Shes My Song (1/1)

“And now please welcome G-Dragon with his new song, Reasons to Love You.” I looked at the monitor as I heard my name being announced by MCs of Mnet Countdown. The camera zoomed on the live audience and their faces were filled with anticipation for my new song. My new song created buzz around the Korean entertainment. Why? This would be my first ballad. No electronics, no autotune. Just plain acoustic. And maybe because it was the first time I had no participation with the composition of the lyrics. It was all Dara. The lyrics were written by her, and all I had to do was to arrange the music for her. I still remember the day when the song was born. Dara and I were on my studio. She was on the couch, idly drawing random stuff on my scrap music sheets while I was racking my head for a new song. An hour later, I still haven’t made any progress and I stared at the blank sheet of paper before me. It frustrated me a lot not to think of any lyrics. Usually, ideas just flood my head and I never had trouble with it. And now… Come on, Jiyong. Dara must have seen the call of distress on my face and she sat beside me. She took one look at the paper before me and said, “It’s blank.” I shot her a Yeah-I-know look and she giggled. I smiled. Somehow, her fits of laughter and giggles never failed to make me smile. I love her that much. She stood up and went back to the couch, grabbing the paper she was working on. “Oppa, how about this?” Dara showed me the paper. It was filled with doodles of Dadoong and Gaho, fighting over Tam Tam. I laughed because it was the first thing I saw and I saw her frown. “What? It’s funny!” I pointed Gaho’s face and said, “Does he always look like this?” Dara grimaced and clicked her tongue. “That’s the best I could do…And that thing was not even what I wanted to show you.” She pointed on the words written below, and I read them carefully. When I was finished, I look at her with awe. She just composed a full-length song. Dara was looking at me with anticipation, waiting for my response. “That’s for you. You were my inspiration for that.” I chuckled and gave her a kiss. I was really touched by what she did. I looked again at the lyrics and she said, “So…what do you think?” “It’s really pretty. But…” “But what?” “It suits more of a ballad,” Her face fell flat. “I don’t do ballads.” Dara looked sad after I made my comment, and she grabbed the paper away from me. “If you don’t like it, I’ll just give it to Taeyang.” I snatched back the paper, folded it and placed it on the back pocket of my pants. I flicked her forehead and said, “Ya! I thought this was for me.” She rubbed her forehead and pouted. “But you don’t like it!” “I didn’t say that!” I went in front of her and kissed her again. “I’ll make it work. Don’t worry.” “Thank you, oppa!” Dara hugged me tight and I can’t help but wonder if she was sent to me by the heavens. My manager shook me out of my daydreaming and I took my place on the stage. I grabbed the guitar that was placed beside the microphone. Lights were dimmed and I was given a cue by the director. I clicked a button on my earphones and breathed deeply. My fingers found their place on the strings and I started to sing. Sing me a lullaby with your beautiful voiceTonight in my dream, come and live with me againYou smiled, looking at me, with your smile that's like a childI'm so happy because it's you I paused to breathe. The song…her song, she said it was made for me. Then why do I feel like it was made for her? The song screams of her. When I'm having a hard time or I'm so hurtCalmly wiping my tears away for meYou, how should I say it in words? When I was so down, it was Dara who comforted me. She has always been at my side, cheering me up. The music for the lyrics she made was the least thing I could do for her. First, your heartLike a tree, that gives me restSecond, your smileLike the sunshine, glow brightly upon meThird, your handWho keeps me in your arms,Every time it gets difficultThese are the reasons I love you I immediately sought our boss’s approval for the song. I wanted it to be included on my new album, and if possible, I want Dara to sing it with me. YG took one look at the song and said, “It’s beautiful. Who wrote it?” “Dara,” I replied proudly. I was very proud of my baby girl. Shock was written all over Yang-hyung’s face after I told him it was Dara who composed the song. “Really?” he asked me and I laughed. “Yes, really? She’s amazing, isn’t she?” “I never expected Dara to be…” He looked at the lyrics once again. “…like this.” I smiled and asked, “So, hyung, can I have this on my album?” “Of course!” “Thanks, hyung!” When I'm sad or lonelyWarmly staying by my sideYou, how should I say it in words? I started working on the music. I got help from Taeyang, Kush-hyung, and Teddy-hyung. We spent days working on it. And when it was finished, I loved it. It has this electronic sound, especially on my parts. And for Dara’s parts, it had this melancholic feel. Perfect. I immediately got the demo tape and brought it with me. I wanted to surprise Dara during 2NE1’s practice, and have her girlfriends listen to the song we both made. When I arrived, they were still practicing, and when they were about to finish, I entered the room. They all turned their heads on my direction and I saw Dara smile at me. She looked tired, and the next thing I knew, Dara collapsed and hit the hard floor. Fourth, your warmthMake my heart warmFifth, your tearsI have to work harderSixth, your prayersStraighten my drooping shouldersThese are the reasons I love you Dara was diagnosed to have T-cell prolymphocytic leukemia. It was a very rare and aggressive leukemia. It was difficult to treat, and the median survival was measured in months. “In her case, it would be impossible to treat.” The doctor’s words rang in my head. I wanted to scream at him, at everybody. This can’t be happening. That could explain her losing weight even though she eats more than the rest of the other girls. She was always tired, and sometimes bruises appear on her skin. We all ignored it, because we thought that was just normal. She’s very fragile and she’s prone to accidents. None of us thought something like this would be possible. I slowly entered Dara’s room and saw that she’s already awake. She was looking out the window, and I wonder if someone had already told her. She seemed like she already knew. I put on a happy face when she looked at me. A smile has never left her face, even when she was in pain. She’s the toughest girl I have ever known. “Really? You’ll do it for me?” This was her reaction when I told her that I decided to make the song a ballad instead of the electronic-pop I already finished. I know the others would understand my decision to suddenly change the song’s genre. I smiled at her, holding my tears back. I can never show it to her. Not ever. How I wish her name could be a song, so I could hold on to her forever. Until my voice loses its sound, until it tears and breaks, I’ll sing her song. My dear, no more tearsYou won’t cry any moreI'll protect you foreverWhen I look at you, whom I loveI'm happy just to look at you Everything was painful. It was painful looking at her. If I could only have her sickness, I would be glad to have it. In months, the disease took the life out of her, but not her smiles. I guess even a deadly disease can’t dim my bright Dara. When the song was promoted, it received praises from everyone. So before my performance, I dropped by Dara’s room and placed a phone near her ears. I wanted her to hear what the song she composed has become. I kissed her before I left, and I saw a tear escape her closed eyes. Seventh, your expressionsMake the sulky me laughEighth, your voiceIt doesn’t stop giving me strength The song was coming to an end and I glanced at the audience. Most of them were crying, moved by the wonderful lyrics. Dara… Jagiya… You did well. I wish you could see their faces right now. “Jiyong.” My heart made a leap when I heard Dara’s voice on my earphones. She must have been listening all this while. The thoughts on my head were screaming and I felt my chest tighten. “Thank you, Jiyong-ah. Thank you for letting me have only good memories. And I’m thankful that it’s you I should thank. You are the sea of my life.” “ I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t stay next to you, and sorry I loved you. Please be happy. Because I love you, you must be happy. Do you understand me? Will you promise me? That you’ll be happy, that you’ll be well?”  Her voice was weak, but it was audible. I continued singing, silently praying for me to hear her voice again. Ninth, your stepsYou always come to find the pitiful meTenth is the giftAnd that would be you “My birthday...It’s 1,375 days before yours. Since I was born first, I waited alone in a world without you. In the future, I’ll wait for you a long, long time. Please take your time. Stall all you like.” I'm really happy because it's you A loud piercing beep replaced her lovely voice and the tears I’ve been holding back trickled down my face. As long as I’ve been living, there’s never been a day without you. And there will never be. Because your name just turned into a song, and you will forever live within me.