The Showcase (1/1)

I took a deep breath and tried to think clearly. What was I to do at that moment? Ignore him? Try to talk to him? I felt my breaths growing shallower and shallower, my heart beating faster and faster.It was then that I tripped on someone's foot and toppled onto Dongwoon. Oh shit. Everyone around us made more space, trying to avoid that clumsy girl who could potentially fall on them. Thankfully, we didn't fall on our butts, but we did cause quite a commotion."You okay?" He said, hugging me tightly after catching me.I nodded warily, smiling at him and laughing at myself for being such a klutz, but I couldn't help but shake a feeling of discomfort.I was clinging onto Dongwoon's arm for reassurance that I wouldn't fall again. Swallowing my spit, I hoped that Taecyeon wasn't looking in this direction because I was trying my best not to look at him to check."There," he pointed out two seats down the row that we were standing at the beginning of. "Ladies first."I took his hand and led him down the row, lacing my fingers between his for comfort. I wonder if Jay knew that Taecyeon was coming to. I mean... he had to have. Feeling my uneasiness, Dongwoon wrapped his arms around my waist and waddled with me to our seats, trying to make me laugh."Is everything okay?"I smiled faintly. "Yeah."He gave me a skeptical look."I'm fine! Stop worrying," I forced a smile."Okay..."As I looked down at my phone to see who had just texted me, Dongwoon reached for my free hand and leaned in closer to quietly whisper discreetly, "We can get out of here if you want."I leaned away from him so that I could catch a better glimpse of his face, "But I'm here to support Jay! We can't just leave."He smiled and squeezed my hand once, "Just putting the option there in case you wanted to escape for whatever reason."He knew. I knew he knew. I simply smiled back and tried to forget that Taecyeon was somewhere in this room. My eyes wanted to wander to seek him out, but I had to stop myself. I had to tell myself that he was a lost cause.The lights dimmed and everyone started cheering. Thank goodness. I thought I was going to die from anxiety. I'm sure the performance will calm my nerves and give me something else to think about besides Taecyeon.Jay walked out to the middle of the stage and bowed. "Thank you everyone who came out to support me today. I hope you'll enjoy this mini-concert of mine. All these songs are either self composed or composed by a friend. Let's get started shall we?" He smiled charismatically at the crowd as we all cheered.As the synthetic sounds blasted out from all four corners of the room, Jay began to dance smoothly, adding on vocals and a rap as well. As expected, he was absolutely amazing. No doubt.After five more upbeat hip hop songs, a staff member brought two stools out to the middle of the stage. I could see the beads of sweat dripping down Jay's temples. He looked tired but incredibly happy."I would like to dedicate this next song to a close friend of mine," he smiled cautiously. "After thinking about the things he's told me in the hours in which he just goes on and on about the love of his life, he became less annoying and more of an inspiration for many of my songs. So, thank you, Taec."My heart sank.Dongwoon turned to look at my expression.Another man who sat on the other stool on the stage began to plucking at the chords."In the beginning, we had a love like in the movies, but every time things seemed to be going so well, it always took a turn for the worst."Oh God. My thoughts were running so quickly through my mind that I could barely figure out what I was thinking."I can't go on without you. Why am I always a fool in love when I'm in front of you? You're my only weakness. Look at me, I'm really hurting. I am so hurt, girl. I need a doctor. I'm a guy so I don't cry, but I think I'm going to die. I can't go on without you."It took me a while to realize that I was crying, but when I did, it was too late. Dongwoon had already seen me attempting to blink away the tears, laying his hand gently on top of mine, but before he could say anything, I brushed him aside and headed for the exit. The music stopped unexpectedly, and I stopped in my tracks, midway down the aisle.I could tell that Jay was burning a hole in the back of my head with his concerned stare and that Taecyeon was standing at his seat, ready to chase after me in that moment. I didn't even need to look, but something in me yearned to look Taecyeon in the eyes again. I took a deep breath and turned around slowly, but before I could even see Taecyeon's face, Dongwoon came down the aisle towards me, taking my hand gently and walking behind me to the exit.Outside, it was raining hard. I walked straight into the pouring rain, letting the rain soak through my clothes and  as Dongwoon hesitated for a moment before joining me.As I stood, speechless, fixated on a non-specific area on the concrete walkway, letting the rain hide my tears, he stroked my right cheek, cupping my face."Tiff," His deep voice interrupted the pitter-pattering rain. "Do you want to go home?""Dongwoon," I began, "I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be putting in a full effort to making us work... but--"He lifted a hand to stop me, running his fingers through my wet hair, "I understand." After a momentary pause, “do you want to get out of the rain?”Still attempting to blink away my tears, I nodded, gulping down a lump in my throat.Toward the crowded shelter of the bus stop we ran, holding hands. Eyeing the one single open seat, Dongwoon finally caved and pulled me towards the seat, squeezing my hand to communicate to me as Taecyeon used to.He sat and patted his lap, beckoning me to sit.“Dongwoon, I can’t. I’ll crush you,” I said, realizing a little too late that that was what I used to say to Taecyeon all the time.“Come on,” he said, pulling me towards him, “You won’t.”I blinked a few times before finally sitting down gently, making sure to balance some of my weight on my feet so that I didn’t cut off the circulation in his legs.“Just sit properly,” he smiled, “you’re really light.”“Lies,” I said, somewhat indifferently.“I’m not lying, though!” He quickly defended. “Just,” he paused, “sit.” He reached around my waist and pulled me closer to him so that my feet were no longer on the ground.I couldn’t help but to think how close I was to his crotch, and I also couldn’t help but to notice how I was not a single bit turned on by this fact.“Tiffany,” he began again.And as I turned my head to face him, all I could see was a cautious but optimistic expression on his face. “I know you feel terrible right now, but… you know I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”But that was the problem; he was the reason why I couldn’t just live my life the way I wanted to. It all came together at that moment. In these past couple of months, I had been denying myself of my real feelings. I had been lying to myself. I forgot about my dreams of being with Taecyeon. I had to fight harder. I could no longer let this all unravel like this. I just had to be careful not to hurt Dongwoon.I felt his warm hands cover mine, “It’ll be okay.”I nodded and forced a smile.  Once we got back to our apartment that had become our weekend home, I threw my things onto the couch and retired to the bedroom and lay there listening to my iPod, trying to think of a possible solution. There had to be some way to convince my father to let me divorce Dongwoon.  It felt strange to think that someone at my age would already be filing for divorce—that I would be filing for divorce.The more I thought, the sadder I became. It seemed that there was no way out. I was back to where I began. Every single possibility would lead to failure. I had to hold back the tears to think rationally, but I couldn’t.“Hey,” Dongwoon poked his head through the door to catch a glimpse of the condition I was in. Once he had seen that I was in, he quickly came over to the bedside and sat on a patch of the blanket closest to me. “What are you thinking about right now?”“Dongwoon,” I said softly, “Let’s get a divorce.”He gulped and tilted his head sideways, “Tiffany… you know we can’t. It’s out of our control.” He looked at the picture of us on the bedstand next to my side of the bed. “And… I don’t know… even if we did get a say in this marriage… I want us to work.”“Dongwoon, I’m really sorry, but I can’t keep going like this. I can’t live my life lying to myself. I believe that you only fall in love once, and I’m willing to throw everything away for him. Only with him do I feel truly,” I racked my brains for a good word, “fulfilled.”He kept his gaze sternly concentrated on the picture, “So you’re not going to go to college? You don’t want to further yourself as a successful person?”“Look, I’m trying to figure something out so that I can go to school and be with Taecyeon; I’m sure there’s a way.”He sighed, “Have you ever thought… that… maybe… it’s not all about you?”I saw the pain in his eyes and sat up, “and that’s where I apologize profusely to you. I’m so sorry, Dongwoon. I just don’t feel the same connection to you.”He looked aside, “But I thought we were beginning to work out.”I shook my head, looking away, “When you kiss me, I don’t feel anything, and I don’t feel the urge to get physical with you. God, I feel like such a bitch for saying this because trust me I know how it feels: you’re my best friend, but only my best friend.”He stood up and didn’t bother looking at me. “So you don’t find me attractive?”“Dongwoon, that’s not it at all. I think you’re so attractive, physically and personality-wise, I just don’t feel the sparks. I’m in love with someone else. That’s all.”“And I’m in love with you,” he blurted.“Wh-what?”“Don’t act like you don’t know,” he shot a helpless, pained look at me.I quickly got to my feet so that I could face him. There was a momentary silence, and then I spoke, “You’re right… I did know, or at least I had the feeling… and that’s why I’m even more apologetic to you.”His eyes glossed over and he blinked a couple of times to hold back his tears. “You don’t even feel the slightest romantic feeling for me?”I placed my hands gently on his shoulders and sighed, shaking my head very slightly.He bit his lip and looked longingly into my eyes, brushing my overgrown bangs out of my eyes behind my ear. And before anything else could have been said or done, he leaned in a kissed me hard. I could feel his hand behind my lower back, pulling me in tightly, and I didn’t pull away. I felt that I owed him one, and this would be the way to pay him back. He nibbled on my bottom lip and gently pressed his tongue against mine, once he had gained access into my mouth. I let him do whatever he wanted, but didn’t give much back. I think he understood.He pulled away and looked for a reaction, “nothing?”I shook my head again, “no.”He took my hand from his shoulder and squeezed it tightly, reluctantly letting it go. “Even if I stopped loving you, how would we get our parents to let us split?”“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I just can’t think of a single way to convince them.”He paused and thought hard for a moment, “Have you thought of something more aggressive?”“Like… what?”“Threatening them?”I stared at him, lost for a moment, “what do you mean?”“Our parents own huge companies, there must be something neglected somewhere in the company or some sort of scandal in your father’s life. You just have to find that spot and be ballsy enough to reveal it to the public, or at least threaten to do that.”“I know this is a lot to ask… but… are you willing to help me?”He looked at the floor and blinked a couple of times, “Sorry.”“It’s fine. I would have answered the same if I were you.”He promptly left the room and camped out in the piano room for the remainder of the weekend, sleeping and hanging out. During mealtimes, he would sit incredibly still and remain quiet. On my way to the bathroom one night, I heard him composing a slow, sad song on the piano. I’m a bitch.But can you really blame me? Don’t I deserve to love someone else and be loved back? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------yayyI tried to make this chapter longer :) I hope you enjoyed it!!I'll reply to comments in the next chapter b/c I'm really tired right now. <3 <3LOVE YOU ALL LOTS FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASTIC SUPPORT!!<3,yellowbee