[M] Love? (1/2)

Kris was curled around me like a lost child who just found his favorite stuffed bear. His long arms around my front and side hugging me very tightly against him, it seems that he is troubled even in his sleep. He wasnt the only one though, I dreamed about a time when everything was normal for me again and I was with Ken. A dream of course because I broke that bond with Ken didnt I? I left him and hurt him so badly that now he is on medication, and its all my fault how could I ever hope to go back to him. Thats even if he takes me back and what about Kris? Did he like kissing Suho as much as Suho seemed to like it, is there something more there for Kris?

As much as it pained me to know that there was a possibility that he might like someone else he wasnt the only one. Ken just seeing him like that made it hard to not run back into his arms and beg him to forgive me, but that will never happen..it just cant.

Sometime the next morning I was awake and I looked over at Kris who was still sleeping next to me so peaceful. I looked at him really looked at him and still felt bad for not being honest with him. First thing I need to do is see Kat, because if Kat knows anything about that night he is going to tell me one way or the other. I need to know if I am right about that man and since Kat knows him does that mean he was there too? Should I tell Kris everything? Finally come clean about the truth?

He stirred next to me and I had to smile, he looked up at me slowly with half open eyes that still held pain from last night. It made me wonder if something else had happened last night, maybe something more painful then finding out about his heart. I guess if he wants to tell me me will and I wont force him to because thats not what love is you dont force someone to do something.

I looked at him and smiled and said "good morning, how are you feeling?"

He yawned and said "Truthfully? I feel like I got hit by a bus"

I laughed and put my hand on his jawline and said "Make sure you take your medicine alright? We have got to get you better"

He smiled and said "you really love me dont you?"

I nodded and said "of course I do, why would you think otherwise?"

His eyes got big and he said " I just dont want you to leave me, if you left me then I wouldnt have anything let to loose. Please dont go baby"

I wanted to cry I pulled him in closer and kissed him lightly and said

"Im not going to leave you Kris, I swear"

He smiled and said "I never meant to hurt you N, you know that right?"

I sighed and realized how much he hated himself for what happened the other night, what else has caused him to be this fragile this morning? Its none of my business if it was Ken I would...I need to stop thinking about him, because that part of my life is over isnt it?

Today we both needed something happy to think about and as sore as I still am I wanted him, and I wanted to take his mind off whatever was bothering him. He always did that for me so its the smallest thing I can do. Leaning in again whispered "I want you, over and over again"

He pulled back and said "What are you saying? you liked that I hurt you like that?"

I blinked and said "I dont mind having my arms pinned but no rope this time, I want you inside of me we both need this right now"

He started to smile a little and said " You want to do it right now?"

I nodded and said "I know you never meant to hurt me, come here let me take care of you"

My hands went to his shirt and slowly I started to push it up, he moaned and rolled onto his back. I smiled and started kissing him while my ice cold finger started touching his chest he let out a hiss and said

"I love it that your hands are cold in the mornings"

I smiled and said "but my body is hot, burning up for you"

He grabbed my hips and pulled me over on top of him and I grinned, my hands grabbing onto him so I wouldnt fall. His hands went to my ass and he rubbed himself against me through the pants I moaned and said

"I want you so bad right now" He laughed and said "you have wanted me since the first time you saw me havnt you? You just didnt always know it"

I laughed this time and said "You are so sexy right now, let me take off the pants first"

He smiled and said "I have a better idea" he rubbed himself against me again and I fell forward my hands on his chest now. I looked at him and kissed him harder this time and he started moving his hands on my butt in a massaging motion. Groaning I wanted more, so much more even though I will hurt later I dont care right now. I needed to think about Kris not Ken, Ken who has to sleep alone in a big empty room filled with memories of us together....happy.

I felt his hands start to pull on my pants and I gave up and tried to roll off of him but he held in me place. Looking down at him I could see almost everything he was thinking and feeling right now, and he was desperate but about what I wonder? Im not going to leave him, it makes me wonder if maybe he just wants to feel better.

Leaning down I whispered "Do anything you want to do to me, I wont complain and I wont tell you to stop. I just want to erase that look in your eyes because its..."

He smiled and said "its like looking into a mirror isnt it?"

I nodded and said "you took the words right out of my mouth"

His hands move away from my ass and he said "take them off and the shirt too, now!"

I tried not to giggle but I did like it when he gets like this, all in charge and telling me what to do. It makes me feel like I have no control over anything that happens and being sober that excites me. My shirt came off first then my pants and I wasnt allowed to leave the bed to change so it was a little bit difficult. Once the pants were off I turned to look at him and he was pulling his own shirt off, his hands rubbing over his hardness. I watched him slowly play with himself for a few moments then he pushed his hand under the band of the pants and he started stroking himself. God Ive never seen him like this before, so out of control almost...I like it!

He pushed his pants down and said "I want you to suck on this now"

Nodding my head I crawled over towards him on the bed and took him in my mouth. I got his head in and started licking on it then he pushed himself into my mouth and I almost gagged. Rolling my eyes up he said

"you said whatever I wanted remember?"

I grumbled silently and started to suck on him slowly, his hand went down my back and then I felt him slap my on the ass once. It was a loud smack and I made a sound that was muffled by well having a mouthful. I felt his body starting to get hotter and hotter, he pulled out of my mouth and said "turn around and I did so"

I went to lay down on my back but instead his hands grabbed my hips and he said "no I want you on your knees, this time"

"Kris we have never done it this way before, the angle is going to make it deep"

His hand grabbed my hair and I let out a groan and he said "I will be gentle I promise" then he leaned his tall body over mine and kissed me at that angle, I felt him moving his hard cock to my opening then slowly he started to push himself in. I tore my mouth away and moan as he pushed into me, it seemed like he was going to come out of my mouth. Once he was in he slowly started to pull out then he found a rhythm and kept up with it.

My breathing started to speed up and I felt that I was close, he smiled and said "I told you I would be gentle, you cant come until I tell you to got it?"

I looked at him over my shoulder and he put a hand under my side and on my chest and brought me up so that my back was touching his chest. Still he never lost a thrust, or slowed down. His other hand came around and started playing with me, slowly running his fingers over my head and I moaned louder.

"This feels so different today" I said

He laughed and said "Different bad? Or different good and you want more? Or do you want me to stop?" <strong style="line-height:1.6;">then he stopped pushing into me and I grabbed his hair and said"Dont stop please dont stop"