Prologue: Confessions and (1/1)

Rewritten chapter number 3.  It's the last prologue!!  Enjoy!  Notes at the end.Mark hadn’t been entirely sure if he’d be able to figure out his super speed when it came time to make his escape, but it was as simple as breathing had once been. As he slipped past rows of cookie-cutter houses with backyard swimming pools and white picket fences—the kind he’d once wanted to live in when he was old enough to settle down—Mark could feel anger rising within him. This was the kind of neighborhood where everything was perfect even if it wasn’t. And it was the kind of perfect that Mark wasn’t allowed to have anymore.The world seemed to slow down around him, or maybe he was just running faster, faster, faster. Faster than a race car, faster than a bullet, faster than life and death and change and everything else that Mark was trying to run away from. Maybe if he just kept running, he could outrun time itself.The wind was sharp and cold against his face, but at the moment that pain was the only thing that felt truly real to him. The further he pushed his body, the more the wind cut into his skin. It was a comfort to him. He smiled sardonically, realizing this was the most alive he’d felt all day and it was only because he was hurting. He ran faster as the injustice of everything bubbled up inside of him and started to burn him from within.He was angry at Jinyoung for pulling him into the world of vampires, for killing him, for saving him. Angry at Jaebum for getting caught by the hunters and forcing Jinyoung to think quickly. Angry at the hunters for trying to eliminate a threat that they didn’t fully understand. Angry at Jackson and his parents for being part of a world that Mark couldn’t belong to anymore.Angry at himself for wanting to leave the country but not being able to, for wanting to stay but knowing he shouldn’t, for wanting to die before things got too hard to bear, for wanting to live even though he was a monster.His anger at the world surged and exploded. All the fight left him in a single instant. He was standing on the sidewalk of his old elementary school playground. He hadn’t been intending to come here; his feet had done that all by themselves. It was always deserted in the evening, so this was the place where he and Jackson had always to come to think. Sometimes they’d talk late into the night, about their hopes and fears and the future. Other times they’d just lay side by side and stare up at the stars, and Mark would sneak glances at Jackson because he was honestly a much nicer view. Perhaps Mark’s subconscious had known that the tranquility of this safe haven was what he needed right now.Mark dragged his feet to the closest water fountain and carefully washed the blood from his hands. The sight of red rinsing down the drain made him feel faint, but it also made him feel strangely like he was cleansing himself of his wrongdoings. He looked down at his now unstained hands and felt almost normal. He cleaned his mouth out too while he was at it, grimacing because he’d never thought water had a taste but now it was like eating mud. He had a feeling that swallowing it would’ve upset his stomach, so he spit the water in the grass beside him and glared at the drinking fountain. At least he finally felt clean, but the nasty taste still lingered on his tongue.With that task out of the way, the vampire flopped over onto the sidewalk, resting his head against the side of the water fountain. The steel was cold against his forehead but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Instead he hugged his knees to his chest and cried, staring into the swiftly-darkening sky. For the first time in his life, he felt truly and utterly alone.Mark absentmindedly toyed with the bracelet on his wrist as he wept, the metal cool to the touch. It was made of circular sterling silver beads fused together, the pattern interrupted only by a single dainty crescent moon charm. Mark had always spun the bracelet around his arm when he needed comfort, but today it only made him anxious as he thought about Jackson and their relationship up until now.It was honestly shocking that they’d even become friends in the first place let alone best friends. Jackson had always been fearless, endlessly confident, and full of boundless energy—the kind of person that others were easily drawn to by his dazzling, upbeat personality. Mark was brooding, shy, insecure, and neurotic—a silent introvert who preferred to hide within the shell of himself and bottle up his constant fears. Mark shied away from attention while Jackson basked in it, thrived in it. They couldn’t be more different if they tried. It had dawned on him once that Jackson was a living representation of sun and Mark was the moon, and ever since then he’d never been able to shake that comparison from his mind.Since the day that Jackson had approached that quiet, lonely boy in elementary school and practically forced him to become his friend, Mark couldn’t help but think that eventually Jackson would notice how much his friend was holding him back and finally let go of him. Jackson was worth so much more and could do so much better. And if he ever figured that out, Mark would be left with nothing while Jackson would realize his full potential. After all, the whole world revolved around the sun. It was silly to think that the moon could ever keep up when it had to reflect light from the sun to even shine in the first place.Those self-deprecating thoughts had haunted him on and off for years, until one day freshman year when Mark was feeling particularly self-conscious and blurted out his sun and moon metaphor before he had time to think it over in his head. But Jackson’s reaction hadn’t been at all what he’d expected.“You know, you’re right!” Jackson had said excitedly, clapping his hands together as if he was having a sudden revelation. “I’m obnoxious and bright, always demanding to be the center of attention.” He was speaking animatedly, but his tone turned almost bashful as he said the next part. “And you’re unobtrusive and kind, always there to show the way in the dark like a beacon.”Then Jackson had taken Mark’s hands in his own, and Mark had felt the heat of a deep blush blooming across his cheeks. Though Jackson was usually loud and silly, he could be surprisingly deep and philosophical when the situation called for it.“And together,” Jackson had continued in a conspiratorial whisper, grin spreading wide across his face, “we balance each other out. It’s like we were made for each other.”After that day, Mark had started to truly appreciate the beauty of not just the sun but the moon as well. Maybe he’d even started to appreciate his own beauty too. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad that the moon needed the sun’s light in order to shine—because maybe, just maybe, Jackson needed him too.And when Jackson had surprised him on his next birthday with the silver moon bracelet and showed him the one with a little sun charm that he’d gotten to match, Mark never went a day without wearing it. But that was okay, because Mark never saw Jackson without his sun bracelet either.Now, as Mark sat slumped against the side of the side of a playground water fountain, the metal moon bracelet felt cold enough to burn his skin. He could sense that things were rapidly changing, and he was powerless to stop it. For the first time ever, he was scared to talk to his best friend. His own world had changed so much in less than twenty-four hours, and he was worried that Jackson didn’t have a place in it anymore. He had no idea what tonight would mean for them, or for his future in general.His tears fell for longer than Mark would’ve liked to admit, his thoughts darkening gradually along with the sky around him. As he wiped the last of the droplets from his eyes, he finally gathered enough courage to pull his phone from his pocket. He’d thought quickly enough to steal it from Jinyoung as he’d stealthily fled the house, but he’d been too afraid to look at it until now.The lock screen displayed countless messages and over a hundred missed calls from his parents and Jackson. The latest text from Jackson was only a couple of minutes ago:please please please be okayMark opened up the messages app and began to scroll up through what seemed like an endless amount of texts from his best friend ranging from “call me” and “please just tell me you’re alright” to slightly angrier ones like “you better have a good reason for this” and “if you just fell asleep somewhere and i’m worrying over nothing i’m gonna kill you.”An unexpected giggle escaped from Mark’s lips at his best friend’s mood swings, but he choked on the laughter and dropped his phone in shock when he felt a buzz against his hands. The message window automatically scrolled down to show him the latest message from Jackson:you’re the most important person in the world to me. please just tell me you’re safe, i can’t lose youMark was calling Jackson before he could even think it through. He was too overwhelmed, his brain short-circuiting as he pictured how worried his best friend must be right now.Jackson picked up before it even had the chance to ring. His voice was husky and thick. It sounded like he’d been crying. “Mark?”The fledgling vampire wasn’t prepared for the emotion that came along with hearing Jackson’s voice. There was the guilt of scaring his friend and the relief of finally hearing something familiar when everything around him seemed suddenly so foreign. And there was the fear that even though Jackson’s voice sounded the same, there was still something about it that felt completely alien, and maybe that was because Mark was the one that had changed. It was like he was on the outside looking into a world that was once his own but not anymore.“Mark?” Jackson repeated frantically. “Are you there?”There was so much that Mark wanted to say to him. I love you. I miss you. I don’t know if I belong with you anymore, and I’m scared that one day soon I’ll have to leave you. Instead he just whispered, “I’m at the playground.”He clicked the end button before Jackson could respond. He wasn’t sure what to do or say, he just needed to see his best friend. He had a feeling that having Jackson right in front of him would help to clear his head, or at least lift some of the weight from his shoulders.It took Jackson less than ten minutes to get there. He was running as he arrived, and when he stopped in front of Mark his chest was heaving. He just stood there for a while, frozen, the only sound his ragged breathing.Mark could only imagine what he looked like from Jackson’s perspective. He was still on the ground, legs tucked into his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his head leaning against the drinking fountain. His hair was disheveled, eyes puffy and red-rimmed from crying, and his borrowed shirt was stained with blood. He probably looked like a frightened stray dog that would flee at any sudden movement. Jackson opened and closed his mouth, either unsure of what to say or just too scared to say anything. Then finally he narrowed his eyes and yelled, “You asshole!”The redhead could feel a smile tugging at his lips. Mark was the first to move, standing slowly on legs much weaker than expected. Hunger flared within him, agonizing and strong, but he shoved it down as best he could. Jackson’s eyes were fixed on Mark as he stepped closer, and suddenly they were in each other’s arms; Mark wasn’t sure if he’d reached out for the embrace or if Jackson had, or maybe they’d both made the move as if it was the most natural thing in the world.The air was thick with worry, relief, fear, pain, loss. Mark couldn’t tell which emotions were his and which were Jackson’s, all of them swirling around them and melding together into one giant mess of feelings. Mark could barely even tell where he ended and Jackson began, or maybe they were never meant to be separate in the first place.Mark buried his head into Jackson’s shoulder and only when he felt the dampness of his best friend’s t-shirt did he realize that he was crying again. As soon as he noticed the tears, they started to fall even harder until he was a sobbing mess for the second time that night. Jackson was crying too if his quiet sniffling was any indication, and his strong, safe arms tightened around Mark, pulling the pair impossibly closer. In that moment they weren’t Mark and Jackson anymore—they were MarkandJackson, two parts of a complete unit that had finally come together in a beautifully imperfect whole. They may not be the perfect puzzle piece fit, but they sure as hell worked better together than apart.Then Jackson pulled back just slightly. His face was close enough that Mark could feel his breath, his bright eyes piercing into Mark’s. There was something so deep about his gaze, but Mark was too breathless to decipher it.“I love you,” Jackson murmured, and Mark didn’t even get the chance to react because Jackson’s lips were on his. It was a soft and fleeting kiss, so quick that Mark wasn’t able to kiss back before it was over.Jackson rested his forehead against Mark’s with a reserved sigh. The vampire was too stunned to move or speak. He didn’t even quite believe that this was real life. He’d been in love with Jackson for so long that perhaps his dreams were now leaking into reality in the form of vivid hallucinations. But he could still feel the warmth of Jackson’s lips on his in such stark contrast to Mark’s now cold body. He’d never expected for Jackson to return his feelings, but he’d always secretly hoped for it. And now that he finally got his wish, it just felt like way too much with everything else that was going on. It took everything in him to not scream at the top of his lungs, release the rage he felt at how unfair the turn of events was.“You worried the hell out of me,” Jackson growled. “I thought something happened to you, and it hurt so fucking much. I can’t lose you.” His voice was starting to waver, and he was sniffling between words. “I know you don’t feel the same, and I know that this might ruin everything. But after being abroad for so long and especially after the emotional roller coaster I’ve been through today, I really need to get this off my chest. So please just hear me out and then later we can pretend this never happened.”Jackson’s muscles were tense underneath Mark’s arms, and the brunet took a deep breath like he was steeling himself to say something that he wasn’t sure was a good idea. He sounded terrified but determined as he continued. “I’ve always thought that one day I wanted to find someone who makes me feel the way that dancing does. Like no matter what’s going on in my life, I’m strong enough to face the world with my head held high. Like I always have something to fall back on when things get tough or to give me courage when I need it. Someone that makes me happy just being in their presence. And that’s you. The sun is just blinding, but the moon is the brightest thing in a sea of darkness. I know that I always call you my moon, but you’re not just that. You’re my everything. I’m so in love with you, Mark Tuan.”Jackson tightened his grip on Mark to the point that it was almost painful, like he was afraid that Mark would run away or disappear into thin air if he let go. “Just let me hold you for a little longer,” he continued in a whisper, “and then tomorrow we’ll forget all about it.”Mark opened and closed his mouth a couple times. It wasn’t that he had nothing to say but that he had too much. So many words were climbing up his throat and threatening to spill out, but he couldn’t decide which were the right ones or if he should even speak his mind at all. The sun isn’t blinding, it’s brilliant and shining and warm. You’re so full of energy and life that you practically glow, even just being near you can brighten up my worst days. The moon only reflects the sun’s light, so it’s the sun that brings out all of the moon’s true beauty.The redhead had always felt that there was more darkness inside him than light, and now as a savage creature of the night that was even more true. But even despite all that, Jackson could always make him feel cozy and happy and loved, and that was worth everything. Mark owed more to Jackson than he would ever know, and loved him more than he could ever say.I love you, I love you, I love you, Mark almost shouted, but his throat was closing up now and he felt like he was choking on too many words. Everything was so twisted up inside. A heavy weight settled over him, and his chest was painfully tight. It seemed almost wrong to finally tell the truth after everything in his life had become so confusing and dangerous and messy. Maybe Jackson loved Mark just as much as he loved Jackson, but maybe it was too late to matter now. And in a different universe, Mark would’ve said those three words and been the happiest he’d ever been. But currently all he could think of was that one day this would all be over and that one day might be soon, and none of it was fair at all.So Mark said the only thing he could think of, and the closest to the truth that he could manage. “I don’t want to forget i