"Ill miss you the most" (1/1)

It is a month before Yuju is leaving. It is Sowon's birthday. Of course, Yuju has to prepare something for her.Over the past two years, it's Sowon who has reached out to her and gave her the strength she needs to live on, when Yuju lived in the darkness without anyone else to save her. Sometimes life seems so bleak, but it is always Sowon who shows Yuju the hope and reminds her of what she has got in her. Sowon always believes in her, even when no one does.Of course, Yuju must do something, even though she knows Sowon forgets her own birthday.It is a month before she will be gone. Sowon knows that Yuju will be gone. Yuju wonders if Sowon will feel as miserable as she is (already) feeling about the parting.In her card, she tries to express how she feels, although not wanting to explicitly reveal her emotions. She finds herself rambling on how much Sowon has helped her, how grateful she is or even guilty if she has caused Sowon any mishaps, and how much she'll miss Sowon. She also writes about how she hopes that she ever has made Sowon happy, just as how Sowon has made her happy.The words she has written are all honestly conveyed.   Sowon frustrates Yuju too sometimes. How Sowon always draws a line between them because they ought to be a line. How Sowon seems to cross the line once in a while but Yuju cannot help but feel guilty everytime she (accidentally or intentionally) crosses the line.Also, how Sowon has the tendency to become bipolar and ignores Yuju. Once, Sowon even lied to her. Yuju will never forget that time when Sowon had lied to her about being tired when she was obviously sick. She had to hear it from another person that Sowon even fainted.Yuju was mad. Of course she wanted to care for Sowon just like Sowon has done for her. But it seemed like Sowon didn't let her.Yuju was terribly annoyed. They weren't like this before. Once, they were close. After Sowon had reached out to her, she slowly began to love Sowon even more. There was a period of time when Sowon was constantly down and overthinking, and Yuju took the brave step to ask her about it. Sowon was comforted and even touched by the gesture, and for once Yuju felt useful. She felt that she was successful in showing her love.However, that is the past.   When Yuju got enough of Sowon's bipolarity, Yuju gave up and tried to cut her ties with Sowon. She never went to her again, never asking for help nor seeking refuge in her again.Yuju did try to understand that Sowon was going through her own problems. Sowon did tell, once in a while, although not directly to her but just the people around her in general, which sometimes angers Yuju. Yuju tried so much to understand, but she'd never forget the pain when she was ignored and lied to by the very person she found herself to be falling for.So Yuju gives up relying on Sowon, and relies on others or herself instead, and tries to keep herself emotionally stable such that she does not need Sowon by her side.

Nevertheless, Sowon never completely leaves her, after long periods of coldness. Yuju doesn't even see Sowon enough for them too remain warm with each other.Sometimes, when no one understands her, she'd wish to run back to Sowon and cry before her just as she has done before, and let Sowon comfort her and shower her with the love she badly needs. Then she'd wallow in self pity that she's all over someone that she is never supposed to love.Other times, Sowon finds her again and rekindles Yuju's love for her. It annoys Yuju, that Sowon only finds her when she feels like it.It annoys Yuju, that Sowon doesn't know how much she actually means to Yuju. Sowon doesn't know at all. She doesn't think of Yuju the way Yuju does of Sowon: Yuju treats experiences with her and her special days with much importance but Sowon forgets her birthday too.It is painful for Yuju, but she's already used to it.   On the day that Yuju is leaving, she meets the people around her, hug and cry whilst saying goodbyes.After all that, Yuju is determined to find Sowon to bid her farewell. She first calls Sowon on her mobile phone, but receives no answer. Then a brave (loud) friend of hers drags her to meet Sowon, only to find her with two others who are also leaving, who Sowon might value more than Yuju. Yuju backs off. Nevertheless, the loud friend helps her by saying that Yuju wants a picture with Sowon. Sowon gladly accepts.Sowon sees the tears in Yuju's eyes and comforts her. With an arm already around Yuju and the same goes for Sowon, Sowon tells Yuju, "We can still meet again, you can always text me," and Yuju can only nod in response. She feels Sowon's cold hand on her shoulder. She can smell the perfume that Sowon is using.After taking the picture, Yuju remains in the position, refusing to let go.Sowon repeats her words to comfort Yuju once again, "We can always still meet and text each other," she says as her arm slowly drops from Yuju's body.Yuju doesn't want to let go. She places her hand into the palm of Sowon's falling arm.   Sowon leaves soon after they part and Yuju begins squealing. Somehow she is happy to interact with Sowon once again. (Happy is an understatement.)However, she feels like she's in love with Sowon again. Banging her hands onto the wall she groans, disappointed in herself.I miss you already, Yuju says in her heart, you mean so much to me, you don't know.