Always.... (1/1)

8 years....I've liked him for that long.No....I never told him.I know....I'm an idiot.  My Best FriendHe's always been my best guy friend......ever since elementary. There were 3 of us actually, I feel bad cause we sorta neglected her. Now I'm no longer friends with her. But I still had him. Onew was always there. He was my big ball of sunshine. I was his plain Jane that he could always count on.Back then, we'd share Nutella sandwiches, sometimes he'd steal my fried chicken, we loved to play kingdom of the colorful playground, and he was nearly convinced that he was somehow half monkey.When we were small, he would pretend to be manly, but he's always been a little feminine and really sensitive. I remember he cried once because he lost his favorite bracelet. Hahaha, I love that wimp. He Trusted MeHe'd never really been one to open up to anyone, but he did to me.I remember we were about 7 or 8 years old, and he'd chosen to sit next to me on that old yellow school bus. We were having a feildtrip to the Long Beach Aqaurium of the Pacific. On the that bus he told me everything. He let out all the pain he hid inside about his family problems. How his parents didn't get along. I listened to every single word and watched him pour his heart out. The clearest memory from that day was when we settled my jacket between our shoulders and we sat the whole bus ride through, laying our heads together. People thought we'd both been asleep, but I only pretended to be. I was too occupied cherishing every second of it. He Once Felt the Same WayI was on my way out through the school gates when I heard someone yell my name.  "Jane! Jane! Jane Jane Jane Jane! JANEEEEE!!"I turned back to have about four guys run up to me.

I giggled, " What's wrong with you guys?" "We have t--we have to tell you........something." One of my friends said panting."Are you okay?.........What is it?" I said observing their hyperness."Onew! He li--" The other was suddenly cut off by Onew Oppa who covered his mouth just in time. Unfortunately for him, he only had two hands, and there were four big mouths."Onew likes you!" The other two said at the same time.My eyes grew wide and I was too shocked to say anything. On the other hand, Onew Oppa was so embarassed he ran out the gates never planning on stopping. It was too late for me to call after him. He was the most adorable little tomato head I had ever seen.I never knew those words were true until three years later. I was three years too late.Over those past three years we quickly grew apart, still friends, but not as close as we use to be. He and I made other friends. We still talked, but not as much as we use to. We still hung around each other, but not as comfortable as we use to be.It wasn't until that day our music teacher kept the class waiting outside because he was running late. Our classmates didn't do much but talk amongst themselves. I just so happened to be standing right next to Onew when a friend of ours approached us."Hmm....Onew and Jane, huh?" My ignorant classmate wriggled his eyebrows."Oh, shut up." I joked along.Another classmate joined us, " I guess Onew hyung still likes her.""Yahh!" Onew Oppa retaliated.I decided to further annoy him, "Yeah, he's wants me sooooooo badly." He chuckled, " Leave me alone, that was like three years ago.""BWOH?! YOU LIKED ME THREE YEARS AGO?!" "Err.....I uhh....--""Okay class! Sorry bout that, come on in!" And just like that I've always held a grudge against that songsaenim for interrupting Onew Oppa. But throughout the day, his words rang in my mind "....that was like three years ago." WAS THREE YEARS AGO.  I had a chance.... Getting Made Fun OfA lot of my friends tell me I'm stupid, because I never confronted him. I guess they're right. When others see how much of a fool I am for him, they think that it's somehow alright to make fun of a person and their feelings. I hope none of you readers are a victim of that, and I pray that you aren't the culprit either, because let me tell you......it hurts A LOT. His Best FriendOver the years Onew and I kept drifting, but my feelings refused to turn the same direction and instead grew stronger and stronger each day.He eventually made other friends, so did I.Onew Oppa now has another best friend, let's just call him Dae Hyun.Dae Hyun Oppa has such a kind heart that it hurts.I had this part of me that incredibly hated Dae Hyun Oppa, I couldn't help it.I didn't hate him because he was the new BFF, but because Dae Hyun Oppa somehow developed his own feelings towards me.And that's the reason if ever Onew Oppa has or ever developes feelings for me. He would never admit it. Because he cares about his best friend like his own brother.But I can't get all of myself to hate Dae Hyun Oppa. He's done so much for me, and he's always been there for me and I really appreciate him. I just can't love him the same way he loves me.  My Beautiful Best FriendLet's diguise her name as Jill. Jill is gorgeous.She's smart, outgoing, talented, and popular. Every boy's dream girl.I'd say I'm not jealous of her........but i'd be lying. She's probably captured just about every boy's heart at my school, including Onew Oppa.Oppa follows her around like a love sick puppy. She's so lucky, if only she saw the way he lovingly admired her from afar. I can feel a little piece of my heart break whenever his smile is directed to her and not me. His laugh can brighten anyone's mood, while his eyes vanish and his pearly whites appear, but it can also bring one heartache, seeing someone bring him so much joy and laughter.......but it's not you.I know I sound selfish. I'm so sorry. But I just can't help it sometimes.Don't get me wrong, I don't despise my own best friend. In fact, I love her like my own sister. Despite the fact that the love of my life is in love with my best friend, I get by, plasting a broken smile on my face........just to hide the pain. If I Could I'd Wish All the Pain AwaySometimes I wish Dae Hyun Oppa hadn't fallen for me. Sometimes I wish Onew Oppa hadn't fallen for Jill.And when  the pain gets stronger, almost unbearable, sometimes I wish I hadn't fallen for Onew. It isn't fair........It's not fair at all at how he just gave up on his feelings so quickly, while I kept waiting for 8 years.It's not fair that because of others, we'll never be together.  Dear Onew Oppa,Oppa, why did you give up so fast. You never even told me until you finally ran out of feelings. Oppa, it hurts so much....but you pobably don't understand, do you? You probably don't know the feeling of wanting a simple hug that you don't deserve, or the guilt of feeling jealous when you don't have the right to be.But since you've moved on, it's probably best for me to move on as well. I shouldn't have hoped for nothing all these past 8 years. I could've saved so many tears. But even when I do move on, Oppa, I just want you to know, there will ALWAYS be a part of you in my heart. And for the lucky one that will always have his heart.......I beg of you, please take care of him, and love him with all your heart.                                                                                                                                   Love Always,                                                                                                                                             Your Plain Jane