When March Became the Sta (1/1)
“I’m sorry but I have things to do today… I’ll just make it up to you next time. I’m really sorry… I’ll just text you later. Mwah~” She hung up the phone. It’s my off today. Instead of shutting my eyes all throughout the day, I decided to spend it in a more meaningful way. A date with my Hyunmi… But she has something to do today causing my plans to be shattered in an instant. I was locked in my hectic schedule for the past weeks, we barely see each other… communicating through texts, calls and e-mails, that’s all what we had and I must confess that all of those aren’t enough. Every day, I long for her, as each minute pass, I’m missing her more. I want to see her again, not in my dreams anymore but for real, I desire a glimpse of her for real. I want to feel her in my arms, hold her slender hands with mine and kiss her soft red lips… I’ve been anticipating for that time and yet no matter how much I look forward to it, it only gets farther and farther moreover to it, my bare hands can’t reach for it anymore especially now that she’s becoming distant to me. Our conversation gets shorter and she hasn’t been answering to all my calls, she usually replies to all my text messages and e-mails but now she hardly does so. Whenever she knew that I’m free, she’ll do something just to be with me… But just now, it was odd and different. ‘Why? What’s wrong?’ I want to ask her but I don’t have enough courage. I’m afraid to hear her retort… I might be hurt and fall in pain. I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want it to end like this… And suddenly, my tears lingered in the corners of my eyes. ‘What for? What are these for?’ It’s not yet over but my tears… Am I feeling too much pain? “Hyunmi-ah” I whispered, tears then followed, I can’t stop it… I covered my eyes with one hand as I was still laying my back on my bed and the other still holding my phone. “Hyung~ are you crying?” Sungjong suddenly asked. Did I wake him up? Am I weeping aloud? I remained silent, if I utter another word, I will surely breakdown and drown in my own tears… “Hyung?” A question from him again but this time I can feel him getting closer to me. No. Please don’t come closer. And I was saved when someone knocked on the door. “Lee Sungjong, Hoya. Wake up! Manager brought us something for breakfast.” It was Sunggyu Hyung. “Arasseo!” Sungjong immediately replied. He tapped my arm and said. “Hyung, get up now before Sunggyu hyung scold the two of us.” Then he left. As soon as the door shut, I sat up and my hands wiped the tears trickling down the face of mine. “Hoya, don’t cry. It will never happen. She will never leave you. Don’t look at every angle in a negative view. Everything will be alright.” I told myself. I stood on my feet and wore my favorite purple glass. And before I went out, I breathe in some air and let out a deep breath subsequently, convinced myself with my own words. “I’m okay now.” As the door opened, I saw Woohyun hyung, Sungyeol and Sungjong sitting round the ramen and chicken manager had brought. I took the seat beside our maknae. After a second L came behind him was Sunggyu hyung whom I believe, woke him up from his peaceful rest. They both joined us as they took their seats. “Okay. We can eat now.” Sunggyu hyung said and the members started to eat our everyday food. Until I noticed. “Where is Dongwoo hyung?” “He went out early.” Sunggyu hyung replied. “Ah~ I see.” “If you aren’t looking for your girlfriend, you’re looking for Dongwoo hyung. Is he also your girlfriend?” Woohyun hyung suddenly asked. He’s at it again. “Ani~ I’m looking for him because he isn’t around.” I bit the chicken after explaining. We talked about non sense things… As usual… And as we finished eating, manager came in and asked about the food. Sungyeol burst out with a lot of demands about the food that we should eat and even my hyungs complained. And our great manager changed the topic by simply asking me... “I thought you’ll be having a date with Hyunmi today?” I was avoiding the thought and now, it came back all over again. Just to avoid questions, I pretended and lied. “ah~ yes… I’ll use the shower first. She must have been waiting for me now.” I said with an awkward smile. I went to our room and took my towel. I rushed to the bathroom and asked myself… “Now what?” I ended up going on my own date… A date with myself. How should I spend my day? I was inside the cab and my eyes shift from left to right as I try to spot some good places to stay at… And then I saw Dongwoo hyung in front of a coffee shop. There were only few who visit that shop, it wasn’t that popular. And I guess, it’s a good place for an idol. I told the drive to stop the cab. I was about to get out the car and approach him but my body froze when I noticed the woman beside him… She’s not just any woman, she is MY woman… Hyunmi. ‘Why are they together?’ Hyunmi told me that she has something to do today… But why is she with him? I called Hyunmi but her phone was off. ‘What’s the meaning of this?’ I then dialed Dongwoo hyung’s number. I want to ask him where he is… I want to know if he will say the truth to me. But before I was able to call him, something pushed me back, my fright held me back. My heart abruptly ached as I jump on different conclusions, just by looking at them, it pains me a lot… “Sir?” He broke my thoughts. “Uhmmm… Continue to drive. I changed my mind.” “Where will we go sir?” “Just drive.” And he drove the car off to different places… Where shall I go now? It was 8 in the evening, still early I consider it. “Oh. It’s still early, you usually go home later than this.” Woohyun hyung said in surprise to see me at such time. Yes, I just came home from my road trip. “Did the two of you fight?” He smirked from his question. “No we didn’t.” I walked towards the kitchen and drank a bottle of water. The members then teased me, they suspect that something really happened. Well, yes. Something really happened and thinking about it makes me go insane and my heart… it wanted to cry. “Really?” He asked again. “I’m sleepy.” I ignored his question and the members’ undying antics. I went to our room and shut the door close. Luckily, Sungjong is outside together with the others, the room is mine even for a few hours. I dropped my body on the bed. ‘Hoya… It must be a coincidence… You know that she loves you and your hyung can’t do that. Stop thinking about it anymore…’ I let myself believe in it until my eyes slowly closed. I woke up as hunger strikes. I haven’t eaten anything because of what I saw, it made me lose the appetite to eat but now, my stomach demands for food. “I should fill my stomach before I die from hunger.” I stood and saw the empty bed of our maknae. I eye on the clock. “11:03” I thought its midnight already. The members may be still on their conversation… I reached for the knob and slowly turn it to open the door… When… “Dongwoo? What took you so long?” I heard Sunggyu hyung’s voice. It means that he just came back from somewhere. “Sorry for making you wait. I was supposed to go home early but a fan recognized me and they were all running after me so I hid until they were gone.” “So what happened?” “Ah… about that...” Suddenly their voices faded. I can’t hear them anymore. What are they talking about? What is it all about? I placed my ear on the door, hoping I would be able to hear something… And I hear only a few… “We should keep this as a secret…” Is it a secret from me? “He shouldn’t know about this.”Out of the blue, I got uncomfortable. What are they hiding? Are they really hiding it from me? I sat on the bed and checked on my phone. I saw 3 messages from Hyunmi. “Hoyaaa~ I’m really sorry about earlier… I promise to make it up to you. ^^” “Are you mad at me? T.T” “Hoyaaa~ Forgive me. T.T” I smiled as I read her messages. The last one was sent at around 10:56. She might still be awake. I dialed her number and it was answered after a few seconds. The moment she answered it, I laid back on the bed, lying on it comfortably. “Hyunmi…” I called her gently. Talking to her gives me a relief… “Are you mad at me?” “I wasn’t able to answer your texts because I dozed off so don’t think that I’m mad at you. Arasseo?” “Don’t worry. I’ll make it up to you. I swear.” “March 28. Let’s meet on that day after our recording.” “Ah~ about that… I can’t…” My heart was stabbed. “Why?” I started to worry. “We have to go to our province because my grandpa is sick. They say that he is about to die… I’m sorry.” Is it all a coincidence? Or is she just avoiding me? “I understand. Don’t worry. Ah~ Hyunmi, I need to hung up now… Saranghae~” “Okay…” I waited for her to say something else but she ended the call. It pained me again. Hyunmi, I’m willing to give you everything, my heart is yours, you are the only one that I look at but why do I have this feeling that you can’t give something in return to me, even your heart, sometimes, I feel like it doesn’t beat for me anymore. Do you love me still? With that, I pulled my blanket and covered my whole body with it. I shut my eyes and I let my heart calm itself from crying as I think of the good memories… Only the good ones. I must be wrong in thoughts… I may be… and I should be… Morning broke, another hectic schedule coming in our way. We started the day early and ended it late. Days like that continue to come and go, and within those days, I wasn’t able to talk to Hyunmi… Two days before my day... I tried to call her but it can’t be reached… I went out and saw Dongwoo hyung talking silently with someone. It was the first time that I saw him like this. “I think it’s better if… ---” He ended the call as soon as he saw me staring at him. He wasn’t even finished but he ended it already. “Who was that?” I questioned out of curiosity. “You weren’t even finished talking.” “Huh? Actually, it’s not important…” He looks nervous and uncomfortable. “Dongwoo!” Sunggyu hyung called from my behind. “Come here” He went inside the room and left me alone. What’s with them? They really left me here alone while all of them are having fun in a single room. I don’t understand them. Not a bit. And I hear a phone ringing. It was Dongwoo hyung’s. He left it. I picked the phone and was surprised when I saw who was calling. “Kang Hyunmi.” The moment I read her name, everything around me froze. Why does she need to call him? She has a time to call him but why isn’t there any time for me? First, I saw them at a café and now, this… All of a sudden, the air, I lost the air that I’m breathing, the pain is killing me, gradually it eats my heart, and my knees dropped on the floor. The pain poisons my whole being, shattering me into pieces… My eyes created rain through my undying tears and I can’t even utter any word. Whatever this feeling is, jealousy, selfishness or whatever they may call it… I’m starting to hate it… It troubles me a lot, it creates different stories in my mind, stories which are not pleasant to watch in reality… And the moment I hear their voices as the room’s door opened, I rushed to the bathroom. I took my phone from my pocket. Is it the right time to judge that the end of everything is just waiting at the corner? If I will call her now, what shall I say? Should I ask her about everything? What if her reply will make my fears be in reality? My fears which have started for the past few weeks… The fear of losing her… My finger wants to dial her number but my hands were shaking which causes the failure to contact her because I can’t… I can’t imagine myself bidding my farewell to her. I love Hyunmi so much… So much that I am willing to endure the pain and wait for something good. “Hoya! Are you done?” A voice from outside. I guess, it was Woohyun hyung. “Ah~ yeah.” I wet my face with the cold water from the faucet but my eyes were still red… “Hoya.” He called as he knocked on the door. I then came out with a towel covering my face. Pretending that I was busy wiping my wet face, I passed through them but Woohyun hyung called me again. “Hey! You left your phone.” “Ah~ thanks.” I hastily took it from his hand and walked towards the room… There I continued my tears until I had fallen asleep.