Cry Hard Enough (1/2)

Cry Hard Enough

It was a windless afternoon. The sun had set and darkness had overtaken the light. There were no birds singing. It seemed the flowers had stopped blooming. The rain fell hard and pounded down on the ground. The heavens was mourning, mirroring the anguish of everyone still present.

Most of the people had left. With the rain pouring harder, people had started walking away and back to their cars. No one had seen the need to stay anymore. It was done. He was gone. He was buried.

But not to those who remained.

Eunhyuk and Donghae held on to each other, supporting each other not to fall. Siwon closed his eyes in silent prayer. Yesung stared straight ahead, eyes blurred with tears, not looking at anything in particular. Kyuhyun gripped Kibum’s hand tightly, his nails breaking his skin. Shindong nestled a wailing Ryeowook. Kangin squeezed his eyes shut, willing the unending tears to stop falling. Hangeng, who flew back from China, sniffled, his hand covering his tear-stained face. Leeteuk, whose faced twitched from pent-up emotions, watched as Heechul, whose eyes were hard, stringently gripped the umbrella he was holding over her.

They all stood there helplessly and watched her cry.

She was bent over his grave, her black dress soaked from the rain and soiled from the mud. Her hair stuck to her face and neck. She was crying as many tears as the heavens were. The skies echoed her agony with its thunderous roar.

An excruciating cry broke from her lips.

She slowly and heartbreakingly crawled to his tombstone, not caring if her hands got muddy, not caring if she got sick from the rain. She didn’t care about anything anymore. None of those things mattered. Nothing was ever going to matter anymore. The sun was never going to shine brightly. Rain had forced and poured itself into her life. There was never going to be a rainbow.

“Oppa,” she screamed. “Oppa!” Her arm stretched to reach and touch his name. “Oppa!” She leaned herself beside the gravestone, her fingers tracing the contours of the script of his name. Lee Sung Min.

Heechul swallowed back his pain. He loved him like a real brother, but he couldn’t imagine what she was feeling, being someone who has been in his life forever. He closed his eyes as he was brought back to that moment.

Most of the members were in the dorm when Leeteuk had gotten a call from Kyuhyun. The magnae was hysterical. He was sobbing and couldn’t form his words properly. The leader tried calming him down, consoling him to talk slower and clearer. As soon as he understood what happened, he pulled Heechul and Shindong out from their rooms, telling them to get ready to leave, without giving an explanation. He strongly ordered Ryeowook, whom he saw first, to call Kangin and Kibum to tell them to come to the dorm. He then demanded Donghae to call Hangeng in China to tell him to call Leeteuk.

Arriving at the scene and seeing for himself what had happened was different from hearing about it. There was broken glass and shredded shrapnel everywhere. Three wheels of the car were looking up at the sky. One wheel had shot off somewhere. Dark red blood oozed out of the vehicle.

It was like Kyuhyun’s accident all over again. Except the magnae was sitting on the sidewalk, wrapped with a blanket, shaking and sobbing like a little child. He was rocking himself forwards and backwards. Heechul didn’t think twice and sat down beside him, bringing his dongsaeng’s head to his chest.

Sungmin was dead. There was nothing they could do.

Heechul’s eyes flew open as she let out another piercing shriek. He threw the umbrella on the ground and bent down, grabbing her arm.