29 (1/1)

29I smiled faintly, the silent whines making the smile more prominent as I jerked the cookie further from David’s reach. His head was digging painfully into my chest, but I didn’t mind. He was laughing merrily when I let my fingers skim across his stomach, teasing him about gaining weight from eating sweets too often. The boy only pouted harder, reaching for the cookie. He could easily take it, but he knew I was only playing around when I lowered my hand, letting him to grab on the cookie. He took a bite, craning his neck to see me as he smiled, the cookie still stuck in his mouth. He was an adorable child. “Jen, could I change it to a cartoon, please?” He pointed towards the TV that was showing some sort of commercial I had no idea about what it was for. We didn’t pay it any attention anyway. Ever since we settled onto the couch with a packet of cookies, we were doing anything but watching the screen. It wasn’t like we couldn’t understand it, but our interaction was more interesting. We both missed spending time together. “Sure.” With a peck on his forehead, I let him to get a hold of the sleek device, some of the crumbles stuck on his fingers falling onto the sofa in the process and I made a mental note to take care of the dirt. It was bad enough that we were literally bothering Sam. I could at least keep her home clean. I racked my fingers through David’s hair, pushing his head backwards a little in the process as I pulled on the strands. Once again, he was in need of a haircut. Getting his hair trimmed was reminding me of the time and the fact that it didn’t stop, but otherwise. “It’s Hyun…” My head snapped towards the screen, whole body reacting as I tried to change the channels, but David took a hold of my hands, silencing me with a stern glare. I could feel nausea washing over me, my bodily functions getting into a rapid pace as I could feel my heart pounding, blood circulating through my veins faster than any before. “David…” “He is crying, Jen.” Only then did I look at the screen, my heart swelling in pain and unconditional love for the man that I managed to tie and put into chains over the past months I spent without seeing his face. This moment, the single glance at the screen, returned all of the feelings, only with bigger impact. I noticed how the layer of the make-up was thicker than normally and, immediately, I wanted to seat him on the bed and wipe the excessive coverage away. I still thought he didn’t need any of it, but it couldn’t be helped. Despite the perfect look, his eyes were sad, currently filled with tears as he stared down at his hands, swallowing hard. “I love her.” My heart stopped beating. David next to me twisted in his seat, flashing me an anxious glare, quickly running away, probably to get Sam. He was scared whenever I cried. I ignored the words of the moderator, only focusing on the man and the words leaving his mouth. It felt like the rocks resting upon my heart, pulling it downwards were falling down one by one with his words, giving me the relief I craved for so long. “She was supposed to become my wife. But she left me and doesn’t want to see me. All I want now is she coming back to me.” A tear fell onto his hand and he wiped his cheek hastily. One of the guys rubbed his shoulder, but the man only hung his head lower, shoulders shaking in sobs. My own heart broke seeing it, only before the screen turned black, Sam hugging me, whispering beautiful nothings to me and rubbing my back. In that moment, I wanted him to come back, to hug me, to let me take care of him, to kiss him and never let go. In the back, I could hear David mumbling silently: “Mister Dream cries for his woman.” ▴▾▴▾▴▾▴ The town was buzzing in spoken word and laughter. The rays of sun brought people into the streets and parks, families taking their time to enjoy the sun and finally spending some quality time together. I could feel David slip his hand in mine and I squeezed the tiny digits, swinging our hands gently. He had been cautious on every step ever since I broke into tears in front of the TV, asking me whether I was feeling fine every five minutes. He didn’t seem to stop even now, as he flashed me a worried glance, face snuggling to my abdomen as we walked in a hug. “Hey, who is the older one here? I should be worried about you, not vice versa!” The boy only chuckled, rolling his eyes in the process before he ran away, squealing about how the water in the fountain was cold, and dipping his fingers underneath the surface. He was big enough to take care of himself. I didn’t want to let him by himself, but I didn’t want to rule his life either. By the time we lived with Sam, he had gotten used to going to work with her whenever he wanted and she wasn’t too busy or even going for groceries when I needed something from the shop down the street. It was not that far and I could see him from the window. I knew he missed Seunghyun. Sometimes, he wanted to mention his name, but stopped himself, walking away. Despite his back being turned to me, I could see the sadness reflecting in his eyes. People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and for David, it was the truth. A person needed to look him in the eyes to find out everything about him. It was one of the things that connected us. I ruffled the light-brown hair, smiling gently when he flashed me a questioning stare, waiting for my approval to join the kids on the playground, before running off, giggling loudly when some of the kids, already recognizing him, greeted him. He was so happy, such an easygoing child. I could only wish to be at least a little like him, but also was grateful for him being a merry child. It was a good thing that the abuse didn’t leave as much damage as I thought it would. A bird flew past me, leaving me in wonders whether it was tiring to fly all the time, whether they ever wanted to just simply fall down and never fly up again. They were trapped in between the sky and earth, not really belonging to either and yet, they were chained to the earth just as much as to the sky, with no chance of escape. I was just like them, trapped in the darkness of regrets, dreaming about what-ifs and the “future” that never came to real. For me, I was no longer alive. Only surviving. “Hey!” My heartbeat increased rapidly as I nearly bumped into a tall girl, sunglasses shielding her most probably brown eyes. Someone once told me that only four percent of people have green eyes. And here we were in Korean. It was the miracle of contact lenses if a person saw any other colour besides brown. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, my bad.” The girl smiled, jerking her shoulders subtly. With a small nod, she shook with the coffee cup she was holding, showing that no harm had been done as I could hear the beverage hitting the walls of the cup. “It happens, no big deal. But you seem oddly familiar to me…” I cracked a crooked smile, ready to leave when she caught me by the wrist, spinning me to face her once again, only to splash the contents of the cup on my head. With a vicious smile, she pulled the glasses down from shielding her eyes, giving me a nasty glare instead of an apology. My breathing was raged, the iced coffee slowly making its way down to my t-shirt and underwear as I stood there, frozen, in shock. “You hurt him, you bitch. He is a perfect man who cried for you. I remember your photos leaking out. No wonder people were staring at you. Thousands of girls would send you to hospital for hurting their idol. Be grateful for me being nice and way too lazy to deal with a spooky dog like you…” she smiled bitterly, handling me the empty cup before brushing past me, hitting my arm in the process. The sounds from the outer world came back to me as fast as they subsided, but not with the coldness spreading all around my clothes, but rather in my heart. People were giving me strange glares, whispering silently. I could feel my knees buckling and then sharp pain as I fell onto the ground, my whole body shaking in violent sobs. No one cared, no one helped me. That girl was right. This meeting only showed me how stupid I was. It only proved that I didn’t deserve to be happy, because as soon as I am happy, the people around me are hurting. ▴▾▴▾▴▾▴ My head was throbbing in dull pain, already taken care of with the painkillers, but that uncomfor