007 (1/1)

Life lesson #7: Not all men are jerks. Some are diamonds, covered in muds. You just have to look hard enough to find it.                    I was in such a bad mood by the time I woke up. Not even a morning call from Jongin made up for it. He called at 8am, perfectly timed, wishing a very simple ‘Happy Birthday’. I sighed and thanked him for it.                   “Can you meet me up at 9am, in front of your dorm?”                   I didn’t want to spoil the birthday mood, so I agreed. Even when my heart was heavy and my head was hurting, I showered, put on makeup, and picked the nicest dress I could find – not anything too fancy, but casual enough to strike a man’s interest. Going out with Jongin meant ditching heels for the sneakers, so I put on my pink Converse and covered my upper body with soft pink cardigan.                   By the time I finished, it was 9am. I was surprised I took so much effort for this one day. It was almost like going for a date, and now that I thought about it, it wouldn’t be too bad to have an actual date with a man like Kim Jongin. He was a year older, but our mentality were almost in par. He was almost the opposite of me, while Luhan was more like me. Actually, both of them reminded me that chivalry was still alive, but rarely.                   I looked out the window, and he was already standing outside, patiently waiting. He didn’t even check his phone to call me down. My mood was considerably better when I walked down the stairs and saw him.                   Jongin looked good in anything, and I meant literally, everything. Today he looked even better. Long pants always did him wonder, but sometimes, it was nice to see a more boyish side of him, like knee-length denim and white V-neck shirt. He wore a gray beanie that said ‘F**k U’ – I almost bursted out laughing.                    “Happy Birthday, Sara,” And he had the most awkward, but sincere expression ever. His hands were in the pocket, his shoulders stiff, and I knew what he would have wanted me to do, so I stretched out my arms and hugged him in the most appropriate way possible. Since he was tall, almost towering over my height, I didn’t have to do much as my face touched the borderline of his clavicle, near his upper toned chest. We had never been as intimate before, except for that one time when he kissed me and I reciprocated foolishly.                   The distinct smell of rain and fresh bath… Jongin slowly relaxed. He pulled his hands out of the pocket, and when I sensed he was about to return the hug, I pulled away and grinned widely. “So what’s the plan for today? Why so early in the morning?”                   He pulled out two tickets and showed it to me. I gasped and tried to reach out for it, but he wouldn’t let me have it and we ran around each other as we went down the road. I was laughing and he was smiling, sometimes bursting out laughing at my pathetic attempt to jump. “Let it be a surprise. You don’t need to know where we are going.”                   I narrowed my eyes at him but played along anyway. ***                   “Jongin,” I gaped at the view in front of me. This was another dream-come-true, another checklist being checked. As we got out of the train, I almost ran over the barrier out of excitement. Jongin chuckled behind me and handed me the ticket so we could walk out of the station.                   We were in Scotland. My dream travel list. If I could kiss Jongin right now, I would have, out of gratefulness. Our city was closely located to Scotland’s border, so getting here took less than an hour. We boarded another bus shortly. I followed Jongin blindly because he knew the place better than I did.                   We finally stopped in a small restaurant near the lakeside. The view was breathtaking. The wooden restaurant had a few visitors, but left plenty of spaces and tables for us to choose. Naturally we took the one outside, in the bay. I let Jongin ordered, because he loved chicken as much as I did.                   “How are you so good to me?” I had a smile so big it almost stretched all the way to my ears.                   “You said you wanted to go Scotland for the April trip, but we ended up going to Barcelona, so I want to make it up to you. It is your birthday, after all,” Jongin gazed at me determinedly. He was always anything but soft. Sometimes his eyes hardened, darkened, clouded with passion and contradiction, but that was the way I liked Kim Jongin – because he was sensibly sensitive – even when he chose not to show much of his feelings.                   “But this is too fancy!” I complained excitedly, “It’s just another birthday celebration. You don’t have to do so much for me. It’s almost surreal, like this is a romance novel where we are the main character, you know. Like those Nicholas Sparks movies…”                   Jongin chortled, “I don’t know Nicholas Sparks.”                   I snorted, “Clearly. Most of the male population doesn’t until they have a fanatic girlfriend who watches every movies based on Sparks’ novel.” Trust me, I had been there, too. Tried to influence Sehun to do a Sparks’ movie marathon with me. He hated some of the movies, but was genuinely quite neutral about some of his works. I was never really a big fan of Sparks, but I had admittedly watched most of his works.                   “Then we should watch his movies someday,” Jongin suggested with a subtle smile. I didn’t catch onto the hint and shook my head, “I’ve watched most of his works, and I’d rather not do a re-run on them. Some are terrible.”                   “Can’t be as bad as Twilight, can it?” Jongin raised an eyebrow, and I looked at him with amusement. I was neutral towards Twilight, but I knew people who hated it with passion. Sure, Bella was not my type of heroine, but Edward deserved the praise for putting up with her. Jacob was just… obsessed.                     “Okay, some of the movies actually make Twilight looks good in comparison, so trust me, it’s boring. No fight, no action, just lots of tears,” I explained it simply. “Most of my friends are huge fans of The Notebook. That’s like their go-to-romance-bible.”                   Jongin laughed as I took out my phone and took pictures of the beautiful scenery, “I will make sure to watch that one, then.”                   I gave him a smiling glance and stood up. The restaurant had a bay that went all the way to a tree. Even when it was summer, the tree was dying in color. The water was a combination of oceanic blue and light. Surrounded by nature reminded me of home. I turned around to call Jongin, but he was also holding his phone. His expression when I caught him looking was a mix of astonishment and amusement, but he was not the least embarrassed.                   Snap! He took picture and I smiled, “Jongin! Come here! Let’s take a picture together!”                   He slowly made his way to me, in what seemed like forever, and we took close to ten selfies together with the tree and the lake as background. He adoringly tried to match my height as he squat down and found a good angle. I snapped some more pictures when he wasn’t looking and the result came out even better.                   I took one where he was staring at the water in what could have passed off as a melancholy stare. Then another one where he was gazing at me when he thought I was taking the picture of the scenery behind him. I deleted some and together, we walked back to our table.                   The food was served.                   “Is that from Luhan?” Jongin pointed at the bracelet on my left wrist and my heart dropped to the floor. The day had been great until he mentioned Luhan.                   “Yeah, how do you know?”                   “I saw it in his room before. The design looks very familiar to me,” Then he halted right when he was about to say something. “I’m sorry I didn’t invite him to come with us today. Did you meet him?”                   “At midnight he came knocking, yeah, but don’t worry, you’re doing a great job at making me the happiest girl at the moment, so keep it up,” I tried to brush off the topic with a light-hearted comment, but then became guilty when I saw Jongin’s eyes on me. You know “the look” someone gave you when they meant something more?                   Shit. He was literally looking at me like I was his happiness and his entire world. Stupidly, even after the kiss we had a few months ago, it never occurred to me that while I found it nearly impossible to fall in love with someone else, my best friend might have fallen for me. And I didn’t want to ruin his happiness.                   I almost cried at the possibility of breaking his heart, even when that was the last thing I wanted to do. Trust me, Jongin was one of the greatest guys I had ever met in my life, aside from Luhan, and the old me would be dying to date someone like him. But the thought of Sehun from one year ago surfaced in my mind, because once upon a time, he used to look at me the same way Jongin did.                   And look where that got us: broken, bitter and unable to love again. I didn’t want to fall crazily with Jongin, only to be disappointed in the end. I looked down at my plate and bit onto my chicken steak in a very dejected mode. Some love never lasted forever. I just had to suppress the growing feelings I had, not only for Jongin, but also for Luhan. ***                   After the meal, we took the infamous Harry Potter trail around Scotland. Again, I forgot everything else as I enjoyed the momentary bliss of my childhood happiness. I took lots and lots of pictures, sending it to my parents so they could see how awesome Scotland was. I was actually a bit disappointed that Luhan had not contacted me since morning, but glad that he didn’t, because I would be crying if he did.                   Jongin took me to dinner in another restaurant near the railway station, but this time, I insisted to pay because I was the birthday girl. He was very vocal about his rejection, but ended giving up to me because I was very persuasive and equally stubborn as he was. He had been paying for everything else, and I honestly felt bad for being such a spoilt friend.                   “Did you enjoy it?” He leaned against the gate as we talked outside of my dorm. Jongin didn’t want to go in because he had an exam the next day, as much as he wanted to. I knew the importance of this one exam for him, so I didn’t coax him to go in, either.                   “Are you kidding me, Kim Jongin? Today is one of the best fucking days of my life!” I smiled again and went on to hug him for goodbye. “So see you in a few days, yeah? And good luck for your exam. Hope you’ll ace it!”                   As I was about to pull away, Jongin hastily grabbed my hand. His other hand grabbed the side of my face, and before my mind could register what was happening, his lips were already on mine, moving tenderly and ever so sensually. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. And worse yet, my heart was thumping madly. The worst thing was that I kissed him back.                   I kissed him back and I really, really liked it.                    He was a good kisser. Not sloppy, very gentle. I dared say this was the most romantic kiss I had ever had, topping those that I had with Sehun. His hand dropped mine as he pulled me in deeper by holding my waist. I circled my hands around his neck, one inching up as I grabbed his hair gently and kissed him with more passion.                   Moments passed. And I finally pulled away to breathe. It seemed like forever as I looked into his clouded brown eyes, still lost and confused. He looked like he wanted to kiss me for the second time, but he settled for a very short ‘good night’ farewell and went down the road with considerably lighter steps.                   Well, if this wasn’t fucked up, then I didn’t know what else was.                                              Luhan watched as she went inside before he punched the numbers he memorized best, “Hey, Jongin?” He sounded tired and wasted. There was something wistful to the edge of his voice, as if he had been drowning in misery for days – and perhaps months. “Was she happy with the trip?”                                   A confused mumble came from the other side, before Jongin actually sighed and resigned, “Yes. She was. Maybe not as happy as she could have been if you were there with us. The news must have been a shocker to her, huh?”                   Luhan chuckled sadly and covered his eyes with his right hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to ruin her birthday, but it just occurred to me that I might never have the chance to properly confess to her anymore.”                   For a minute, Jongin was quiet because he, too, was thinking of it for quite a while now. Who knew what the future might hold? A few months ago, all three of them promised to work in London after graduation, but now that the date fell nearer and time was so short, none of them could actually fulfill that promise. “Me too, Lu. Every time I see you guys now, it feels like a goodbye.”                   “Mm,” Luhan mumbled something incoherent. He wasn’t usually so fragile, or prone to tears, but the way she looked at him with such sad, hopeless eyes had haunted him ever since. He didn’t get an ounce of sleep, his dark circle became even worse than before. If this continued, he would lose a lot of weight and be reduced to skin and bones. But his problems weren’t just about Sara and England, but also his parents. “Thanks, Jongin, for cheering her up today.”                   “No problem, Lu. If it weren’t for your phone call, I wouldn’t have known anything anyway,” Jongin hated to admit that he was happy, given a chance to spend a day with just the two of them together. Love wasn’t always beautiful. And this was the ugly side of jealousy. Luhan understood. Because he, too, had always felt the same.                   “Night, Jongin.”                   “Night, Luhan. And get some sleep.”                   “I will.” …probably be staying late pondering again. He hanged up.