FORWARD; 09 (1/2)

There were no regrets, no room for tears. There was nowhere to find, no room to search. There was no hope, no more uncertainty. It was like everything had been purged away from his system. It was as he had finally found his closure, his reason to really let go. The heart could only take so much before it shattered into unrecognizable pieces, and he didn’t want to mend it. It would heal on its own, it would be ready to take another chance.

He just hoped the next person will not break it again.

Jonghyun smirked, nursing his beer, while his eyes somewhat followed the movie that was playing on his T.V. He inhaled the scent of hop and alcohol, exhaled several times in deep sighs, and allowed himself a moment to swallow back the lump inside his throat.

The movement in the background did not distract him; the shadows of unknown figures did not phase his concentration. It was probably going to be his last movie, and he was dead set on finishing it, even if he did not care for the plot.

Next time, when he fall in love, he would do it right. They would go on dates, watch movies. Jonghyun will definitely remember that. For the next life time.

Kim Key rarely welcomed intrusions, but when it came in the form of a giant, fuming with daggers for eyes, he had no choice.

“Minho, it has been a long time,” Key said evenly, “take a seat.”

“I don’t need to take a seat. I’m going to make it quick – what the hell are you playing at?”

“Playing?”

“Haven’t you been toying with him long enough? He took you in when you had nowhere to go, then you left with some sh*t for excuses. That was bad enough, Kibum,” Minho sneered his name as if it was trash, “you could have stayed away. Why the fck did you have to come back into his life then leave again like that?”

Key narrowed his eyes, his face expressionless, “I paid rent, Minho. He didn’t find me off the street. And the rest, well, they are none of your business, are they?”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“What is that?”

This time Minho actually cracked a smile but it was not pleasant, “you are using him as bait – to draw out whoever that is after you. What did he do to deserve this, Kibum?”

“He told me he loved me,” Key muttered, he wasn’t sure where it came from. It left his mouth before he could stop himself.

“And you just jumped at the chance, didn’t you? Did you ever care for him?”

“I did…do. I do. It’s just…a mess right now.”

“Didn’t you tell Taemin you were staying away for his own good? Why didn’t you just stay the fck away!?”

“I couldn’t…”

“And when they discovered you with him, you chose instead to use him as your bait. Right?”

“Minho…”

“Do you just screw people over as you go along, Kibum? Or did you plan this from the beginning?”

It wouldn’t stop. Words that stabbed like a sharp weapon – it wouldn’t stop. What was he supposed to say? He had never planned it from the beginning. Though that made him an even worse person – if he had been the heartless master manipulating Jonghyun from the beginning, at least no feelings would have been involved. At least Jonghyun was just his tool. Anyone else could have done the job.

But it wasn’t like that. Key was taking a risk because it was Jonghyun, because he had fallen in love, too; because his life and his heart were on the line, too. The only way for them to be together, to ever be safe, was for him to risk what he knew and hoped it wasn’t too big of a gamble.

There was no other way to draw out his old boss unless he had a big enough bait, something that meant enough to him to hurt. Jonghyun was that something. He knew it, just as he was sure the leader of the Locket’s knew it. Jonghyun would accept the consequences of them being together, would gladly hide away in the middle of nowhere, for them. He wasn’t asking for anything that they both wouldn’t gladly give up anyway – their lives. And he couldn’t ask Jonghyun to move away; couldn’t ask him to risk himself and his friends by staying. Whether or not he had stayed: Jinki, Taemin, Minho – they would all be in danger. There was nowhere for all of them to hide.

Hadn’t Jonghyun discussed the possibility of running away with him? Give up the live he had built and loved? There was no way Kibum could ask that of him without giving something back. This was the only way out, the only way they both could be even – they would die together or live, freely live, together.

Minho’s gaze flickered to the phone that was vibrating off the table and caught it before it could go over the edge. Key’s face looked green and unsure for the first time since Minho was in his office – as if his words had somehow stuck, “your phone,” Minho said quietly, tossing it over. He had never been the type to hold so much anger towards a person and seeing Kibum without his defense helped reign in his own temper.

Key immediately pressed it to his ear, and mumbled off instructions that were too fast for Minho to catch. When he hung up, his eyes resumed their chill from before, “you want to help Jonghyun?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’ll do exactly as I say or all you’re going to find of your friend is a corpse – maybe.”

The smell of gasoline was becoming unbearable – overwhelming his senses of everything else. Even his movie was getting harder and harder to focus on. Jonghyun shifted slightly into a more comfortable position. He wondered if he should voice out an opinion – after all, he was being roasted alive. Shouldn’t he have some sort of last line? It always seemed so cool in the movies.

His mind traveled on its own, replaying every moment he had with Kibum. The first moment they met, the first time he felt something more than lust for another being. Kim Kibum was like a vortex, desires and needs all coiled so tightly within the center of that vortex. He couldn’t help but get sucked in, swirling endlessly out of control.

Years of Kibum’s absence hadn’t dampened those desires nor had it erased the love that bind with that lust – making it a tangle of mess. He was willing to give it all up. Everything was clear to him last night. They could have fled together, ran away somewhere where no one would even know their names. Kibum had done that for years. He had voiced that out.

Well, Kibum did just that, Jonghyun chuckled to himself as he remembered the notes from this morning. A piece of paper, curt words; who knew they could cut so deep?

Beads of sweat rolled off his eyebrows as footsteps faded away. Smoke arose to tickle his senses – a chokehold that was as strong as Kibum’s lure. He coughed and wondered if it was tears or sweat that were rolling down his cheeks. He watched ashes rose from around him as he tried to remember the ridiculous Chemistry lesson where his teacher had tried to implant into his brain about which chemicals burnt which color.

Was black flames sulfur? He didn’t know.

Minho pushed his car as fast as it would go, swerved through the lanes as if as he was a racer. There was no time. What game was Kibum playing at? Just when he thought he had Kim Kibum all figured out, the man threw a curve ball. It was some curve ball, too. He punched the numbers into his cell phone again and waited, anxious as each ring rolled off from one to another.

“Taemin, come on, please…”

“Hello?” Relieve washed over him so quickly Minho could feel the tension drain.