Nineteen (1/1)

I wake up the next morning feeling so much better as if things didn't happened the day before. I prepare all of of Taemin's favorite breakfast while humming. I just really feel fresh today.Taemin look at me weirdly."What?" I ask as I sit opposite him."You're weird, hyung.""I should be telling you that!" He makes me laugh."So then.. What would you do?""I told you. I'm going to get my boyfriend back." Then I smile sweetly at him.Taemin looks at me worriedly."Are you sure you can handle it, hyung?""It will be okay, Taeminnie.""But you could get hurt. Hyungie... I don't want you to get hurt." Taemin whines."I know, Minnie. But hyung needs to take the risk. I don't want to give up just because I'm scared of her. Hyungie... Hyungie just can't live without Jonghyun. I need you to understand. I love him." I hold Taemin's hand to emphasize my point and at the same, makes him understand the gravity of my decision.However, Taemin brushes away my hand and crosses his arms."But I don't understand! He hurt you! He wouldn't even stand up for you! He just lets you on your own without explaining things! Why do you have to go so far for that jerk?! Not even considering that you could get hurt with his over-obsessive-crazy-maniac-and-stupid-ex-girlfriend?!"I sigh. How can I make him understand? "The same reason why you would give up on Kibum." I see Taemin straighten on his seat. I stand and circle the table until I am looking down at Taemin. I kneel down in front of him and holds his hands."Look, Taemin. I heard you yesterday." He avoids my eyes. "Hyung, I...""Shhh. I know. I understand. You love Kibum. But you didn't say anything to him until yesterday. Why? Because your love for him is true. Since your love is true, you don't want to hurt him. You don't want to force yourself to him because you know that it will be futile because he has found his happiness. As long as he's happy, it's okay. His happiness is your happiness, right? Even though, it's killing you inside. That is love, Taemin." Taemin is silently crying while listening to me. I wipe Taemin's tears using my thumb."I love Jonghyun, Taemin. I know you can understand me because you, yourself, had loved someone. Right, Minnie?"With a determined face, Taemin says "If he won't protect you, I will."    During lunch break at SW, Kibum and I walk to the noisy cafeteria. I easily spotted the players on the usual table. But there is one unusual person seated beside Jonghyun. I don't even spare a single glance to her. Instead, I study Jonghyun closely as we walk towards the table. His eyebrows furrowing. His eyes looking to Minho silently begging for help. He squirms as she continually sticks herself to Jonghyun and the bags under his eyes don't go unnoticed to anyone.Mir is the first one to notice us approaching."Jinki-hyung.." Everyone seated at the table turn their heads and look at our direction. I saw Soonkyu's eyebrow lift up. Hell, she's really pretty. But I can't back down now. Jonghyun avoids looking at me in the eyes. With all the courage I built up from yesterday until now, I walk towards her and Jonghyun. With shaking hands, I place them on Jonghyun's neck and makes him look at me. When our eyes met, I didn't waste any second. I didn't even think. I close my eyes shut as I press my lips on Jonghyun's lips. I hear a lot of gasps. I hear others take pictures. I could hear all the murmurs.  But I don't care. I want to show everyone that the guy I'm kissing is my boyfriend. I want to show them that Jonghyun is mine. I want to show them that I love him and I will fight for him. I want to show them that no one can take Jonghyun away from me because I will die when it happens.I break the kiss and wait for Jonghyun's reaction. I don't care what other people would say. Only Jonghyun is important. I could register his shock. His eyes bulged so much that it looks as if it's going out of its socket. I wait for his reaction. I will wait until he holds me and claims me as his. Every moment of waiting from that is pure torture. Believe me.Then I hear something like a slap. Then I feel my right cheek burn. Oh! I was slapped. I look up but regret when I see the burning glare from Soonkyu's eyes. I feel terrified. If that thing could kill, I'd be dead by now."Y-YOU!!" She points me with her index finger. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Minho holding Taemin in place so not to hurt her. Behind me, I could feel Kibum mirroring Soonkyu's eyes looking at her.I look at Jonghyun who still has no reaction except for being so obviously shocked.Instantly, I could feel my eyes burn. Tears are treatening to fall. It breaks my heart. I did not only humiliate myself but I also assume that he still loves me. Maybe he really got back together with her. Soonkyu raise her hand. Bracing for the outcome, I close my eyes and wait to feel the pain again.  "Hey!" Holding back my tears, I turn away to leave. Out of the cafeteria, out of Jonghyun's life.  I keep on running while tears are flowing down my face. I bump with someone which makes me stumble to the ground. The person helps me to stand up. Without looking up, I say "S-sorry. Thank you."Then I start walking slowly. To the place where I could be alone. To the place where only that person would know. Because I feel that there is only one thing to do now. But I'm not doing it. I will die first before I would do it.I sit behind the large tree and turn off my phone. I let my tears freely fall so when he comes, I won't be crying anymore. When he comes, I hope the tears have all dried up because I don't want someone who doesn't have the balls to protect what we have 'cause he's afraid, see me breaking apart.I hear the bell ringing signalling the end of lunch break. I remain seated. Minutes later, I hear faint footsteps.He sits beside me but still distancing himself. I don't give him any glance but there's a lump in my throat so I'm hoping he'll do the talking for both of us. Once the words flew out from his mouth, it surprises me that I didn't cry. What surprises me more is my firm answer to him. My voice didn't even waiver. It sounds so cold for me. But then, my body feels so cold all over."If that's what you want."Not once did I look at him. Not once. Not even when he left me. I stay there until I hear the bell rings at the end of the class. Since I can't possibly go to the practice, I just went home. Once the door to the living room is close, I fell to the ground and let it all out. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I want to vomit. It hurts so freaking much. I am shivering all over. I can't barely stand. Everytime I try to stand, my knees would give out. I lie on my stomach with my hands covering my face.Right then and there, I hear the familiar sound of the door being unlocked and banged open. I look back to whoever is at my door. Standing on the doorsteps are my brother and my best friend. Kibum immediately collects me from the floor and wraps my shaking body in a warm and tight embrace. I return it as tight. I cling to Kibum as if I am being dragged down, as if I am drowing. I cry against Kibum's chest as rocks me back and forth and murmuring calming words to me. I, once again, hear the door being forcefully opened and closed loudly. I don't need to look up to know that it was Taemin.            BOWS DEEPLYI'm so sorry for the loooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg wait!!!! I got so busy with life.  Happy 9th Anniversary SHINee! 0525