Longing (1/1)

It's been two months since my Ward's parents had passed. Such a heart-wrenching time for him, and myself. His seemingly endless tears fell every night I watched him. In the morning, he would put on a smile in front of his friends- laughing and joking around without a care in the world. But when he enters his empty home, that smile is wiped off his beautiful face. It'd be replaced by that look of loneliness MAMA had called it. His eyes filled with turmoil and tears. There were some nights where his self-pity got the best of him, and he would sit in his room staring at a sharp object. Those nights gave me fear. Those nights I was allowed to visit him in his mind and tell him it is not what his parents would have wanted. And each time I had succeeded in stopping him. How frail the human mind is. Things that I cannot understand frustrate me. I want to share his pain with him.Sighing, I watch him cry himself to sleep once more. Though, it is not as bad. He has progressively gotten better and has stopped crying so much. His smiles, now, are true genuine smiles that would brighten my day. After a few minutes of his silent crying, my Ward falls asleep. I put my hand through the Fire and it engulfs me. Not a moment later, I arrive in his unkempt room. 'What a sight. There are clothes everywhere. He has good taste in human fashion, judging from these brand clothes.'  I chuckle at the mountains of clothes that had been thrown on the floor, the office chair, the cabinet..well everything and anything really. I brush the clothes off his office chair onto the floor and sit in my seat. The chair that my Ward never uses. The chair that was always there, but for some reason, it was never touched; as if this particular seat belonged to someone else. 'I guess that someone is me.'  Smiling, my eyes wander back to the sleeping figure on the bed. His breathing has become more controlled and continues in a slow, steady pattern. The moonlight passing through the windows shines on his tears had dried on his cheeks, leaving small stains. It also seems like his bags have gotten worse. 'Must be the lack of sleep...and the crying.'  I reach over and brush the trail of tears away. 'When will you stop crying Zi Tao?' He stirs in his sleep and I quickly pull my hand back. He mumbles a bit and I freeze, waiting for any more signs of movement from the young man in front of me. I feel a rush in me the moment he moves again. 'Chanyeol.' I call out.A small fire appears next to me and grows rapidly. It grows and wraps itself against my wrist. I make no move acknowledging him until it pulls at my white sleeves. I look at bright flames and hear him telling me to return. I turn back to look at my Ward who is starting to wake up. My eyes linger on his raising frame. 'I want to stay.'  The Fire tugs at me and I glare fleetingly at him. Finally, he decides to take matters into his own hands-well flames in this case- and engulf me without my consent. For the first time in eight years, I finally got to see those deep endless orbs open and look at me. 'I wonder if he remembers...' Eventually those dark orbs disappear, and now I've returned to this Place Above the Sky. I rest my head against the Tree, looking up into its complicated pattern of branches and leaves. 'I want to see him again. My special ward.' Touching my chest, I recall the times I spent with little Zi Tao: watching Zi Tao learn wushu, guiding him away from bad choices, reading to him after his parents had gone to bed, accompanying him on his walk to school. My lips formed a broad smile at the memories. He was such a talkative and positive boy despite the constant bullying he was receiving. 'When did I form "feelings" for him?' I still feel an emptiness in me. It has not gone away ever since the fateful day he turned ten. This Ward was different. I had never gotten this close to any of my Wards. My head began to throb as I kept thinking. 'So why?' A sudden warmth envelopes me, patting my head. Snapping out of my thoughts, I scowl slightly and Fire just continues to hold me. I can feel him cheerfully laughing at the faces I make as he continues to pat my face, hair, and sides. Groaning, I jump off the Tree and he follows. Flames circle around my body, trying to make conversation. He begins to dance around the empty space, telling witty jokes he heard his own Wards say. I laugh at some, and at others I just do not understand. Human jokes are odd at times. He also talks about one of his wards, a small hint of joy in his bright flames. Somewhere along the way, the sparks and small fires stopped circling around me and had vanished. Scanning the area that I've entered, I realize that I've reached the River Fountain. I walk up to the Fountain and sit on the edges. I feel my shirt sink a little into the water. And quietly it splashes at me. "Alright, alright. I will refrain from sitting on your precious Fountain, Suho," I chuckle. The fluids move soothingly and gracefully in a dance I will never be able to achieve. Water rises on its own and proceeds to do what Fire had done not too long ago: grace me with his presence. Apparently, Water had found out that I had almost been caught by my Ward. It seems Fire does not know how to keep his mouth sealed. Water continues to fall on me as I was being scolded for not being careful enough. "I know. I know!" I say back, only to be splashed with a bucket full of water. I frowned, remaining silent as Water continued to scold me. I should know better than to talk back. After a couple of moments later, he releases me and returns to his Fountain. I turn to stomp out of this area, only turning back to stick my tongue at him. Unfortunately, Water saw my childish action and threw a tub of water at me. Grinning, I jump into the sky to avoid the massive amount of water. I stick my tongue back at him and float away, letting Wind carry me Home. "...Are you disappointed in me too, Sehun?" I whisper. Wind is a good companion. He never questions, nor does he ever try to start conversations. A man of action, not words...in a way. Sometimes his silences are a bit unbearable, but it is what makes him Wind. I can tell he's disappointed in me though. He has stopped one too many times for my liking, almost causing me to fall. Well that is one way to say 'yes'. I lift myself off his flows and spread my arms. My light coat flutters about grasping for freedom. I float above his air and utter my apologies. The Wind is solemn and quiet, barely moving. He hovers around me sadly. Silently, I spread my wings and glide out, until I reach a pace that allows my wings to freely. Leaving Wind, I fly high up into the sky, enjoying this small moment of freedom. The longing for this small moment to last forever, in a place where I feel unchained by my duties, returns. The longing for my Ward crawls back into my chest, my mind. The longing of wanting to fit in has come back at full force. I remember that I am still different from my Brothers. Of course we are all different, but for some reason, I am the most different. They can see each other, however, their features are unknown to me. They know each other's voices, and I have yet to hear them speak. My Brothers can hold me and each other, but I cannot hold them. I can only feel their presence. I have asked MAMA so many times why it is this way. But all she ever does is smile and say, "This is how it was meant to be, my Dragon."My body feels heavy. I sense my home, my sanctuary. My wings disappear and gracefully, I land. Like me, my home is different from my Brothers' homes. It is not empty plains with voices of children and elders. My home is full plain, with beautiful green grass and gorgeous sunflowers that rise high into the sky. The air is fresh, free from dust and souls. Unlike my brothers, who have souls wandering about in their home, mine is empty. Not a soul is in sight, an lifeless house. It gets lonely without my Wards, but they're better off with my brothers, than with me. I lay on the soft grass, taking in the scent of the fresh cool breeze. My mind wanders to a life different from this. I close my eyes. 'I want to share this peacefulness with someone. Someone who is also as lonely as me.'  Slowly opening my eyes, I look up to see a bright blue sky. My hand moves on its own, up towards that sky, reaching for a hand. My Ward's face appears in my head. Oh, how I wish to see him again. His rich black eyes bore into my thoughts, his smile engraved itself in my non-existent heart. My fingers clench into a fist.I long to be like them; like the humans. I long to have someone with me. This is all your fault, my Ward. I am changing. He has changed me. Without me noticing, I have started to long for things that I have never wanted before. Companions, friends, feelings. I want to experience it all. I want to be with him with no fears at least once. Just once would be enough."If I wish and wish for a chance to be with you, will it come true? Will it be like those fairytales you made me read to you, Zi Tao?"  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think that was an acceptable ending to this chapter. I'm not sure if it made sense though. I might need to get myself a beta-reader.  xD I tried my best though! As for his differences, there is one major difference between him and his brothers. I hope you will be able to figure that out! Thanks for reading so far ; u ;~ This is close to how I imagine Kris looking like. ; u; oh comments, and criticism would be much appreciated.