Since youve been gone. (1/1)

~ 10 months later ~I struggled through my pain to sit up in my hospital bed. I reached for the phone and called the nursery, "Yes. It's Carlie Maloney in room 414. Where is my baby? I want to see her now."I heard the nurse sigh sadly, "Ms. Maloney, Your daughter has an infection. We have to keep her in the NICU for now. I'll send a nurse to you so she can explain fully." She moved to hang up."Wait!" Too late, "Damn it!!" I shouted in frustration and fell back, crying out from the pain in my stomach. I still could not feel my legs since the epidural was so strong, but the staples in my lower abdomen made sure I felt them. I felt tears sting my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. A whole day had passed since I gave birth and I felt as though I was being punished for leaving her father the way I did. I sobbed knowing I deserved whatever would happen. It was shortly after I returned to my mother's house in Las Vegas I found out I was pregnant with Seunghyun's baby. I never told any one accept Jiyong and he promised to never breathe a word. Now I was paying for it.~A week passed when I was sitting out side of my apartment. My mother insisted I live with her but Jiyong was paying for my own place and I could not let myself be a burden to my mother any longer. I looked into the courtyard of the complex and heard footsteps, I light my cigarette any way knowing who it was. "Carlie?" I heard Jiyong's voice and turned to see him walking toward me. I stood and hugged him, "My god you feel so thin. I thought you said you gained 20 pounds?" I scoffed and sat he took the chair in front of me, "I haven't been able to function. She's still in the hospital. I don't even know what to name her. I haven't even seen her yet. I just... I don't have the courage."Jiyong took my hand and smiled, "It's going to be fine I promise and you can't really tell me you haven't named her yet." I shrugged and looked off again. "You look like hell. Have you slept at all? Eaten anything?... oh no you have cigarettes. Shall I buy you more... Did you see the video of Seunghyun in New York?"I rolled my eyes, "Yes I did. He looks amazing... I left because he didn't love me any more... So actually why would I care about some fucking jean commercial he did?"Jiyong chuckled, "He still loves you."I looked at him and pleaded for him not to tease me. Jiyong then looked over my shoulder and stiffened. "What?" I took a drag of my cigarette and slowly moved to look behind  me."I'm sorry." Jiyong whispered and stood, "I had to tell him.""What?" I stood as well and spun around to see Seunghyun walking towards us from the courtyard. He looked taller if that was even possible and I moved to walk into my apartment. Jiyong grabbed my hand. I shot him a warning glare, "I don't want him to see me like this.""He needs to see you no matter what you look like."I sighed and felt my heart racing as I heard Seunghyun's foot steps. "Carlie?" His voice sounded thick with sadness. I turned around and looked at him."Hi."Seunghyun looked at me, his hands pushed deep in his pockets but he pulled them out when he saw the cigarette in my hand, "Since when do you smoke?""It's nice to see you too?" I looked at Jiyong and back at Seunghyun. "Why are you here?"Seunghyun turned his hands up right, "What do you mean? You leave me to come home to find out you're pregnant with my baby and forget to mention it to me?" He raised his voice and sighed, "Why didn't you just call me?""I thought things were over between us. I felt like I shouldn't bother you with something that could threaten your career." My tone dripped with sarcasm."So you tell Jiyong!! Do you know how much- Do you realize- I can't even..." He moved to sit in the folding chair I just was sitting in."I'm sorry." I whispered and Jiyong pushed me towards the chair he was before he stood as well."I'll go inside..."Seunghyun looked at Jiyong and glared, "I have a better idea you traitor. How about you leave?""Hey!" I raised my hands, "None of that shit. This is my apartment-"Seunghyun chuckled, "No it's an apartment your giggalo pays for.""Hey!" I crossed the distance between us, "Giggalo? What is that supposed to mean?" I towered over him and clenched my fists.He looked at me, "What? Are you going to hit me?" He stood pointing at his flawless face, "Go ahead! Right here? Or maybe here?" He pointed at his jaw line and I smiled."You are still as cocky as ever. I would never waste my energy to hit you. It wouldn't shut you up any way."Seunghyun smirked and stepped closer, "It wouldn't. Just like you never will."Jiyong shook his head and walked away, he was going to get in his car and drive away. He wouldn't come back until tomorrow. If he came back to find we killed each other then so be it. If he couldn't make us be civil no one would."Why did you bother coming here then?" I ran my hand through my messy hair and moved to walk away from him. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to face him. The pain from my incision hit me and I cried out in pain. He let go of me, his eyes wide with fear. I stumbled back and sat slowly, my hand on my staples just beneath me shirt."What's wrong?"I glared at him and hissed with pain, "Shit... What do you care?""Stop being so fucking stubborn! Did I hurt you?"I made my self comfortable enough for the pain to subside, "No. It wasn't you. I had... I had to have a c section. As in they cut me open to get the baby out. Then closed me up and to make double sure they stapled me up.." I watched Seunghyun's face and he looked out into the courtyard, releasing an exasperated sigh. He wiped his hand over his mouth before looking back at me."Why? Why couldn't you have just called me? Was I really that horrible? Did I treat you so badly?" He looked so pained and looked away again.I looked at my hands, "I just thought that after the way I left you that night.. After that fight.. It wouldn't have mattered. I have nothing else to say. Beside why would you need to know about a bastard child you gave me when you have some one else to give you a baby I'm sure..." "What!" He stood up, "I guess I really am a worthless person! I loved you with all my heart- Yes I know I have the worst temper! But I loved you with every thing in me! Do you really think I forgot you so easily?? I never moved on I never had any one else. No other woman on this earth could possibly fill your shoes and I knew if I ever did anything against your memory I would hate my self forever. You know me the best. At least I thought you did. How could you think I wouldn't care about a phone call from you. Every thingI have done would have changed... For the better. I would have been with you. Through everything. I can't believe you deprived me of seeing you carry my child. Seeing all the changes you went through... I thought you loved me so much?"I rolled my eyes, "Please don't do this to me now, I can not do this now. You can't expect me to believe we can just pick up where we left off. that's where I know you... You hold grudges. You wont let this go so easily. So what do you want? When will you use this against me?""that's not what I want to do... I want something else.""Then what," I reached to get a new cigarette from me pocket, "What do you want?"He looked down at me sadly, "You know what?... Maybe I wasted my time talking to YG Hyung. I really shouldn't have come here. You aren't the person I fell in love with. I don't know what happened to you but you changed. I don't know who you are right now. I just wanted to see my baby. Where is she?"I felt my heart drop and cleared my throat, "She... uh- She's still in the NICU."  Seunghyun sat and reached out at the sight of the tears welling in my eyes, "Don't. I don't deserve it... You're right I have changed. I'm sorry. I just can't let my self believe you would come for me after all this time and have any nice things to say. Our.." I looked away from his worried eyes, "when she was born they said she passed her first bowel in my womb... She swallowed some, breathed some into her lungs with her first breath. They have her on antibiotics, but it's not helping too much."Seunghyun gripped his jeans, "Is she okay though?""She's beautiful." I wiped my cheek, "We can go see her if you want?""I don't want anything else." He stood and I followed asking if I can just get dressed. I let him inside and walked through the small living room and down the hall to my bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and took off the over sized t shirt I wore, slipping off my sweat pants. I turned off the light, having left it on and walked back to my room so that I could find something to wear. Seunghyun stood in my door way. I screamed and turned away."Please no! I don't want you to see me like this...""See you like what?" Seunghyun's voice seemed so distant yet I heard him step into the room, "You just had my baby. I want to see what you look like after giving her to me.I turned to him, "But... It's horrible. I'm fat and my stomach... I just don't want you to see how ugly I am."Seunghyun sighed, "You could never be ugly to me. Please let me see you?"I lowered my arms and raise my arms to hold over my face. "Look all you want I guess."I could hear his smile and my heart pounded as I felt him kneel before me, "Seunghyun?" My breath caught in my throat at the feel of his hands on my hips. He pulled me closer, his thumbs brushing over the bright red stretch marks and he saw where they had cut me open, the staples and blood that dried around them."You are so amazing."His voice came to my ears and I hesitated to react. When I said nothing he stood and took hold of my arms to pull them from hiding my face. I took in a trembling breath and he smiled, "I told you I spoke with YG Hyung?""Yes." I barely found my voice."I told him and I told him I want to marry you." His eyes found mine."You're really serious aren't you?" I whispered after studding his face for a moment."I want us to be married and raise our daughter with all the love we felt for each other before and all the love we will find again as we get older.""Why would you want to marry me? You could easily find some gorgeous Korean goddess and have more children..."Seunghyun took my face in his large hands, "Will you just please not try to push me away. I know what I want... and that's you and our child. I don't want to have children with some one else... Will you marry me? Please?"I swallowed, "Then answer one question?""Anything."I closed my eyes again, "Do you still love me?""I love you very much. I never stopped. As angry as I was, as hurt as I was, as heart broken when you left me... I never stopped loving you." He leaned forward to claim my lips but I shied away and gasped for a steady breath."Don't do that. Do forgive me so easily.""You can't tell me what to do." He smirked and pulled me closer, "Just one kiss. Slowly. I'll make you fall for me again."I smiled, "You don't have to make me... I'm still in love with you too..." I felt my heart lighten being able to admit that to my self. "So kiss me.""I shouldn't. We shouldn't rush into this. "Seunghyun chuckled, "Rush into what? We're picking up where we left off.""I need time. Please? I need to forgive my self for what I did to you before I can let you in again." Seunghyun let go of me and nodded, "So let's go see our baby?"  Seunghyun nodded again and walked out of the room silently.I opened my eyes to find it was just a dream and I cried, alone in my darl room. It was a beautiful dream.