[M] Hating goodbyes. (1/1)

Xiumin’s P.O.VAfter we got back from Sehun and Luhan’s hometown, Jongdae and I were inseparable. Well, we had always been but now it was different. He stayed with us and after Lay moved out, Kris offered him his room, much to Tao’s displeasure, but he declined and stayed in my room. Obviously. All the time we had together was precious and I wouldn’t change anything.We started visiting my mother more often thanks to her telling our relatives and friends that we were indeed together. So basically, we just went to stop her from doing another thing like that.We were watching a movie, snuggled together in the couch and enjoying our time alone since the others were all out. I was thinking how much I loved it when his phone began to ring.I was sitting on the couch, with the movie on pause and waiting for Jongdae to finish the phone call he got from his parents. Everything was going fine in the beginning, but they started arguing all of a sudden so he decided to go to our room to finish talking. But it had been too long already. I was very worried because they never fight. Never. I heard him yell again and then complete silence. The door opened and he came out, looking like he just saw a ghost. I gulped a single time. This was going to be serious.I stood up and walked up to him quickly, asking him what happened. Jongdae didn’t say anything. I asked him again, lightly touching his arm this time and he snapped out of the trance state he was. He guided me back to the living room and told me to sit. He stood in front of me with his usual smile gone and I was really scared by now. He opened his mouth and tried to talk several times but he couldn’t. I told him to calm down and to take his time, but he shook his head violently and forced himself to talk even when his voice was raspy and shaky.“My family isn’t doing so well. Father is sick, really sick. And there are a lot of things that need to be taken care of but Mother can’t take care of everything by herself. So it was decided that I must assume that responsibility.”“And what does that mean?” –I asked although I really didn’t want to know.Jongdae smiled at me sadly.“It means I’ll have to return to China as soon as possible”I held my breath and looked down to my fidgeting hands. I kept quiet, didn’t said anything because there was really nothing I could say. I tried to search for the words but they just wouldn’t come out. It had been less than half of a year since Jongdae came back, since we were together and he had to leave already? We stayed in silence for a couple of minutes until I managed to say something.“For how long?” –My voice was shaky and as scared as his own.“I’m not sure. It could be 4 or 6 months...”“Or longer.” –I finished. Jongdae didn’t turn down that possibility.“I’m sorry”I nodded. I shouldn’t have let him apologize. I should have told him that it wasn’t his fault, that it couldn’t be helped. But I just couldn’t. I had to stay there, avoiding his eyes and letting him blame himself. I should have done something, anything and instead I paralyzed and freaked out when he was just as affected as me.“It’s…fine. I don’t want to talk about it right now. Let’s just finish the movie.” –I said. Jongdae pursued his lips and muttered a yes. Then he sat down next to me and I pressed the play button. There were so many things going through my mind at that moment and not a single one was good. The once lovey-dovey atmosphere was gone leaving a heavy and awkward one behind. I couldn’t take the silence anymore but I refused to start talking because I knew I wouldn’t say anything nice. I was depressed and when I’m sad, I tend to also get angry and end up blurting things I don’t even mean to the first person who dares talking to me and sadly, that person was mostly Jongdae.“Min-“ –He started but I cut him off.“Shut up, I said I didn’t want to talk”“But we have to!”“No, we don’t” –I said and paused the movie again, turning abruptly to his side. “I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t even get why you told me in the first place. I was better without knowing!”“Because you’re my boyfriend and I thought you’d care!” –He snapped back at me.“Well, turns out, I don’t!” –I yelled at him. He gasped and I felt terrible for what I said. “N-no, Jongdae, It’s not like that…I didn’t meant to-““Oh, I’m sure you didn’t” –He scoffed. “You’re right. Let’s just shut up. I don’t want to talk to you either, now.”“Jongdae…” –I whispered, my lips were trembling. I never saw him so angry before.“Forget it!” –He said. “I don’t want to hear it. Let’s just finish watching this so we can go to sleep.”“But…I didn’t mean to…” –He shot me a glare and I couldn’t do anything but shut up.He slumped on the couch like Suho did when he had a tiresome day at work. He took the remote and he hit play without waiting for me to sit by his side. I reluctantly did so and didn’t say anything anymore. After the movie was over, without any of us talking, we went straight to bed, not even kissing good night.I wasn’t angry with Jongdae but I kept acting like I was, snapping at him for every little thing he did or said and that hurt both of us because I kept pushing him away when I knew perfectly that we should be enjoying our little time together. I wanted to crawl to my bed and just cry until I fell asleep, but I couldn’t do it with him being near. If he saw me, that would hurt him even more.I knew that he wasn’t going to take my attitude much longer and that sooner or later he was going to confront me. And of course, it happened really soon. I came back from my parent’s house one night and found Kai, Kyungsoo and Jongdae in the living room. I greeted them but didn’t had the intention to sit with them and talk. Kyungsoo stopped me from leaving to my room, saying that I looked tired. I just shrugged and like the mother we thought he was, he fussed over how stressed I looked and if I didn’t take care of myself I’d end up sick in bed for weeks. He offered himself to give me a massage, something that I was actually hoping would come from Jongdae but didn’t, so I accept it.Kyungsoo told me to sit in the couch and I hesitated because of Jongdae and his glaring at us. For some reason, I was super sensitive that day and when Kyung touched a particularly sensitive area of my neck, I moaned a little. It wasn’t that big deal, even Kai laughed at me, but Jongdae didn’t take it so well. “Enough!” –He yelled. He held my wrist with force and led me to our room, slamming the door closed behind us. “What the fuck?”“What? I’m sorry but I couldn’t control it! It’s not that bad”“Not that bad? We haven’t even kissed properly since your outburst the other night and now you go whimpering if someone touches you? What the heck is happening with you?”“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” –I lied, stepping away from him which only made things worst.“Don’t lie to me, Minseok. I know you better than you know yourself and you’re lying to me. First you act like you don’t fucking care that I’m leaving and then you go and moan when Kyungsoo touches you? Do you like him now?” –He snapped. It was my opportunity to tell him that it wasn’t like that at all, that I did cared and that I was awfully afraid. But like always, I was unable to convey my feelings and ended up just shaking my head from side to side and not saying anything at all. He sighed and left the room. That was the first night in a long time that we were with each other and didn’t sleep in the same room.The next morning he caught me off guard and apologized for yelling at me. That made me feel guiltier. There he was, apologizing when he had done absolutely nothing wrong because the only one at blame was me. The worst part was when I said “I forgive you” like there was something to be sorry for. He even suggested that we should go to the beach and enjoy ourselves before he had to leave. He actually convinced his parents to let him stay at least until he got back from our trip. And that was something really hard to achieve. They agreed but he’d had to board the plane the very next day. And so, the next day we were off to our ‘vacations’.Maybe it was the change of scenario or the fact that it was really the two of us together far away from home that made me forget about the whole situation and enjoy my time with him. I felt happy. So happy I made myself believe that there would be a way for him to stay with me forever. We didn’t fight at all during that time. We thought that we had all the time in the world.When the sun was beginning to set, we decided to walk on a more private side of the beach. The sky had different tones and colors and it was simply gorgeous. Since we were the only ones there we could hold hands and even kiss freely.“This is really romantic” –Jongdae said as he took a deep breath and squeezed my hand tighter.“It really is” –I giggled.Jongdae glanced at me. He took a step forward and kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose and finally my lips. He stared insensibly straight into my eyes.“I don’t want us to fight especially since we don’t have the time to do so. Maybe I shouldn’t bring this up now but I want to know, why were you pushing me away like that? Is it something I did? I know that it wasn’t good news but I seriously wasn’t expecting you to act so…cold.”“Cold? I’m sorry if you felt like that, I didn’t notice” –I lied. But why? Jongdae reads me so easily and there was no way in hell he was gonna believe me with a lame excuse like that.“Don’t do this please”I breathed in and then out. I didn’t know myself why I was acting the way I was so I was afraid that I couldn’t give him a real explanation but I could always try. I was sick of us being so close and yet so distant and I had to fix it before it was too late.“I’m just…scared.” “Of what?”“Of the distance. Of us eventually growing apart, not able to keep our relationship when we’re far away from each other for that much time. You might find someone else. And…the last time you left, you didn’t came back “soon” like you promised. The last thing I wanted was to push you away, but I guess that I did it anyway” –Water pooled my eyes and it was already blurring my eyesight. “I just don’t want to keep on waiting for you if you’re not gonna comeback. I did it the last time but I’m sure it would destroy me if it happens again”Jongdae pulled me closer, holding me tightly in his arms. I felt so safe and I instantly began to cry.“I just don’t want you to leave me, Jongdae. I love you so much and I know your absence is going to kill me.”“Silly Baozi, that’s not going to happen, Yes, I left and was away for a very long time but I still didn’t found anyone because I was too busy loving you. Do you think I’m gonna leave you now that you’re finally mine? I’d be the asshole of the year if I even though about it. I spent a very long time loving you from afar, Min and my feelings for you won’t change. If anything, they’ll just become stronger. Haven’t you heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder? So please don’t worry about anything because the only way for us to separate is if you want it.”Jongdae kept holding me with his strong arms secured around me, whispering soothing things to me until the sky was completely dark and my sobs became inaudible. I was being plain stupid, assuming things and then forcing them upon him. After I was done, Jongdae reached out for my hand, promising to hold it every time he could.When the both of us calmed down a little, we walked back to the hotel. We ate something and then returned to our room. We were so tired so we crashed in the couch together in what felt like a really long time and snuggled close. As he was changing channels, the same movie that we saw the night we received the call was on. I carefully watched his expression. He had a poker face on in the beginning but then I noticed a smile in the corner of his lips.“I don’t really like this movie.” –He said that but he didn’t change channel. “I don’t have good memories from it, but I know it’s one of your favorites, right?”I nodded.“So I don’t want to keep disliking it…” –Jongdae said. I got the hint and felt my face getting hot from the blush I was sure I had. Putting everything that happened those days behind, I sat up. My hands traveled to his neck, wrapping my arms around and then resting my head in the crook of his neck.“Well, then, shall we change those memories to good ones?”He smiled then he searched for my lips and crashed them with his own. I returned the kiss slowly, We hadn’t really shared a kiss like that for a while and I just wanted to focus on how good it felt to be doing it again.Eventually, the kisses grew hungrier and needy. We broke away to read each other’s expressions. His hands traveled down and slid under my shirt, touching my skin with his fingertips with delicacy like he was afraid I’d get angry at him again. I straddled him, supporting myself up with my knees and still maintaining my arms around his neck for better support. We hadn’t kissed passionately in a while, let alone touching and the constant fighting being over just reminded me how much I love him and how good it feels to be touched by the one you love the most.  His cold hands, exploring my body contrasted perfectly with my hot temperature and it felt so good. He tugged at the hem of my shirt and pulled it up then threw it somewhere on the floor, his own following. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he leaned forward for another desperate kiss, then he pulled us up and carried me to the bed, where he lied me down as he hovered over me, our lips never breaking apart.I tasted his skin with my fingertips, reaching out and undoing his pants painfully slowly and sliding my hand inside of his boxers. He gasped against my lips when I wrapped my hand around his manhood and started to pump from the base to the tip in a slow but steady pace. Jongdae bit hard on my lower lip to muffle a moan but far from hurting, it just aroused me more. Between kisses and pants and the occasional bite, we got rid of the rest of our clothing. He stopped me and flipped us around, resulting in me being on top of him. I looked at him curious. He searched for the bottle of lube and gave it to me then he told me to coat my fingers. I was hesitant but obliged. Then he began to nibble and suck my earlobe, whispering sweet and seductive things.“Now, prepare yourself” –He said as he took my erection in his hand and began pumping me just like I did to him a few minutes before. “I want to see you while you do it”I would have objected but he kept sucking my earlobe and masturbating me, making me a panting mess that could only nod and follow his orders once more. I gulped. I wasn’t sure how to do it. I moved my fingers down and positioned two of them at my entrance, trying to copy Jongdae’s past movements and slowly pushing them inside. It was just weird to be doing it myself. Sure, it hurt and felt weird when Jongdae did it but he was far more experienced than me and I always knew that it wouldn’t hurt forever.“It’s weird” –I panted.“You know it’s gonna get better, just try harder” –He said as he kissed a wet trail back to my lips. I moaned when his thumb teased the slit of my cock. “You’re so wet down here already”I groaned and pushed my fingers deeper, thrusting them in all different kind of angles to find that spot Jongdae knew perfectly. It was my own body but he knew it better than me. I kept whimpering until he took my hand and pulled it out, his fierce eyes looking straight into mines.“Geez, Min,” –He half chuckled half groaned. He covered his own fingers with the cold substance and then thrust three inside of me without a warning. He stretched my inner walls and then he took them out almost completely just to thrust them back in, hitting my prostate. I moaned his name loudly, my arms that were supporting me almost giving in. “I don’t know how you couldn’t find this spot. It’s right here”When he thought I was ready, he pulled his fingers out, leaving an empty feeling that I knew wouldn’t last long.“Jongdae,” –I whispered as he aligned his dick with my puckered hole. “I’m sorry for everything…I love you”He smiled and kissed me sweetly on the lips.“And I love you, too”With that said, he filled me with one thrust that made me scream in pleasure instead of pain, but he still waited for me to fully adjust to his size before moving. Jongdae didn’t waste more time and he pounded on my hard and with a fast pace, hitting my prostate dead on. If someone saw us, they’d think we were only searching for our own satisfaction, not caring about the other because of how he kept ramming inside of me and how I still screamed for him to go faster and harder but that only made it better because we knew that even though our love making seemed rushed and one sided, we loved each other more than anyone else in the world.I felt a familiar warmth pooling inside of me, telling me that I was close. I looked at him trough half lidded eyes and saw his expression. His eyes closed and his mouth just open enough to let out all those wonderful pleasure sounds that escaped his throat.“I-I’m gonna c-cum” –I somehow managed to say between mewls.“Then cum” –He said as he reached down and stroked me, meeting the rhythm of his thrusts and within a couple of seconds, I came hard, all over his hand, he reached his own orgasm shortly after and I shivered at the feeling of his seed filling me.We collapsed on the bed, lying next to each other. He threw his arm around me and pulled me close. Not saying anything until he catch his breath back.Jongdae caressed my cheek softly and then spoke with a sweet tone.“I’ve missed you so much”I remained quiet and my lips pursed tightly together. I didn’t want to, but the tears just began to flow. The whole time I had stopped myself from crying. I didn’t want to cry because Jongdae was leaving, because I knew he’d come back, no matter what that devilish voice inside my head said. I also didn’t want to cry because of our constant fighting, because I knew it was my fault in the first place. But when he said that he had missed me I just completely lost it. I was trying to get myself together but I hurt him in the process and unconsciously pushed us further apart.You don’t miss someone who’s right beside you so the fact that he had missed me meant that he felt like I wasn’t really there for him. As if I was the one who ended up leaving his side.“I’m so sorry” –I cried as I hugged him back. “I do care that you’re leaving, I’ve always have. I just don’t know how to handle this.”“I know” –He said. “and I’m sorry, too… for leaving you.”That night, we barely slept because we were too busy talking and embracing each other.Jongdae left the next day. And he was gone for almost 6 months. The first months were hell; I could barely focus on anything and was depressed most of the time. I couldn’t even sleep without hearing his voice. Kris said it freaked everyone out but what could they know? The only one who knew what I was going trough was Luhan and he was supportive 24/7. I struggled but was able to get out of that state. It wasn’t healthy in the least and if Jongdae said he was going to come back, then I believed him.One night, I returned home pretty late and found a note on the fridge.“We went to Suho and Lay’s place. Won’t be back for a while.”I sighed. It was gonna be another lonely night.“They’re so stupid. Leaving poor Baozi by himself” –I whined as I moved to the kitchen, took a can of soda out of the fridge and then walking to my room. When I entered, the can slipped from my hand and fell to the floor with a thud.“I’ve missed you so much, Minnie” Water pooled in my eyes, preventing me to see clearly, but I didn’t care. I still ran and launched myself to him, crying out his name and burying my face in the crook of his neck. He held me tightly in his arms and I heard him sobbing too.There were so many things I wanted to say to him, so much I had to tell him, but I only said what really mattered in that moment.“I love you” –I said between sobs. “I love you so much.”Jongdae hugged me even tighter and at a certain point I even felt like I was lacking my breath but I didn’t care.“I love you, too”

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Eeek, please don't kill me. I know I've been awfully slow updating but I have to take this really important examn next month and I just had so much to do. *Sigh*Ah, ChenMin.... Although I wasn't if I was going to include them when I began this fic, now I've come to love them so much it's painful to write this chapter. I really hope you like it too, because I do. So much.Oh, I don't know if you want Taoris or Baekyeol next so feel free to tell me which one you want first (:I love you guys, so very much. I'll see you next time (which hopefully will be soon)