i (1/1)

Amber and I had just been lounging around the livingroom for the past few days. We’d actually had a pretty big break since the hiatus started. Everyone else had stuff to do, people to see, but we didn’t. Honestly, it’d been so long since I’d actually seen my best friend. She was so much more to me than that, really. Three months after I met her, I realized I was head over heels for her. There were brief moments where someone might catch my eye, but even then I would constantly be comparing them to my friendship with Amber. I knew she didn’t go that way, honestly it was glaringly obvious. And it distressed me, I cried a lot because of it. Not that anyone ever needed to know I was that pathetic. “Sooj?” I glanced up at her, curiously. “Hmm?” “Are you alright? You just spaced out there.” I shrugged a little. “I’m fine, I was just thinking.” It wasn’t a lie. “ ‘bout what?” English. God, I loved the way she spoke. It made me feel like I was back home. “Stuff. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” She pouted, and I admit it was kind of cute. Everyone sees her as this really touch, macho act-like-a-boy type person. But she’s so so so much more than that. For K-Con in ‘13 Jackie joked around about how she’s so girly when she’s with her friends. And it’s true. Not in the sense that she wears makeup or skirts, but she’s just really open emotionally and acts kinda cutesy. Not so much as I used to, but it’s a neat change of pace I guess. Her right hand was supporting my lower back, lightly drawing designs onto it. I felt a wave of courage actually. “Do you ever think we’re more than just friends?” Suddenly, my face and ears felt really hot and I regretted asking that. Shit, shit, shit, shit, sh- She laughed a little. “I guess it could seem like that, but we’re just really close I’d guess.” I closed my eyes and placed my head onto her shoulder. I mumbled an incoherent response. My mood seriously dampered. I could hear her swallow from where I was on her shoulder. “But…” My heart started to race. “Well…” My breath hitched. “I-- Uh, nevermind. It’s stupid.” I bit my lip. “Am?” “Yeah Sooj?” I inhaled deeply, unintentionally inhaling her scent. It was not something you could really explain. She smelled a lot like me, but it was fresher. Not like mint or body wash, but like when you go out to the countryside and the air is so clean and just fresh. But then, we were together so much, I could smell myself on her. I smelled like fabric and sleep. Ever since I was a kid, I have. Amber tells me theres these hints of mocha, but I can’t be sure. I licked my upper lip. “Well… What if we were more than just friends? I mean… What if one of us felt that way?” She took a moment to respond. I could tell she was carefully calculating her response. Damn it. “I’d feel…. sad…. It’d be as though one of us had lead the other on… right?” I ground my teeth a bit. Was now the best time to come forwards? Was there ever going to be an ideal time? “We’re always best friends, right? No matter what one of us says or does?” She nodded. I felt… relieved. Like this would be easier. “I should confess then… I’m… How can I put it?” I chewed at my cheek. A bad habit I picked up almost a year ago. “I guess simply put, it’s that I like you. I mean, it’s so much more than that. But we’re both simple people. We like simple things. So simple honesty seems to be the best route, right?” We were quiet for a few minutes, and suddenly I felt claustrophobic by being so close to her. I started to sit up, but I forgot her arm was around my waist. And by trying to stand up, she only tightened her hold. “You don’t mean that Soojung.” I let my brows knit together. “Excuse me?” I rarely got angry at her, usually she got mad at me… if that. “You think you might like me… But you’re just seeing me like Sulli did for a while.” I scoffed. “Right, because liking you from practically the first time I met you is ‘thinking’ I might like you. Real rich Amber, let me go.” She didn’t, and I didn’t struggle. We were quiet until she spoke a few minutes later. “Prove it.” For a second I was shocked. I wasn't sure how I could prove it. I mean, that’s not an easy thing. But then it occurred to me. I’d spent hours fantasizing about this moment. I knew precisely what to do. There wasn't a single doubt in my mind this was the right way to show her. I closed the little distance there was between our faces. A few inches that’d never felt uncomfortable before, never in the slightest. Yet, right now? They felt like thousands upon thousands of miles. My lips met hers, and they were more than I’d ever dreamed of. They were so soft, and in some puzzling way just like honey. Not in taste, or texture. They just were. Like the manna falling from heaven. It was pure bliss for me. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined her lips meeting with mine would feel this way. I never knew how…. whole it would make me feel. In that moment, I proved to myself I loved her. I didn’t just like her, no I loved her. If I was seeing this, then she had to as well. Those few blissful seconds felt like tens upon thousands of years, and I pulled away slowly. Honestly, and determinedly fighting the urge to capture her lips for more. I wanted more, was I craving more? Gods, that’s so greedy of me. She didn’t say anything to me. She just looked at me with those dark brown eyes of hers. And I looked back. I was able to spot every one of the little golden flecks in them.  My heart sunk, at the same rate of which a rock sinks into water. Rapidly. I pulled myself away from her and found disappointment in the fact that she didn’t try to stop me like the time before. I let out an awkward laugh and a mumbled apology before I went into our room. I locked the door, breaking one of Victoria’s rules, and sat down on my bed. I couldn’t bring myself to even let a single tear fall. What right did I have to be sad like that? Amber’s the one who’s supposed to be upset, I just… I took advantage of her right? I’m the one who’s disgusting. Reaching up my hands, I scrubbed at my face. The tears started to prick forwards. Suddenly, there was knocking at the door. “Krys…?” I bit my lip, and then tried to solidify my voice. “I’m sorry. Just forget it happened.” With that, I opened the door and shoved my way passed her. I hightailed it to Sulli’s old room and locked that door. I curled up on her bed, and cried. For the first time in weeks, I cried myself to sleep again.so, this is a story that i've technically been working on since september. but only technically since i've changed the premise of the story a million and one time. but for real, i think this is gonna be a good one. im sure that it'll last at least like ten chapters. but fun fact! its 4 pages long on google docs, something new for me. and omg. i got these little kryber desktop buddies and theyre so cute it's almost distracting.... anyways! lets go to the next chapter!