very dark circles under his eyes and Yifan’s clothes are no longer intact, but everything’s going to be okay. And of course, being the clumsy giant he is, Chanyeol trips over his own two feet and lands on top of Yifan, who is awakened with a grunt of pain. “Chanyeol?” Yifan’s voice is raspy and husky from sleep, but Chanyeol has been away from it for months and can’t resist drinking it in. The male is peeking one eye open at him from the bed, which brings back memories of morning afters where Chanyeol would be greeted the same way and Chanyeol feels all fuzzy inside because a naked Yifan in the morning was one of his favorite Yifan’s to wake up to. “Hey,” Chanyeol sits on the bed, running his hand through Yifan’s hair. “How you feeling?” “Like shit,” came the reply. Chanyeol grins, then leans down to lick Yifan’s wounds clean. The older male tenses at first, then hums in satisfaction as he feels the wolf’s tongue trail across the scratches and tears on his body. “Better?” Chanyeol asks, tracing his thumb across a scratch that is healing rapidly. He is given a playful slap on the shoulder in response. “I had a paper due,” Yifan chides gently. “You would have fallen asleep on it,” Chanyeol responds with a roll of his eyes as he lies down next to Yifan. The two stay like that for a while, Chanyeol listening to Yifan’s steady heartbeat while the other cuddles into his chest. “Chanyeol.” The name falls off Yifan’s lips like they did so long ago, with love and not with the disappointed longing that it up until recently had. “Kiss me.” So Chanyeol does just that, lifts Yifan up and kisses him like they’ve never kissed in months. He feels loved again, the loneliness left by Yifan being filled up by the other’s presence, every reassurance that everything will be okay easing the ache in his heart. “I’ve missed you,” he gasps against Yifan’s lips when they part for air. “It’s okay, I’m here,” Yifan murmurs back. “I’ve been selfish, I ran for the wrong reasons, but I’m here and I love you, Chanyeol…” The two fall back on the bed, still not letting go of each other. They hear Zitao squeak as Sehun pounces on him with a "Good morning!” that was way more happy than necessary. “Should we get up?” Chanyeol asks, tracing Yifan’s collarbone with his finger. “What time is it?” “Around 7:00 in the morning.” “No.” Yifan flops onto his side and pulls the covers up to his chin resolutely. Chanyeol grins. Even when he was human, Yifan never woke up early.     _________________________________________________________________________________________________________  [A/N] meep. I live. Happy Birthday, 50chen~!            From Noppa And happy holidays to the rest of you!