ANGST AND TENSION (1/1)

After staring at my ceiling for what seemed like hours, I squeezed my eyes shut then rubbed them before looking at the clock.“Hull!!!!” I said in a loud voice. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!!! CONT..."eottohge", i said very frantic. I'm late again for Big Bang's comback album session. "What's wrong with me".I quickly jump out of bed, showered, and did all the things you need to do in the morning and ran for my shoes. As i was running, i tripped and fell. I suddenly realized i had a dog when Gaho stared at me sideways and started barking coming towards me. I also realized that  I didn't make up my bed. I've been so out of it lately because I've been having so much things on my mind, I'd rather not get into.I looked at the clock one more time and said sorry to Gaho for not bringing him and internally cringed at not being able to clean my room because i hate messyness.*At YG Ent. building*As I was half walking, half running to the recording room, Yang Hyun Suk was nearing me and I stopped in my tracks and bowed  down to him looking apologetic."Sunbaenim, I...""Jiyong-ah, after recording, I think we should talk," Yang Hyun Suk said in a worried tone cutting me off," but right now, you should answer to the faces in that recording room," he concluded, then went off to his original destination.I put down my head as I opened the recording room door expecting the worst. I bowed once and daring to lift up my head, said sorry. Everyone just stared at me and Teddy was the first one to break the silence."We didn't start yet because we were waiting for you", Teddy started at me. "We have a long day ahead of us, why have you been coming late like this all of a sudden?" Teddy asked, annoyed yet worried.Before I could answer, T.O.P said, " Let's just start already, we wasted so much time."I sighed, and sat down in my chair to begin the process of recording our song called "somebody to love", but looks like i'm going to change it to "somebody I hate" with the aura coming off from every one towards me. The atmosphere was strained and tensed. I could tell that Yongbae was staring at me trying to get my attention but i pretended that i couldn't see him. After a while he sighed, showing that he had given up on me.Aish, I thought. 3 hours into this recording session and it feels like it's been a whole day. I'm also hating this atmosphere. Our sessions are usually carefree and fun, or semi-serious but right now its dead; no one is talking to me unless they have to and i can feel it. There was probably half an hour more till our break and I couldn't wait any longer.I abruptly got up as Teddy was talking to me about some pitch changes for Seungri because it didn;t match the feeling of this song. Teddy looked at me surprised and I made up the excuse that I desperately needed a smoke.As I was getting up, just about to open the door, Seungri muttered something under his breath that sounded like " you come here late, and now you want to leave early. Why did you even come to begin with?"I was going to reply to him but didn't bother, I was really starting to crave a cigarette. I closed the door and not even moments after i closed the door, Seungri said, "When was he going to take responsibility. He's been coming in late these past weeks and all he has to say is sorry. What tpye of a leader is he becoming?"Then I heard Daesung defend me, which kindof surprised me because of his nature to avoid conflict. "Ya!!!", Daesung said defensively, "respect your hyung, don't talk down on him like that". He realized that he was border line yelling, cleared his throat and continued with "why didn't you wake your hyung up or talk to Jiyong about being rediculously late these past week?. I mean he is your dormmate," Daesung asked Seungri more quietly and evenly.Seungri replied bby saying, "you would've thought that he would learn from his past mistakes after repeatedly coming in late, so i didn't think i had to remind him,: Seungri said very snottily."Guys", T.O.P yelled at an attempt to stop Daesung and Seungri's bickering."All I'm saying is that Jiyong should take responsibility. My hyung or not, to me, right now, he's not acting like he's older than me, but a very young and immature person," Seungri replied.Yongbae, whose been quiet the whole time said, "although he's been my best friend ever since I was young, I sort of agree with what Seungri is saying to a certain extent."Teddy voiced his opiniopn of agreement by saiying, "me too. Lately Jiyong has become somewhat distant or strange acting. He's definately not himself as of now."Teddy's comment was the last thing I heard before stepping into the elevator to go the the underground parking lot. My heart was so tight with agony and anger listening to them argue over me. When i was finally int the parking lot, I lit up my cigarette and started smoking. The overwhelming storm of emotions in my heart came over me which urged me to scream "FUCK!!"Shortly after, an ambush of tears started flowing down my cheeks. I bent down and curled up my legs, leaning on a pillar started to cry the hardest i could. I couldn't stop murmuring "why must something like that happen to me and not someone else. I found out about myself a few months ago, but why me. I don't want to feel the way i do. Why me", is all i kept repeating.  *AUTHOR'S NOTE*hello peeps xD. The next chpt is going to be the first blog that "Mr. A" has posted yay!!!! lol >>>>keep reading pls ^_^i'll do my best to give you a good story :)also... i want to add real events in my fanfic, as i've been doing before with G-dragon's character. he was a child star basically because he grew up in the ent business and how him and Yongbae have gotten into a fight once and such. I'm wondering with the recent Daesung car accident, if in the future i should add that inccident into it, to give my story a more real approach. Im thinking that it would be too much though and inconsiderate. I don't know. I only have two subscribers xD so can either one of you help me decide if i should use that information. :S Thanks in advance :)