[M] Say My Name (1/1)

Hakyeon hadn’t been moved from his seat for three hours now. It’s almost midnight and Taekwoon still had not come home. The flower bouquet he’d prepared earlier before sat idly on the table, along with a bottle of the finest wine he could laid his hand on. His phone was dead silent. He had called Taekwoon for god knew how many times to no answer.Taekwoon loved the moon so much. He said that the moon gave off a mysterious beauty aura that he found in Hakyeon. After that, Hakyeon loved the moon as much as Taekwoon did.That night, the moon didn’t appear. Hakyeon couldn’t help but think that it was some kind of bad omen. He felt chills down his spine as he looked outside the window to find the sky ws covered by the dark clouds. Once again he looked at his watch, a gift from Taekwoon on his birthday last year.It’s 12.01 a.m.Taekwoon didn’t come home.***“Honey, wake up.”Hakyeon’s sweet voice brings me back from my dream to the reality. A bittersweet reality. I cracks my eyes open to meet Hakyeon’s pretty, uneven eyes. He smiles at me lovingly, and so do I.“It’s time to get up, babe. Your work’s not gonna wait for you.”I leans forward and kiss his cheek, “I don’t even get a ‘good morning’ from you.” And Hakyeon chuckles.“Good morning, Taekwoon.”***I join Hakyeon in the dining table after washing up and changes to my work uniform. He waits for me in an oversized white shirt and black pants. He holds a mug full of tea while looking outside the big window. I’ve been living with him for three years and still can’t get used to this scenery. The sight of Hakyeon looking at the city like he’s thinking of something. He doesn’t even realise when I sits in front of him.Well, of course he had served a breakfast for me. Waffle and black coffee.My favorite.“What are you thinking?” I asks him to get him out of his thought. He averts his gaze from the window to me. He smiles.“I’m thinking of you.”“Me?”He puts down his mug. I can see that he hasn’t drink even a drop of his tea. “you choose to live in this...penthouse because you like the scenery of the city from above.” He says. I cuts my waffle and eat a piece of it, waiting for him to continuing his words.“I don’t like high place, but when I see the world from this window, I can understand why you live here.”I shoves another piece of waffle to my mouth. It tastes good. I look past Hakyeon to the window. The scenery does look really good from this place. No wonder the price for this penthouse is so high it’s almost fantastic.“Taekwoon?” suddenly Hakyeon calls me. I look at him, who’s looking at me with that angelic smile of him. He looks so, so, so soft and tender that it hurts when he calls my name.“I love you,” he says.I make three big gulps and half of the black coffe Hakyeon made for me run through my throat. It’s bitter.“I’m going,” I say to him. I stands up and kiss him in the lips. Softly, gently, just the way I always did.“You’ll come home, right?”There it is. The question he always asks every morning before I go to my workplace.“Of course, darling. Of course,”  I kiss him again, “I will always come back to you.”***I drives my car faster than I ever did. Maybe I’m a little bit overspeed, but I need to go home fast. Damn, my phone hasn’t stopped ringing fo the past 1 hour. Hakyeon. I don’t know what will he does if I don’t get home quickly. I don’t even want to remember the last time I come home late.I rushes to the lift and punch the button to our penthouse. As I wait for the lift to reach the highest floor, where Hakyeon and I lives, I spray my perfume over my body, just a little bit so Hakyeon can smell it.“Hakyeon?” I call him as soon as I open the door to our penthouse. No answer. I takes off my shoes; doesn’t bother to put it to the right place. I run inside and scan the living room. Hakyeon’s not there. Then he must be in our room. So I run to the room and, yes, Hakyeon is there lying on the floor. His eyes are empty and his body so rigid that it scares me. I can hear he’s mumbling something. Something I can’t understand.“Hakyeon, hey,” I speaks in lower tone as to not startling him. He doesn’t react.“Hakyeon, darling, it’s me. It’s Taekwoon.”Still no answer. I can feel the feeling of panic creeping up in the back of my mind. But I have to keep calm. It’s alright. This is not your first time coming home with Hakyeon like...like this.I put my arm under his shoulder and hauls him up. First, hug him. I remember Jaehwan said that to me. Let him smell the perfume.So I did. I hugs him and make sure he can smell the perfume I sprayed earlier on my body.“Hakyeon please,” I speaks right on his ear, “wake up for me, baby.”I can feel Hakyeon’s hand on my back. He grabs my shirt. Weak, but he does. Then I hears him inhaling some air. Good, he should be able to smell the perfume.“Taek?” he speaks so softly that it is more like a whisper than talk.“Yes, yes baby. It’s me,” my arms holds him tighter, and so does Hakyeon. His hands are shaking as he lift his right hand to the back of my head. The other hand stays in my back. no one speak for a while. I let him gathers his sense first.“I thought you’re not coming home,” he says, “I thought you leave me. I thought you ditch me forever. I—““Shh, Hakyeon, honey. Breathe, just breathe.” And Hakyeon does. His breath is shaky, just like his entire body. After sometimes, I experimentally let go of him, to see if he’s alright. Well he’s far better than before. But then his body topples to the side, so I holds his arms to prevent him from falling.“Honey, can you stand?” I  put my free hand on his cold cheek. His eyes are half lidded and glassy. It’s like he’s under some hypnotise and losing some consciousness. Well, he nods, basically saying that he can walk. But no, I decides he can’t. I put my arms on his back and under his knees and lift him up from the carpeted floor. Hakyeon circling his arms around my neck. His head dips into the crook between my shoulder and my head. His body hasn’t stop shaking.I lay him in our queen sized bed. Only then I can see streak of tears on his beautiful face. I kiss his forehead, and then his cheek.Make sure to stay in his reach until he’s back to himself. Jaehwan’s voice rings in my head.“I’m so sorry, Hakyeon,” I said, “I’m sorry, I really am.”Hakyeon gives me a small smile. He pats the side of my head with his hand.“I love you taekwoon,” he says. I takes his hand and kiss them. He’s not trembling as much as earlier, but i can feel the slight nervousness on him.“I love you too, Hakyeon.”***I love Hakyeon. I really am. I always wants him to look at me, to love me as I am.It’s still early in the morning. We haven’t had our breakfast yet and here we are. Entangled on each other body in our bedroom. I kiss his neck; sucking it a little bit hardly that I’m sure it’ll leave mark. The strip of sun light that goes through the window draps over Hakyeon’s golden skin. They’re glowing. Hakyeon’s skin is glowing.No, Hakyeon is glowing.“Say my name,” I whispers to his ears. A low moan slips out from his wet lips as I speak on his ears. My hand is still roaming on his bare skin. I know he likes it when I touch him like this. “Say my name, angel.”“Taekwoon,” he said, “Taekwoon, Taekwoon, Taekwoon.”I smiles.***“You’re hesitating,” he says as he curls up in my arms. Neither of us bothered to put any clothes on.“Hm?” I closes my eyes and takes a deep breath. His hair smells like lemon and mint. His favorite shampoo, and also my favorite shampoo.“When I called your name earlier you’re hesitating for a bit,” he says, “is something wrong?”I kisses the top of his head. I can feel he’s melting onto the kiss as he’s snuggling into my arms, “that’s because I love it when you say my name.”I hear him sighs, “I love you, Taekwoon.”I gathers him in my arms, letting him feels the warmth of my body as he dozes off.“I love you too, Hakyeon.”***Jaehwan and I works in the same clinic. We’ve known each other for a very long time. Long enough for us to know what each other think without saying it out loud.“But it’s been three years,” he says as we sit facing each other in the cafetaria. Monday is never my favorite. For whatever reason, this place had their worst menu on Monday, so I always asked Hakyeon to prepare a lunch for me. And here I am, with a box of hand-made lunch in front of me.“I know,” I’m pushing the tomato on my lunch box to the side.“And you said there’s no change in his behaviour? At all? I’m sorry but it sounds like we need to take him back here.” Jaehwan says. I don’t answer him because, well, he’s right. I should have take Hakyeon here earlier.“Listen, you’ve strayed from your job too far now. You live with Hakyeon to get him back to his sense, not for you to fall for him.”I gives him a small smirk. I know, I know, I know. I messed up with my job. I know it’s  so unproffesional to, well, fall for your client. But—“I’ve covered you for a long time already, and I know our upperhigh will starts to get suspiscious if Hakyeon doesn’t get better at all.”“Jaehwan, please,” I’m surprised to hear the desperate sound of my voice. I’m tired, so fucking tired with all of this.I love Hakyeon, and I want him to look at me.“I'll give you three months,” Jaehwan says, “If you don’t do something to Hakyeon, I’ll take him back, by force if I need to.”I don’t give him any answer. But I know Jaehwan understand my silence.***It’s night time already. My conversation with Jaehwan stucks in my head all day. I look at Hakyeon in my arms. He’d just took his sleeping pill. Now he’s waiting for the pill to work.He’s admitted six months ago, I remember Jaehwan said that to me three years ago. It was when I was asigned to Hakyeon for the first time.I diagnosed him with PTSD. You can read the details in the documents I gave you earlier.“Hakyeon, do you still awake?”Hakyeon opens his eyes. It seems like the pill has start working. He looks at me with his brown, brilliant eyes. I love him. I love him so much.This is not my first time handling a person with PTSD. I mean, at least I have three patient like him before. You know, losing a very close person in a terrible way. I’ve tried every metodes I know and I still can’t bring him back to himself. Even his family had given up on him.“Can you say my name?” I asks him. Hakyeon looks like his on his last string of consciousness. He closes his eyes again, but his lips are parting.“Taekwoon,” he says. And then he’s gone. The effect of the sleeping pill has take over him.It was his fiancee. He’s dead on their anniversary day and, yeah, you can see what happen to him now.I love Hakyeon. I love him so much. I want him to look at me, and not anyone else.The death of Jung Taekwoon is like the end of the world to him. I guess Jung Taekwoon was like his everything.“But I’m Wonshik,” I whispers in his ear. He doesn’t hear me, and I feel like crying.Wonshik, your job is to get him back to his sense. To make him accepts the death of Jung Taekwoon.“My name is Kim Wonshik.”I love Hakyeon, and I want him to look at me.***