Chapter 1 (1/1)

It's been a few hours since my mother made me pack my bags and kicked me out. I wandered the cold streets – for God knows how long – only to find myself ending up in front of Son Seungwan’s apartment. Truth be told, Seungwan is not a close friend of mine. Sure, we were friendly with each other, but that’s all there was to it. Come to think of it, I don’t really have any friends at all. Seulgi doesn’t count, because she’s my girlfriend. There’s this co-worker of mine, who’s quite nice too, but I’ve never gotten to know her past the basics. Seungwan is the only one who knows about Seulgi and I. When Seulgi asked me if she could tell her best friend about our relationship, I was very hesitant at first. However, Seulgi reassured me that we could trust her. And because I trust Seulgi, I decided to trust Seungwan as well. She’s been very supportive ever since, so I never regretted it. I explain Seungwan what transpired earlier today and tell her I needed a place to stay. The desperation must have been evident on my face, because she quickly pulls me inside and assures me I can stay in the guest room for as long as I need. I can tell she has a lot of questions weighing on her mind. They remain unasked however. Given the state that I’m in, she probably thought it was best not to press me any further. Eyeing her up and down I notice that she’s already removed her make-up and that she’s wearing her sleep attire. She was probably getting ready for bed before I rudely disturbed her. I quickly apologize for the inconvenience I’m causing her. “Oh I was waiting for a phone call from my mom anyways. She calls me every night before bed,” she waves it offs like it’s no big deal at all. “You must be close.” I know Seungwan doesn’t get to see her family a lot since they reside in Canada while she’s here for her studies, so I try not to sound bitter. However, she still seems apologetic when she nods. The way she keeps respectfully addressing me with ‘unnie’ reminds me of when Seulgi and I only had just met. Back then, she kept calling me ‘unnie’ while getting flustered. It was only after we got closer that she finally managed to drop the formalities. Seungwan offers to cook me dinner even though it’s way past her dinner time. I politely decline, telling her I’d rather take a quick shower and rest. The other girl nods understandingly and shows me the bathroom, as well as the room I will be staying in for the time being. I had hoped a shower would make me feel better, but as soon as I stand under the hot stream of water I can’t help but close my eyes and replay the scenes over and over again in my head. How I unknowingly walked into the living room and found my mother waiting for me in the living room with my photo camera on the coffee table. The look on my mother’s face was enough for me to realize that she knew. Of course she knew, there were hundreds of pictures of us on that camera.  It was all my fault, really. I should have been more careful. The pathetic thing is that I even tried to reason with her. Mother immediately went off on a rant on how what we were doing was sinful, that I was a disgrace to our family. How God would never forgive me, how she would never forgive me. It got ugly and she even threw the camera across the room. I’m just glad Yerim wasn’t home to witness it all. I take a deep breath and try to recollect myself. She’ll come around. “Get out! I have no daughter like you” were the last words she spoke to me. In the heat of the moment, thinking of how unfair she was being, I had just grabbed a bag and hurriedly stuffed clothes in there before making my way out. I could hear her crying and praying to God from the other room while I was packing my bags and I just needed to get out of there as quick as I could. Now that her words have really sunken in, I realize how badly they hurt me. Out of all the things she could've said to me… I have no daughter like you. Those words cut me like knives. I turn off the water and take another, much shakier breath before getting out of the shower. You’re okay. You can still fix this. As I make my way to the guest room after getting ready for bed, I notice the numerous photos that are put up in the hallway. One of them in particular, a picture of Seungwan and Seulgi smiling widely at the camera, catches my attention. My hand reaches out instinctively to pick up the frame. “She’s worried about you.” The frame nearly slips out of my hand as I jump up in surprise due to being startled by the sudden voice. “She called me to say she couldn’t reach you,” Seungwan continues talking like she didn’t just scare the bejesus out of me. I put the frame back down, making sure it’s in the same exact spot it was in. “Did you tell her what happened between my mother and I?” I ask her. “I didn’t know she wasn’t aware of your situation yet… I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to tell.” The guilty look on her face tells me that she’s genuinely apologetic. “You couldn’t have known.” Part of me is relieved Seungwan told Seulgi, because that means I don’t have to. The other part of me dreads the inevitable conversation I will need to have with Seulgi. Instead of asking why I didn’t tell my girlfriend, why I didn’t go to Seulgi’s place instead of hers, she just nods. Seungwan is curious by nature, but knows when not to pry. It’s a characteristic I can appreciate. Her expressiveness is also one of her trademarks, so the frown on her face is quite noticeable. She’s worried, for good reason. “Seungwan-ah, I’ll be okay. Thank you,” I surprise myself with how convincing I sound and even throw in a small smile for the sake of it. Thankfully, she gets the hint. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it then. If you need anything, my room is just down the hall.” I nod and wish her a good night before going to the guest room. Immediately, my thoughts drift off to today’s events again. I pull out my phone out of my bag, wanting to distract myself with something else. Anything. The display screen shows me I have a few missed calls and a couple of dozen texts from Seulgi. Guilt immediately fills me when I think about how hurt she will be because of what I’m about to do. I scroll past her messages and type out text telling her that I’m okay. Before she gets the chance to respond I decide it’s best to rip the band aid off right away and start typing out another text. > I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other. Seulgi